From the Crib to the Bed, Again and in a New Place.

Monica, I'm with you. I would take the crib. I can understand everyone that says it would be easier to leave it behind. But how much change should a 2yr old have to face at one time. It would be better to have something familiar in her new room. You may not get much sleep if she up all night in a new place and a new bed that she can get out of. I would be more worried about her feelings then the difficulty of bringing the the crib. Kids grow up so fast. Why is everyone try to push them to grow up. When she is ready she will sleep in a bed. You may even be able to move her to twin bed with a rail. Goodluck!

I think you're right. Bring the crib. Set it up just like it's always been with her crib pad, mobile, blankets, etc. When she's closer to 3, swap out the crib for a bed. By that time she'll be adjusted. Ask your husband to turn and look away if he can't support you on this one. Good luck with the move.

Stick to your guns! There's no reason to traumatize her. She'll let you know when she's ready to leave the crib . . . and if she eventually gets too big for it, that will open an arena for discussion with her. My daughter started flinging herself out of the crib when she was a year old. Believe me, I would have been thrilled if she'd stayed crib-bound a little longer! I tried dropping the side so she'd feel less confined, but that wasn't good enough. That meant she was up and about at 5 AM every day with nothing to do but stand next to me and announce that it was "befass" time. It all comes soon enough, and your move to a new house doesn't seem to be the right time for the shift if she's not showing signs on her own. You can always wait a couple of weeks (or months) and take advantage of any "teachable moment" that arises from her acknowledgment that she's in a new place and it's different from the old one. Besides, she's two. Does she need another reason to be oppositional?

Meanwhile, you have a bigger issue to deal with. The rest of the family has some ingrained expectations that have nothing to do with the child's best interests and everything to do with their own egos. The conflict isn't going to end with the crib. Address the basic issues now or you're in for a very looong and tiresome existence within this group.

Wow.. sounds like you have the same issue i have:Family telling you how to raise YOUR child. Go with your instincts on this one. My daughter didn't go to a bed until she was 3. You are right that a move is a big transition..why stress your daughter and you out? Next time they bug you tell them the pediatrician said too keep the crib. I have used my pediatrician for a 'scapegoat' to get my own mom off my daughter's back about how much she eats. Point out that they are not the ones with her all day (I assume you are at home with her most) and if they want to deal with it fine.. you are checking into a hotel=) Good luck

HI Monica,

I went through the same thing a year ago. We moved with a two year old and decided that the move was enough for her. We let her settle in for 6 months and then transitioned her into her own big girl bed--without any problems!! I think that children need familiar surroundings and if you keep that one stable thing in her life, it might ease the progression into your new place and make her life a little less stressful. (and it will give you some time to baby proof before she is able to get up and explore on her own!)

S.

Monica, first of all i have to congratulate you on your confidence and on your love of your little girl. NO ONE knows her like you do, and you really get that, deeply and instinctively. you know what's right for your family and you will stick to your guns. i'm proud of you! and you're so young! i'm almost 38 and my son is 2.5, my daughter 11 months; i'm so lucky to have my kids at this stage of my life because i certainly did not have your conficdence 15 years ago! you are amazing.

here's what i think about your situation. i think you would be pleasantly shocked if you put on a big smile and said to each of these people, in thier own private turns (like when granma is visiting alone, when in laws are over you could lure one of them into the baby's room with you at a time like, 'Oh can you hold the baby in here for me for a minute?') and say to them something like this;

"I really appreciate what a great parent you are, and i know you have a lot to teach me. But you know, the baby and I feel very sensitive right now, and I don't mind moving the crib to the new place, it's just one item. It will feel safer to me to keep her there until I'm ready to put her in a bed, and I know that you want her to be happy, and to support me with your love."

i bet they would be so shocked that they would totally shut up and be awed by your diplomacy. FYI, i have no intention of moving my 2.5 yr old out of his crib any time soon; why bother? don't i have enough to worry about? he loves his crib, he has his animals in there, his blankey; what's the rush?

i feel strongly, Monica, that your instincts are really right. I think a move is very hard for a big baby, harder than for a little one! any transition is! plus, it is safer for her to be in the crib in the new home; what if she climbed out of a toddler bed and fell down the stairs in the middle of the night, or bumped into the table or door jamb and got a black eye??? or had to have stitches? or worse? you can say all that to the grandparents, that you have really thought about her safety, and that this is the decision that you believe in.

i don't doubt for a moment that you will handle this beautifully.

J.

Wow Monica, what a difficult position to be put in, especially since no one is willing to see your point of view...even your husband. I happen to agree with you. I don't see any harm whatsoever in letting your sweet little angel sleep in a crib when you relocate into your new home. I also agree with you that anything you can do to make the transition smooth for her is wise. You are very thoughtful, especially for a young mom, and I am very impressed by your concern for your daughter. Perhaps you can calmly explain to the rest of your family that they're making a big fuss over something that shouldn't be a big deal. With them bringing it up everyday, your daughter's probably hearing it, and she's going to get the wrong message from all the conflict. Just tell them you'd like to bring the crib to the new house for your daughter to use, at least for a little longer. Tell them that you want to keep it anyway, because you may have another baby in the future that will need to use it.

You are right about keeping the crib through the move. Children are not cardboard cutouts and she has already expressed her feelings of not being ready to give up the security of her crib. Why on earth would anyone think it's right to whisk it away in the stress of a move? Your husband may feel that the child's reluctance to leave the crib means there's something 'wrong' combined with the pressure of older parents saying the same thing. This is no different than the child who holds onto the blankie, or binky, or bottle, or diapers longer than average. She won't want it forever but it's important to her now. Respect her feelings and listen...work with her. This does not put her in any danger so what's the big deal if she still has it another year? She won't drag it off to college. Stick to your guns, Mom, and have a talk with Dad about why he isn't supporting Mommy and baby. Enjoy your new place.

Hey monica

I think you as her mother know best. My two and a half year old is still in a crib and has no desire to move to a full bed. She is happy and sleeping through the night so I don't feel the need to push her. I do have a friend who moved right before her daughter's 2nd birthday and put her in a full sized bed in her new house and had no issues at all. So I think you need to go with your maternal gut on this one. Good luck!

H.

Trust your instincts Monica. You probably know her better than even her dad does since unless he stays home with her, I would guess you take care of her the most.

Transitioning to a new home can be difficult enough for a child. Why would they want you to turn TWO things upside down on your daughter?

In fact, if you look up most articles about moving with children, they tell you to take their room down last and put their room up first in the new house to help them with the transition. The point is to make them feel comfortable.

What is the big deal if she is still in a crib or not? If she isn't falling/climbing out, I would count myself lucky and keep her in there unless safety wise she has outgrow the crib. Once you put her in a bed, there is no going back. Do they really want to take the chance of her wandering at night in a new house even if it is just down the hallway?

I would stand my ground if I were you. Present the suggestions and input you have read and tell him you would like to give her a chance to get used to the new house first. Then you guys can revisit putting her into a bed. You are your daughter's voice right now. I wish you the best!

Go with how you feel! You are her mommy and know whats best. We moved when our daughter was 2 1/2 and I felt she was such a mature little one and wouldn't be bothered by the move but I quickly leared when you take a child out of the place they know most it bothers them in even the smallest of ways. I would gently tell your husband that your daughters security is more important then convenience with this transition and to please support you with this. Good luck!

Well, eventually she will be in a big girl bed. The only question is is it now or later. I think your instincts seem right on. If you think she will be unable to transition to a big bed before the move, it makes perfect sense to wait until she gets accustomed to her new room. You could even make it fun for her - like paint her walls the color she likes (choosing from 3 colors you could live with!) and picking out her new big girl sheets. Tell your husband that you asked us, and we generally agree that changing residences and beds at the same time will add up to a lot of sleepless nights for all of you!

Best of luck to you on your move!

Hi Monica. I feel it would be a terrible mistake to put her in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room in an unfamiliar house. She is 2 years old she is still a baby and should have something familiar. I think any expert would agree. If there is space in her new room, I'd suggest putting in both the crib and bed, let her sleep with the crib rail down so that if she wants to climb out and try out her new bed, she can do it as her own choice (don't suggest "maybe you want to try your bed tonight" or anything, let it be all her idea).

I would definitely suggest nixing the plan to sleep on the floor in her room. When is it enough? It sets up a bad habit that can be hard to break. Have her sleep in the room the way that you expect her to normally. Good luck and I hope it is a smooth transition!

I agree with Susan W. The first thing to remember on this issue is that there is no right or wrong answer. One answer may be better for yourn child, but either way you will not be causing long-term mental anguish. :)

I think the better answer is to do what your child is comfortable with. If she wants to be in her crib, let her! Comfort is comfort is comfort. Transporting a crib is a small inconvience for a little bit of comfort. She will tell you when she's ready to come out of the crib. In fact, when she's ready, you won't be able to stop her.

My first born got "kicked out" of her crib after 14 months when I gave birth to her little sister. But the following two kids stayed in the crib until they were closer to 3-yrs-old.

Since you are moving what you might want to try is to set up the big girl bed in her new room and also the crib also. She might like the idea of being in a new bed because she is in a new room. Or you could give her a choice to see what she wants to sleep in. I wouldn't worry about what any one says though. If you feel that the crib is better than leave your daughter in in. Every child moves to a bed at a different age and there is no right or wrong age to it. My 4 year old was moved to a toddler bed at 13 months since she absolutly hated the crib and would just scream when she was in it. She moved to a bed and everything was better. Now I am looking for a bed for my 18 month old since she is starting to try to climb out of her crib. You know your daughter if the crib is best bring it with you. So what if it is an extra thing to move. I think it is better to have just in case then not have at all and deal with screaming and crying because she is out of sorts with a new home and a new bed. Good luck to you with anything you choose to do. Let us know what happens.
Jenn

Listen to your instincts. I am a 62 year old Nana to two and mother to two. A two year old is safer in a crib anyway. The move is enough on your daughter. I sugest that you give her the crib but set up a twin bed in her room as well. Let her pick out the bedding for the "big girl bed" and tell her she can use it when she is ready to be a big girl. This should satisfy your husband (the others have no say) and keep your daughter calm during and after the move. There is no rush to grow up. Before you know it, your husband's real concern will be dating!

It doesn't matter what these people think, no matter who they are to you. YOU are the mother. If people can't understand and respect how you feel ignore them, disregard them in this matter. You know whats best. I completely agree with you that your daughters feelings are first and foremost.
If they can't understand and just button their lip on this issue- or any other for that matter then whose best interest do they really have anyway? They had their chances as parents, now it's your turn, do it how you feel is best no matter what. Only you truely know what your daughter needs!
As far as your husband jsut explain to him that one stress is enough, kids aren't capable of handling stress and change like adults, and even some adults can't handle it well! So how does he expect it to be handled by her? She will cry, she will scream, and if she is stubborn it won't be for a few minutes, it will be a few hours, it won't be one night, it will be several, not to mention she will be able to get out of bed on her own. Who is going to stay up with her all night? You? Your husband? Maybe he isn't seeing the full spectrum that this situation could bring.
Be strong, good luck!

Dear Monica, First I do not understand why your family feels the need to get so involved with this decision. You know your daughter best, if you feel she will handle the move better taking her crib along, than do it. I happen to agree with you. She can transition over to a bed over the next few months after you are settled in when she is ready, which will naturally happen. As far as your husband, hopefully he will understand and listen to you. Is it really that difficult to move a crib, in the essence of everything you move. By eliminating her crib when you move, you may open yourself up to other problems such as her seeking to find you in the night and end up in your bed etc. etc. I am a mom of 6, ages 10 to 31, and they all transitioned somewhere between 20 and 30 months, some when another sibling was on the way and some because they wanted a "big" bed, but I never forced the issue if they weren't ready. I now have 3 grandchildren and would never think to insist on how my daughter or daughter in law should do things. If they ask my advice or opinion I give it and then they can do with it what they want. Have more faith in yourself,you sound as though you know how to handle the situation best.

Dear Monica,
My daughter did not want to leave her crib until she was 4! She's a tall girl and I always had a smile on my face watching her sleep like a giant all curled up in the crib. When she was four we made a special trip to go out and buy sheets for her new "big crib" together. I bought railings for the sides of the bed (safety railings so she wouldn't tumble on to the floor) plus a tall head board on the bed. In some ways it does look like a big crib. Anyway, she made the transition perfectly. My advise, don't rush it!

Personally if I were in your shoes I would keep her in her crib. She is happy in it and safer. You don't have to worry about her roaming the house while you are sleeping. I kept my son in his crib til he was 2.5 yrs old. The only reason I took him out was because he was potty trained and needed to go to the bathroom. Go with your mommy gut feeling. We have that for a reason. If it says to keep her in the crib then do it. You are her mommy and you know whats good for her.

C.

Stick to your guns and do what you think is best for your child.

It's a huge change for a child and she needs to be ready to give up her crib and should be given the time to do this.

I tend to think your husband is on your back about this because his family is on his back. None of them are thinking about how the child will deal with all of this change. So when you have alone time with your husband explain it to him again....if he then still sides with what is easier in terms of the moving job..tell him he's gonna have to trust you on this one and work a little harder....he's to make sure both her crib and new bed are in her new room...both set up and ready to be used...subject closed.

Dear Monica,
I think it is wonderful that you are putting the needs of your little one before the judgment of your family. I'm sure you know this but she will not be in that crib forever anyway. I say follow your instincts on this one. When you are ready to move her into a bed, you might want to take her shopping for "big girl sheets" and make a big deal of that. That made it much easier for my kids to make their transition to their own big boy beds.
Good luck!
J.

Maybe your husband has an issue with taking it down and setting it back up again. If that's the case, offer to take care of all of that yourself. After all, it sounds like you'd be the one taking care of gettin him settled into his new routine, so I agree, do what works best for you.

I don't agree with your family and in-laws telling you what to do with your daughter. I think she'll adjust within a few days, just because kids that age do adjust quickly from crib to bed. I have three kids and they all were in a bed by or before two. You can try buying her favorite character bedding and put some fun pillows and her favorite stuffed animals on the bed for her. Make the bed fun to look at and sleep in. You can also try a fun night light, they sell all kinds of neat ones, & put some stars on her ceiling so they glow at night. Make it a big deal for her and maybe let her pick out the new bedding and pillows :).....what little girl wouldn't like to go shopping LOL. Good luck...you'll do great

Monica:
Why not have a fun slumber party and introduce her to the new bed in your own loving caring mom way BEFORE you move and explain to your very mature daughter that when you move she can sleep in this new bed everynight. (after she's had a blast in it)
Make it fun and give her ownership of the bed by letting her pick out sheets and help you make the bed etc...
That would be easier than moving an extra piece of furniture (twice) because you want to cater to her just a little bit more.

Do not rush her. In her own time she will sleep in the big girl bed, and tell eveyone else to leave you and her alone because you want her to get use to the new house ,so she need to have the comfort of her stuff around her and if it the crib so be it. Go with your frist instance all the time.

hello monica. when my daughter was 2 years old we also moved to a new place. we set up her crib and her big girls bed in her room and gave her a choice each night. for the first few nights she choose her crib, but was able to get used to the idea of her bed during the day by playing with her dolls and stuffed animals on there. i lay down with her in her bed for her naps for the first few days and she slowly became comfortable with her bed. after about two weeks she was sleeping in her bed and asked me to take down her crib, said she did not need it anymore.you are right to be concerned about this. do not let your husband or your family make this decision for you. by your letter i can tell that you are going do do what is best for your daughter; stick with your plan and set up both the crib and the bed for her. as her mom it is ultimatly up to you to make sure that the transition to your new place goes smoothly for your little girl. do what you know is right, stick to your plan and don't let other people tell you what is right for your daughter. moving can be frightening or a good experiance for your daughter depending on how you handle it. tell them that as her mom you will make the decision. good luck, monica. i'm sure you'll do the right thing. - karin

I would keep her in her crib until she has adjusted to the move. Two years is not an unreasonable age to still be in a crib. You are not permanently going to harm her either way, but some youngsters like the security of the enclosed space. She will sleep better during a stressful time and that means everyone gets more sleep. After the move, you can work out a plan to get her into a bed.

Hello there,
My now seven year old son made a very easy transistion from his crib/toddler bed to a full size bed when he was
2 1/2. A month or so before we moved we changed his crib to a toddler bed (we bought the set that can convert to toddler, day bed, then eventually the back board becomes a head board for a full size bed). He transitioned well to the toddler bed. Once we moved we never put the crib back together (thank godness) and went right to a double bed. We had NO issues at all. He loved being in a big boy bed!
Maybe start now with only 2 wks left and see where it takes you. Hope it helps?

Well, before my daughter was two, I put her in a toddler bed. The reason why was because we had moved, and I wanted her to get used to her new bedroom. So, I figured why not let her get used to everything at once. She cried for about the first week but then she stopped. Now when I tell her its time for bed she gets into her bed and (most nights, its not always perfect) goes to sleep. I never stayed in the room with her because I didn't want to start anything I wouldn't be able to finish.

With that being said, in my opinion I think you should transition her into her own bed. Children rarely say they think it's a good idea for them to do anything, so you have to sometimes make the decision for them. It's hard at first, but slowly they do get used to it. You don't want to drag it out longer than it needs to be.

I know I might sound harsh but this is what worked best for my child. I felt it was right for her to be in a bed.

Monica, I had the same issue when my family moved when my daughter was 20 months old. I thought it would be too traumatic for my daughter to give up her crib at the same time we were moving to a new house, new city, and a new life (from school to job for my husband). My husband thought this would be the perfect time. We finally decided to have her sleep in her big girl bed the first night we were in our new house (partly because her 3 month old brother had outgrown the bassinet and he needed the crib) and she has done wonderfully ever since. Every kid is different, so your daughter might feel differently (especially since she has already expressed opposition to a bed switch, which my daughter hadn't), but the new house/new bed worked great for us!