June 11, 2010,
E.S. asks from Spring Valley, IL on March 20, 2008
Help!!! Curious Little Boy??
I have a four yr old little boy who has more than one time been caught inappropriatly with another child. Under the covers half dressed etc... Started around 2yrs. old. Went away for bout 1yr and a half or better.. Now just recently he was said to of touched another little boys private on the pre k bus. Any suggestions??? Curiousity or more serious??? Ne one else go through this???? Am i alone??
T.W. answers from Peoria on March 21, 2008
I am a mother of four a 21 y/o, 9y/o, and a boy and girl who are 5 yr old twins. they are also very curious, my son was caught in the girls bathroom with a girl in the stall while she was attempting to pee. also it seems to be funny to talk about private parts. I just tell them that it is not right to see other peoples private parts, i am also a nurse so I know that around this age, they start getting feeling in their private parts. just watch it, he should grow out of it
J.S. answers from Peoria on March 21, 2008
How do you and your husband show affection to each other in front of the children? If you to touch each other on a regular basis, this is good (shows still passion and love, then he is thinking it is ok because he likes the children and is showing them affection. The first thing to consider is what does he see as showing affection, he learns that from watching his parents and relatives.
I to have had a child do this, he is 18 now. At the time, I didn't react in a negative manner. I thought it was curiosity. I was a single mom so my son didn't see this, but his sitter and her husband were always handsy with each other. I thought he perceived this as a way of showing someone he likes them. He was caught with both boys and girls.
I don't want to scare you or upset you in any manner with the rest of this, but in all honesty, my son molested a little boy at the age of 13, due to him being molested and I didn't know. I would strongly consider some counseling, if he doesn't see this type of stuff on a regular basis, a showing of affection. I started the counseling to late to really help my son. He had been in counseling for about 6 mths before he did his crime.
I feel for you and I hope that this helped.
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B.M. answers from Chicago on March 24, 2008
If you've already had the talk about how there are parts of his body that only should be touched by a doctor or a medical person if necessary or when being bathed, etc., you can help him understand that the other child has the same rules, so they can't touch one another. Probably, the less of a big deal that is made, the better, as it is probably normal curiosity and there's always that comparison thing that goes on. He is right at the age where this is common, as I recall. We had some similar things happen when our kids were 4 or 4-1/2. They have all grown up to be well-adjusted adults.
V.G. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
At this point, I would recommend you consult a licensed child therapist (psychologist or social worker) to have your son evaluated. As a former social worker who worked with many kids with sexually inappropriate behaviors, I think you have waited and watched, hoping this behavior would go away, long enough. From your profile, it looks like you are in Bureau County. Here are a few resources nearby that may help connect you with a qualified child therapist for an evaluation for your little boy:
Bureau County United Way, Inc., 401 South Main Street, Princeton, IL 61356, ###-###-####
St. Margaret's Hospital, 600 East First Street, Spring Valley, IL 61362, ###-###-####
Catholic Charities, 542 Crosat Street, La Salle, IL 61301, ###-###-#### or 800-852-4294
If these don't work out, try calling local hospitals and asking for their department of psychiatry/mental health, or consult the yellow pages and look under the headings "Counseling," "Psychologists", "Child Therapy" etc. Your health insurance may be a source of referrals for an evaluation, too.
All the best to you,
A.G. answers from Rockford on March 21, 2008
Okay first thing is first. Ask him if anyone has ever touched him like that before, and if he says yes I'd start investigating, because it could very well be more serious than you think, but if he says no well then he's just curious, and I'd start explaining to him about how boys and girls are different etc... and that it's not appropriate to "touch" other people like that.. I mean, don't make him feel like he's done something bad if he's just curious ya know? My nephew is three and he tends to walk outside and pull his pants down all the time and say "touch it" ... after a great deal of research, we found that he was never touched or anything, but was at grandmas house and saw an inappropriate movie on the television set and that's where it was all coming from.
J.W. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
Hey E. S, honey welcome to the world of change. Children have always been curious,if you think back you were once curious about things too. Solution: It is a known fact that the children of today are more conscious to things and about things than the past generation. I would simply sit down with him and talk to him on his level and trust me he will tell you why he does this, maybe, probably someone did him out of curiousity, we as parents will be surprise at the things that our children have done to them and they don't think it is wrong. So talk with him and tell him why is it wrong, why it is a NO! NO! COMMUNICATION is everything and it can start now. I am sharing what i know from experience. Bless you and may God protect your son and your family.
R.M. answers from Chicago on March 21, 2008
I wouldn't freak out, probably just curiousity. But that wouldn't stop me from having a talk with him about it. Let him know that his hands are to be kept to himself and other people's hands are to be kept to themselves. I think most kids need a lesson in "touching".....for safety reasons too.
A.K. answers from St. Louis on June 11, 2010
I just ran across this because I was googling "Little Boys being curious with each other". I have a 7 year old that has been caught on numerous occassions with his cousin (male/8) starting at the age of about 4. It is getting so bad that they can't spend the night at each others' house because we have to keep a constant eye on them! We have some property that we go camping all the time and Memorial weekend, I caught them in my truck sitting next to each other, pants pulled down. I yanked them both out and sent them their separate ways. I've gotten mixed advise, don't scold them...scold them...keep them away from each other (which is obviously out of the question)...I am so confused and not sure how to handle this mess. He had a friend over just now, a little boy that lives down the street who is also in his class at school. They were quiet so I walked back to the bedroom and sure enough, they were on the side of the bed with a cover over their heads and pants pulled down!!! It was a little easier to deal with when this was going on within our family but what if the boy tells his mother how will she react. what can I do to get this stopped!? Please any advise???