Frustrated with Living Conditions While Expecting First Child

now this might not work for every one but when i was expect #3 and i had 3 extra adult living with me and expecting me to do the work i made a cardborad sign hung it around my neck it read "I'm Pregant And I QUIT!!!!!!!!!" that was worth a lot of laughs and also some good talks about how everyone could help out.. it worked for me

If the fiancee's sister and her boyfriend aren't helping you financially... I would ask a trusted friend if s/he doesn't mind being disliked, to ask them to leave while you're present during the conversation. Be sure to have everyone in the house as well, and a third party person such as a parent or somebody similar to that. When the surprised couple asks you if that's what you want, you say something small like "I agree." Keep it simple and QUICK. It will HURT like hell at first, but you WILL feel happier. Trust me.

First of all, Congrats. My brother and his wife are expecting their first in February as well.
I would try and ask to sit down with both of them along with your fiance and try and explain that you need some help around the house. Dont tell them it is all their faults (your fiance, his sister and her boyfriend), but maybe say that because you are getting further along in your pregnancy things are harder for you to do around the house by yourself and that all the help that they can give you would be helpful and so you can also help prepare better for the arrival of the baby. Maybe ask if they could help make sure that things are picked up every once in awhile, with dishes, etc. By asking for their help because of your pregnancy, it doesnt blame them so they may not be so defensive but more inclined to help you. The other thing is that you may have to learn is that not everything has to be perfect. Being a mother and maybe liking everything picked up is going to change a bit. You learn to let some things go over others. Pick your battles. I have to have everything put in their places or i get stressed and it drives me nuts; for example, i have learned that as long as my kids pick up their toys it doesnt completely matter that they are not put where i would like them as long as they are in the room that they belong in.

Hope this helps.
C. R.

I know how you feel. I use to have 3 other people live with me and my husband while I was prego. What I use to do was I would say hey get up and help me out. Every now and then I would not do anything at all and see if they would get the hint and if they didn't then I would talk to them again. It got to the point where my husband was the one who was telling them to get up and help me out. Do they pay rent?? Cause if they do then tell them that if you don't get more help their rent will go up. If they don't pay rent then tell them that they will start to pay rent if they don't help out. If all else fails then tell them that they are going to do this and that is that. For example one person is responsible for keeping the kitchen clean everyday, another person is responsible for keeping the bathroom clean and so on and so on. I know it is hard but if you don't get them to help out now it may get worse when your pride and joy comes in February. Try it and see what happenes, and if worse come to worse tell them that they have 30 days to get out even if it is before the spring when they were going to move out. I do hope it works out for the best for ya.

Maybe you could try making out a chore list. I just went through this, I had 4 other people in my house and i was the only one cooking and cleaning. I was also very sick through my pregnancy. I was too tired to complain even though i wish i had. you don't have to do this on your own. Maybe you and your husband can set up a house meeting. It shouldn't just be you making the complaint though. Your husband should be right by your side on this. It is NOT just the pregnancy, although they may justify it by saying it is just your mood swings. I wish you best of luck and try to get some rest. beleive me you'll need it!!
A.

To be truthfully honest with you I believe that a pregnant woman deserves to be helped out in the home. I think you should talk to your husband and see what he thinks and says also let him know he has to help as well then move on then speak to the sister then just let them know the trurh you are burned out and frustrated I think they will be willing to help also I think this gives your husband an oppotunity to start to learn to start helping out now sooner than later. Hang in there I think it will be ok and they all will be willing to help you out.

maybe before the "house meeting" is called, If it was me and I didn't want to "start anything"-- I might just mention at a time when I KNOW they are listening to me, in kind of a humorous, playful tone, that I am so glad that they are there to help me out around the house while I am pregnant, and the way I am starting to feel, I might need even MORE help with housework, chores, cleaning, etc very soon!

This might get them to think about what they aren't doing, and make it seem like it is their idea to start helping you.

If this doesn't work, definitely go with the house meeting!

WOW, I really feel for you. My advice would be to sit everyone down and tell them how you feel. I will tell you that if you can do that now while you are still preggo that would be best. They should be helping around the house. What worries me, is if they don't start helping now, what will happen after the baby comes. You will need a lot more sleep and will be busy with a new baby. Honesty is really the best policy. I think if you are honest with them they will respond well. If your soon to be hubby sees this as a problem too he can go with you for moral support.

:)Keep us posted as to how it goes!!!

Have you talked to your fiance about saying something to his sister? If she and her boyfriend are living with you, they should both put in "better than" good effort to help out around the house with daily chores, etc. Especially if they are living with you rent free. I hope for you, your fiance & your new baby's sake that the sister & boyfriend DO move out of your house in the spring. Could it possibly be any quicker that they move out? Anyone else they could stay with? They must have other options. It's unfair to you to have to "do it all". I sincerely think you should talk to your fiance about how you feel. I wish I could help you out personally but unfortunately, this is all I can do (type). Good luck!

These notes have excellent advice. I'd add that your fiance needs to be the one who takes action. It is his sister. He should call the family meeting if that's what you do. He needs to tell his sister what he expects from her if she is to stay in his house. How old is she. If she's a teenager you're dealing with teenage issues too. That's so difficult.

I too had extra adults living with me and I was in my forties and not pregnant. I had an awful time getting anyone to help me. They were related to me. I finally told the one cousin that he had to leave. I gave him 30 days and he left the same day. He had no job but he found a place to live thru his church.

It is so difficult dealing with relatives sharing your living space. If they are not willing or perhaps even able to help out they need to move out. Bottom line! You, your baby, and your relationship are the most important thing in this. I hope that your finace will agree with this. If he's unwilling to get his sister and boyfriend to help or move, perhaps he's not marriage material. I ended up getting a divorce.
If he's sympathetic and just doesn't know what to do then you have hope. You can work on this together.

I wish you the best. You have a difficult situation here. Just remember you and the baby should take first place.

I would talk to them about the situation. I am about as far along as you are in my pregnancy. However, this is my second. Just to let you know from experience the further along you get, the less you will be able to do around the house. Explain to them that you need help with the chores (Especially because you're pregnant). In another few weeks it's not going to be easy to bend down 20 times a day to pick stuff up off the floor. Explain to them that you also need to start getting ready for the baby and you would appreciate if they helped out a little more. Good Luck!