HELP Moms Have a Major Issue.

I also have a four year old boy. They are very curious and the whole gender difference really becomes apparent to them at this age. Four year old boys also receive another testosterone "wash" in the brain at this age. I think the advice you have received about not dressing in front of him and seperate baths is good. If they are in seperate beds then don't rush them apart just yet. If they share a bed like my older two, then a different sleeping arrangement could help to establish appropriate boundaries. Let your judgement be the guide.

Emphasize privacy and pick his little mind to see what he is curious about. Then, just give him enough info. to satisfy him. He doesn't need the birds and bees yet. How you handle this situation will set the stage for these discussions int he coming years. Be loving, open and honest with him. Your goal is to have him come to you with this type of stuff when he is older.My parents always handled this stuff with a matter of fact attitude and never made me feel silly or shamed. Consequently, I was always very comfortable asking my Mom for information, even into my high school years.

Finally, realize that we are all inundated with sexualized images every day. We can become desensitized to it and not realize what our children are assimilating. We try to live in reality over here and limit tv and moniter computer time. We also realize that our children will be exposed to more than we ever were. Treat this time as a foundational time to set boundaries and a healthy self-image about sex. God made it and it is good!

Enjoy this time with him. He will ask you some honest questions that can really tickle your funny bone. I agree with another responder, write down these conversations. They will be laughed over in years to come.

T.,

Most likely he saw something on TV and now he's trying to imitate it. don't make a big deal to him about it. however, start talking about having privacy, etc. and as soon as you can, have them sleep in separate rooms. start doing baths separate. find "an excuse" or activity to keep them separate at bath time. have dad play a special game with him while you give her a bath. then if he asks just say that she already had her bath when he was busy playing with daddy. if he brings up the subject of girlfriend/boyfriend, ask him how does he know that. tell him that you're curious about who told him. make it a casual conversation.
Good luck and hang in there! remember, re-direct, re-direct, re-direct. do keep the info straight forward and simple. if they ask what are breasts for... for mamies to give milk to their babies, etc. That's what I would try. good luck!
~C.~

Some children do have more curiosity about bodies. Some children are affected more intensly than others by what they have observed among other children, TV and movies. He is not being bad but he is old enough to learn about setting and respecting boundaries on his body as well as others. It is definitly time for them to be separated at bath time and in sleeping arrangements. Your little girl does not need to be his anatomy lesson. Also you may need to be stricter about what he is exposed to on TV and movies and in person.

While curiosity about the body is absolutely normal, what you are describing leads me to believe your son has seen more than he should have and is trying to imitate some behaviors. Has your son been exposed to sexual images on TV or accidentally walked in on you and your husband? Also, it seems it's time for you to have your children take baths separately and sleep in separate beds if not completely separate bedrooms. And the obvious thing is you need to talk to your son and explain that these behaviors are not appropriate, in a gentle and caring way of course. If after you've educated him on acceptable behaviors, he doesn't seem to be able to control himself, you'll need to seek help from your pediatrician. It's possible the part of the brain that controls inhibitions has not developed properly in your son. Of course, that's the least likely scenario and he's probably just imitating things he's seen and doesn't know he should not be doing these things. Talking to him and teaching him what's ok and what's not ok should help the situation. Anything beyond that, you will probably need to get professional help to deal with.

Good luck!

I have a four year old boy and a six year old boy and them staring is totally normal you just have to stop dressing in front of them which you said you already stopped as far as the other problem I'm not sure about that. That sounds a little strange to me. Does he watch something on TV sometimes that maybe he shouldn't? You should stop bathing them together for sure. If it continues maybe talk to his Dr about the problem because this could be damaging your poor little girl. Good luck.

I really don't think that is normal. I would stop letting them have baths together and change the sleeping arrangemenst. I would Definitely talk to your son to see why he is acting this way. Tell him that is not a a way that he should act towards mommy or sister or any femal for that matter. Tell him in a way that he doesn't feel what he's doing is bad but not appropiate..
Tell him that God doesn't like that and we need to do things to make God happy.

I hope this helps.
Blessings
M.

Welcome to the world of "boy"- Ha! gotta love them- Just explain to him that it's in appropriate- a big word but they get it and ask him right out if he has any questions. My son was my first born and he knows more about girls that you can imagine- His girlfriend needed him to bring a tampon to her where she was working and he atually asked her- lite, med or heavy? LOL I just kept him informed and it made him respect the aspect of the female even more. He is 17 now but at 4- the curiosity was there- I would have them sleeping in their own beds tho to be honest- jsut to discourage the boyfriend/girlfriend aspect for now plus its just better that way anyway. But hes not too young to understand what is proper and what "married" people do and what is expected of siblings. But its just mimicking at this point and curiosity= theres tv and so many other stimulus that give us mom extra work- so its normal as long as he understands the boundaries- Catch it now before the kindergarten teacher sends you a note- ha! Good think to ask -you know its ok and you are not alone!
He will soon be asking you why his pee pee gets hard too so be prepared for that- lol -It happens several times to boys throughout the night at very early ages.
I just told my son b/c you have to go pee until he was like 10- but it does become a new found toy for a while!
Keep a journal for them to read when they are older- they will get a kick out of it!

D.

I did not experience this with my kids, but they are 6 years apart. I would definitely start establishing boundaries of privacy while in the bathroom and while dressing. For him it would probably be appropriate to get an age appropriate book about good touch/bad touch. Not only his sister, but when you allow him to spend time at a friends house you want to start this etiquette now before you have problems. Not only appropriate action to other children, but you want him safe. If your new rules and lessons don't help in a couple of months I think I would consider counseling just to make sure I was dealing with the situation age appropriately.

My five year old keeps asking me when we can 'get married' and tried to slip everyone the tongue for a good month or so. It's normal - ish for them to be curious. It's also normal for parents to sit and have talks with their kids about privacy and boundaries and such.

S.

no that is not normal you might need to look into this type of behavior maybe who he is around or what he is watching on tv. watch his behavior these are warning signs trust me

He's very young to be this curious, but nevertheless he obviously is, so they no longer need to bathe(the obvious) or sleep together. You need to have a talk with him, and possibly with a counselor if it seems more than just curiousity, which the looking is one thing, but the wanting to play'boyfriend-girlfriend'thing is a little over the top. What does he think playing that means exactly? How would he know any of that? Ask yourself these questions. I have 5 children. Ages 3 to 16. They are all pretty average kids and had their share of behaviour issues, but never this. My ex husbands step-daughter however has. The school has even called him about her making suggestive comments to other children at school and she's 8. I told him to watch out, they may accuse him of doing something. I mean, how else does a young child know the extent of 'sex'. They should be curious to know the difference between boys and girls=normal. Looking, normal, but wanting to do acts, is a red flag. Talk to him to see if you can find out how he learned the 'boyfriend-girlfriend' thing. My oldest son is 14 now, and has lost priveledges on the computer for looking up nude girls on the web. I think that's probably normal since he's at an age with raging hormones, but i your son's only 4 years old(I'm assuming from your 'about me' section), then that's a little early. Atleast he's young enough to nip it in the bud right now. Good luck.