Help Around the Home !!!

You should read Lillian M's "Going on Strike" message thread. There were a lot of good ideas and her strike actually worked!!

I understand. My children are still small, but it exhausts me trying to keep up with the housework. It seems like if I clean too much I neglect the children, but if I play with the children then the house is a wreck. Well, I found an article online that combines both aspects and gets the kids involved in cleaning without making it seem like a chore. Here is the linkhttp://www.frugaltimes.com/kidsclean.html. Good Luck!

Hi V.,

I can recommend 2 books to give you some help with getting your household running the way you'd like it to--they have worked for me!

Miss Manners' Guide to Domestic Tranquillity
Miss Manners' Guide to Rearing Perfect Children

They are both available on Amazon.com at a discount--don't bother looking for them in local bookstores, they aren't on the shelves (too bad, a lot of people could use her help!) She has tons of great common-sense advice, a great dry sense of humor and has raised 2 children while having a successful career as a writer--they have really helped me get organized and keep home a happy and orderly place! I really like her approach with children--treating them respectfully, but also letting them know that they need to behave and help out as well.

Good luck!

C. G

Hi Vicky,
My neice came to live with me about 3 years ago and that added alot to my work ____@____.com dishes, more clothes more messes etc. So any way, I started off with small things. On the weekends I would do my heaviest cleaning and I would ask her to help me so we could do things that were more fun. That got her into it pretty quick! I would let her run the vacuum, dust the tables and furniture, help sort the laundry, empty the dish washer, help feed the dogs, fish, birds, horses, clean her own room, and clean her side of the bathroom. It has worked out pretty well. I still have to remind her to do everything but as long as I point out each little detail to her she does a good job. Now she offers to give me the "night off" and clean up after we eat supper every now and then. It sure helps with the stress level to get a little help, even if doesn't seem like much it will make a big difference. I hope this will help you. Good Luck, TJ

When my kids were younger they were responsible for their rooms- I started this at 3- now keep in mind clean up time was with mom or dad assistences. When they wouldn't help clean up my husband got a garbage can and started throwing stuff away. They learned very quickly that they didn't want either of us helping them clean up as they watched a toy or two go bye bye. As they got older I started having chore days. Simple things like they had the responsibility of feeding the pets and they would trade off everyday- they mark it on the calender. Now I have added unloading the dishwasher, setting and clearing the table for dinneras well as putting their clean laundry away. I add a little as they get older so it didn't seem to overwhelming at once. Their bathrooms are next to be added (counter tops and such) For younger children chore charts are a good idea. We talk about how this is their home too and that it's their responsibility to help as a family member and so forth.
You have to be consistent. As far as your 19 year old if they don't want to help out charge them rent. Give them the option- because honestly the more you do for your children the more they expect and if you ever want them to be able to cope on their own they need to learn to be responsible for more than themselves. I work from home as well and it has really helped having a chore day- if one falls through and doesn't do their chores they get extended for another day. It will take some organization on your part but well worth it in the long run. Hope this helps, C.

For your oldest, do you pay for anything she needs, like insurance, car or anything that you can say "I will no longer make these payments, if you do not do your part around the house."? She is a grown woman also, so you should tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her how difficult it is and that you need her help, she'll understand. For my 4 year old daughter, I was having trouble getting her to do anything. So I made a little "morning list" and put it on her bathroom wall. She makes her bed, brushes her teeth, combs her hair, and feeds her fish. And its all done in clip art from Microsoft Word so that she'll know exactly what each one is. I had her sign up in her bathroom for about 2 months and then I asked her if she needed the sign or does she remember it all. She said I could take it down and she does everything on the list from memory now. They say that if you do the same thing for 28 days, it becomes a habit. Anyway, I hope that helps you.

V., I have two daughters (ages 8 and 4) and I have always stressed the need to keep a clean house even when they were younger. I would always announce that it is time to clean and everyone must pitch in. At the beginning, I would show them how to do it and gradually they have learned how on their own. I make them clean their playroom and their bedrooms. I usually pitch in but my older daughter will now clean all by herself without help from me (and she does an excellent job too). I make it a point to praise them after they finish cleaning and make a big deal about it. My older daughter now will clean up her bedroom before she goes to bed at night because she is used to having a clean room and does not like it when it is messy. I don't know if it's too late for your 19 yr old daughter but you should start now with your younger children. Good Luck.

Hi V.,

I have found a website that has honestly changed my life. It is www.FlyLady.net It is a Free website that helps people get their houses organized and out of CHAOS...Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome. I don't know if this will apply specifically to you (I am not a born organizer so it has helped me sooo very much), but she has tips on how to get the family involved with house cleaning as well. Her method really makes cleaning less of a back breaking job. I encourage you to check it out. My house is now (usually) only 15 minutes away from being company ready... which is a big switch for me.

Hope that helps!

Blessings,
M. "The Photo Chic"

P.S. It appears we are in a similar WAH business. I hope you love it like I do!

First of all , you need a chore list, even the college student can be on there unless she is paying all the bills.

For the little ones, easy stuff, my 7 year olds chores are cleaning the kitchen sink, and cleaning her room and sweeping a small entry way, I even have a broom her size.
The chores have to be done every day and you will have to check them, make sure you put your name on the chore list as well. If chores are not done, they do not eat dinner until they are done. It sounds harsh, but it works.
For all meals that they are there they can help set the table bring you ingredients, etc.
They can bring their dishes to the sink, unload the dishwasher, etc

It seems a little late to try to train your 19 year old to help with the chores, but perhaps you can sit down with her and have a heart-to-heart. Explain to her how you just can't do it all and really need her to pitch in and help. Make a list of things she can help you with. Now, the younger ones, especially the 4 year olds, can still be molded into house cleaning machines. (haha... j/k) But seriously, my mom had my brother, sister, and I trained really well. Not exactly sure how she did it though...I just remember having lists from an EARLY age and then there were consequences if the things on our list weren't done. Here is a link to an article that was featured on the Today show about how to get your kids to help with the chores. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6470356/
Maybe you can find more useful info here. Don't feel guilty about having your children help you out, even your 19-year old. Teaching them these types of skills will help them when they are out living on thier own and will help them in their own marriages someday. =) Best wishes!!!

How about a chore chart with allowance. Make out a chart with chores divided among you children. Sit down and talk to them about which chores they would be most willinging to do without struggle first. THen assign an amount of allowance for each chore. That way at the end of the week their work will pay off, and they'll be rewarded for their hard work. All children love money. Depending on their ages, make like each chore 3-4 dollars and they can get around 10-12 bucks a week. I rememeber as a kid, ten dollars was alot to me. Just a suggestion. Good luck with your family! :)

Hey! How much does your 19 year old do? I don't think it's asking too much for you to expect her to keep her room decent (not spotless necessarily), do her own clothes (wash, dry, fold, and put away), put her dishes in the dishwasher, clean whichever bathroom she uses, and be responsible for at least 1 household chore (whether it's wash the towels, dust, sweep/mop floors, trash, etc.). She seems like she's a smart girl. How much of her money from work does she use to pay bills (ie her cell phone, car note, car insurance, gas, clothes, food, supplies for school etc.). If she complains about having to do things around the house then start CHARGING her rent! If she complains about it being unfair then explain to her that it's payment for all the "services" you do for her (washing her clothes, cooking her meals, etc.). If you have the time you could even look up online how much a chef, maid, drycleaners, etc charges for their services. You could always put the money she gives up for her in an account or something so she'll have it for later. If she was to move out on her own or with a roommate she would have to be responsible for her share of everything. I'm sure she's aware of this already!
As for your younger children, I would buy several different colored baskets/totes (one for each of them). At the end of the day they're responsible for taking their basket and going to each room in the house, picking up their belongings, and putting them away. If something gets left out after they're in bed then I would take it away from them for a week. They'll catch on quickly (give them a transition period though!). If they pick up after themselves all week then reward them on the weekends (maybe let them rent a movie, go out for ice cream, order a pizza, make cookies/ice cream sundaes at home, etc). Hope some of this helps or at least gives you new ideas!

I'm not in the same situation yet, but I can tell you what my mother did with me. Every Saturday was cleaning day. Of course, I would get up early and watch cartoons and my Mom would stay in bed a little late to read and relax (my Dad worked most Saturdays). But...after lounging around a little we started cleaning. She split chores with me that I could do (age appropriate) and she did the tougher ones. Starting out I just dusted the furniture around the house and picked up in my room. Later I started sweeping the carpet around the house on top of the other chores. Eventually, I cleaned the bathroom also. After spending the morning cleaning we would go to lunch and a movie or shopping. It ended up being sort of a reward for the work we both did. I did also help during the week by picking up my toys and such before bed and helping with dishes and laundry. So when Saturdays came there really wasn't too much picking up to do. My parents explained what was expected and I did get a small allowance for doing my part. If something wasn't done or completed, then there was no staying with a friend (or something else special) and no allowance the following week. My parents were consistent with the consequences that came about due to my laziness.

I have a cousin who like your older daughter was not required to help out much. He still doesn't do his own laundry or pitch in to help his parents and he's 23 living at home.

I say kids are going to get away with what we let them. So I am already having my 21 month old help pick up her toys and books before bed. She also loves to wipe off tables and sweep with a little broom just her size. I figure the earlier we let them know that they can do their part and help out, the better.

Hi, My kids are mostly older than yours but they do a lot of housework. My kids are 13,12, 10, and 6. Most of them are boys. I do find the girl a little better to help but not a lot. We have found that if you find out what they like you can use that as leverage. I home school. The kids cannot have breakfast until they are showered, dressed, hair and teeth brushed, beds made and rooms cleaned. Later in the day they cannot have tv, computer, or gameboy until they have done their designated chores. If they are told to do a task more than twice they get an extra job. If they are caught watching tv or one of the other priveliges mentioned before chores are done they lose that privelige for 2 days. They do get an allowance for the chores they do. This took some time to train them. Believe it or not kids do like to feel they are contributors in the home. They want to feel valued and valuable. We use lots of praise once chores are done. My husband is tougher in this area than I am and this has hepled as I can be a softy at times. I also use the bible a lot to reinforce the work ethic and obedience to parents. It isn't just my idea, it is God's idea and this does really help. Of course prayer is powerful in this and all areas. Hope I have helped. A. E.

Yes it will be tough for a while but go on strike. Take care of yourself, your needs and don't do their laundry, cook for them or take them anywhere.

C.

I found this website below on another mom group I visit. I currently am not having problems with help around the house. It just takes them forever to get one job done. This could help you. I am thinking about giving it a try.
http://www.childrensmiraclemusic.com/

Hello V., my name is S. and I am a mother of two boys, Clayton soon to be 6 and Gavin soon to be 3. I just started working full time back in Febuary. Before that I was a exclusive stay at home mom, sewing, crocheting, or any kind of art or craft that I could do to make a little money. I understand where you are coming from. Even though I was a stay at home mom, I felt that it was good for my boys to have chores and responsibilities around our home. I think it helps them appreciate what I do for them as a mom. Like for instants, Clayton and Gavin both make there bed every morning before we leave for school and work,mind you its not the best job, sometimes I help a little but all in all its good for my boys because not only does it teach them responsability but it teaches my boys teamwork. They both clean there room before bedtime and they have other chores as well. For example, Clayton's jobs are to set the table, and help with the kitchen after dinner. Gavin dusts things(mind you mom helps), he helps with the laundry and a few other little things. I don't want you to think that I'm a slave driver, Clayton and Gavin are boys so they don't always have fun doing housework, but not only is it a chance to learn but its time that we get to spend together. My children don't do the best jobs cleaning but they are learning resposibility and I know that when they are grown up and on there own that they will be able to take care of themselves. I think you need to set down with your family and discuss sharing the resposibilties of your home. You all live there so its only fair that everyone does their part.

Vicki,

I sympathize greatly with you. I just went on strike in my home. Going strong for almost a week now. Granted my kids are ages 17, 14 & 10. But I am telling you this is the best thing I could've done. I have not lifted a finger to clean, cook, wash clothes, NOTHING. I told my kids and my husband that until they could appreciate what I do, respect me, and help me I wouldn't do a thing. EVERYONE of them have been doing EVERYTHING including waiting on me hand and foot. Also they have been apologizing for treating me this way. One mom on this site gave me some advice that has worked out great for me so far. I am copying it down and pasting it here for you.

"We also have a game spinner and once a week you can do what I do. Monthly the choices change but each number on the spinner is a different dinner treat. Usually every other Friday night we spin to see what treat we will have that night. If your family is like mine we all like different things but if it is your turn you can do one of two things: 1. choose your favorite or 2. spin to see where everyone will go. In fact, the game spinner is good for many things. You can number the chores and everyone spin for the month or week."

I have also done a chore chart. If the chores aren't done, they have a privelage revoked. I usually take away the phone, computer, video games or stero. Depending on the kid. I hit them where it hurts most with them. My husband has even had "privelages" revoked. For example sleeping in on his off days. I make sure that I make enough noise to wake the whole house up or I will go in and start talking to them til they give up and crawl out of bed. Once everyone is up, I go take my nap. When I catch him playing on his games, I say I see which is more important to you now. Usually he will get off of it.

Your 19 year old can be retrained. She may work and go to school. But she is an adult. As someone pointed out to me in the real world, the laundry doesn't clean itself, the food doesn't cook itself and the house doesn't clean itself. Since she still lives in your house take her privelages away. Also, I would tell everyone that I am going to have a me day on whatever day you choose. And that someone will have to be there to watch the little ones. If they can't be there for you, then you won't be there for them.
I hope some of this helps you the way it helped me. If you need to talk email me at ____@____.com

L.

I am suprised that none of you are suggesting taking away privileges/things!! It works with my 4 year old! I know when I was young, if I didn't help out....I lost privileges. Now a days we have cells phones, car keys, TV, etc etc to hold as collateral for help around the house. Your children are busy....but so are you!! Don't teach your children that life is a free ride, or, worse yet...don't teach them to disrespect you and YOUR time at home. They are treating you as the maid. My sister has an 18 year old who used to not help out around the house. Once my sister told her that if she didn't do certain items (which she wrote down) around the house, then she (my niece) would lose out on cell/phone use, use of the car, the computer, etc etc...it worked. She (my niece) knows what is expected of her and knows the consequences if she doesn't comply. There is no argument. Yes, my niece is busy with her schoolwork, boyfriend, job, etc...but she still lives under my sisters roof! I can guarentee that any mother or father is WAY more "busy" that any child that they have under their roof! So, unless they wanna pay rent to you....start making a list of expectations. Heck, I'd even make them sign it to make sure they read the fine print!

I'm also a mother of four, and it seems like housework is never ending. I got my children to help out by assigning specific tasks to each of them. I praise them over and over when they complete each one. You can just see their little faces start to glow. With their rooms, I made it a game to begin with and we would sing songs and clean them together. Now they pick up every night before bed, and come get me to show me what a great job they did! My oldest, however, decided once that he didn't have to clean his room or anything else for that matter, and after asking him over and over and over to clean his room...I threw everything that was on the floor in the trash. Needless to say, he cleans his room and does his chores without having to be asked. I hope this helps a little. You just have to find what motivates them. Baking cookies together, maybe having a special dinner, or just by praising them and making them feel like what they do to help mommy is important...that THEY are important. Good luck.

Have you tried just asking? It may sound silly, but I was one of those kids who never had any chores growing up and as much as I was always pretty neat, it just never occurred to me that my mom wanted or needed any help. If at any time she had said, "I need your help. This is your new responsibility." I would have gladly pitched in. If your 19 year old has always lived at home and you've always done everything, it's probably just not snapping that she should help you. I know from experience, she can be the most responsible, loving, caring person in the world, but if you don't come right out and ask she might not realize. I also have a six year old and 1 year old twins and I hope to encourage them to be more helpful than I was growing up.

I have my son help me with little things. He brings down his clothes for washing, sometimes he helps me separate loads, pick up his playroom. When he complains, I say something like; "Be greatful that I am not making you do everything, or if you make a mess, it is your job to clean it up!" If he asks for help, I remind him that I did not help him create the mess and next time, he should not take out so much.

I know exactly what you are talking about. My 19 year old is the same way. I know that she has a full plate with college, working, boyfriend, etc., but I could really use a little help around the house also. My youngest, 10, helps me a little bit more and always keeps her room pretty clean. The oldest recently painted her room and bought new a new bed set and this has turned her around a bit. She tends to pick up after herself at least every other day. You pretty much have to put them in charge of some chores in the house. Make it their responsibility.