Help!! - Port Arthur, TX

Well, this is not what you want to hear but I personally would not trust him and would do something drastic like move out.

Here is a direct quote from the Bible:

"Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." Matthew 5:27-28

I can't tell you what to do, you have to trust your heart. Pray for God to lead you to do the right thing. He answers every prayer, all you have to do is ask and believe in His power to help you. Maybe there's still hope for the two of you, but this type of nonsense has to stop.

Blessings to you and your family,
J.

I have been in a similar situation, my husband and a co worker had been emailing each other... (I remember now him telling me that there were romers going arround work about them having an afair) well when I found them I was devistated... I didn't remember him telling me about the romors...I just couldn't take it... but then I remember he has an off sence of humor... it was mainly me blowing it out of preportion...

have you read the book the five languages of love? if not I highly recomind it. have you talked to him about your fears? find out if there is something he needs from you. it is hard to rebuild trust, but if you love him, you have to make the choise...

He's set a pattern and won't change without drastic & consistent,long-term therapy - and maybe not then. Either consider therapy involving him or determine if you can live with his ways. I wish you luck and strength.

I have been through that numerous times sad to say. But all you need to do is talk with your husband and tell him exactly how you feel from you heart. Don't get upset or start accusing him just talk with him. If he sees how hurt or concerned you are about this then he may just subside or use better boundaries when it comes to other chics. It's okay for him to have a female friend but when it crosses the line then there is an issue. To me it does not look like it has gotten to that point yet but it may go there. Just talk with him. See what happens.

his behaviour is absolutely unacceptable. tell him unconditionally that this must stop, he cannot speak or write to her anymore and if he cares about spending his life with you, he will stop persuing spending another second of class/ other time with her. if he violates your feelings, he violates your marraige. HE IS CHEATING ON YOU, if not physically, then emotionally. Your marriage deserves the last chance of being honest with him and standing up for yourself at the same time. Tell him there will be no other chances after this. If it happens again it is because he has made the decision to end your marriage and it will end.

I wish you a lot of strength.

I went through something recently with my husband (who was a terrible flirt when we were younger) where I found old love letters, a book of them actually, in his desk from a woman he still sees every couple of years. They were good friends and at one point she'd asked him to father her child. He declined and didn't want to be in a committed relationship with her, though he still slept with her (he was about 20 -- this was more than 15 years ago). SO when I found the book, I was crushed. I asked him why he had it. He immediately went to his desk, apologised and threw it away. He explained to me that he was using some of her thoughts as reference for a character in a novel he's writing. I believe him and he proved himself by getting rid of it right away.

I think that as the mom of your family, you're smart to keep your eyes peeled. Confrontation isn't easy, but your family deserves a chance. You do your part and if it doesn't work, that's his decision. Your hands will be clean. Good luck.

Well I smell a rat... something is up wether is physical or emotional something is funny. Just stand your ground and always keep your eyes open, your kids are the most important thing here, and they can sence things a mile a way.

Good Luck...

Hi A.,

Well oviously you guys need to talk more. Anything whatever comes to your mind start a conversation with him. And if you really are worried about this other mom tell him!! Don't care what he thinks or if he's going to get upset. And if you guys do get upset, don't let it get to you, because it's the anger that will mess you up! Bottom line he still has to go to school, so you have to talk and want to want to trust him again, tell him it will be hard for you!! We'll be here for you! Message me whenever, and i'll try to respond asap!

CJR

ps. where you from?

I am truly sorry that you are going through this. It hurts to know that your husband has conversations with other women and when they include workd like " I'm thinkin about you" it must hurt real bad. I would tell your husband that you feel uncomfortable about the way he has written to this girl and that you would prefer that he not socialize with another women this much. It seemd to me that if you are a SAHM and he is going to college to earn a degree he may find it interesting to hang out with people who are interested in school and such. This can lead to major issues. I would suggest that you tell him to stop seeing this girl and e-mailing, and talking to her. Tell him the reason is that it makes you feel bad and worried ever since you read the letter. If he doesn't then he is definatly up to something more than friendship. ALso there are many software programs which can be installed on your computer that can monitor, take screen shots, and view passwords all were you can look at stuff that has happened everytime the computer comes on. You can see the software installed so it is perfect for someone wanting to find info. about a spouce or child's use of the computer. To find it search "how to find passwords" "how to monitor computer time" on the internet. The software is usally priced around 37.00 and is easy to use. I really hope that for your sake your husband does stop flirting with this girl and remembers that you (his wife) need letters of affection. Good luck.

OK MY DEAR I AM SO SORRY TO SAY IT BUT YEAH THAT FEELING YOU ARE HAVING IS CORRECT THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING GOING ON. I WENT THROUGH THAT A FEW YRS AGO AND WELL THAT GUT FEELING YOU HAVE IS EXACTLY RIGHT. MY HUSBAND STARTED DOING THE SAME THINGS, HE WOULD REJECT ME AND THAT HAD NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. THEN HE WAS VERY SECRETIVE ABOUT HIS PHONE SO I THEN KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING GOING ON. I WOULD CONFRONT HIM AND LET HIM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL AND THAT YOU DO NT DESERVE THAT. AND THAT IF HE CONTINUES TO DO WHAT HE IS DOING HE MAY BE AT RISK OF THROWING AWAY ALL YOU HAVE BUILT WITH ONE ANOTHER. I DID THAT AND I MOVED OUT FOR A LTTLE WHILE. HE WOULD SEE OUR CHILDREN ON THE WEEKENDS AND HE HATED THAT SO MUCH THAT I HAD CONTROL OF WHEN AND WHERE HE WOULD SEE THEM. WE THEN HAD 3 CHILDREN 4 YEARS LATER WE NOW HAVE 4 CHILDREN. IT WORKS BELEIVE ME.
BYE YR FRIEND K.

I know I am late, but I just wanted to throw something in there. Do you ever think men hide this type stuff because men and women are not suppose to be friends in society's eyes?

Then women find it, are hurt, words get thrown around, pride takes over and everyone is divorcing. MInd you, I realize there are times when none of it is innocent and there is definately something going on.

We do live in a society that believes if a woman and man are friends there has to be more.

I tend to be one of those women that had lots more male friends than female friends. It messed up alot of my relationships when I was younger. SO I point blank told my husband and it hasn't ever been an issue. He has women friends and I have male friends.

Pride just tends to take over in these situations and can ruin a family very quick.

It is good to hear you guys had a heart to heart talk about it all. I like the idea that came from a husband about inviting them over for dinner. Maybe they both could use new friends.

Good luck!

let me tell you something A. you are so much better than that. You do not deserve to be treated like that. it is hard to hear but if yo have the strength you should leave. even if its just for a few weeks. to get your head together. i know how hard that is because i have been through a similar situation. and i got out. and i am so happy now that i did.