Having Only 1 Child

I have researched this and have found that studies show that the widely held belief that only children are spoiled and selfish is a myth. Most only children are very well adjusted, outgoing, no more self-centered than those with siblings, and in fact have a tendency to excel in school more than children with siblings. I had looked into it because I only wanted one child and everyone kept telling me how awful that would be. I now think I want two children, but I also think I've lost my mind somewhere along the way.

Good luck!
L.

I am a mother of one child. He is 4 1/2 yrs old and is a very outgoing child. He loves people and to chat - alot. I think the one -on one parenting has benefited him socially and intellectually. The negative is that he is lonly a lot. I think it would be easier to break up fights between 2 then to deal with one. I am a stay at home mom and I do a lot with him - but mom is not the same as kids. The other day I took him to the park - and he started to cry when we arrived to see no kids were around. It pains me to see him hurt b/c he doesn't have many friends yet. I was an only child and do not look at my childhood as a happy one - but a lonly one. I do much more w/ my son then my mom did - but it cannot replace the fact that he is just one. My husband and I have been trying for 4 yrs - and cannot have another.I wish I could of had another - but I guess it wasn't meant to be. Do want you think is best in your heart and Don't believe people when they say your child will be selfish b/c they are an only child. This is a huge sterotype that hurts me. I am a giving person - and my son is too. He loves to be around others and is delighted to share his toys with other kids. It is you as a parent that molds what type of person your child will be. Good luck with your choice and I wish you the best for your family.

I don't believe only children are unhappy or miss out in any way. And as an only child myself I can assure you that they aren't selfish, self-centered jerks! I don't believe someone's birth order changes their personality, any more than I believe that your 'star sign' does. That's just silly. The types of early relationships you have of course form your way of relating to people in the world, but there are many ways to learn those lessons.

One of my older son's best buddies is an only child. Sunny, outgoing personality and one of the most well-adjusted kids I know. I know a couple of couples who decided to just have one, and it has some wonderful benefits - their kids get to eat in grown-up restaurants, vacations are easier and cheaper, plus: only one college education to pay for!

When I was a kid I had a cousin I was close to and a best friend next door. My grandma was active in her church, so I had an extended family and friends there too. I think all parents should help their kids to be part of an extended community with other kids, but even more so for only children.

I was an only child and it isn't such a bad thing. I didn't always like it but it was nice to have my mom to myself. I had some close friends, twins, that I would see almost every day. They were like my surrogate sisters. We played, fought, you name it. I am struggling with that now with my daughter. She is 4 and 1/2 and I'm thinking one is not so bad. I just don't think I want to go through the newborn, toilet training, temper tantrums, etc. If I decide to have another though, that may be okay too because then they will have both been able to be babies with just mommy, for the most part. So, I have not come to a conclusion but with your history, if you decide to have another, see a psychiatrist to get some help afterward.

I have only an 11 month old right now and can't imagine having another child at the moment. So my advice isn't from experience. However, I was reading some of the responses to your post because I will be in your shoes in a year, and one really stood out and I felt the need to add my 2 cents. I do not believe that only children are always or even usually self-centered and spoiled. I have a relative with 4 kids and the oldest is showing signs of being the biggest spoiled brat I have ever seen. I think it is about the parenting of each child that makes them spoiled or self-centered, not the number of siblings they have. My daughter goes to day care and I can already see that she is very social and she shares with her cousins and other children she is around. I think there are many ways to teach your child to share, be social, and be giving without them having to have a sibling. I think it would be worse for you to bring a second child into the world that you aren't sure you want than to raise an only child.

Hello Sara,

I am also a mother of an only child, a son who just turned two last week. I feel the exact same way you do. I always thought I would want to have at least two children, but I have discovered since my son was born that being a mother is a lot more challenging then I had ever anticipated. For medical reasons I can not have any more biological children and so the decision not to have any more has been made easier for me, even though I would have had no problems with adopting. In the past I have worried about my son growing up lonely ect.. but then I read a book by Susan Newman called "Parenting an Only Child." After reading that book I was able to see for the first time that there are actually a lot of advantages both to the child and to the parents of just having one child. I feel completely content just having my son and I realize there are a lot of things I will be able to do with him and for him that I would not be able to do if I had another child. I think it is important to know your limitations. Personally, I have a very low tolerance for a lot of chaos. I feel that one child is managable and that more than one would be too much.

Whatever your decision is, my advice to you is to do what you feel is right for you and your family. I think it is a real mistake when people decide to have another child just because they want to give their older child a sibling. If you should ever decide to have more kids I firmly believe that it should be because you and your husband want more kids and every other reason is just secondary.

I hope what I have said makes sense and is helpful to you. I would really like to find other parents of only children to talk with and get together with for play dates. I would be open to any suggestions you might have!

J.

We have an only by choice. We have always wanted one child, b/c it is what is best for our family. Yes, we've heard all the myths and opinions of other people for 3 1/2 years, and it goes in one ear and out the other. Every stereotype of the only child I've seen in children with or without siblings. A parent can just as easily spoil 2 or more kids than they can one. My son is extremely outgoing, friendly, sweet, and no more selfish than any other 3 yr old I've met. I know that I would be a terrible mom to 2 kids, but I am a great one to my son. I also don't believe that having siblings guarantees that our children won't be lonely. I have 2 sisters, and I still felt lonely sometimes. My husband has a brother who he doesn't really get along with. It's your choice ultimately, and if you do decide to stick with one, ignore the people who think it's their business how many kids you have. They aren't the ones having to raise them.

Well, only YOU and your partner have to decide that. We can give you tons and tons of suggestions but YOU are the one going to do this. I had two and a stepson. So, I have three boys 13,6,5. There are advantages and disadvantages. Problems disappear and new ones appear with each passing day. I can not stress to you enough how, in my case, it has helped having more than one. BUT, that was a decision that my husband and I made. It fit our lifestyles and our lives. That being the case, only YOU can make an informed decision. It is a matter of what you personally can handle and what you can't. If there is help available or not. Your choice.

Hi Sara
I am A mom of a 4yr son. He will be the only Child that I have. Due to complication during pregnacy and my age I was 37yrs old when my son was born. My baby blues were off the charts. My son is outgoing talkative and very loving. Sometimes he gets lonely and I try to make up for that. My husband and I are thinking about adoption. We are looking into it know. I has to be your decision and don't let ontside forces try and tell you want to do. I had that from family and friends. My response always was you do not walk in my shoes . Good luck.

My husband and I have a wonderful 3 year old son, who will most likely end up being an only child. So far, he is very social at daycare, loves being with his cousins, and is (usually) pretty well-behaved. I'm sure he will grow up being much more personable than I am and I have two siblings.I was 35 and my husband whas 38 when we had him and had a hard time getting pregnant. I always said that I would be happy with one, and I think we will do just fine. Both of my parents are only children and they are not self centered, and they have tons of friends and are very social. I too, have wondered/struggled with the thought- but I think that ultimately what was meant to be will be.

I see that lots of other people have already responded, and I'm not really sure if I have anything new to add, but I'll throw in my 2 cents worth anyway.

I am an only child. As a child, people would ask me all the time if I wished I had brothers and/or sisters. I was happy and always said "no." I spent tons of time with my parents, had lots of unique opportunities, and a fantastic education. Some of that might not have been possible with siblings. I had (still do, not as good) a wonderful relationship with my mom growing up -- we really were best friends for many years. Now, that I am older, I realize how completely inappropriate and bizarre this question was -- first, because I couldn't change it even if I wanted to, and second, because the reason that I was an only child to begin with was that my parents had trouble conceiving and despite their best efforts and all the interventions that 1970 had to offer, I was all they got.

I first decided that maybe, just maybe, siblings might be nice to have when I turned 24. My oldest childhood friend lost her father that year, and it dawned on me for the first time that once my parents passed away I would be "alone." Since that time, I have gotten married, (to a man with 4 siblings!!!) and we have 3 beautiful children. Fortunately, my parents are alive and healthy and able to enjoy their grandchildren, but when they do pass away, I will not be alone.

Three children is not easy, but it is very rewarding. I, too, had post-partum depression. The first pregnancy was the worst, because PPD sneaks up on you slowly. All the books and magazines say that it is normal to feel moody and tired. Plus, your life changes radically. I went from being a practicing attorney working long days downtown in an office filled with adults to being a stay at home mom with virtually no adult interaction all day long. It wasn't until my first was 6 months old and I was borderline suicidal that I got treatment. Fortunately, I responded well and was feeling like my old self within days.

My second child is 20 months younger than the first. The first year of her life was stressful since her older sister was still quite young. But, I did know what to expect, got treatment for PPD before I really even had any symptoms, and managed that just fine. Now they are almost six, just turned 4 and we have a baby boy who is 5 months old. I am finally getting into the swing of this, and it is a really great job!

As everyone else pointed out, there are pros and cons. There are things I remember doing with my parents as a 5 & 6 year old that I just can't do with my oldest since there are 2 others tagging along. Yes, they do cost more, but we get hand-me-downs and careful planning doesn't make it so bad. They have eachother and derive benefits from that in ways that I couldn't offset. It all balances out. If you go for another, make it for you and your husband rather than for your daughter. The hard stuff gets easier because it won't be your first time. Good luck!

Sara,
I am an only child and had a very fulfilling childhood. I had a SAHM who was very involved with me and we did a lot of fun things. I am not at all self-centered or spoiled--in fact I show more restraint than most people I know. Parent involvement, love, security and self esteem shape who a person becomes, not siblings or lack there of.
I just had my first baby 6 months ago and he is a very high-needs baby--I have to carry him all the time and he wants constant interaction. If it were not for my husband wanting two kids, he would most likely remain an only child. Although, I am not against having another one. If you and your husband both feel happy with 1 child, don't have another one just because you think your child will miss something. I do not feel I have missed out on anything.

I have only one child and plan to keep it that way. Actually it wasnt entirely my choice..After gaining 100 lbs with her(8yrs ago and not losing any) and losing part of my sight to macular degeneration which they attirbuted to pushing and leaking blood vessels, we decided not to chance it and she will be the only one..After these 8yrs, we feel we made the right decision for us. Times are hard. We keep trying to figure out how we are going to pay for college and all the other expenses. We just spent 500 plus dollars on clothes for school and shoes(she outgrew everything) and part of that was at good will. However 500 doesnt buy alot, especially when one short is $12, one pair of jeans $20 etc etc.. We had always wanted 3, but 1 is fine. We want to be able to spoil her, but not how you would think..not with toys and such but with love and tons of it and being able to do things as a family. with any more i dont think that would be possible. my daughter has experienced more than my husband(1 of 5 kids) and myself(1 of 3 kids) ever have. and i dont think that is a bad thing. i think it helps her to develop the person she will be. i am 39 yrs old and still wonder at times what do i want to be when i grow up? i want to try so much, to do so much, but time doesnt allow anymore..there are benefits to having more than 1, but when i look at my BF and her 3 kids and how they fight constantly and how neither my husband or I are close to any of our siblings, I think we made the right choice. My SIL is an only child and she doesnt regret it. she realizes how lucky she was with the stuff she was able to do and accomplish and the attention she didnt have to beg for.

but its different for everyone..only you can decide..i hate to sound so monetary, but lets face it. nothing in life is free, not even sending your kids to school. and the less i have to stress about how to pay the bills because i have 3 kids mouths to feed, and how am i going to buy them all clothes etc, the better off my family is. the happier my marriage is and the happier the family life for all 3 of us is..

i commend people with more than 1 child..they are all hero's in my book. but for us, 1 is what works..and we can always adopt if we ever decide we just have to have another.

K.
www.arkparties.com

ps..i just had to add this after reading some of the posts. my daughter is very outgoing, models, has done tv commercials, has won about 165 trophies for various things to date, does community service ALL the time, has helped me teach religios ed classes and I think very very well rounded..with more than 1, I dont think i would have the time or energy to be so involved and get my daughter so involved in seeing the world. at 8yrs old she had already helped in soup kitchens, helped teach religious ed, helped at nursing homes and the list goes on. she is not your typical(so i here), spoiled single child brat..although she is a brat its the age, not her upbringing. having her as a single child has enabled me to spend more quality time with her to teach her right from wrong and not to be selfish, controlling, snobby all those things they say single children can be..but alas, just my 2 cents..

K....
www.arkparties.com

If you are stressed with one child don't have another. One is a piece of cake compared to having to care for 2 children. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and it is tough. My friends tell me it will get easier as they get bigger and will play together more as they get older. There are pros and cons to being an only child as I am sure you know. Remember along with another child comes huge expenses. I must say I do love watching my 2 children interact with each other.

I at first wanted only one child, but my husband wanted two. We have two beautiful teenage girls who are 21 months apart. Now I look back and I am happy they have each other. I am very close to both of them, but there are times that I know they need each other. There's something about that special sister relationship that they have. I know it does not always work out that way, I never had it with my own sister. Having two does not make twice as much work, some how everything that needs to be done gets done and everyone gets where they need to be. My girls have always shared a bedroom together and it was great listening to them talk together at night before going to sleep. Little did they know we could hear everything they were saying. For us two daughters has been wonderful. I actually thought about having more, but my husband is 12 years older then me and felt at his age he did not want anymore. It is something you have to decide for yourself. Remember though every pregenancy and child are different. I had a more diffcult time after my first child then my second. Don't feel bad that your child is an only child, there's nothing wrong with that. Familys are all different. What is most important is the love you give to your child.

Cheryl

Sara,

My daughter is seven now and I knew immediately after she was born that I didn't want any more children. Postpartum depression for only three weeks after your daughter was born, how lucky you were. Yes, postpartum is a likelyhood that you would face with a second or even a third child.

I was not the most natural mother either to begin with and you will become a more relaxed mother over time, I promise. Only children grow into fine adults, don't give her a sibling just because you feel guilty in some way.

I treasure and adore my daughter, I love being her mother but I knew I couldn't love another child the same way, even if it was my own. They don't tell you before you become a mother that you will worry and fret and shed tears with and over this little person that you grew in your body. The Mom Club fails to tell us that you will worry about your child choking until they go off to college and then you will still worry.

I think being a mother is one of the toughest things a woman can ever do. Good luck on your decision on whether to have more or stick with only one. My advice if you were going to have more children is to stager them four or five years apart so you don't have to pay for college for more than one child at a time. But if you have two or three children you could be paying for college up to ten or fifteen years in a row. Maybe longer if they went to Graduate School.

I had postpartum for a year after my daughter was born. Good luck in your decision.

Ultimately you need to make sure your parenting is the best you can make it. If you think another child will make that impossible then you do what you have to do. As for single children without siblings, I will agree that most single children either end up (with some exceptions of course) self centered and not as good dealing interpersonally as adults, or they are miserable being alone and "bored" all the time when all their friends have siblings to grow, learn, fight, and negotiate with. Having siblings does give ppl skills and experiences a single child simply does not get. Yes, there are benefits, more money, less financial stress, more time for the one child, but ultimately those are not what makes a child grow into the best human being they can be. Again, I have my standpoint but that doesn't mean it works for you. I grew up with 4 sibs and LOVED it and others didn't. I also believe siblings learn so much from one another and are there for eachother later in life when parents grow ill and die, and life sends its waves along the way. Just my 2 cents. Take it or leave it for what its worth... Good luck with your decision. Just hang in there!

Sara -

I have been struggling with this issue as well for different reasons. I was diagnosed with a severe DVT while I was pregnant that goes from my groin to my knee that has not gone away. Because it is in my groin (at the "Y" intersection of where 3 major veins come together) my doctor has now said that he does not think I should have any more babies, as it is too risky. I am very sad because I had always wanted 3-4 kids and I am struggling with the only child situation, too. I, too, have not talked to many people who have liked being an only child and I worry so much about screwing up my son because he doesn't have siblings. The one thing I keep coming back to, though, is there are plenty of people out there who have siblings who wish they didn't! I think the most important thing is that children are loved for and nurtured . . . and if you know you'll be stretched too thin with more children, then the love your child will get as a result of you not having more children could be much more beneficial that if you had more kids but then the quality of the relationship with your children goes down as a result of being spread too thin.
I'll be interested to see what other people say, as I understand the struggle you are having with the decision!

S. :)

I always said I wanted two kids and have decided to just have the one. Like you, I absolutely love my child but there is nothing wrong with making a decision based on what's right for your family. Sure, there are negatives to every decision. If having another child isn't what you want, you really don't need reasons or rationales - you'd be doing your child and yourself a favor by not over-extending yourself.

My decision was based on the fact that I must work and it's so hard to leave him every day. I have very little time left over for him and everything else in life and I struggle with how I could fit another person in - it wouldn't be fair to any of us.

You're doing the right thing by just thinking about it! Whatever decision you come to will be the right one.

We are going through this right now( this last weekend it came up again). We have a biological daughter who is 4, we can not have any more biological kids and we are in the LONG process of adopting a little girl from China. I do know many single children who are not self centered and are well adjusted. I also have been researching onlies that have onlies. I do daycare and all the kids in my care- well 5 out of 7 are onlies and the parentss are not having more.
Right now we are worried about the fiancial aspects as the adoption costs a lot. Also the wait use to 18 months and have gone to 24-36 months. We have been in the process 18 months already. It is a difficult decision. I asked ALOT of opinions and I look forward to reading more on here. I was chicken to post my question as many clients are on mamasource.

Do not feel badly about only wanting one child! My husband and I are absolutely, positively done having children and will be just fine with one.

Some people have the capacity to manage 10 kids while other mothers do fine with just one. Ultimately, you need to make the decision that will be best for your family. I agree with Kim completely - I commend the mothers who can manage more than 1!!

We are only having one child and I do not feel badly about it at all. We call him out "first, middle, and last" child. I'm an older mother at age 33, had a difficult time getting pregnant in the first place, had a difficult pregnancy, had a miscarriage prior to giving birth to my beautiful son, and I nor my eggs are getting any younger. Personally, I can't imagine having another child right away and would want to wait a few years if we were to try again. For my situation, that would make me almost 37-38 before I were to try again, and frankly that's too old for me (I'm not saying it isn't acceptable to have children as an older mom, I'm just saying it's not a healthy thing for *me*).

My mother was an only child and was completely happy about it. I've also been teaching for 11 years and when I compare only children to those who have 1, 2, or even 5 siblings, I really cannot tell 'that' much of a difference. As for spoiling - well, that's up to you. Your child will only be spoiled if you CHOOSE to spoil her, not because she's an only child. As for sharing and getting along with others, she will have friends, playgroups, and schoolmates where she can learn these skills.

Honestly, if it causes you and your family stress give it more time to think about it. The answers will come to you. But, the bottom line is this: don't feel pressured to make another baby if it isn't right for your family. Your daughter will be just fine!

I am a only child and there was no way if humanly possible that I was going to let my first son be an only child...I am proud that I easily conceived and carried another boy and now I am done. My boys are 28 months apart and they are friends. I look back on my childhood and I had many cousins to play with but still remained lonely...I lied constantly that I had imaginary friends, imaginary pets and lied that the neighbor boy was my brother! My parents broke down and got me a puppy when I was 6 and that helped. My husband is the oldest of 3 boys and the brothers have absolutely NO plans on marrying/having children. It is sad that my children will not have the cousins to play with that I did, so I am glad they have each other! My mother was selfish in only having one child and my dad's wish came true to just have a daughter. They both had siblings, my mom the oldest of 5 and had to take care of all the younger ones. My dad the middle child of 4. I do not recommend having only children...it was not fun! I will think for the rest of my life what is may have been like to have a sister or brother, yes it would be drastically different and I feel it would have also been very positive in my life! I feel a burden as my parents grow older of how I am to handle their "estate" when they are no longer here. I worry that I am alone in the process and will I be able to handle it. As far as my relationship with my mom, I didn't "like" her till I was 18! I felt she had a tight hold on me and I felt a strong urge to rebel. I felt better when I married and left her "alone" for once. Now as a parent I "crave" to be alone and want to just do my own thing...just everyone go away (and that really shouldn't be how a mom/wife should be, but this is because of how I grew up!) Thanks for reading!

Sara, I know exactly how you are feeling. I've been feeling that way for months. We have a 10 mth old daughter who is wonderful, but I am struggling to deal too. I am dealing with the depression 10 mths later. We don't know whether to have another one for emotional and finacial reasons. I hope that you can come to a decision that is comfortable with you.

On the side of being an only child, it can be tough when they are really young b/c they need the interaction of other kids. But, if you get them involved with other kids regularly, it should be great. I was happy that I was an only child by the time that I was 12. I didn't get enough time with other kids, or I think that I would have been happier sooner. I am by no means selfish or self-centered, actually I am quite opposite to a fault. It is how you raise your daughter as to how she is. My cousins (3) were extremely selfish b/c of how much they were spoiled.

Just take each day at a time and enjoy her.

H.

Just wanted to quickly add in my own comments here...I myself am an only child and I love it. All the love and attention and (well if we are being honest) money went to me. College was paid for, first car was paid for...I know not every only child has this experience, but it was a great one. You're little one won't know the difference or anything that she is missing out on because she won't have anything to compare it to...and honestly I would go over to friends houses and they would be fighting so badly with their siblings I was so happy to not have to worry about that.

A decision like this is a personal matter. But here is my two cents...I am an only child. I always said that I would never have just one child. Luckily - I was blessed with boy/girl twins. And I am even considering trying for a 3rd for fear that even with just two kids my children will not have the support network that they need (our family is very small). I just feel that I really missed out growing up as an only child. And especially now could really use a sibling to go through the ups and downs of life. Not to mention my concern for the care of my parent's. Good luck with your decision.

We are one and done! The only "only" children who didn't like the experience were those who romanticized how great it must be to have a sibling. It's actually a pretty sweet deal when you think about it.

Dear hubby and I decided to take a leap of faith when I turned 35, and had a daughter. I had to deliver via C-section, I had PPD, I soldiered through breastfeeding. That in and of itself would have been enough of a deal-breaker...then when she turned three she was diagnosed with autism. She's now a lovely almost-four-year-old, and while she's definitely made progress, it's still tough. Like yourself, I'm not terribly relaxed either. A more laid-back mom might have an easier time raising a child with whom she is basically persona non grata, but I grieve every day for the sweet little bits that most parents take for granted. I don't work because someone needs to oversee her development, and a part time job is out of the question because the idea of another 20 hours of work makes me want to lie down in traffic. (I have stress-related hair loss, so I doubt anyone would hire "the beret lady" anyhow.) This, of course, creates financial stress on our marriage as there is little chance of us getting ahead for the foreseeable future.

I went into parenthood knowing it wouldn't be easy, but I didn't think it was going to be such an outright disappointing heartbreak. My daughter doesn't even care if I play with her or not, so obviously she isn't going to be lonely without a younger brother or sister. Friend after friend of ours keep having typically-developing infants, so I'm not entirely convinced that autism is the "epidemic" the media makes it out to be. It would be easy to kid myself that "next baby will be different" - yet, there would be a one in 20 chance of having another autistic child. I won't go as far as to say "I wish I never had a child", and of course I care for her well-being, but there is NO WAY I could handle going through this again.

Sorry to go on a bit, but you did ask. I hope you found at least some of it helpful.

Sara-

I felt the same way you did and honestly would have been happy with one. My husband said he couldn't imagine life without 2 so I gave in and had another. While I do not regret for a second having my daughter, it has been a long hard road for me. Even though he wanted the second child, I am the one who stays home to raise her, I am the one who she comes to for comfort (she prefers me over him when she's hurt, scared, etc), I am the one who now suffers from chronic migraines (I started getting them 2 years ago while I was pregnant with her-just started Topamax for relief), and I am the one who is trying different antidepressants.

It is very nice to see the kids finally able to play together (Son is 4 daugher is 20 months) but they do their share of fighting too. I think about how easy it would have been if I wouldn't have had another one. I don't blame my husband at all, it was my decision too but obviously with the migraines there is some type of long-term ramifications that went along with it.

I think your child will be fine no matter what you decide to do...I just recently found out that my beloved brother who I thought I was so close with despises me. So where does that leave me and the fact that I have a brother?! There are no guarantees about their relationship if you do have another.

If you are having doubts, don't feel guilty, go with your first gut instinct. It is always the right decision.

I am struggling with the same decision. My husband and I want another child but had a difficult time (2 miscarriages) before this one and are also in our 30's. My son is amazing, but does require a lot of attention, and still doesn't sleep through the night consistently. I can't imagine trying to deal with two right now, but it does make me sad to think he will be lonely. My husband has a sibling that he doesn't talk to often, and I have two that I rarely communicate with, so our sibling experience doesn't show us that a sibling will guarantee no loneliness down the road. Right now I am thinking that I would hate to have another child just for my son to have a sibling, and then wind up being pulled so many different directions and being unable to be the great mom I want to be. This is a very personal and individual decision that no one else can make, but there are a lot of people out there in the same boat.

That is a huge decision, and you are not a bad person for considering only having one child. You are trying to be the the best Mom you know how to be, and give your daughter the best family you can by being a content mom and by being honest with yourself. I also felt similiar when my son was that age...I used to want four or five, and I wanted them close together,after having the first I said maybe more like three or four years apart, or not at all. My husband only wanted one, and said he would consider having two after seeing how the first one went, that was our compromise. Then I had my wonderful son..that had chronic ear and sinus infections for the first 1 1/2 of his life, which meant no sleep for mommy, then he turned two...potty training, stubborness..you know the rest, then he turned three, and all of the sudden it got so much easier, no more diapers, bottles, waking up etc...it got well, pretty easy. So we started talkning about another one...even my husband thought it would be nice to try for a girl, did we want them 4 or 5 years apart...well not days after we began talkin about it I found out I was expecting. Having my daughter has also been a blessing, but I am busy to a whole new degree, but at least w/ number two I now know it gets easier. The hardest thing for me is learning to balance time. I am so so very glad we waited the way we did for a second child. We got to rest again, we got a year and a half diaper free. I got a lot of one one time with my son, and I will also get that with my daughter when my son goes to kindergarten. I guess my point is, there is nothing wrong with only wanting one child, there are a lot of advatages to that, and if it makes your family happy as a whole then that is the most important. However, there is nothing wrong with spacing them out farther, and letting mommy have a rest between babies. Siblings will still be close, just in a different way. My sister is six years younger than me, and we have always been close. So maybe you just aren't ready yet, and maybe you never will be, and ewither way it is okay.

P.S. I most definately now will not pine for more than two kids I have :)

I really understand where you are coming from-parenting is tough, but also very rewarding. I come from a large family and want that blessing for my children as well. When your daughter is older, perhaps she will really long for a companion? Maybe you should just wait a little while and then reconsider. Remember that children are a blessing from God and all of the good times you and your little one have. What's going to happen? You have to consider this. It could be a great experience, and right now you are too overwhelmed.

I wish you the best of luck!

Hi Sara,
I'm in the same exact boat as you, I have a 19mo old and there are days (when she's really, really good) that I tell myself I want another child someday. However, most days, she has me running ragged that I think there's no way I can possibly manage another- at least not right now. I am an only child and I love it, sure there are times when it would be nice to have a sister to talk to and share things with, but my mom is my best friend and my cousin's and I were so close when we were little. We still are now, only in more of a long distance way. I was definitally spoiled, but not at all bratty or selfish or unappreciative. I loved that my parents were there to give me their full attention. I think (now this can certainly backfire on some parents) that because I was mostly given whatever I wanted when I was little that it made/makes me work so hard now to get what I want. I don't expect things to be handed over to me, I work to get them, and when I set goals I achieve them. So, in short, I think being an only child is GREAT!!!