HELP - Birthday Party Out of Control!

I really hope all these parents plan on staying with the kids. Or at least some of them. You really need SEVERAL adults to keep this one under control. Also have a timeout place and let all the parents know, in advance (so tonight??) that while their kids are in your home if something gets out of hand you'll be doing timeout (specify that you have 15 kids over and need to keep things from spiraling out of control). I expect that when my kids are with someone they get in trouble. If a parent has a problem with this then they don't need to bring their kid over.

Is there a movie your son has wanted really bad? I hate to say this but with that many kids you may consider a "theater" style party (I did this with my son and it worked really well). So do normal party stuff the first half. Cake, ice cream, presents and the second half open his new movie, and pass out goody bags for kiddos to snack on. Wait to do drinks till a little ways in when they may be getting squirmy and then give those out.

Definitely some structure. Another idea that we did was we bought little activities for them to put together. Head to Michaels and explain the situation. They probably have some kind of age-appropriate craft you can all do. Ours were these little foam car magnets. The kids loved them! I had a friend who bought pirate patch kits and those were a huge hit too.

You can run games with several adults helping. You will probably need to divide the group into two or three smaller groups and you can rotate them through the activities. It is seriously not unreasonable for some of these parents to help. I never just drop my kid and go at a party. When they are older (like 8 and up) I might.

Anyhow I hope something here helps a little. This is your home and your little guys party. This is about him and you are totally allowed to make sure it's the best no matter what. Best of luck!

When I have big partys for my little ones (aged 3 and 5), I try to set up a separate play area with lots of toys and that way just that one rooms will get "trashed". I have found at this age games are a little confusing for them, so we just do open play, then a pinata or something like that for structure, and then cake ect... It is exhausting but the boys always have a blast.

I say let your teacher instincts take over!!! Run it like a preschool, separate areas for games/play time/movie etc. It's your home, your rules.....discipline away!! If she doesn't like it, she's free to take her kid and leave. I would ask her, and any others you want to stay to stay. I don't think 'drop off' parties need start until about age 6.
As for the presents, what I like to do is have the giver help the birthday boy w/their gift. I do this for a couple of reasons. 1., each guest gets special 1:1 time w/the birthday kid, and 2. I get a picture of the guest/bday kid and gift!!! I use this for my records (scrapbook) and can print them off as thank you cards!! Each guest ends up w/a picture of them sharing their present w/the bday celebrant.

Try to enjoy the party as much as you can.

M.

Could you post a ''' Party notice'' to parents close to the front door?? -- could it say ''' I'll be happy to help your child follow our house rules-- if you want to do so - that's fine- but please know that I will be happy to help. With 15 young children- there is no way to see every single incident - so consider me your assistant.''''' --- Then - if someone objects to your lifting little Clarence down off your Grandmothers' dish cupboard- you can say -- '' I know--you'd have rather lifted him down yourself- but my liability policy requires me to be pro-active''' --- That is complicated enough that while the parent is trying to figure out their answer- little Clarence can be carried over to a safer area.

I'm not trying to make light of your situation- HIRE A BABY SITTER THAT YOU KNOW and love - or a teenager from church or the family or neighborhood- or bribe a sister-in-law/dear friend - you have to have back up - got to have it.

Blessings,
J.

Don't let the kids help open presents, they turn into piranhas. It worked better to have him sitting up at the table to open them so I could still take pictures. Or I had him sit with the person who brought the present and open them gradually and in sections. Open a few presents then let them play then open a few more. The gift bags were a hit. Having them play in his room at times helped. We did a treasure hunt by age because we did a pirate party. On my computer I enlarged a map and added a few fonts (couch, phone, or a window picture). They would look at all the windows then there would be a bag of chocolate coins I bought at Fred Meyer hidden behind the curtain, etc. Good luck.

I agree with a lot of the responses:

1. Parents should be there with their children
2. It's your house and your party and you get to make the rules and help enforce them
3. Hire someone to help you. At my daughter's 2nd bd party, we had a local dance teacher (who is also a preschool teacher) come and do dance with the kids for 45 minutes. It was like herding cats, but it provided a focus and everyone liked it and most kids participated at some level.
4. Can you shorten the time frame at all? 2 1/2 hours is a long time.

Good luck!

best
K.

Hi K.,

I know this is not the response you're probably looking for, but here's my take on birthdays. My husband and I decided that, when our kids were young, we would not exclude anyone from the kids' birthday parties. It's so horrible to feel like the only kid not invited to a party, and we didn't want to cause any hurt feelings. Now, we are gluttons for punishment, but we have lots of fun! We wouldn't sweat the details. Our home has always been very kid friendly and accessible, so the kids love to be here. If we didn't want something broken or whatever, we would simply put that item away. The kids would go outside whenever possible, which helped. The food was simple: hot dogs, chips, and juice. We would put down sheets and let the kids sit down to eat together. I can honestly tell you that we never had anything happen that made us question our party philosophy. If you can make clear the rules and boundaries of your home when the kids arrive, it would really help. But I know that's not always possible, so you need to be alert. Is there an activity that can keep the kids contained? Perhaps a simple craft that would keep them relatively still and quiet? Then, when the party is over, have your son help with the clean up. In fact, we had our kids pitch in a lot, from shopping for invitations, etc. to putting together treat bags. Yes, it's exhausting. Yes, it's messy. Yes, it's chaotic. But in the end, your kids have the best birthday memories, and it's a great way to encourage friendships that may otherwise not occur. Our feelings are that a birthday is one day a year when a child feels extra special. As he or she gets older, it's easier to simplify the celebrations, so do it up while you can. Told you we were gluttons for punishment. Actually, to say that we are just two big kids, ourselves, is probably closer to the truth. :)

By the way, I would strongly urge all parents to NOT deliver party invitations at school, unless every child is invited. It leads to hurt feelings. Believe me, it's not easy to explain to a little one why he didn't get invited to another child's birthday party. There will be other times for a kid to learn about disappointment. As for the party crasher, please don't let your first encounter with this boy be pre-determined by what your day care teachers (very wrongly, by the way) told you. Maligning a child is not a good thing to do. Give him a chance. And shame on those teachers for being so unprofessional. You'll be fine, and your house will be fine. Good luck, K.! Let us know how things go.

Make sure that mother stays at the party and be ready to ask her to take her son and leave if he breaks your rules.

Well, 2 to 5 is pretty young--and because you're that far out of town--I'm sure most of the parents will stay. Which means your house will be packed and you'll have to provide a lot of snacks. But it also means there will be an abundance of parents around to reign in any out of control kids. Put away breakable and try to have fun!

First of all I think you need to GET HELP from other Moms and or relatives. Second, the best way to control a large group is to DIVIDE and CONQUER. You might have several kinds of animals or colors or.... Give each child one of these as they arrive. This would give each child something to belong to and each of your helpers would hold one of the items for the children to see. This would divide them into smaller groups. Also keeping children from entering private areas of your home is very important. Party area and bathroom should be the only areas available. Your child should be helped to understand that his room is off limits.

I hope you have a wonderful party.

Art projects. My daughter's birthday went to 20 kids (which was nuts), so we did art. I got those foam sunvisors and crowns from Michaels, and glitter glue, stickers, washable paints, etc. Let them all make their own hats to wear. I also did cupcakes, and had a decorating station. They each got a frosted cupcake and could decorate it themselves. Kept them busy for quite a while.

Good luck!
Barb

Recently I end up with the same problem. I had a bouncy party that was cancelled because of the snow and we had to move the party at our house. I end up with 17 boys and 2 girls, most of them 5 yo but few younger and older. What worked for me was moving furniture around making more space and putting toys in each room of the house. So between the living, dining and 2 of the bedrooms it felt like we are having much less kids. The parents did hang around theirs kids and there was nothing trashed. I did bought couple activities but they didn't worked. The kids was rushing through the activity so they can go and play. What I had was a room with star wars toys, a room with trains (all the pieces were lose, so they did build up theirs own track), cars, dinosaurs and animals, a room with building blocks, Lego's and few boxes with flash lights, little people, little toys and etc. In one of the bedrooms the mattress is old and is on the floor and I announced that this the bed that they can get on and jump on. I didn't even had to ask the parents to keep the food in one room, they all did it. For the cake we set two art tables and one coffee table with little chairs around (I had to borrow some chairs), ask some of the Parents you are close to bring as many as they have. The set was in the dining room where I removed the rug and left the wood floor bare and easy to clean after. For the presents I asked every kid to present his present and the kid was aloud to help my son to open it. The moms that are my friends were a great help, I just gave them jobs like one was putting the papers right away, the other was writing the names and the presents for the thank you cards, another was taking the pictures, so I was free to keep the things under control. The party went really well and after that I needed just to put the toys back, to vacuumed, move the furniture back and wash the floor. Everybody had a great time. And I forgot to mention that the kids were doing so well I told them that they are getting an extra 30 min play. Also before the party I got an empty box and went around the house and put all the valuables or easy braking things in the box. Hope I was helpful. Good luck with the party!

Encourage as many parents to stay as possible and have them do the activities with the kids.

Have the cake and goodies last--sugar high goes home to mom and dad.

Have everything organized down to the minute with extra activities to spare. These kids will move fast through the activities because the are anticipating the cake. Be structured, but don't appear so.

Give goody bags as they leave the door.

K.,

Games, games, games - keep 'em moving! It will all blow by in a heartbeat that way.

As for the discipline thing - I'd write a funny note and require all parents to sign it before dropping off their child - otherwise, if they stay, they can just read it for fun anyway and know they're responsible for keeping their kids in line. Here's my attempt:

I ______________________ the adult who is leaving _______________ (child's name) at your house and on his / her BEST BEHAVIOR do authorize _______________ (your name) to exercise my maternal "mean voice" as you see fit, should he / she get out of line.

Further, I have explained to _____________________ (my child) that if he / she does not comply with your rules or does not heed you "mean mom voice" should it be raised in his / her general direction, he / she will be expected to spend the remainder of the party cleaning up paper plates, plastic forks and wrapping paper.

As an additional precautionary step, I have informed _________________ (my child) that, if I return to find your house spotless and learn that it was entirely accomplished by his / her efforts, I will have no choice but to further employ his / her unfortunately vast amount of excess energy, putting it to good use in our OWN home, upon our return. If we have a dog, such dog will be washed. If we have house plants, said plants will be fertilized and watered. If we have dishes, such dishes will be cleaned. If we have an old toothbrush, there are always tiles that could use an extra polish, somewhere...

____________________ (your name), I assure you, the above has been explained in great detail to _______________________ (my child) and he / she has agreed to be a perfect angel in your home today. I look forward to your relaxed expression upon my return. May your voice not go hoarse on account of MY child...;-)

Signed _________________
Responsible Parent of Party-er of the first part.

Good luck with your party!
WR,
T. B.

I'd ask a few moms who are responsible to stay and help me. Give them specific tasks ahead of time so they can put out the gifts or cut the cake at a certain time and you don't have to worry about those details. It sounds like the mother of this one boy won't be much help so you may need to assign another mom to keep an eye on him and any stragglers who may get away from the group and cause a problem.

When I taught kids this age, we learned to plan more activities than we thought we would need, plus transitions between the activities so the kids never had a chance to get into trouble. It takes alot of energy to keep them engaged but otherwise it becomes a free-for all.

When my kids were little, I liked to plan active and quiet activities during their parties. For example, I'd have the kids decorate the birthday poster or a banner as they came in, and decorate their own cookies or cupcakes to keep their hands busy during a quiet activity, then have them run outside during the treasure hunt. Oh, and have another parent take photos or videos for you to enjoy afterwards!

Definitely plan some games or your house will be trashed!! Even if you just do duck duck, goose and games like that make sure you have lots of games planned. Or I think kids enjoy watching a movie together - especially if you make some fun treats to eat while watching the movie...2 1/2 hours can be a long time with that many kids - especially if you can't do much outdoors.

K.,

I am assuming with 2-5 year olds, you'll have parents at your house too, especially if you live 25 minutes from town, that means you'll have help if the kids go crazy.(Use the help, ask someone to scoop ice cream, or cut the cake) The kids will be active, no doubts there, so just have activities for them, a table for drawing, an area for running, and games, kids love pin the tail on the donkey,(pin the smile on (son), draw an outline of him on white paper and cut out his image, and then let him do a self portrait) . I remember my first big party and feeling overwhelmed, but I survived and so will you. Remember to breathe and let the memories take hold! As far as the child with bad manners, remind him that "in my house we have rules and jumping on the furniture is not allowed", you get the idea, I have found most kids will behave when they know what is and is not allowed. Hopefully you won't even have to go there! Good luck and HAVE FUN!
M. M

My house my rules! I don't consider talking to a child when they misbehave...discipline. As long as I'm kind. I would plan 3 different activites and rotate the kids 5 to an activity and get 2 helpers. I'd make each station 15-30 minutes long depending on the activity and I would have a cupcake decorating booth instead of having to serve cake, a craft activity, a game booth. that will take up 1-1 1/2 hours right there and keep the numbers under control. I would then have a joint activity where the kids sit down and maybe you read them a story about a birthday child from the library. Then talk to the kids about your child, some of the cool stuff about him. Let each child take turns telling your child why they like him. Sing happy birthday, get up to the table and eat the cupcakes they frosted earlier, Open gifts, then put on a DVD till the parents come. If the one little boy misbehaves, you can let him know that he won't get to finish the station he's at unless he settles down. If you don't want to do cupcake booth, then have them make birthday cards or some other thing.

You are a glutton for punishment!!! At 4 yrs old, 5 kids at the most for a party. With that said, you need to have structured activities or your house will look like a war zone. Do your best to have 2-3 games for them to play. Some sort of quiet time activity, like a story reading would be great before they get the cake and ice cream. This newly invited guest may end up being just wonderful, but if any of the kids get too rowdy or out of control, time out in a quiet part of your house, away from the others for 5 minutes, 1 minute per age. Are any of the parents staying? You could call some of them and ask if they'd like to stay and have coffee while you're hosting this affair. Regardless, get a phone number, cell preferably, from each parent and put it on an index card with the child's name. Let them know that you will be calling them if there's any problems that you can't handle or if their child wants to go home early because they've had too much party. Two 1/2 hours is a long time for little guys. Someone needs to nominate you for sainthood or reserve a room at Western State!!! Take care, take lots of pictures, have a big bottle of rug cleaner and enjoy!!!!

Being an ex pre-school teacher, this problem seems right up your ally. Set up fun activity stations, and rotate the kids. Ask for parents to help you.
With 15 kids - between the ages of 2 and 5 - I am sure the one kid who was not invited is not going to be the only child that does not follow the rules. :o)
Most parents will stay at a party if the child invited is that young. I think you are putting too much thought into this one child.
Plan games at the party and have fun. Don't expect everything to run perfectly. Stay calm. And, have fun!

Hi K.! Sounds like you are going to have a handful to say the least! My suggestion would be to definately keep it structured the whole way through. Do you have a park near your home in walking distance? If so, I would go to the park and let them run around. Or a large backyard? You could play large group games, such as duck, duck, goose or musical chairs (or use paper plates instead of chairs), and pin the tail on the donkey, a pinata. Does your son have a favorite game or activity? You could do some sort of craft as well. Maybe put them into 3-4 groups and have a lego building contest? You will be okay. Just make sure parents know the ending time, it will fly by! Good luck to you!

I don't like other mothers discipling my child..when i am right there... but if i am not there, someone needs to. If he doesn't get any at home, he will respect you more when you do. These are the rules at our house and if you don't abide by them you will have a time out... or whatever... If the mom is there and won't take care of her son...she probably expects others to do it for her... I don't like to discipline other kids if their mom is there... think it is mom's responsiblity...but if she won't do it and your house is in danger.. take control! good luck!

How can you possibly invite some friends from school and not others? The fact that you blame that on your child shows so much negligence...This is coming from someone who has never had a child excluded. I'm not spiteful, just observant. what are you thinking?