Help! Caught My 7 Year Old Shoplifting!!!

I have heard of one parent who made their child bring the item back, apologize, then was forced to "work" off the cost of the item by bagging groceries or whatever. It was enough that the child really learned the value of that item and what it meant to steal! Another parent vowed that their child couldn't go to the store for a year...and stuck to it. It worked very well, apparently. I have a 2 year old, so I haven't done any of those things yet, but I heard those methods from friends who took things as kids. So I know they work!!!

YOU DID THE PERFIT THING. mAYBE YOU NEED A LIST TO REVIEW EVERY TIME BEFOR GOING INTO A STORE STAY WITH MOM WHAT TO DO IF LOST STRAINGE PEOPLE, WHEN TO SCREAM FIRE IF BEING KID NAPPED LITLE THINGS LIKE THAT

Hi A.,
I'm 44 and don't have many childhood memories, however, one memory I'll never forget is a time I also shoplifted something, and I was about your daughters age. My mom did the same exact thing you did. She made me take it back and apologize. It made a profound impact on me; a lasting positive impact. You did the right thing and you're a great mom! It will probably never happen again.
I think at age 7, just taking it back and apologizing fits the crime, don't you? Remember to always make sure the punishment fits the crime, and not to go overboard or overreact. Blessings to you and your family.

A.,
I think making her take it back & apologizing is great! She was embarassed (sp?), that is even better. Maybe that will prevent her from doing it again. She was probably just seeing what she could get away with.
As far as punishing her now, I would take something away that she loves. Whether it be a privilege, some toy, or whatever. After that, move on & dont continue to bring it up. Sounds like she is a good kid & this was probably an isolated incident.
H.

You did the right thing - good job Mom.
M. F

You did the right thing, which was to make HER do the right thing by returning the item (candy in this case)
I believe in "nipping it in the bud"...teach your children that some things are just wrong (well, today ALOT of things are wrong...) so it's important to acknowledge what's wrong, make it right; and remember to praise proper behavior. It's not necessary to freak out, which only shows lack of control. This is important to a child. Showing her that you are aware and that you will stand by her while she takes responsibility for her actions will build character.
My oldest was caught stealing a pack of pens when he was around 15. He'd been taught these lessons; but chose to just put the pack in his pocket without paying. The store manager caught him and was legally able to fine him $200 and ban him from the store for one year. So, at this age, he finally learned, as there was no way I'd pay that fine and ignore his bad behavior...he worked extra hours, mostly for neighbors, (he learned to wash cars...)to earn the money to pay off his debt.
I feel people are inherently good, we just make bad choices at times; and need the support of our friends and family, who know right from wrong, to guide us through the turbulence.
You will get through all this. Please don't "fight the river"; but enjoy these opportunities to teach your children, especially that mom and dad (and god) love us and forgives us, especially when we make it right.
Blessings, S.

Hi, A.. Yes, it sounds like you handled the situation very well. I think the best discipline for this problem is to make the child go back into the store, give back the stolen item, admit to doing it, and apologize for it. Absolutely, 100% good idea.

And yes, this does create a very uncomfortable situation for the child, but if it weren't painful and embarassing for the child, she would keep on stealing from the store. You WANT the consequences to mean something so that she will realize that the pleasure of doing the bad thing is outweighed by the consequences she gets from doing it. Absolutely, you want to give her consequences that mean something!

Yes, she SHOULD feel embarassed and angry with herself. But you also need to forgive her and let her know she can do better, and that you expect her to do better next time.

Now, if this is the first time she's done it, then I think this is where it should end. If she does it again, the consequences have to be a little more demanding. She would have to do the same thing -- go back, admit it, apologize, hand back the item, etc., but you will want her to do something else, too. If she is already reading and writing, you can have her write sentences such as "I will always respect other people's things and never take what doesn't belong to me." 10 times or 20 times should do it. If you are spiritual people, you can remind her that the 10 commandments states, "Thou shalt not steal," and that God expects everyone to respect everyone else's property.

Kids her age are still learning impulse control. This is a part of that process. Don't be too alarmed that this is happenning right now. Probably all the kids at school have an issue with keeping their hands to themselves in one way or another, and they all are having to learn impulse control in different ways.

Don't panic, and don't put too much attention on this issue. Give her positive attention for all the good things she does, and don't give her negative attention because you're afraid of what she might do next. The positive attention reinforces the good behaviors you want to promote. Make sure she gets rewarded for good things WAY more than she gets punished for bad things. Otherwise, she will seek out negative attention because it's easier to get. All kids can fall into that trap.

Peace,
Syl

A.,

I had the same thing happen with my now 14 year old son when he was about 7 or 8. I made him take it back and oh yes it embarrassed him and he didn't like it at all. That is certainly punishment enough. I did however have a talk with him on the way home from the store and dropped it, never to bring it up again. He hasn't done anything like that again.

Good luck.

S.
36 y/o SAHM of 3 boys
14, 6 and 3

hi just tell her its wrong to take things that dont belong to her ,in this case you have to pay for it before you can have the candy remeber children rely on there parents they dont know its not wrong unless you tell them relax i dont think she will do it again as long as you explain it to her
God Bless F.

You handled it exactly perfectly just fine!!!!! And keep in mind that one action does not indicate a personality trait. You wrote that she is otherwise a good girl, and that you think she "just made a bad choice" just this one time, and more than likely you are correct.

You had her go back to the store right away and repair what she had done. Since this was just the one time, there is no need to continue with further punishment -- you said yourself she is well-behaved. Just remember, everyone tests the limits! Even we adults!!

The important part is that you handled it immediately, and that the consequences fit the "crime" so to speak. She will remember the humiliation of having to face up to what she did, and that is what will stop her from repeating it. It's when the parents try to cover for the kid that turns them into repeat offenders.

There is no need to go on any more about it -- if she brings it up you can have an objective discussion, stressing the right-and-wrong aspects of it, but otherwise it is over, it was a one time thing, and you can still trust her. But good for you for being observant and morally upright immediately!!

You got some great advice here, but I just want to add one thing... When you speak with her about it in the future, make sure she understands that stealing (and cheating, and lying, etc.) is wrong EVEN IF YOU NEVER GET CAUGHT. Come up with a hypothetical story to help her understand. For example, what if you were in a store and a child saw your car keys and took them because they liked the keychain. What if that child felt bad about it but once she got home there wasn't anything she could do about it because it was already stolen, so she hid it and no one ever found out, so there was no consequence, right? Well, actually, there were 2. The girl will feel bad about it inside for a long time... and of course you now have no keys so you can't start your car or get back into your house!

I second Mandy's motion!

Outstanding effort, you're a great mom, don't go on so much about it in front of her, she will see the attention. The majority of kids do this. you taught her that you cannot have everything you see and taking things that are not yours is not the right choice.

Taking her back and apologizing should be enough. Just have a quiet time with her and find out why she fell compeled to take it in the first place. You say yourself she is a good girl otherwise, so after your talk with her, bury the subject.

I'm *guessing* that you handled this perfectly.

That's exactly how my mom handled it when she caught me shoplifting at about the same age and it certainly stuck.

-Scott (S.'s hubby)

I think this is normal behavior. My son did this once and I made him take it back and apologize. He seemed to understand. I think the problem is, they see us getting stuff in the store then leaving with it too so they think they can do the same thing, they just don't always understand that we actually have to pay money for the item.