36 answers

What Would You Do? - Newark,DE

Good Morning Mamas,
I hope all of you had a nice weekend. I have a question and I'm wondering what you would do in my situation.

Recently, my niece graduated high school. She turned 18 in May and will be starting college in late August. Currently, she lives at home but her and her mom do not get a long at all. Her dad (my brother) lives about 13 hours away. Well, she came to visit this weekend and asked if she could "rent" a room. She had already looked at another room to rent but it is a very bad section of town. After much discussion, my husband and I agreed to allow her to rent to the attic. It's a finished walk up attic that is very nice. The downfall is my stepson's room is currently up there so he will have to now share a room with his younger brother (my son). My niece then asked if we would allow her current boyfriend to stay over. Now comes my questions. 1. Would you do the same if you were in my shoes - allow your niece to rent a room? 2. Allow her boyfriend to spend the night with her. I'm ok with it because she is 18 and she is now an adult and can make her own decisions.

Thank you!

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Wow - did I stir the pot with this one! Yes, my husband and I did speak to both our son and my step son and they both agreed to share a room so my niece could "move" in. We have decided not to allow the boyfriend to sleep over. We are a moral family and even though she is "renting" it , it's still our house and we do not want this to be around our children so there's no way we would allow our children to do this.
There is a lot of history with my niece and her mom. I've been through exactly what she is going through now. She is looking for more freedom and her mom will not allow it. Her mom is extremely hard headed. I did talk to my brother regarding this and he is in agreement with whatever I decide since it is our house. We will be setting some ground rules for her to follow.
I would like to thank you ladies for your opinions. They are greatly appreciated.

Featured Answers

A quick suggestion...get out of this now. There is probably a reason why she and mom don't get along and it is called 'a boyfriend'.

9 moms found this helpful

That is a toughy, but it doesnt really sound like you have a room to rent. I can understand helping her out for a month or two. I wouldnt do it permanently though. Does she work?
NO NO NO, I would not let her boyfriend stay over! Especially if you have other younger children in the house. If she is old/responsible enough to have a boyfriend over, she is old enough to have her OWN place.

3 moms found this helpful

No. I offered my sister a room only because we have an extra bedroom so I wouldn't have to move the kids around. If she had taken the offer I would not allow a boyfriend to spend the night because I have kids and don't want them getting confused or the impression that it's ok to do that.

I would also find out the real reason she doesn't want to live at home maybe that's one of the things her and her mom fight about.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

A quick suggestion...get out of this now. There is probably a reason why she and mom don't get along and it is called 'a boyfriend'.

9 moms found this helpful

No and No. It's not fair of you to make your children give up the space they already have as their rooms for your neice. Actually, unless you have an empty room or a guest room, I don't think it was even polite at all of her to ask you for essentially, someone else's room. I would say no to that.

The boyfriend staying over? No. You have children in the house. What kind of message does this send? I agree with you that she can make her own decisions, but if she so desires to share a bed with her boyfriend like an adult, she should rent her own apartment like an adult. It's just not respectful to your family for her to behave this way in your home, imo.

9 moms found this helpful

I realize she may be legally an adult, but you are going to have to set ground rules for your home! Letting a boyfriend spend the night is setting a very bad example for your children. Are you also ok with her coming and going as she pleases? Maybe at 3am? You have to think about how this may disrupt your family. Why doesnt she get along with her mom?

8 moms found this helpful

I think this is wrong on so many levels. You asking your step son to give up his room for your niece is wrong. Having her boyfriend staying overnight is wrong.

If she wants to play house then fine but you have kids under the age of 18 and this is not a good example to set.

If my daughter had approached her unlce and aunt with this and they said yes, we would see WWIII in our family.

Doesn't matter why the daughter and mother doen't get along, you don't live in the household so you don't know. I would highly recommend that you help her find another alternative. If she is going to college, she should be living in the dorm. Most universities require freshman to live on campus the first year. Don't do this!!!

8 moms found this helpful

If I thought I was helping family or friends out by renting them a room I would do it for sure. You probably will need to ask your stepson how he feels about it. After all he has the most to lose - his room and privacy.

That being said, there is NO WAY her boyfriend would be staying the night unless he slept on the couch! I don't care how old she is, they are not married and sleeping together, not a great message for children. NO WAY!

Our society is so sexually charged it is difficult to teach our kids morals in the first place when all that we do displays acceptance for sexual promiscuity. This not only would be a bad message for your children but you are also teaching an 18 year old that this behavior is ok to demonstrate to children. Aack!

Of course, you are welcome to chose how you like but I would be sure you are thinking of your kids not your niece in this situation.

Good luck!

6 moms found this helpful

Not only no, but HELL NO!!!!

I would NOT allow my niece to stay in my home with her boyfriend....paying rent or not....this is probably one of the reasons she doesn't get along with her mom....her mom is making rules and boundaries and she doesn't think she has to obey them...

Would you allow YOUR child to do this? You do realize that you are setting an example for the children you have in your home? That it's OKAY to have pre-martial sex and live together BEFORE you get married? IS that the example you want to set? If so - then by all means - go for it...however, I think you are thumbing your nose at your son for his cousin...why should he have to share a room now because she doesn't want to follow the rules at her mom's house?

I would also talk with the family to see what they have to say before I said yes to her...your son will be upended and sharing a room so that she can move in....is he OKAY with that?

5 moms found this helpful

If I were in your shoes I WOULD rent the room BUT ONLY with a clear contract and clear consequences of what happens if that contract is broken (rent not paid, house rules broken, etc). Be clear on whether you want her to check in with you if she won't be home and such (I had a grown roommate when I was grown but if we weren't coming home for the night we always let each other know but didn't have to give details - common courtesy). Also, have a trial period first where either one of you can terminate the contract without explanation after (for example) a month. That gives you a clause without ruining the relationship if it just isn't working.

As far as the boyfriend staying over, I would definitely say NO simply because you have younger kids in the house. She is 18 but your kiddos are not and it is fine for you to set some ground rules on what they are exposed to. Plus, what if the boyfriend is a jerk (or the next one is) and you don't want him in your house. It gets hard to backtrack. Maybe you allow her to stay at his place from time to time if you feel that is ok?

5 moms found this helpful

No.. did you talk to both parents to hear all sides of what is going on with your niece and the rift between her and her mom, I would. I would not allow her BF to stay over night her focus should be on school and working and that may take her off her path. In my opionion she is not grown until she can pay her own bills.

5 moms found this helpful

1 / 3
Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.