We have a couple that we are friends with- they are great most of the time, and most of the issues we have with them we brush off as they are young- but there is one thing that has been bugging me off and on for a few weeks now and I am curious as to what some of you would do in the situation:
I have been getting my DD's new bedroom ready- paint, wallpaper, et cetera. One evening my friend was helping me with some of the painting and (I don't remember the conversation completely) I thanked her for her and her DH's help with the projects we had been working on, specifically in relation to my DD's room. She replied that it wasn't an issue for her because she considered my DD to be as much her daughter as mine. I brushed it off at the time, and so did my DH when I told him about it (his response was along the lines that she was behind on child-support payments).
It has come to mind several times in the weeks since, and especially today. I mentioned to her DH at work that we had had our DD's pictures done today and he asked that I send him the info to see the photo's online when they came available- because his wife would want to make sure that she bought some. Mind you, we don't skimp on pictures when we get them- we only do it at birthdays- and we make sure that everyone who wants one has one.
I really don't want to alienate our friends (we don't have many that we are social with), and maybe I am over-reacting and it's nothing, but it is even starting to irk my husband a bit.
I guess that we have just taken it the wrong way- It was more the phrasing that put us off I think.
They are a young couple- only married a year- and they live with his parents- and brother, sister-in-law, and neice.
We are fairly close with them- they have dinner at our house a couple of times a month, and I work with him so my daughter sees him everyday. I just don't see her as equal to me in my daughters life, and the way she said that she was just as much my (two year old) daughters mother as I am was really irked me.
I think you are over reacting to this completely.
I care for/care about my friends kids very much.
Like another poster said--if you had just met them, then yes, the comments would be odd, but if you know them well enough that they are helping with household projects--totally normal.
The baby-napping comments are ridiculous!
Maybe they are good friends who love you kids.
I just glanced that you were from Salt Lake City, UT. That place is amazingly nice! Very loving and sweet! I would say, get use to it! It will be fun. She sounds like a strong community supporter! That is the kind of person I keep on a list for things to help lift us up once in a while. You may not be close, but...well one time I had to go to the emergency room and my kids were taken to the neighbors (because I reach out and it pays off loads) and they are not my closet friends, but I am friends with them in a strong community way. The local auntie we chose first handmade a son for my quilt at his birth :D! I barely knew her! But I took it as reaching out to me.
Doesn't seem so bad from this end, but I am not the one that is with her all of the time. What are the circumstances between her and her husband not having any children of their own? Maybe they are having a hard time having a baby? Maybe she has been told that she can't have any? I think it's nice to have a friend around, that you know, in a heartbeat, you can call and she would be there to look after your daughter for you. So long as you are not getting a "creepy" vibe from the encounter, I would ease up a little. As, far as pictures go, a comment like "Don't worry, you know that you will be one of the first on my list to get pictures". Pictures are expensive and maybe it was just his way of saying that they would like one without assuming you would pay for and give them one. Not to mention maybe they would like a different size then you would hand out? Just think about how nice it is to rely on someone, that you can actually count on.....some people don't get that with their own family members.
I guess being a single mom for 3 yrs and now a military family, all of our friends are considered family because we all help each other out with kids, car work, errands, etc. I have several friends that I know they consider my husband and I part of their extended family like that too.
There is nothing wrong with your friend wanting to be considered 'family' to your daughter and you should feel the same way to if your relationship is how you say it is. Good friends are hard to come by this day and age!!
S.
It was creepy when she said that your daughter was as much hers as yours. Perhaps what she meant was "I love her as if she were my own" which would be a nice compliment.
As for her wanting to buy some pictures, I think that's nice too.
If she's not trying to get your child to call her "mom" and stuff like that then maybe you should feel glad that she has a nice adopted "aunt".
I love my best friends' children, and I know growing up and now with friends' kids -I was referred several time by my parent's friends as being like one of their own and I feel that way about some I know as well. She was just being nice! She obviously loves your daughter and you're great friends -how lucky! Who knows if the husband is even right about his wife wanting to buy some. She may just want one and he thinks she would want to buy some. If she tells you she wants to buy some, just tell her you're going to give her one.
Kidnapping concerns -can you say PARANOIA?!
Does she have kids of her own? I'm guessing she doesn't. I don't think she meant any harm by what was said, maybe she didn't word it correctly. Prior to me having kids, I had several nieces and nephews and I felt that I loved them as much as I would my own kids. Maybe she feels that way, that she is like an aunt to your daughter, loves her to death and feels that's how she would feel towards her own kids (I love my nieces and nephews dearly but never could have imagined the love that I feel for my own kids). Your daughter is pretty lucky to have someone that loves her that much.
Family is not what your born into but rather the people who help raise you" this is the phrase my daughter has grown up with because I have an eclectic family due to issues with my family of origin. Also being a single parent for a number of years & a “military brat” my daughter has learned that this phrase is so true when you’re across the country from blood relatives, Sit down and talk with her and have her elaborate. This might help
I have a friend who treats my children as she does hers and loves them "as she would her own". I know of something were to happen to me and my hubby, a car crash say, I could trust her completely to help my kids get Grandma here and take care of business.
Her little guy is also "my baby" he is 19 months. I am the only person who has every babysat for her outside of the family and the only person he will come to. I see myself as an "aunt" to her kids.
This all being said, she is my best friend and has been for a few years. She is also close to my age.
I think it's a compliment to you and your parenting style, your children are very much loved and should anything happen to you she would be the one to step in and take care of things.
My best friends children ARE my own. I call them on birthdays. I send them cards. I see her twice a month at her home and maybe once a month at mine. When I buy for Christmas, I buy for her kids too. And she does the same for mine. It's the way it's always been with us. We're family.
I think if you've known these people for a minute and a half and they are doing this it'd be a bit odd...but you say they are friends. I am not sure if they ahve children of their own, but if they don't...or can't...maybe it's practice for them.
There is some saying...our children are a gift to the world...or some such. WHAT A BLESSING for your child to have so many people love her. And it's your job to allow that to happen.
Sending good thoughts to you.
I think it's sweet that your friends loves your daughter so much. You should consider yourself lucky. Some people's friends show no interest in their children. Unless your afraid that they love your daughter so much they might kidnap her or something (LOL), I don't see what your upset about. These people helped you paint and get her room done. They sound like wonderful friends.
It's a little weird, maybe, but I think it's actually nice. Children need as many people to love them as they can possibly get, and it seems like this couple truly loves your daughter. I'm sure they don't mean to step on any toes. I'd let it go.
I don't think that what she said is all that strange. She loves your daughter like her own, I guess it would only be strange if you haven't been friends for very long or you don't feel that you're really that close. Maybe the way she worded it sounds a little funny, but I tend to screw up what I am saying so it comes out weird and awkward. Its probably not that she thinks of your daughter as her own, but loves and cares about her as if she is her own child. I doubt she wants to kidnap her. As far as buying pictures, it was probably a nice offer since pictures can be expensive, so maybe the couple thinks they're doing you a favor by paying for their own copies.
If you think they are coming on too strong then you should try to distance yourself and spend less time with them. Sometimes not everyone feels the same way in certain relationships. From what you described it sounds like they are just very friendly loving people, but perhaps you don't feel the same about them or you're just uncomfortable with that level of closeness.
I don't see the problem. You have good friends who love and care for your kids as you do. They want pics that if I misread they will buy I just don't see a problem here. it sounds like you have good friends can I borrow her? Mine has turned out to be not the person I thought she was.
I think the fact that they don't have kids, they don't get why what they said was offensive. I remember my niece calling me Mama once (she was really just making the sound, I never felt that she called me mama), and my sister FREAKED!! I didn't realize the possessiveness of a mother until I became one. It is really sweet that your friends love your daughter that much. If it is at all possible, try to let it go, or talk to her, but don't let it eat you up or ruin your friendship.
Well..if this woman is your BFF, and you are always together and she helps out with your daughter, watching her or just hanging out...then she would feel attached. My BFF and I (both of us are Army wives) were so close when we were stationed together right across the hall from one another in Germany, when our hubbies were deployed..we were ech other book ends...so our kids were always together and we watched them for the other.
She feels close to my kids as I do hers. She felt that she waslike a 2nd mom as did I. How couldn't we?!
If your situation is way off from that, sh isn't around much....then look at this...maybeyour the only real friend she has ad she has no kids??? IDK the details, but somehow she feels attached....be sure you let her know you wouldn't exclude her in getting pics...unless she starts acting like your daughters mother, in your place...I wouldn't worry about it.
We are very good friends with a couple who are a bit older than us. They have kids ages 8-18 while ours are only 2 and 7 months. We have practically adopted each other's families and it has been wonderful. Their teens watch all the kids while we double date and when we need a sitter for other things we just take them over to their house. It was our oldest that drew them to us as he was the same age (and looked similar) as a foster son they were trying to adopt and it fell through. My son fell in love with their teen daughter which was not normal for him so we knew she was special. My kids call my friend "Mama D" and we have stepped in to discipline their kids when they aren't around and vice versa. It is wonderful to know that there is a family out there that loves my kids as if they were theirs and that if anything happened they would be there to take care of my children as we are for them. If I were you I would consider myself very blessed to have friends that care so much for your family. Good friends like that are hard to find these days.
This sounds exactly like my sister and her group of girlfriends. It has lessened a bit as they have gotten a few years older and started having kids of their own, but when most of them didn't have kids, wow did they dote on her daughter!! It was to the point where I was actually feeling a little jealous for a bit because I was her aunt and felt like they were trying to replace me. lol
It definitely makes a difference when they don't have kids of their own, and as long as you are good friends, I would be flattered that they care so much! My sister's friends still have pictures of her kids in their houses, as she now does of theirs. Not a single inch of her fridge is visible under all those pictures now!
Um I just wanted to say that when I was 18 my dh and I were friends with some 28 year olds who had a 6 and 2 y/o daughters at the time. We became very close to the family and although I didn't really considered her girls my own I cared about them very much. Fast Forward 10 years and we have moved but my friend and I are still close but no longer "best friends" BUT I am also still in touch with her girls. We e-mail and are "friends" on facebook. I love that I still get to be a part of their lives. Remember it takes a village...
They have baby envy. It sounds to me like they're on the way to being ready to have their own and their maternal urges are being pointed at your daughter. I doubt she meant to insult you, she just had no idea how wrong her comment was. When she has her own she'll know the difference, in the meantime keep being tolerant. It sounds like they are easy to get along with most of the time, a little effort is worth it for a good friendship.
Maybe the real question is what is your problem with her/them. Do you feel like they try to compete for your daughter's attention? Do you feel like they are always trying to "outdo" you and your husband. You said they are younger so are they more "hip" and your daughter is more communicative with them? Could there be jealousy and envy involved? I know I like to be kind of a hermit and REALLY like my time at home with just my family so maybe you just need a break and some distance.
Your friend's choice of words was horrible! I would think that by her saying your daughter is just as much hers, that she has a plan to abduct your daughter. You know your friend very well and I do not, so you need to go with your gut about her and figure out if she truly meant those words, or if she meant to say that she loves your daughter as much as she would if she was her own. Those words are very different than "Your daughter is just as much my daughter!" That is creepy and scary. Whether or not she is a creepy and scary person is for you to determine.
Are she and her husband having a hard time conceiving their own children? There are a lot issues to address when trying to figure out if she wants to kidnap your daughter, or if she is just the sweetest person and made a very bad choice of words. Good luck figuring it out.
