Help! My 3 Year Old Son Hates His 1 Year Old Brother

Have you or your husband tried giving your older son more attention when the baby isn't around? I have two sons that are 2 1/2 years apart and the biggest issue ended up being that we spent too much time focusing on the baby and not enough giving him the attention that he needed. At this age, the intellect and interests of your sons is really too diverse to expect your older son to want to play with him. It will be a few years before you can expect that your son would enjoy activities with his brother. Also, your son is really too young for him to intellectually understand why he is doing what he is doing. He likely is doing it because he DOES get attention from you when he's bad. What you might consider doing is doing activities with your older son that he would enjoy and bring the baby along - movies, parks, etc. At this age, the baby likely will be quite content to just be with his mother and brother.

My boys are 19 months apart. I would definitely do things with your older son (mommy/daddy/son dates), but I would also do TONS of things that involve both kids. Involve the older in everything with the younger. Explain everything to him, as if he's his brother's caretaker as well. Show him the pride he can have in his little brother, and make a big deal about him being such a good big brother. We tell both of our boys numerous times a week, "Awww, look T loves you so much J!!" and "Awww, J loves you so much T!!" When it's time to clean up toys, we involve both of them (you can take the 1 year old's hand with a toy in it and put it away for him...and then tell older brother how WE are teaching little brother how to clean up!! "Yeah!! Thank you for being such a good big brother and teaching little brother!" Do everything like that...if they take baths together, big brother can help wash/rinse little brother, big brother can help you fix little brother a snack, etc. I hope this helps!!

Hey C.:

I agree with Tracy. He is trying everything to get your attention, even if it is negative. Just an added thought - try giving him one-on-one time without baby brother. Many times an older sibling will feel threatened by the younger one because everyone makes a fuss over the baby. He needs to be assured that little brother has not taken his place in your heart. How you handle it can make a big impact on their relationship as they grow. He too is a little guy and doesn't understand you love them both. Good luck.

Have you tried not making a big deal about it? Sounds like he is trying to get your attention, not caring that it is negative, he's getting it. Also, try playing with both of them together...and praise him for any little thing he does good with or for his brother. Or for not being mean to him for a few minutes. Remember, he is still young too and it's sooo hard not being the "baby" anymore.

Good luck!!