Grief and Loss

Hello Chell, in 2006 i also lost father and grandmother. I went almost delirious from grief complicated by our unique family story. I can very much relate. I would love to talk to you if you want or need to talk. A.

Hi Chell,
I know a bit of what you're going through. I lost my own mom in late 2006 after a nasty battle with cancer. 2 months after her passing, I lost an uncle. Exactly 11 months to the day of my own mom's passing, my MIL & BIL were killed in a head-on collision only 5 miles from our home. Even though I was not inseparable from my mom, I still find myself crying over what some may consider 'dumb' things. It's also been very difficult for my hubby & me since both of our moms were the ones we could rely on for babysitting if we needed one. For the last 2 1/2 yrs, it's been strictly hubby & me with the kids; if one needs to do something w/out kids, the other stays home w/ them. That in itself is enough to make things more upsetting. Anytime you need to talk, I'm only an email away :) E.

I'm sorry for your loss it's a lot to handle at once. You most surely were in shock. Everyone (and I found to be true) the first year is a haze, the second is coming out of it. I hope you can find a great local group. You can ask funeral home and hospitals if your area if you're not having any luck.

So sorry for your losses. From Nov 1991 to May 93, I lost my grandfather, uncle and then mother (I was 17). Then 2 Christmases ago, when I was 6 months pregnant, my father had a series of strokes and passed away. I understand exactly what you're going through. I should have gone to a support group, and think maybe it would be good now. I find myself crying at night when thinking about my dad and how he would like to be watching everyting my daughter is doing now! And I stupidly watched 10 minutes of "My Sister's Keeper" - don't do that. :-) I'm also in the Grapevine area, so if there is a group I'd love to hear about it. Or maybe we can get together and have a good talk! Also, when my mother died, I kept seeing the book "Motherless Daughters" by by Hope Edelman in the bookstore. After about 5 times of seeing it, I took it as a hint and bought it. Just reading others' stories and hearing a logical explanation about why I was acting the way I was made me feel a lot better. I strongly suggest getting it. Here's a link: http://www.amazon.com/Motherless-Daughters-Legacy-Hope-Ed....

I'm sorry for your losses. That must be very difficult to cope with. If you are anywhere near Colleyville, Compass Christian Church has an excellent counseling staff that can help. They charge very little for it and, I believe, they have a sliding fee scale if ability to pay is an issue.

They also have a program called "Stephen Ministry" where trained individuals are paired with people needing someone to walk alongside them and help them through a tough time like you're experiencing. This service is free. Their website is www.mycompasschurch.org
The point of contact for both of these programs is Matt LaGrange.

I am praying for God to comfort you and that you can experience His peace that defies understanding.

M.
P.S. Unfortunately, I know a thing or two about grief myself and am a pretty good listener

My situation is a little different. I lost my 3 year old son a few years ago and for me, going to a counselor didn't work. He offered nothing for me to be able to help me understand any of it. I don't know if you're willing to find a pastor to talk to, but I was introduced to my dad's pastor and he was the only person who made me feel so much better. I still talk to him when I'm feeling bad. I worry all the time about my mom dying because she is like my best friend. I'm always nagging her to quit smoking and take better care of herself. So, I'm sorry you've gone through this and I hope you will give a pastor a try. By the way, I was not a christian when I met with him. He still made me feel 100 X better about the situation.

Don't know where you live, but churches have grief support groups. Some led by lay people and some by pros. Hospices have support groups but that may just be for clients, but worth checking. Sometimes city departments have grief groups. Then the Mental Health, Mental Retardation local group may have a small group under a counselor that will give free or reduced according to income guidelines for you. If you're a reader, you may get some comfort in books. You can find ones of interest on Amazon.com, read summaries on them and reveiws, buy them new or used. Other things to consider to reduce stress include Tai Chi, yoga for stress, meditation or meditation tapes. You should be able to find these books, tapes, DVD's at the library. They give useful information even to the point that some people want to read about the afterlife if you want. If anyone says, no they don't have that, ask them if they know who does. Including a minister or rabbi or the Catholic charities. They may not care what or if you have a religion.

Most hospice groups have grief groups that you can attend for free. You don't have to have used that particular hospice to attend the group. I attended when I knew two family members were dying. My father died during the group and the other died just a few months later. The group was invaluable as it taught me about the grieving process. It comes in waves and sometimes grief feels like it just knocks you down. The group helped me understand what normal is like when you're grieving, because at that point nothing felt normal any more. You might have to try a few different groups before you find the one that is best for you. I'm glad to hear you're looking out for yourself. Please know that your story has touched us and many of us will be keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. I hope you find what you are looking for and needing.

Hi, Chell --

I just wrote you a long reply, but it disappeared when I tried to send it. Now I have to run off to work, but wanted to make sure I at least passed along this resource for your consideration.

Please consider checking out a program called Pathways. It's at www.createagreatlife.org, or you can give the office a call at 800-866-7284 to find out what it's all about. I've been through it and can highly recommend it both for people who are dealing with loss and grief as well as people who are just looking to make their lives be the best they can be. The people there are the most supportive, loving, kind people I've ever had the privilege to know, and I have seen it change literally hundreds of lives for the better.

Please feel free to private message me if you would like to know more, or give the office a call. I am so sorry for all of your losses, and hope that whatever route you decide to go you find what you need to start healing.

Much love,

L.

I am sorry for your losses. I lost my father in 2006. I also tried a group called Griefshare (at a local church). I, personally, did not find this group or program helpful in anyway. It did nothing for me to sit around and hear strangers sob and grieve for their lost ones. I also tried another counseling (free) program. It had smaller therapy sessions for myself and my son. My son didn't like going and found it more helpful and comforting to talk and discuss his feelings with me other than a stranger and strange kids he didn't know! I guess counseling and group therapy are just not for me. I just didn't find it productive or helpful to talk to strangers even if they were going thru something similar. I would contact any local funeral home, they have lists of books and local (often free) services for this type of thing. That is where I found out about these programs I tried. I hope you find something that works for you and I know alot of people say therapy worked for them...Best of luck to you!!!

I am so sorry for your loss! I lost my mom in 2004 and even though my father is still living feel like i lost him to remarriage. (He and my step-mother are in there own little world). And it seemed like my mom was barely gone when he remarried.

I never went to counseling although I probably would have benefited if I could have found a good one...and that can be hard.

I cry over little silly things too. And wish she had known my children, she would have been such an awesome grandmother. I miss her so much. We even bought a house three streets over from my parents because my mom and I were so close and we wanted to be close to them.

I am curious to see other res-ponces to find out how others have coped as well. HUGS!!

I am so very sorry for your losses. That sounds so tough. My sister passed away about a year and a 1/2 ago. My mom was devastated. She found a group called Griefshare, here is the website: http://www.griefshare.org/. She really liked it bc there was no pressure, you show up if you want to, talk if you want to, listen if you want to. If you don't make a meeting it is fine. It is a 13 week class and you can take the class as many times as you want. There are all kinds of people there with all kinds of stories. She learned so much about the grieving process and it helped to validate her feelings as totally normal and a natural part of the healing process. They have a place on the site to plug in your zip code and find a group near you. It is free and usually held in a church although it is not affiliated with any particular religious group. I wish you the best and think you are so very brave for reaching out and asking for some help, that in itself shows you are on the road to healing. Bless you:)

Are you a Christian? I've found that some of the best people to talk to are those from your church. Their counseling services are usually free as well. Just know that you are not alone in your feelings. While the circumstances may be different, the grief is something everyone experiences at one time or another in their life. With time the pain will lessen. Just pray. Each day will become a little easier.