Getting Teased About Weight, as an Adult.....

I completely understand!

I don't understand why "big" women think it's okay to tease thin women.

Story: We had a retirement ceremony here at work. There was cake and punch. Some women were trying to get rid of the last few pieces and said "Oh, hey, C....take one. You NEED some cake. You're too skinny."

Uhm, what?

If I'd said "You need to put DOWN the cake...you're too fat," I'd have been cited for workplace harassment. What's the difference?

ETA: To all of those who say that this is a compliment and we skinny gals should be pleased...you have no idea what you're talking about.

I've always been slender, but in junior high and high school, I looked downright emaciated. No, I did not and do not have an eating disorder. I was very active and had a very hard time gaining and keeping on weight. Girls would tease me...call me anorexic and bulemic. I didn't even know what these words MEANT at first! I was constantly teased for being tiny (4'11" and 70lbs as a junior in high school).

These days, I'm 5'9", 135lbs. Tall and slender. Sometimes women still feel the need to say I should eat unhealthily so as to gain more weight. They say these things for the same reason those girls in school teased me: To make themselves feel good.

That doesn't change the fact that it's hurtful and unnecessary. And it's WRONG to pick at people because they're different or one person is jealous of another, regardless the reason.

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Its good that you know they mean it as flattery.

Tell your friends that you dont like it and it makes you feel bad. If they don't stop making comments, stop hanging out with them.

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It doesn't matter if you are overweight or underweight, teasing is childish and you need to put them in their places....all it takes is once....and everyone will feel it and stop. I promise.

My grandmother, who is SUPER proper, actually asked me how much weight I had gained currently in my pregnancy. I was so shocked that I actually answered her. I knew that since I had answered her, she'd ask again, so I was ready for a response next time.

Sure enough, "How much weight have you gained now?" I looked at her straight faced and replied, "Do you have any idea how rude that is? How would you like it if I asked you how much weight YOU have gained? Would you like that? (Almost in tears, she shook her head "no".) Well, neither do I. Please don't ask me that again. It's rude."

She never asked again. :)

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I think that you are close enough to them to just tell them that you don't like it. Nothing harsh, just be super quiet when they start in. When they quiet down, say something like, "I know that you guys enjoy teasing me, but I really don't like it. Can we please let this be the last time?" Then, when they start again..."Hey, will you please stop? I was serious."

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To me that is cruel. You are who you are and they should be able to see you for that. If they are really your friends they would see you for the loving person you are.

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They are jealous of you and unfortunately that's the only way they probably know how to be. I was teased for a long time when I was in high school and college because I was so skinny and I hated it. Now I would give anything to be that size again. You may have to come out and tell them that it hurts your feelings when they act like that and if they are really your friends they will stop!

Good luck and God Bless!

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It's so true that it's ok to say something to a skinny person about eating more but not a fat person about eating less. People just don't realize bc many people would love to have the problem of being naturally thin. So next time this happens I would ask "so are you guys trying to insult me or flatter me?" Likely they'll say flatter and then say "well, it actually makes me kind of sad so would you stop?" And of course if they say "insult" then a whole different story...

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I would just say what you said to us. Something like, "look, I know you guys think its funny when you say these things to me, but you do it so often now that its starting to hurt my feelings so I hope that you will stop so that we can remain friends." Try to say it when everyone is around so you don't have to repeat yourself. Then say something brief like, "I know you didn't say that to hurt my feelings, but it did", then just move on. Hopefully they will stop. If not, start looking for some skinny friends to hang with. =) good luck!

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All 250 pounds of me feel so very sorry for you. You poor thing.

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It is different than making "fat jokes" because fat people are ridiculed and shunned. People stare at fat people when they go out, people pick apart every little thing they are doing (she's eating MCD'S?!??! she should just walk more, she should put the fork down...blar dee blar blar....and it's all said with a look of disgust or contempt, and it's said by strangers which I think hurts even more sometimes) I have a feeling that when your friends are saying something to you they are not saying it with contempt.
HOWEVER....if it is hurting your feelings then you need to say something! You know how to stick up for yourself! "HEY! Quit making fun of me being skinny. It hurts my feeling." If they are really your friends then they will understand. If they keep it up then they are not your friends and you should drop them like a hot potato.
People treat you the way you allow them too. If you never speak up they will think it's okay to keep on "joking."
Good luck,
Laura

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I know how you feel. I am 5'2 and about 102 pounds. I have been skinny my whole life and have always had people making comments about it. I see it being no different than teasing someone who is overweight. I remember reading a comment someone made on here about how when they see someone that's really skinny, they want to throw a sandwich at them. I couldn't imagine someone making a comment like that on here about someone who is overweight. People think that just because you are skinny that you must never eat. It's actually the opposite for me, I eat more than my husband does and can't gain weight. Your friends probably don't realize how much it bothers you, I'm sure if they knew they would stop.

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I understand totally what you are saying. Growing up, I had a very good friend that was very, very thin. It was simply her genetic make up... she was teased all through school. Remember that 1980s Burger King commercial about "wheres the beef"? Well, her nickname in grade school was "beef", you know, as in where is it? It was very hard for her. She took weight gain type supplements like the ones weightlifters drink, and nothing. Ate as much as she could and nothing. She had her first son, and prayed that she could keep the baby weight! But alas it just came off. Its just her genetic make up. I have always struggled on the other end... wish I could lose 20lbs, so for a long time I did not understand. One time she explanined to me that when people commented on her being "so skinny" it hurt her feelings and made her feel embarrased and self consious. I could relate to that! Its a body image thing, and a self confidence thing. When people constantly pick on something you are self consious about already, it takes a toll on you after a while! I am sure if it was just once in a while, you could let it roll of your back a bit easier... but to have it come up over and over to the point that you dont want to do something with your friends b/c you know it makes you an easy target, that means they have gone overboard for sure. You need to talk to your friends about this. Odds are, they have no idea that this really upsets you. Most women struggle with too much weight and can't imagine there would be a problem with calling someone too thin. They probably truly dont understand. In a way, they are probably jealous! You need to tell them that you need to have an honest and open talk about something, and then let them know how you feel. If they are good friends, they will stop (and likely also apologize profusely because they likely did not know they were making you feel this way).

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They are mean and jealous.

I have a friend like you. VERY tiny and petite. She can't help it. Even after having 2 kids, she is very skinny and petite. It is just her body and the way it is. She wears a size 0.
She shops petites.

Don't feel bad, about your friend's comments. And if they were friends, they would NOT ridicule you for it.
It is really obnoxious.
Speak up to them.
WHY let them make you, feel bad?????
THEY are enjoying, making fun, of you.
Friends would not do this.
WHY on earth, let them do this to you???
DO NOT go shopping with them.
It is just an event at which they use it to make fun of you.
And they know it.

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I get razzed about not drinking. I'll have an occasional drink every now and then but don't see the need to hammered everytime I go anywhere. Comments about it get old, but I don't let it get to me because it's not worth it. If they wanna drink, drink. If I don't want to, leave me alone! If you're small and you've always been just state that this is who you are and for them to stop the comments because they bother you. If they are your friends, they will stop and respect your wishes.

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I feel your pain! I hate it when adults make comments to me. It brings back all these memories of being teased for being too skinny as a kid. What I recommend is taking each friend aside privately and telling her how much it hurts your feelings. Tell them you are self conscious about your body size and their comments make you more so. Tell them you know they don't mean any harm, but it makes you feel awful every time. It's all genetics....we cannot help the body we are born with, but we do need to come to accept ourselves for who we are. I am happy with myself and my goal is to just stay healthy and strong in life, but it still sucks to have others judge you based on how you look.

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I know how you feel! I'm not as thin as you but I am on the skinny side. I am 5'3 and weigh 108 pounds. I think I look healthy but I always get comments when i only want 1 cookie instead of 3 like everyone else. People always rolling theirs eyes at me and asking if I'm on a diet. It pisses me off! I want to say, "Are you jealous that I'm thin? Deal with it!!" LOL I really got upset with my last pregnancy though. because I am small I don't get big when I'm pregnant either. Like my tummy is so small some people don't even know I'm pregnant until i have the baby. My doctor even had me get an extra ultra sound at 37 weeks because he thought my baby was dwarf due to my super small tummy! When I would tell people I was pregnant and how far along I was I would get a worried look and people would say "Is your baby healthy" "is is growing well?" I would get so mad! I would always explain that it's not my fault I'm little and it's non of your business on the health of my baby. Which she was perfectly healthy and weighed a normal 6lbs 12oz when born! So yes I know that feeling. It's just as bad as going up to a heavy person and calling them fat! But I just always tell myself that they are actually jealous and that does help to make me feel a little better! LOL

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Have you ever just asked them to stop and let them know it hurts your feelings? I hope they realize it hurts to be made fun of, big or small- you can't help your size! Or maybe they feel threatened by your petite frame if they aren't as small?

I'm about 20 pounds heavier than you and the same height, about a size 6. Unfortunately, the women in my Mom's group who are overweight (not saying that word to be mean!) keep their distance from me and won't let me be more than a casual acquaintance. They complain if I talk about my healthy eating or gym habits, asking why I even bother working out since I'm not overweight- at first it bothered me- I work out for my health, not just for weight loss! Now I have to just let it be and know who my real friends are.

These are long-time friends for you though, so maybe you should just have an honest talk with them and explain your point of view.

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I feel ya. I'm 5"4 and 97-98 pounds. I have all of the issues you do. I'm sorry, but I don't consider insults an nexuses for "flattery." I'm not flattered, by being insulted. I think there is no excuse for insulting other people's physical appearance. My sister's used to make these comments. I asked them how they'd like it if I commented on their spare tire and saggy stomach? Or, if I asked them "Are you eating, that TOO? every time they took a bite. They stopped then and there. Honestly, my sisters struggle mightily with their weight. I know they are jealous, which is a shame. They are very pretty ladies. Jealousy looks good on no one, and I remind myself that they are making themselves look a fool.

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My mom used to have issues like that - but only with people who were not happy with their own weight. She was always very slender and danced ballet. When she was pregnant people predicted it would finally make her gain weight. When that did not happen, they predicted that there was no way she'd keep her figure after the second baby. But she did. Things people said were hurtful, and in the end those are not the right friends. Can you tell them to cut it out? It is disrespectful. And please: Do not feel bad about your body. You are who you are, and I am sure you are healthy and beautiful. It's great that we aren't all the same size, color, and height - right?

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I completely agree that the "skinny" jokes they are making at you are just the same as "fat" jokes. They are bullying you plain and simple and that is not okay, whatever the motive may be.

Like you, I'm very thin with a very high metabolism. It's the way my body works. It's scary sometimes because if I get sick and lose weight due to illness, it can get dangerous really quickly. I have to eat 3000 calories each day just to maintain my weight. I'm a nursing mom, which drives up my metabolism even further.

My boss, who I love, was making a bunch of comments about my weight, and it was really bothering me. Unlike your friends, she wasn't trying to be mean. She thought she was being complimentary. I finally had to say, "Please stop commenting on my weight. It makes me really uncomfortable." She stopped immediately.

I would recommend a similar tactic with your friends. The next time they say something, say, "I don't make jokes about your weight. Please don't make jokes about mine as it hurts my feelings." If that doesn't stop it (and from the sound of the dynamic it may not), then it's time to get new friends.

You deserve better than to be hounded and bullied by people close to you. You are worth more than that. You shouldn't have to feel sad and guilty about your body. I actually just wrote a blog post about this very thing. Maybe it will help you:

http://knockedupknockedover.wordpress.com/2012/06/28/bein...

Another good resource is The Body Is Not An Apology:

http://www.thebodyisnotanapology.com/

(their facebook page) http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Body-Is-Not-an-Apology/...

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They don't mean anything negative by it. it's more jealousy. I've always been heavy and just recently got thin (size 0-2) and I am loving the skinny comments. I have a friend that is so petite and tiny she must be a 00. At lunch the other day I made some comment to her size that I meant as a compliment mainly because I was jealous that i would never have that body type. When I went home and thought about it I did apologize because I remember reading once that thin people can be just as self conscious as fat people and can take the thin comments just as hard as overweight people take the fat comments. She thought I was being silly and completely took it how I meant. American society is groomed to believe thin is beautiful and desireable. Therefore people who aren't that body type can't imagine how it could be offensive. Just like we are groomed to believe that beautiful is desireable and if you commented on a pretty girl's looks, you probably wouldn't think twice about being offensive. Same thing. I'd be willing to bet that your friends have no intention of being condescending.

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I am the same way! I was just bridesmaid dress shopping with a few girls and they had the, "Who's going to stand next to K.--not me!", joke going on. They are all size 12+, but I didn't make any comments about size.

I wear a 00 and usually have good luck in Ann Taylor and Banana Republic!

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I agree with what some of the others have said. There are so many more on the opposite end of the spectrum from you, who think they'd LOVE to be as petite as you are! In fact as soon as I read the title I immediately assumed you were being teased about being obese, I was actually taken aback at first when I read you weigh 102lbs!! My mother-in-law and sister-in-law are exactly the same size as you. Next to them I look like an elephant!!

How sad that we always want what we don't have - women with straight hair have it permed and those with curly hair have it straightened, small breasted women get breast implants and many with large breasts get reductions etc etc etc. Do you even know why being "tanned" is considered beautiful (despite the risk of skin cancer)? It goes back to the Industrial Revolution when poor people worked in terrible factories all day and were therefore pale, whereas tanned people could obviously afford to be out in the sunshine - yet, PRIOR to the Industrial Revolution it was considered attractive to be pale (hence ladies using white powder) because the "tanned" people were the labourers in the fields!!

I've said all that just to illustrate how arbritary "attractive" is - beauty truly IS in the eye of the beholder!!

You said it yourself - you are an adult, so tell your friends that any reference to your petite size upsets you! Simple!! I BET that it doesn't occur to any of them that being petite upsets you as much as being overweight upsets the rest of us!

Then hold your head up high and thank God you have been blessed with a beautiful body that works as it is meant to!!

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Sheesh, they don't sound like very good friends.
Have you actually told them that they're hurting your feelings?
If you have and they still laugh at you I really wouldn't call them friends, I'd call them jerks :(

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They don't really sound like friends to me. Friends don't make fun of you in any way!

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I know exactly how you feel! Until I hit 50, I too was very small. About 5'2", 98 - 105 lbs. So you are smaller than I was, but I still heard it from everyone all the time from my teens through my 40's. I can tell you that after 50, things do change and now I have a little belly on me I've never had before. I don't like it, but not enough to start exercising! LOL!

I have told people before that being skinny is as bad as being overweight as far as the comments go. People have made comments about my clothing not fitting right and it really stinks because you simply can't find clothing that does fit right when you're 40 something and small.

Just after xmas 2011, I had gift cards and ended up in the junior department because I could not find anything that would fit in the ladies department!

So, I feel your pain and I do understand. Just like people don't openly tell someone they're fat or obese or whatever, I think they need to learn to keep their "skinny girl" comments to themselves as well.

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I have been both very fat (a size 28) and relativly thin (size 3-4) right not I am in between (size 8 in some thing 10 in others and oddly a 6 in a skirt I just bought lol) I have been made fun of for both (I am also short so when I am fat I look really really fat, and when I am thin I look tiny) When I was fat people would call me all sorts of mean things. When I was thin my mom would make comments like "Its windy out today I bet if I tied you to a bungedy cord you would bounce around out there." and my brother would call me poppet. Being thin is more natural to me because I am short and small boned. NOT ALL but alot of people who are obese can loose weight (yes I know that there are medical issues that prevent this, this is why I said not all.) But people who are naturally thin are at a normal body weight and can't help that, that is their shape. So personally I think it is meaner to make fun of someone for being thin. I had a friend who was so small she had to shop in the boys department. She tried to gain weight but never could in a healthy way.

This is a form of bullying. It's a way for them to feel better about themselves by picking on you. Things are only funny if everyone is laughing. And you're not.

Tell them you've had enough, you've been too accepting of it for 20 years and you're done. No more remarks about your weight, your clothing, or anything. If they do it, get up and go home. Not in a huff, but just leave.

Weight is the last "acceptable" area to critique in many people's minds. No more racial "jokes" or religious stereotypes or remarks about mental capacity. But weight is okay?

Find some more sensitive friends if this doesn't stop in 2 more outings. Explain it up front - "Something's really been bothering me for a long time, and I need to let you all know about it." If they ridicule you, you have your answer.

I get picked on in this way too. Granted, I have gained weight however for some reason family and friends alike still think it's comical to make fun of me about my weight. I'm 5'1", petite but do weigh around 130 now. However, that took me having two kids and being on three types of medications where weight gain is a side effect. Honestly, if I were you I'd look at these friends and tell them flat out how this is making you feel and also how grown women do not need to behave like teenage girls. Not sure if you're opposed to it but I know JC Penney has tons of clothing in your posted size.

I hear you. At 46 I am 5'3 and weigh 105. When I shop I have to look for 00 or XXS. BUT..I am thankful not to have weight problems. I do exercise and eat healthy though.

Anyway it always surprises me how comfortable people are in remarking on my size or weight. At the very least I find it uncomfortable, and often find it rude or annoying. In any case...there are worse problems I could have so most of the time I smile and change the subject. Try not to let them ruin your day and tell them to cut it out.

All you can do is ask them to back off. It may be motivated by jealousy cause most of us that are in or near 40 can't keep weight off :P

Check with your doc to make sure you don't have hyperthyroidism, if you already haven't. It's a medical condition that causes fast metabolism. Just to make sure it's not a medical issue vs. a small appetite issue.

They are probably just insecure, when they're with you. I'm sure they don't want to hurt your feelings. Be truthful with them , let them know how you feel, I bet they stop.