June 11, 2010,
E.S. asks from Spring Valley, IL on March 20, 2008
Help!!! Curious Little Boy??
I have a four yr old little boy who has more than one time been caught inappropriatly with another child. Under the covers half dressed etc... Started around 2yrs. old. Went away for bout 1yr and a half or better.. Now just recently he was said to of touched another little boys private on the pre k bus. Any suggestions??? Curiousity or more serious??? Ne one else go through this???? Am i alone??
T.W. answers from Peoria on March 21, 2008
I am a mother of four a 21 y/o, 9y/o, and a boy and girl who are 5 yr old twins. they are also very curious, my son was caught in the girls bathroom with a girl in the stall while she was attempting to pee. also it seems to be funny to talk about private parts. I just tell them that it is not right to see other peoples private parts, i am also a nurse so I know that around this age, they start getting feeling in their private parts. just watch it, he should grow out of it
J.S. answers from Peoria on March 21, 2008
How do you and your husband show affection to each other in front of the children? If you to touch each other on a regular basis, this is good (shows still passion and love, then he is thinking it is ok because he likes the children and is showing them affection. The first thing to consider is what does he see as showing affection, he learns that from watching his parents and relatives.
I to have had a child do this, he is 18 now. At the time, I didn't react in a negative manner. I thought it was curiosity. I was a single mom so my son didn't see this, but his sitter and her husband were always handsy with each other. I thought he perceived this as a way of showing someone he likes them. He was caught with both boys and girls.
I don't want to scare you or upset you in any manner with the rest of this, but in all honesty, my son molested a little boy at the age of 13, due to him being molested and I didn't know. I would strongly consider some counseling, if he doesn't see this type of stuff on a regular basis, a showing of affection. I started the counseling to late to really help my son. He had been in counseling for about 6 mths before he did his crime.
I feel for you and I hope that this helped.
B.M. answers from Chicago on March 24, 2008
If you've already had the talk about how there are parts of his body that only should be touched by a doctor or a medical person if necessary or when being bathed, etc., you can help him understand that the other child has the same rules, so they can't touch one another. Probably, the less of a big deal that is made, the better, as it is probably normal curiosity and there's always that comparison thing that goes on. He is right at the age where this is common, as I recall. We had some similar things happen when our kids were 4 or 4-1/2. They have all grown up to be well-adjusted adults.
V.G. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
At this point, I would recommend you consult a licensed child therapist (psychologist or social worker) to have your son evaluated. As a former social worker who worked with many kids with sexually inappropriate behaviors, I think you have waited and watched, hoping this behavior would go away, long enough. From your profile, it looks like you are in Bureau County. Here are a few resources nearby that may help connect you with a qualified child therapist for an evaluation for your little boy:
Bureau County United Way, Inc., 401 South Main Street, Princeton, IL 61356, ###-###-####
St. Margaret's Hospital, 600 East First Street, Spring Valley, IL 61362, ###-###-####
Catholic Charities, 542 Crosat Street, La Salle, IL 61301, ###-###-#### or 800-852-4294
If these don't work out, try calling local hospitals and asking for their department of psychiatry/mental health, or consult the yellow pages and look under the headings "Counseling," "Psychologists", "Child Therapy" etc. Your health insurance may be a source of referrals for an evaluation, too.
All the best to you,
A.G. answers from Rockford on March 21, 2008
Okay first thing is first. Ask him if anyone has ever touched him like that before, and if he says yes I'd start investigating, because it could very well be more serious than you think, but if he says no well then he's just curious, and I'd start explaining to him about how boys and girls are different etc... and that it's not appropriate to "touch" other people like that.. I mean, don't make him feel like he's done something bad if he's just curious ya know? My nephew is three and he tends to walk outside and pull his pants down all the time and say "touch it" ... after a great deal of research, we found that he was never touched or anything, but was at grandmas house and saw an inappropriate movie on the television set and that's where it was all coming from.
J.W. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
Hey E. S, honey welcome to the world of change. Children have always been curious,if you think back you were once curious about things too. Solution: It is a known fact that the children of today are more conscious to things and about things than the past generation. I would simply sit down with him and talk to him on his level and trust me he will tell you why he does this, maybe, probably someone did him out of curiousity, we as parents will be surprise at the things that our children have done to them and they don't think it is wrong. So talk with him and tell him why is it wrong, why it is a NO! NO! COMMUNICATION is everything and it can start now. I am sharing what i know from experience. Bless you and may God protect your son and your family.
R.M. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
I wouldn't freak out, probably just curiousity. But that wouldn't stop me from having a talk with him about it. Let him know that his hands are to be kept to himself and other people's hands are to be kept to themselves. I think most kids need a lesson in "touching".....for safety reasons too.
A.K. answers from St. Louis on June 11, 2010
I just ran across this because I was googling "Little Boys being curious with each other". I have a 7 year old that has been caught on numerous occassions with his cousin (male/8) starting at the age of about 4. It is getting so bad that they can't spend the night at each others' house because we have to keep a constant eye on them! We have some property that we go camping all the time and Memorial weekend, I caught them in my truck sitting next to each other, pants pulled down. I yanked them both out and sent them their separate ways. I've gotten mixed advise, don't scold them...scold them...keep them away from each other (which is obviously out of the question)...I am so confused and not sure how to handle this mess. He had a friend over just now, a little boy that lives down the street who is also in his class at school. They were quiet so I walked back to the bedroom and sure enough, they were on the side of the bed with a cover over their heads and pants pulled down!!! It was a little easier to deal with when this was going on within our family but what if the boy tells his mother how will she react. what can I do to get this stopped!? Please any advise???
M.B. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
My advice is to watch the t.v. shows he might be exposed to and block them because television is a big influence on kids.Try to have a pep talk,ask him why and do you want to act this way because his actions can really effect on the future of his life.You must really put this head first this situatuion can result of a very bad behavior especially during teenage years as of making your son queerish and no you are not the only one catch it now and you should be good.I really hope this helps.
M.Y. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
I wouldn't panic, but I would be concerned...
Do you have the special conversations with him about strangers, body parts, privacy, secrets, etc? If not, this would be a good time. If you're not confortable, ask someone to give you the words to say or to have the conversation with you.
You definitely want to make sure that he's not been taken advantage of instead of it being just a simple curiosity issue gone bad!
K.Z. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
I have a boy who was curious. He saw one of the neighbor boy depants another neighbor boy, and for about a year to a year and a half after that, he was constantly pulling his pants and others pants down. I caught him and another boy drawing on each others butts with markers. If he would get mad at another boy he would tell them to look and his or he would tell them he wanted to see theirs. I cried over this on a regular basis that year, and finally went to a physcologist. I was thinking the worst. I thought maybe it was more than seeing a depantsing, maybe something happened to him. It's horrible as a mother to have to deal with this when you don't know a cause. Your mind pulls up all sorts of things. Anyways, the doctor basically said that he was doing it just for a reaction, and that there was something else that was the issue. After that I spoke to a few friends who had older boys just to find out many of them went through similiar things. Even though I was finding that it was more common than I thought, it didn't take the anexiety away that I was feeling. I was afraid he would grow up to be a rapist, sex freak, or possibly even gay. I did as the doctor said though, and didn't make a big stink over it. I still told him it was inappropriate, but I didn't scream anymore. I also wouldn't allow him to be alone with any boys. Either me, my husband, or my daughter would be in the room. He finally grew out of it, and I haven't had any issues since. He's 7 now and he hssn't done anything that I know of (except punch in the private- after being provoked) in about two years. I know how stressful this phase can be, and I have a tendency to overreact. I just worry, because I have another boy. I don't think I could go through all that again. I feel for you. Good luck.
S.V. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
It is normal at this age. Just normal childhood curiosity. Just calmly talk to him that private areas are private and we don't show others or touch others what our bathing suit covers. It's important to talk about it with him, but don't make too big a deal of it because you don't want him to think you are mad at him. I have seen people get really mad at their kids, yelling at them (we had a situation like this with another family members child exposing himself to my boys and even found him trying to force my boys to take their pants down!) I really freaked out and it caused some unnecessary hurt to all involved. My pediatrician was a real help in dealing with this issue also. Hope that helps.
S.T. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
I had the same situation with my five year old son. He was taking little kids to the corner to see their private parts. We (my husband and I) had to assure him that although he is curious, it is not appropriate and should not do that. It took some time but he finally is over his curiosity and found something new....my computer :-)
E.B. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
Look up my responses to this similiar situation. I got some wonderful advise
T.S. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
I would look into this a little deeper, he is too young to be curious. I believe this is learned behaviour and maybe someone a little older could have exposed him. You work full time, who stays with him and when you are not home? I am not saying this to scare you but try to observe and do not leave your child alone with other children where he will have an opportunity to do the things he has been doing. Let the pre-k teacher know and she can observe him at school.
D.S. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
I wouldn't worry too much. He is just curious. All chidren go through this stage. Just don't make a big deal out of it,and he will probably get over it.
S.E. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
Definitely curious! At 5 my son participated in a "game" with other boys in the neighborhood that involved various forms of inappropriate touching. He's 12 now and would be mortified if he knew and us moms were very freaked out at the time. 4-6 years is a huge time of curiousity about the body. Each one of my 3 children went through some form of exploration at that age. While you have to address that it's inappropriate to touch or have privates exposed with others, make sure not to make them feel like his body is anything but wonderful! Good Luck-
J.S. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
Just my opinion, but seems like the curiosity is more than normal. If you want to see professional help about it, i recommend seeing a homeopathic Dr. Strange symptoms/behavior like this, can be treated homeopathically. The remedies are natural and have no side effects and it's a holistic medicine, meaning looking at your son as a whole (all mental, emotional, and physical symptoms he has). You can read about homeopathy at www.dupagehomeopathic.com. that is our homeopathic dr.'s website. as an example, we started seeing her for our son's eczema. we also found he has a peanut allergy. he can take the remedy if he has a breakout or a reaction, but the remedy was also chosen based on his "personality." It's a wonderful medicine and so safe in comparison to others. this would help if you want to seek out some professional advice. My friend took her DD who bites other kids on the face and breaks the skin -- the remedy has helped decrease the number of incidents and it looks like she's on the way toward stoping that kind of behavior. best wishes.
L.N. answers from Chicago on March 24, 2008
I would think seriously about taking him to a GOOD counselor. I would be affraid that something has happened to him. I know that kids get curious but this seems a bit much
M.T. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
Question: Have you tried talking to him about sex? I heard some professionals say to start talking to our kids about sex at an early age. My aunt went through something similar with her son. She spoke to him about his body and the body of other children and not to touch other children.