I'm SO Sick of That Picture!!

Updated on October 14, 2011
B.. asks from Rockwall, TX
38 answers

You've probably seen the one. It's of a "plus sized" model sitting in a chair. There is a sweet and true message underneath, that some lady (NOT the lady in the picture) at a gym wrote...about loving our bodies...you know the schtick. I agree, we all should love ourselves. Woman are insanely h*** o* themselves. We subscribe to the idea of beauty ideals, and we beat ourselves up. SO...why is it, that every time someone posts this picture, woman bash being thin?!! There are comments of people being anorexic, looking old for being thin, needing to eat a ham sandwich, learning to love ourselves and stop being unhealthy, etc. Those are the nicer ones, I should point out. Under a story of loving ourselves. Now, if I had written the woman is clearly overweight, is at a much higher risk for high cholesterol, heart disease, diabetes, the list goes on...I would have been slaughtered. (I would never say that!! Or even think it, really. Only in this specific situation.) I was thinking about this double standard. You can say anything about a thin person, but if I used the word fat (which is descriptive, NOT derogatory) word, woman would have torn me a new one. Yes, I am a naturally thin person. I am perfectly healthy. I have never struggled with weight. Being bombarded with these statements, is a bit insulting.

So, why the double standard?
(Sorry, this is a vent more then anything. I've received these insults my whole life, and I'm not trying to insult any weight.)

**For the record, it doesn't bother ME personally. As in, it doesn't make me feel insecure about my self. The insults don't bother ME, the principle of the matter does. The fact that all these insults get a pass, because it's made about a thin person...so it's all good!! I am healthy, and I really don't take them to heart. I don't like double standards, and after a lifetime of it, I do have a short fuse regarding them. No matter the subject. You can be healthy or unhealthy at any weight! But, woman are beautiful at EVERY weight :)

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So What Happened?

Rachel D...really?? I didn't know that!! It will actually make me laugh when I see the picture now :)

I think the point I'm trying to make, is we should not find solidarity in insulting what is different from us. Thanks, for all the comments so far. Very interesting opinions, by all!!

l.

Featured Answers

A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

I think it can come across wrong but I see it as they are not hating on the thin women, they are hating on the "struggle" as they perceive it to be that thin (perfect) women.

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B.C.

answers from Dallas on

I've stuggled to KEEP weight on for a few years now. I breastfed my daughter for a year and she literally sucked me away. I was down to 95lbs. It took me 2 years to put it back on. I'm very proud to say that I'm 5' 2" and at 107lbs now. It's the most I've ever weighed (non-pregnant) in my whole life. So, yes, I get the comments all the time about needing to eat, people assuming that I throw my food up, starve myself or whatever. I'm perfectly happy with my weight so I really don't care what anyone besides my husband and my doctor has to say about it.

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

I think we all just need to be less judgemental about weight and appearance overall and not assume anything. We should not assume that someone who is overweight is lazy, not eating healthy, etc. just as we should not assume that someone who is very thin has an eating disorder. As a child, and for years as a teen and in my 20s I was as skinny as a rail, with no effort on my part. It was just the way I was built and how my metabolism ran. I ate plenty but there were people who thought I was anorexic. Then I reached my 30s, I was eating out more when dating and then getting married to my husband, not really paying attention to calories, etc. And then I had my daughter and it's really been a steady weight gain since to the point that I am not really overweight, but not really happy with how I look either. So I am working on it. Really, the message should be that we should all try to be as HEALTHY as possible, including regular exercise and a healthy diet, with room for indulgence if we so choose.

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R.D.

answers from Richmond on

LMAO, you're my favorite.

Yes, over it on Facebook.

I love the message, but I got it, you know, after the FIRST time I read it.

Here's the thing that pisses me off... this woman who can't weigh more than 90 pounds and had to get a nanny and housekeeper because she works out 10 hours a day posted it. Really?! You're going to exercise until you implode, and you make your kids work out for xbox and t.v. privileges and are basically starving your family because you're afraid of fat, but YOU'RE going to post that?! Effe off.

ETA: No, not the original poster, but my husband's friends wife... her boobs weigh more than the rest of her, and they're FAKE. Ew!! Nothing against fake boobs or skinny people, THAT particular woman had NO business posting it!

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T.N.

answers from Albany on

I suppose it's like reverse discrimination, right? Sure, I'm tired of the cutting remarks about being an upper middle income white person as well. What could I POSSIBLY know about hardship!

But, yeah, no one feels sorry for you. tehehe, or me!

:)

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

<grin> "Being bombarded with these statements, is a bit insulting."

Here's the thing... you're TICKED, over it, upset, etc... after what? Like a week? Imagine 20, 30, 40 years of people calling you names and being bombarded by these kinds of statements.

That's what overweight, fat, porker, lazy, gross, thunder thighs, who'd F THAT? (just to name a small handful of slurs) girls and women hear ALL THE TIME.

Go to any "comedy" movie and chances are, there's going to be a fat girl being made fun of. Even if it's just in passing in another guy being teased as a "Chubby Chaser". Go watch Fight Club and cry for Bob Who Has Man Boobs. Google Image 'Fat Woman'. Google Image 'Fat Woman in Chair' (what I did to try and see the pic you were talking about. Fail). And you'll get an idea of what our culture thinks about/ treats fat people. They're not sexy. They're not PEOPLE. They're laughingstocks. Not worth the air they breathe.

Am I saying the hateful things about thin people are "justified" because of the attitude people take about fat people? Heck no. Hateful things and people are, imho, the grossest thing out there. I'm just saying that what you're feeling right now has the potential for creating empathy, and possibly even a little bit of understanding on why many women and girls and boys and men become anorexic or even commit suicide over their weight.

Do you know one of the most BEAUTIFUL things I've ever heard? My friend's husband... who told her that he'd rather have her fat than dead and not have her at all.

Because that's something that a LOT of women don't believe. That they're worth loving if they're fat. Because in this culture, that is NOT what taught.

YOU may believe that women are beautiful at any weight... but never having come up against how hateful people are to the overweight to morbidly obese... take an hour and go look through CONSTANT bombardment of what "everyone else" believes.

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G.H.

answers from Chicago on

Everyone gets 'discriminated' against, whether you are:

skinny/fat
rich/poor
pretty/ugly
short/tall
successful/not successful
college educated/no college
pro spankers/non spankers
democrats/conservatives
wall street protestors/tea party

and the list goes on.......like i always tell my kids, 'there is always going to be someone that has more or less than you, but don't worry about everyone else, you have to be the best you can & no matter how successful/unsuccessful someone else may view you, it's about how you feel about yourself'.

The double standards, discrimination in this world is insane. I just grew a thick skin.

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I feel you. In my office my boss is overweight and more than that totally unhealthy. She picks on me for my attire all the time even though the fat people in the office wear the same styles only they are really falling out of them.

I asked her once and she said it was different, it would hurt their feelings!!! What the hell, so skinny people have no feelings??? I am by no means skinny skinny, I love food wayyyy too much, but still...

The irony of it all is it makes you feel less sympathetic towards those that have weight issues and they aren't the ones doing to you, ya know?

Oh gads the boob comment. I have big boobs. I got so mad at my boss I went to her boss, a man. Ya know!! I haven't had them augmented!!! God gave me these!! I didn't ask for them!!! That poor man looked like a deer in headlights. :) I was pretty angry, I have no more control over my shape than someone who is overweight!!

Oh, you sure tripped a nut in me this morning....sorry about that.

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F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

Well, you're "naturally thin" and I'm "naturally fat". We should hang out! I too don't have any health problems, my cholesterol is 142 and I don't have high blood pressure, diabetes, etc, for my 275# at age 44. I think the bottom line is discrimination is discrimination. "Size discrimination" has been widely accepted it seems. For both fat and skinny people. Fat people pay extra for taking up more than their allowed seat on an airplane. Do skinny people get to pay less since they don't fill up their allowed space in their seat? It isn't right to be discriminated against for being either fat or skinny. Just my opinion. =)

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C.M.

answers from Chicago on

I agree with you on the picture! I'm very over it.

I am naturally thin and I don't have to do a thing to stay this way. I eat whatever I want (and I do eat healthy but I don't focus on it) I exercise some in that I get exercise teaching gymnastics, and 17 years after high school and I'm practically the same size and weight. It's the way I am made.

People have made comments about how I eat a lot so I must barf it up. Or they say "I wish I was like you" or my favorite "If I was thin, I could wear anything!" The truth is, a thin person can't wear "anything" because we need clothing that doesn't make us look like a boobless beanpole.

However, many people struggle with their weight. I count myself VERY lucky that I don't. I do struggle with my own issues, heart problems and food allergies.

I used to get a bit upset or offended but now I don't. I've come to realize that you DON'T know what kind of struggles a person faces in life. Family, financial, health. Someone who insults me is coming from a place of hurt. They don't need my animosity, they need my understanding.

One time a co-worker said to me "I can't believe you eat so much and stay so skinny. What's your secret, anorexia or bulimia?" Now my aunt died of anorexia/bulimia. She basically starved herself to death and we had to watch that. I wanted to lash out but I didn't. Instead I IGNORED the remark and said "wow, your hair looks great! I love your new color!"

And you know what--that co-worker never made a comment about my weight again!

Just ignore the remarks. Concentrate on something you can do something about. :)

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A.F.

answers from Fargo on

I hate double standards too! I totally hear what you are saying. I have a dear friend who was pregnant with her first baby when I was pregnant with my first. We delivered within 3 days of each other. I struggled to lose my baby weight and she dropped the 80 pounds she gained in 3 weeks and then 20 more besides, without even trying. People criticized her ALL the time and assumed that she was starving herself and taking nourishment away from her baby (she was breastfeeding). She became depressed due to all the nasty, thoughtless comments.

We were an unlikely couple of girls! :) I was overweight, she was underweight and only we could understand how the other was feeling and encourage each other.

Great post!

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A.D.

answers from Washington DC on

Uggh my two sisters fight like this constantly! One of them is overweight, and is ALWAYS telling our middle sister (who runs marathons, is a vegetarian, and studying to become a Yoga master) that she's anorexic and needs to go eat a cheeseburger. Why can't she just tell her "Great job on taking such great care of yourself!" because she really does work hard for the slammin' body she has and she eats plenty. On the other hand, our fit sister likes to throw it in everyone's faces how much healthier she is than them, and makes a huge production about how she's bringing fruits and veggies to every family gathering at my overweight sisters' house just so she can "actually eat SOMETHING!" because all the other food is disgusting. They're both snots about it, and neither of them is right. Just like I answered on a previous post about catty women-- b*tches be crazy!

I, too am SO sick of that facebook post. It was inspiring the first time I read it, but it's way overdone now.

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

Well okay, I hear what you're saying, but in regards to this specific picture I think there's more to it than that. Traditionally, models are thin, sometimes emaciated. Generally people who pose nude are fit with tiny waists and hips. I think the message about this picture is that anyone who is comfortable can pose nude and look sexy, pretty, whatever. Not that the commentors should be "thin bashing" but I think people are just trying to point out the difference in what is the norm and what things could be.

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B.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Oh, to be insulted because I was thin. I can only dream of that.

There must be calories in the fragrance coming from a bakery. I can gain weight just by walking by and inhaling.

Every day is a struggle to not gain weight. I wish I was one of the lucky ones that was naturally thin. It is cause for celebration if I can loose just two pounds and keep it off.

I'm so happy for you that you can be thin and stay thin. I wish I was that way.

Good luck to you and yours.

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P.R.

answers from Cleveland on

Oh yes. My family has great metabolisms and like my sister has said, no one goes up to a fat person and says "wow, you are SO fat. You must eat all the time." Yet it's ok to go up to a skinny person and say "wow, you are SO skinny. You must never eat anything." and that's considered ok. It's similar to people pointing out my kids are tall. Is it ever ok to say to a parent "wow, your kids are really really short." Nope. But somehow it's ok to say how my kids are really tall. Everyone should keep observations to themselves unless it's sincerely meant as a compliment and if so, it should be said that way.

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R.B.

answers from La Crosse on

I liked the message it sends out. But I didn't read any of the comments posted.

I have been on both sides. After my 3rd child I was up to 210 lbs ( I am only 5'1). The heaviest I have ever been. There was all kinds of hurtful comments. I worked hard and lost it and went down to 145. I got comments all the time that also hurt.... I was too thin... I must be doing drugs to loose weight... I looked sickly and needed to gain weight... I must be bulimic or anorexic for doing it in a year... it was just as hurtful. A simple you look great would have been nice to hear!

After having two more kids Im still at 145, Im not "bad", could stand to loose more but for some reason I can't seem to get below that. I goal is 135. Now I want to hear you look great!! Not you look great for having 5 kids! That little extra saying stings me, I know they are trying to complement but they should stop while they are ahead.

I wish there was more people that can except who they are and the way others are and realize that we are all beautiful no matter what! As long as the person is happy then we need to be happy for them!

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K.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Why the double standard? Because we live in a culture that celebrates thinness and judges fat. Ugly but true. Although I do think the numbers stack up -- there are probably a lot more women who want to lose weight but struggle, than there are very thin women who want to gain weight but can't. So more PSAs are going to be aimed at the masses of women who try to fit into our cultural ideal and can't.

I do think the double standard is changing, slowly. I regularly visit a feminist website (really just about culture through a woman-concerned lens) and MANY people feel the same way you do. There are strict rules to refrain from body-snarking, no matter the person's weight, and a general feeling that this is totally skewed and damaging. People on jezebel.com will remind each other first of all that a person's weight is NO gauge for their health, an overweight person could be very active and eat really well, while a skinny model could be surviving on lettuce and cigarettes. We don't know what's going on in their lives, and making any mention of health and risk and disease is just another way to snark and belittle. That's why you might have been slaughtered for bringing it all up.

I hope I don't sound like I think it's OK to belittle a very thin person either, because I don't. I am also concerned about the affect we have on each other for how we speak about physical appearance. We should all have more compassion and acceptance of all different body types.

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J.L.

answers from Chicago on

I've not see the picture or maybe I have but don't recall. If you have a link let me know. There will always be double standards. Unfortunately, our society is still slanted and favors overly thin bodies with huge boobs and youth....Just look at all the advertising...magazines, fashion shows. TV, beauty pagents....While I don't think we should embrace obesity because of obvious health related risks...we shouldn't be idolizing the unrealistic pictures we see everyday either...that's just not the typical woman.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

I'm with you on this one. While the message was affirming the picture made it seem as though that woman was the image of womanly health. In fact a woman who is overwight would have as much trouble conceiving as a severely underweight.

It makes me insane when people throw the word "Anorexia" around. Been there, done that... it's not about having a cheeseburger and making everything "fine". Those of us who have had to literally learn how to accept our bodies (let alone "love them") don't appreciate the flip comments either! I have never loved my body and probably never will... I live with it every day and try really hard not to hate it.

Not fun on the other side either!

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I have not seen the picture you are referring to....or at least, it's not ringing a bell.

I feel that there are several groups of people that society subconsciously feels that it's "still OK" to discriminate against. They include:
the overweight
the smokers
the poor

Most hurtful statements come from a lack of knowledge and understanding. We all know that either extreme is dangerous.

Maybe you have received comments coming from jealousy?
Why do you let it bother you so much?
You know you're healthy...who cares what anyone else thinks?

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✿.*.

answers from Los Angeles on

HA, tis the American way! That goes for anything you skinny chick ;) lol!

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S.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

Its because we DON'T love our bodies so we take it out on other peoples. fat people bash thin people because they wish they could be thinner, thin people bash fat people because they are afraid of becoming them. I have been both extrememly fat and very very thin. I also have an eating disorder and the thing I have against people bashing thin women saying that they have an eating disorder is that actually hurts education towards EDs. because most people with EDs are not super thin. most are average weight or overweight. What I don't like (and I may get some hate mail on this one lol) is people confusing overweight and curvy. When you are a size 12 in pants because you have hips, then yes you are probably curvy. but if you are wearing a size 24 I am sorry you are not curvy you are overweight/obese.

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L.L.

answers from Rochester on

I agree. Although right now I'm what I consider "fat," I look at myself in the mirror and think you know what? I'm not. I've got some baby weight. I still have a figure and a flat stomach, etc. Now, I see a woman that's 200, 300, 400 pounds and I have to admit, it makes me just think...why? What had to happen in your life to get you this way? I do plenty of "pigging out" and don't get a TON of exercise, but I can't even imagine what I'd have to do to get to that point.

And yes...super unhealthy, and it bothers me. There's a movement among morbidly obese women to get society to accept it as beautiful. Heart disease, diabetes, the inability to really exert yourself....those things are not beautiful. Of course, neither is being too skinny...where you can see your bones, for example. There's a healthy midpoint.

I don't think it's that hard stay there, either. This is why it's important for us all to feed our children properly, not give them cellphones and TV's in their bedrooms, and make sure we all get plenty of exercise together. Changing the next generation is just about all the hope we have...because how do you change an entire generation of fat?

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A.L.

answers from Charleston on

Totally agree with you. I saw that picture and in my opinion she seems unhealthy. If we as society want to promote healthy body image for our children neither this picture or one of an emaciated model are doing our kids any justice. Yes, there are many different body types. Some naturally thin, others a little thicker. There is nothing wrong with that. There is something wrong with PROMOTING to look anorexic or fat. It is not right. How do we deal with it? Teach your kids how to eat healthy, how to exercise and that anything is good for you in MODERATION. As for the skinny/fat comments, people need not be so quick to judge. I cringe everytime I hear someone say "eat a sandwich" about a thin person. My husband is super thin, has high metabolism and eats like a horse. He's just naturally skinny. His family prods me that I don't feed him enough. Ugh. Then when people throw in the fat jokes about people. We don't know what is going on with any one. Maybe these people just lost 50lbs or gained 10! People just need to promote eating healthy and exercising and keeping foul comments to themselves. :)

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A.G.

answers from Houston on

i saw the pic....and actually posted it. I dont think the women is that overweight, in fact i think she represented the norm.

I, for one, am pretty sick of the ideal standard by which we hold ourselves and im a victim of it as well. I am raising two girls and i wish that this wasnt so.

Of course we should all strive to be healthy and not obese but thats not what we strive for. We obsess over our butts, hips, stomachs etc.... not our risk of heart disease and diabetes. The desired size IS too small to be reasonably accomplished by most women. Especially after childbirth. I really don't dig making fun of skinny women either and the people that do that do it our of hurt, or spite. I see much more discrimination the other way around. The discrimination against larger women is so rampant that its MUCH MORE PREVALENT than any other form of discrimination. Whats more ironic is that the people being mostly disciminated against are women who are actually their right sizes for their history, ancestry and height.

Somethings gotta give and we have to stop being so critical of ourselves and others.

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H.P.

answers from Houston on

Lol...I saw that yesterday in a friend's FB post, and I wanted to comment that it's only overweight and un-ideally-figured women who emphasize such things. I simply decided that I am not her audience and moved on.

It's a shame that some people have to downplay others in order to build themselves.

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M.D.

answers from Burlington on

Hi B.,

I hear you. I have been picked on about being thin too, but have never insulted anyone about being overweight. I hate going to my children's pediatrician. She complains that they are too thin, but when we look at their growth curve, they are staying on the curve. I am getting the feeling she thinks that I am not taking good care of them. I'm ready to go to a different provider. My children are healthy and strong. She needs to get over herself.

My personal pet peeve is the use of the word fat as a description. It is defined as an adjective, but I prefer its definition as a noun. Its purpose is to keep us alive, happy, and protected. Without it, we would be dead. Fat has received a bum rap.

No one should be insulting another. Everyone should be caring for everyone else. Unfortunately some people feel the need to harm others to help themselves feel better about themselves. It's called bullying. It comes in lots of forms. The basis of which is usually lack of understanding and fear. It's very sad.

All you can do is keep trying to be the best person you can be and stand up for yourself when someone tries to drag you down. And stand by someone else when they are being bullied. People come in all sorts of heights, weights, colors, etc. If we all looked the same, it would be so boring.

: )

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E.J.

answers from Lincoln on

I haven't seen the picture you are referring to, but in a sense I get the double standard. I think commenting about another person's body type can be hurtful no matter what. For example, if you came across a very fat person you wouldn't say, "Wow, you're so fat! What have you been doing to get so fat?"

But... my little brother has always been VERY thin. That's just how he's built. By what he eats it makes no sense that he's thin. He used to get hurt feelings and tired of people commenting about how skinny he was and asking what he did to be so skinny.

So in that context even the thin people don't always feel so lucky to be thin. This is different than women, b/c men want to be be big and tough. But still a double standard that many people are unhappy with their bodies despite others thinking they are lucky

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E.L.

answers from Chicago on

I've seen the post & I posted it.....but it was not about the picture & not about bashing anyone who is thin (for me) It was about not striving for the unattainable & assuming what you see in someone is unhealthy...a mermaid, nonexistent. a whale, large but as it was meant to be....

That model??? Probably about a size 10-12 at 5'9" or 10" not unhealthy. Curled up in a chair? Sure, you can see that she does have some body fat, but certainly not "fat" and to make a point to be angry about it is calling the kettle black, Ms. Pot...

I find it interesting that this has struck such a chord & everyone who says they are naturally thin, also say that no one would "dare say" anything about how a fat person eats or their size...really?? do you watch TV??? Tell me you haven't heard any fat jokes, or how someone is "looking great" when they've dropped 10lbs. Granted, there are plenty of stories these days about losing too much weight & looking gaunt but that's really only been in the last 20 years or so when anorexia/bulimia really came into light. I think this is getting noticed because we've grown so accustomed to accepting fat jokes in our culture we barely notice them at all....

Let's be clear that I don't want anyone degraded for their appearance...yes.I am a bigger gal, but i work out 4x a week, try to eat as healthy as possible and I remain a size 18. Sure, I'd like to be thinner. But I strive to stay healthy. I have a husband who loves me for who I am, just as I am. I have a beautiful daughter & my life is full of joy no matter what anyone (someone far less secure in themselves) has to say. Cruelty & hate don't discriminate. The point is (& of the original FB post in question) is to be the best YOU you can be & not to judge others simply by the way they look....thick OR thin

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J.K.

answers from Sacramento on

What an interesting take on this! Honestly, I saw that post on FB and was one of the ones who shared it because I thought the message was important and long overdue. Everyone that I know (heavy or thin) responded to it positively.

I didn't get that they were insulting people who are thin. The poster at the gym said "This summer, would you rather be a mermaid or a whale?" A WHALE??? Really? Is that supposed to inspire anyone to want to frequent this gym? Most people see a mermaid as a beautiful (thin) mythical creature, while they see a whale as a slow, large not as attractive creature. The point of the FB post wasn't to say that being thin isn't attractive only that being heavier *is* or can be.

In a society where beauty is so stereotyped, photo shopped, altered, over tanned, over bleached, over processed, I found it refreshing to see a shift in what people consider beautiful. Let's face it, women (and men ) starve themselves to reach the "ideal" weight of beauty that is depicted on magazine covers. It will be interesting if women start to over eat to look like this plus sized model.

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J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

I saw that too.
No one that posted it on my page made comments about thin people. I looked at it more as a statement to every and any woman who feels she has extra weight. Even someone who only wants to lose 10 lbs. You should go to the gym to feel good, not because you feel pressured to lose weight (which some don't even go to lose weight, they go to tone and gain muscle). Even girls who are viewed as being on the thin side, sometimes feel like a "whale" because of their extra 10 lbs.
The picture showed someone who was heavier, but that doesn't mean even "thinner" women don't feel heavy. Just how I viewed it.

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K.C.

answers from Orlando on

I am not skinny, but I am not obese either. I have always been a little chunky and both of my sisters are super model thin (naturally, they both LOVE food, but one works out quite a bit, the other is just one of those people you love to hate :)) I have seen the picture posted by many many people on Facebook.

I more admire the whitty response that was written comparing whales to mermaids I can't stand most of the comments. We should all be striving to be healthy. I don't think we all need to be stick thin, but I don't think we need to be proud of being "whales" As you mentioned people (women) that are heavier are also at risk for many health problems. I haven't commented on any of the pictures I have seen either, for the same reason that you mentioned.

I agree with being confident and proud no matter what, but I also believe in being healthy. Eating more veggies than cookies, and running with your kids as often as possible. :)

So while I don't have the problems of being teased about being small, I agree with you 100%. Why can we make "you're so skinny, eat something" comments and not "you're so fat, stop eating" :) Assuming there are no eating disorders/ medical problems for either party.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I think we need to be kind to each other and ourselves overall. At one point I was a 00. Not because I was anorexic, but because vanity sizing made me shrink from a 5 in HS to a 00 as a young adult chasing mass transit because I couldn't afford parking for work. Vanity sizing made me feel invisible and angry. Less than 0? Really?

I understand the desire to go "heck, yeah, I'm better, baby!" but women are often too h*** o* each other as much as ourselves. We need to build each other up without tearing someone else down. I have bigger friends and smaller friends and friends of both sizes that aren't happy. And if I say I'd like to lose a few because I've added about 10lbs since having DD (which on my 5ft frame bothers me and puts me up a size so nothing fits well), I'd like the same support as the friend looking to drop 40 lbs. It's all relative.

I want to be a whale in the "I'm happy with my life" sense, but at the size that's right for me without being told to go eat something or that I can't possibly be unhappy with my current body shape.

Anyway....I don't like double standards, either. In general.

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T.C.

answers from Austin on

I haven't seen that picture. But I saw a british TV show on OWN called supersize vs superskinny. They show people who are at unhealthy weights at both ends of the spectrum. The gimmick of the show is that they have the two people swap diets for a week.

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H.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

Have you looked around? That woman in the picture, while you say is clearly overweight, she is what a lot of women look like. The majority.

The truth- There are women who are genetically thin. They eat big macs and indulge in a hot fudge sundaes, and they're lucky, they don't have to worry about gaining weight. (maybe this is you? You're lucky) However there is the other side of thin, the kind that is described in the add you're referring to. The kind who are unhealthy, who have so many issues with themselves, who worry too much about what people think of them, who smoke a cigarette and have a diet coke instead of lunch every day. And they want people to feel sorry for them. I know these people. I see them regularly but have never seen them put a single piece of food in their mouth. They also want the comments, omg you're so skinny!!! I cannot imagine the struggles inside the womens minds who have so much self hate.

To those people, I do say, have a sandwich, sit down at the table with your children and let your toddler feed you a room temperature chicken nugget smothered in ketchup! Make cupcakes with your kids and help them lick the spoon/bowl. Enjoy who you are and what you are.

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P.B.

answers from Austin on

is it the nude pic? where she's sitting in an off-white chair with her legs crossed?
ETA: oh, must've been wrong one. I'm sure I'll see it on fb.

C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

I'm too skinny too and I know exactly what you are saying. I have had people make fun of me and say mean things to me ever since I was about 5 years old. In the bell curve of body shapes I am on the far end...my bones are so darn narrow...I look a little weird. But what can I do about it - no much, it is just how I was born/just genetics. Does that stop people from being rude to me - no. I personally think all body shapes are beautiful and that as long as you are healthy and kind that you are doing great...it does not matter if you are skinny, normal or bigger in shape. I am told to eat more, called skeleton, etc. It sucks. I would never in a million years say something to a bigger woman about her eating habits. Why do people think it's ok to make me feel bad? I am 40 now so this has been happening for 35 years. In middle school/high school I cried daily about it but now that I'm an adult I don't care what others think and I like myself. I just try to be healthy and stay strong. But you are right - some women think it is ok to say mean things about skinny women.

N.P.

answers from San Francisco on

There's a movie that touches on this issue in a way. It's called "Disfigured".

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0830535/

It didn't get great ratings and has a cast of unknown actors and a very low budget but I remember thinking it's subject matter was heartfelt. Been a while since I've seen it.

Small synopsis:

"Lydia is an overweight sales clerk in a trendy home furnishings store, nearing 30. Though she is a member of a Fat Acceptance Group (a movement dedicated to fighting prejudice against overweight people), she is still struggling with complex feelings about her body and its place in the world. Darcy, a recovering-anorexic real estate agent in her mid-20s, is struggling with the same issues from a very different perspective. Her attempt to join the Fat Acceptance Group (since she sees herself as fat) is quickly rejected - but it introduces her to Lydia. Lydia is initially wary of Darcy's efforts to become friends, but Darcy's hunger for emotional contact breaks through the wall of apparent differences and they begin an unexpected friendship."

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