Help!! - Lake Havasu City,AZ

I myself have a younger brother and sister who did the same when my oldest was that age. It takes patience, let me tell you. I spoke with my lil siblings who are only 8 and 10 years younger then me. They tried. It just became a habit of telling all three of them of "let's try using nice words to eachother". Well it finally worked, for my son at least, lol. Now I have to remind my oldest that his younger brother and sister follow his actions so lead by good example. As the saying goes, "this too shall pass"

Steph

Dear M.,

Just give her something else to say, come right out and tell her not to say shut up. Tell her that you two will have a signal - finger up to your mouth when she wants to say shut up. Also she can say stop and no, please do not do that, and stuff like that. Try to make a game, because you cannot do it by just telling her , so don't even try that as your only tactic.

Tell her that when she doesn't want to do something to "go tell Dad" or Grandma, or Auntie or Mother, but do not say and then put your finger up to your mouth. Sing a song sort of and say "Nooo more (finger on the mouth) and hum".
It will be a try anyway. Sorry I had to laugh when I read this, but I do know that it isn't funny at all. Kids are really something, aren't they? She's a pretty smart two year old and cute too, I bet. Good Luck, C. N.

Hey M.,

The first thing I would do is to speak to the older kids and give them a list of words they are not allowed to say in front of the baby. At this age your two year old is a sponge and will remember things even months later.

The next time your daughter says something inappropriate do not make a big deal about it. If you do, you will be putting unnecessary emphases on it which may make her continue it. My daughter who is 2.5 did the same thing except said "I want it!", "Let me have it" or "Gimmie it" when we walk through the store (usually Target). When I used to get upset with her and reprimand her, she would just get louder and I would get more frustrated. So, I tried a new tactic, one I thought would NEVER work. I looked at her and in a clam voice said "we do not speak that way to one-another, and especially not in public. Now, please ask me in a quite voice what you want." And believe it or not, she looked at me and said in a quite voice, "I want the Dora ball" So when I gave I told her it was on the condition that she behaved in the store and that she would have to say good bye to it when we are about to leave. I cannot believe it worked and still does!

I truly believe that children act up because they feel they don't have control of their environment and if you give your children reasonable choices, the child feels more in empowered and will act more maturely.

Good Luck,
Jennifer

I don't know if this will help, but when my 13 year old was a toddler and he wouldn't behave himsef in a restaurant or a grocery store with one or two polite requests, I then would drop everything and take him outside. I firmly explained exactly how I expected him to behave (do not drop food on the floor, use inside voice, no temper tantrums, etc) or else we would leave.

At the very next incident, we left. Usually when we got home, there would be time out for 3-6 minutes and when he calmed down, I would explain the situation in a very clear, simple way, always ending optimistically by telling him that there would be another chance to go back to that place, and I am sure he will do just fine at that time.

I only had to take him out of public places three times. After that, he knew I was consistant and was able listen and act better the first time I asked.

As for the siblings who aren't watching their language around your toddler, maybe you can arrange a visit with only one a time and take the opportunity to get closer with them one-on-one with the baby. You can introduce to them the importance of being good roles models, without them turning on each other and trying to shift the blame. Also, you can tell their parents that until they can control themselves enough not to have arguments like that around the baby, they will just have to be singular guests.

I would also make it a point to show that you disapprove when they yell "shut up" by giving them a "time out". Turn off the TV, computer, stop whatever else is going on and make it a serious thing. The toddler will notice that it isn't a fun thing to do. Just another thought.

Of course, I am a sort of "nip it in the bud" kind of mom.

Exactly! Children learn by example. The children relatives or not who come to play need to have some rules as well. Put your foot down, it is your house so set some rules. If they dont follow them dont invite them over until they can.

I think the first thing you need to do is set ground rules for when your siblings come over. Make it clear that their behavior needs to be excellent around your daughter because she copies what they do. Knowing that they have to be role models may make them feel a little more grown up and try to watch what they are doing a bit better. Make sure that there are consequences at your house for any unacceptable behavior such as saying "shut up."

With your daughter, keep telling her that it is not OK to say things like that. Start removing favorite toys or not letting her do specific things if she tells you to shut up. It is tough with little ones who do not understand the first time, or even the second or third time. But, if you are consistent in your behavior, she will come around. She may just need to get it out of her system. Try "inundating" her with a different phrase. Catch her doing something great and say "That's Amazing!" Make sure if you do something great (like cook dinner, change her diaper quickly, etc) end it up with "That's amazing!" As annoying as that may become, it's much better than the shut up.

First of all you shouldn't be embarrassed. You are doing your best as a concerned parent. They may feel that understanding of a parent who has experienced something similiar. When your child acts up take a deep breath, don't let her know that you are distressed by her actions but that her behavior is unacceptable. There are outside voices and inside voices, she needs to be told the difference. Let her know that if she does not use her inside voice she will be disciplined. If she has already been warned once there is no reason to do it again. As for your brothers, remember they are kids too. Explain to them that they are her role models and they need to set a good example. Let them know that you dont use "those words" around your daughter. Who knows, by saying this to them you may be setting another example for them.