What Is Your Opinion of This?

Updated on June 02, 2011
S.D. asks from Carson, CA
74 answers

I have a friend whom has a couple friends that she refers to as her "daughter's aunt's" even though they are not, they are her friends. Hope that was understandable. I told my husband that she must be doing that because she is so close with these friends. My husband said that it is "lame and sends the wrong message to the child because they are not the child's aunt." So what is your opinion on referring to a close friend as your child's aunt? Does it send the wrong message to the child?

Thanks, as always!

Edit: The message my husband was referring to as being wrong is that they "are not the child's aunt because it is not true, thus it's like she is portraying a fantasy "relationship" for whatever reason, but the reality is that the friend is still only a friend that cares deeply for the child does not make her an aunt."

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So What Happened?

My husband wanted to "thank you" for your opinions. He had never considered it from that POV. So thanks for explaining that family doesn't need to be blood and what matters most is how the person and child feel about each other instead of focusing on blood relations. There are real "aunts" whom are no aunts at all and then the urban family aunts whom matter the world to the child. That is pretty amazing. The child should be so lucky to have a wonderful aunt or "auntie"!

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B..

answers from Dallas on

I had some adults I referred to as aunt and uncle when I was younger. They were very close and wonderful examples. DNA does not make a family, and lack of it certainly does not mean someone can't feel like family. I have people in my life still that I consider family, who biologically aren't.

I would count any child lucky who has that many people in their life, who love her like their own. I think it sends a GREAT message.

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L.S.

answers from Spokane on

I was brought up to call my mom's adult female friends as "Aunty" to show respect. As I got older, the name stuck with some and with some I just started to call them by their first names. I'm 29 and I *still* call a few of them Aunty :o)

I don't get how this is a "wrong message".

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S.M.

answers from Washington DC on

My cousins and my closest friend are called "aunt." It would be odd if it was all adult women. I did consider briefly if it might offend my SIL - the only real aunt. However, I let that go. A child can't ever have too many special people in her life.

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S.J.

answers from St. Louis on

Even if it does send the "wrong message", couldn't you simply explain to the child "this is not your aunt by blood or marriage, this is just someone who loves you like family"?

If the child doesn't understand that message, he or she is too young to care. Then, mom can explain when they are older.

When I hear "sending the wrong message to a child", I think negative things. This is a positive one - more people that love the child.

=)

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

What "wrong" message could it possibly send? I think that is an odd thing to say, it's a person who is close to your child and loves them so they have a 'special' name. I don't see anything wrong with it.

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J.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

we do it.......its respectful...and only given to people super close.....my ex has a best friend thats like his brother since he was little, at all family functions and she sees him more than her own uncles..he deserves the title!

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Family is more than blood.
I am closer to my best friend of over 25 years than I am to anyone in my own family. We have been through it all and we are there for each other, always.
Of course my children call her auntie!

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Okay, in many cultures, this is what happens.

Here in Hawaii.... close family 'friends' ARE called "Aunty" and "Uncle."
Even if they are not blood-related and are friends.
This is the norm, here.
It is cultural based.
The kids, DO NOT EVER, get confused by this.
They KNOW, the difference.
They know, because their frame of reference, is cultural.

My kids, call our close family friends "Aunty" and "Uncle" too.
No biggie.
They know who a blood-related "Aunty"/"Uncle" is or not.

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A.P.

answers from Chicago on

I have a really good friend that I call aunt to my kid. I don't think it sends the wrong message at all. It shows them that people don't have to be related to you to be special. We live a very long way from family and his 1 real Aunt isn't even around us.
Growing up I called a woman Grammy who was of no relation to me but was a very sweet woman who was very special to our family. I think it honored her, she knew she was special to us even though she wasn't related to us.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

To me it is a form of respect. I have very close friends, who obviously are
not the kids aunt. However, first name just does not seem right. So Aunt
___ it is. This is only for very close, dear friends.

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S.G.

answers from Norfolk on

I called my godparents, who were close family friends, "Aunt" and "Uncle." It was a gesture of respect. It would have felt awkward to call them by their first names and overly formal to call them "Mrs." and "Mr." It was fine. Also,
I think there are some cultures or nationalities that call most of the female friends and relatives "Aunt" or "Auntie." I don't think it sends the wrong message.

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J.P.

answers from Sacramento on

I don't think that it is sending the wrong message to a child. We have good friends that we have our children call "Aunt" or "Uncle" more out of respect. I want my kids to be respectful of adults and most adults need to be addressed as Mr. or Mrs. - these close friends I feel need to be addressed respectfully, but are close enough that Mr. and Mrs. is not necessarily required, therefore, Aunt or Uncle is put in place. This is not something that we use for just anyone. It is reserved for special friends!

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S.R.

answers from Kansas City on

I have had the same best friend for about 16 years.
Of course she is my childrens "Aunt."

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B.K.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi Mama
No I don't think so. I refer to my close friends around my son as "aunty "and uncle. I think it hightlights the bond I have with my friends.
In the African culture I see the terms Mama, brother,sister,aunty and uncle being used alot more freely.
I think it is very endearing.
B. k

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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

It's common to refer to non-relations as "Aunt." Your husband is too serious.

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C.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have several friends who's kids refer to me as their aunt and we will teach our son the same. Most of us are only children and thus we have adopted one another as sisters. Our kids are fully aware that we are not biologically related, but it also sends the message that our friends are much more than friends. In fact, if anything happens to us, these friends would be given full custody of our son.

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E.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

I come from a culture where everyone, even just acquaintances, are addressed as either Auntie and Uncle, as a sign of respect. It also comes from the "it takes a village to raise a child" mentality, which I think is sorely lacking nowadays. Yes, my children knows they aren't really aunties and uncles, but they are addressed as Auntie just the same. I call all my mom and dad's friends auntie and uncle, so it just continues to next generation. We (my husband and I) don't even think about it. For our family and friends, that's just natural. I think the message it sends the children is that of respect, which I don't think is bad at all.

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L.M.

answers from Houston on

I believe it is okay. My kids have chosen to start calling some of my friends (very close friends) aunt so n so or uncle so n so. I don't see anything wrong with it. They understand the difference between their "Mimi" (their actual aunt) and their "Aunt Chesley" (a close friend of mine). Like I said, they only maybe do that to 3-4 people but I do like that my kids are loved so much from my friends that my kids feel as though they are family.

I get your point but yes, I do think it is okay. : )

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M.L.

answers from Houston on

I know lots of people that do this, assign familial titles to very close non-family members. Uncles, aunts, even sister/brother mom and dad. I don't think it will confuse a child by any means and that I do not think it is wrong. Some non-aunts make better aunts than blood ones. Not what my family does, but we aren't that close to very many people anyways. In actuality, I would prefer my nephews call me by my first name. we have have our differences.

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A.S.

answers from Clarksville on

I don't think there is anything wrong with it. It doesn't send the wrong message, when they get older they will understand that we were close to that person that they were more like a brother/ sister then just a friend. We are also a military family and live so far away from our family, so it is nice that we have ppl by us that we consider a brother/ sister to us and an aunt/ uncle to our children.

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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I know tons of people who do this and I don't think it's weird at all. We do this with a couple of my friends.

Also, in many Asian cultures, it is common practice to call ALL of your parents' close friends your aunts and uncles. That's just what's done. I don't think it confuses kids or sends any sort of negative message at all. To me, it just says it's a close friend who loves you like family.

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K.L.

answers from Cleveland on

My 3 year old calls her God Parents "Auntie Robin and Uncle Matt". They are closer to her than some of her "real" aunts and uncles are.

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A.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

In my culture, we always call the friends of parents "aunt & uncle" as a respect. We never confused with that. I guess it may be somehting like that.

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S.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

Your husband is soooo wrong. Family and friends that we PICK are sometimes so much better than the ones we are given! LOL
My brother & sister live in other states and while they are "aunt" and "uncle", my kids don't really know them.
My husband's brother & wife are the next town over and also are referred to "aunt" and "uncle" and much loved.
But, my husband has 3 really good guy friends that we've known since high school and we see a couple of times a month. They've been around my daughter's whole life and she refers to all of them as her "uncles". We, of course, started it when she was younger, "ask Uncle Jay", etc. But, she's 19 and still refers to them this way. She recently had a birthday and they posted happy birthday on her FB page and she thanked them on her FB page "Thank You Uncle Jay". Let me tell you it made their hearts soar that this lovely young lady that they've watched grow up still has affection for them :)
As a note, 2 of the 3 have never married, so no "aunts". And one is married, but she doesn't feel close to her, so no "aunt" reference there either.
I think giving someone the honorary title of "aunt" and "uncle" is an honor, because it means you CHOSE them to be family!!!!!

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S.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

All of our close friends are Aunties and Uncles to my kids and vice-versa. Although there is no blood relation, we are definitely family and there is nothing fantasy about it. We all love and take care of each others kids as if they were our own and I am honored to be called Auntie and makes me happy to hear my kids call our closest friends Auntie and Uncle.

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M.F.

answers from Youngstown on

Well my sons call all my friends by their first names but my husband has 2 friends that my boys call Uncle Sean and Uncle Jimmy. My oldest started it and we then refered to them as Uncle Sean?Jimmy. They don't always say hey Uncle Jimmy watch this sometimes it is just hey Jimmy blah blah blah. They also know that these men aren't their "real" unlces. Now my BIL hates the fact that my kids refer to Uncle Sean/Jimmy as uncle but he is nuts and doesn't like them. (very childish reasons) Anyway my kids love these 2 men soo much. It is a sign of affection...

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M.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

It annoys me! Friends of mine do the same thing. One special friend-maybe ok. Not a bunch though.

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L.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have two really close friends that my two boys have called aunt since they could talk. When they were old enough to understand , it was explained that they were my two best friends. They had no problems understanding that they were not related by blood but throug a bond of friendship. The "aunts" have been more ative in the lives of my chikdren then their actual aunts. I would say that it is no different than when a person remarries and the new spouses' siblings become "aunts/uncles" to a child. The reality is that those people are not actual aunt and uncles either. I really do not think there is anything wrong with the title. I do not think it sends the wrong message. If anything I would think that it shows a child that the love of a parents close friend is no different than the love of a blood relative besides the fact that that individual was not born within a family.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

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M.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have a few very dear friends who I think of as "Family by Choice." One is a little boy I grew up with from the time I was born. He and I are both only children and we were absolutely like two peas in a pod. We both were like each other's siblings. We've kept that relationship as we grew up (past some rocky times in Jr High and high school when I was kind of a turd) and we're still close like family to each other. The other is my very best friend since high school. We love each other like sisters, and our relationship is stronger than just friendship. We would both do absolutely anything for the other.

Eh, it's hard to put into words. I've had really close friends before, but with T & K, the relationship is totally different. It's much more like a bond you'd have with close family. I'm not sure how to describe it. And yeah, I refer to K & T as Aunt K and Uncle T for my daughter. It's just.... different from a friendship. It goes deeper than that.

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R.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

Growing up I called my parents close friends aunt and uncle and their children our cousins, I don't think there is anything wrong with it since they were closest to us, more so than our actual blood family. A mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, etc., to me is not just the people that are related to us by blood but those people that are close to us always, no matter the situation. I think it sends kids the perfect message, that you can have a close relationship with other people and that they too can be part of your family.

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T.K.

answers from Honolulu on

Here in Hawaii we teach the kids to call the adult friends Auntie & Uncle as a form of respect. And our friends become family :)

Updated

Here in Hawaii we teach the kids to call the adult friends Auntie & Uncle as a form of respect. And our friends become family :)

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N.H.

answers from San Luis Obispo on

One of my favorite quotes is: "You have two chances at a happy family life. The first is the one you were born into. The second is the one you create."

My children have LOTS of aunts and uncles. Several sets of 'grandparents', the most important to them is Grandma J. She's an adopted mother to me and their real grandmother... the one who remembers every special event, spends time with them, nutures them. They know my mom and stepmom (GrandmaLady and Grandma A), and my DH's mom has passed away. So when Grandpa remarried, Grandma V joined the family. And there's my DH's aunt who is "Grandma M". There's Aunt Grammy (my oldest sister who has grandchildren their age) as well as 11 other 'true' aunts. Then there are the 'aunts' who live far away (my friends) who check on them through texts, send birthday cards, etc. etc. etc. And, finally, there's my girlfriend who is my local 'family' and all of the 'grandmas' at church who they know they can go to at any time and have helped me in raising them.

I am grateful that each and every one of them is in our lives. We've created quite a 'family'!

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C.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have always done this.....and I've explained to my friends that it is a way for my daughter to know that these people are people I trust with her and she can be free to talk to them as time goes by, to be secure when she's around them knowing she will be safe, etc. For a small child I thought it unnecessary to delve into cousins, 2nd cousins, great uncles, etc etc. There is more than enough time when she gets older to explain all of that and she will be free to call them whatever she feels comfortable with (as long as it is Miss/Mrs in front of it).

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L.F.

answers from San Francisco on

For kids who don't have aunts or uncles and the person/friend that is in their life F., I don't really see a big issue with it. I know some people who call all of their mom's friends auntie diedra or auntie lola etc. They do it more of respect than a real auntie. They love their auntie's and I think some people just make their own family up-no problem with that :)

Molly

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M.P.

answers from Lafayette on

my daughter has aunties and i'm an auntie to a little girl that i'm no relation to. the relationship is referred to as fictitious kin. (this is totallly up my ally because i've studied this in classes in my major). Family is not just a blood relationship. Many people look at the BFFs as sisters right? and as such they would refer to them as their children's auntie. a title is nothing more than the love and respect we place on people. someone can be your father, but that doesn't mean you have to call him daddy. if you don't like him don't refer to him as that, use his name. but to place a title on a good friend like auntie or something, shows the affection they have for the children, and the children have for them. i'm so blessed that my daughter has her auntie lena and that i'm auntie to my friend's daughter.

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H.G.

answers from Dallas on

We do that! All of my husbands relatives are his" cousins" and all his cousins kids call us their tia (aunts). I don't think its a big deal. Long as there is love what difference does it make?

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

I have several cousins that are my age or slightly older (by like, 10 - 15 years) and I call refer to them as "Aunt" and "Uncle" when talking to my DD (she's 3.5). Technically my DD could call them just by their first names since they are still second cousins, or first cousins once removed, or whatever it is, but I figure it's more respectful this way. We also have one set of really good family friends that also have Aunt and Uncle status - it seems too formal to call them Mr. and Mrs. but I don't want them to be just be called by their first names either. I know eventually DD will need to learn the difference between them, and "real" Aunts and Uncles (my and DH's siblings) but I'm not worried about any confusion on her part. All of my cousins' kids refer to me as Aunt and they know the difference between an "Aunt Aunt" and a "Designated Aunt".

Plus, my cousins and friends make better Aunts and Uncles than any of DH's siblings do.

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S.H.

answers from Spokane on

My kids call our very close friends by Auntie and Uncle ~ it gives them a little more closeness than what our kids call other adults. When my son talks to his friends' parents he calls them "Mr. or Mrs. X", when he talks to a majority of our friends he calls them by their first name, but when he talks to his Aunts and Uncles and a handful or our friends it's Auntie X or Uncle X. To us it establishes a very trusting, loving relationship.

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P.R.

answers from Cleveland on

I know a lot of people who do that and I think it's silly when it's for many of their friends. I think it's a way of letting the child use the adult's first name which is the trend these days. I think it's nicer than the outright use of a first name - we try to have our kids say Mr. X, Mrs. X etc. If that doesn't take, they say Miss First name, Mr First name. I think it does take away from the specialness of a real aunt. Once in a while, say the mother's BFF since she was 10, father's best friend etc seems ok but we have friends who aren't particularly close that have their kids call me Aunt and like I said, I think that's silly.

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K.K.

answers from San Diego on

Hello, I also don't understand why people have their children calling a bunch of people "Auntie" and "Uncle". To me, that is something that is reserved for relatives. However, everyone has their own opinion.
K. K.

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M.M.

answers from San Diego on

My daughter is 16 now. When she was 10 we moved to a new neighborhood where the Asian culture was the majority. She gained new friends, many who were Filipino. I never asked them to call me Auntie or Tita, but when they spoke to me they always addressed me as Auntie & Tita. It actually touched me & made me feel that they respected me as a parent & a loved parent. I loved it! It's just another thought to give your husband.

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V.S.

answers from Charlotte on

My sister and I consider our close friends as family and call them as such. My guy best friend is pretty much Uncle X to the kids and a brother to me. He calls my parents "Mom" and "Dad" and my sisters and I his older sisters.

Friends can be just as close as, or even closer than, blood relatives. Family doesn't just mean blood.

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A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

We have an Aunt Terri who is my life long best friend and an Aunt Mark who is my life long best gay friend. Since they are like honorary family members who will always be important adults in my kid's lives, we give them a "family" title. Meanwhile there are real siblings of my husbands and mine who haven't even earned that.

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R.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

My best friend for the past 25 years is my boys "aunt" she always has been her girlfriend is also and "aunt". They have real aunts they know the difference most times she is more of an aunt than the "real" ones. I think if they are a permanent fixture for in their lives it is okay if they are just fly by night friends then no.

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J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

My best friend never calls any friend by aunt or uncle to her kids. We are super close, we call each other our "sister of the heart," but her kids just call me by name.
I, call extremely close friends aunt or uncle. All of our friends (that we consider close) would do just about anything for our child....that makes them family to me.
It's just our preference, and I did it growing up. My child will eventually figure out there's no blood, but she'll understand these people are considered family and will always be there for her. I also don't plan on calling my cousins her second cousins or whatever....they are just her cousins (even though technically they are my cousins).
My child would has no cousins, 2 uncles she doesn't see and 1 aunt she see's ocassionally. Sometimes...family is what you make it. =)

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C.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

I grew up calling my parents' friends "Aunt" and "Uncle" but I was never confused by it, nor did I see anything wrong with it because it was a cultural thing (like Dawi P., we are Filipino, and so was the couple they were friends with). I knew that they weren't my "real" aunt and uncle, but I called them this anyway as a sign of respect (calling them Mr. and Mrs. seemed too formal for close family friends, and calling them just by their first names is a sign of disrespect). No big deal, I'm sure the kids understand the difference.

I could see how it would irk your husband a little; my husband (who is not Filipino) gets confused as to why all of my parents' cousins are considered my aunts and uncles--if I talk about one of them, he says "is this a REAL aunt or a cousin?" :-)

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A.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

Obv. you have many responses, but I'll throw my two cents in as well. All my life, my grandparents have referred to a select few of their very close friends as our 'aunt & uncle' though we were not at all related. Their long time neighbor, whose children grew up with thiers, is still Aunt Lorraine, and my grandparents' best childhood friends are Aunt Betty & Uncle Don. Their children are like aunts to us and thier children are like cousins.

We understand that there is no blood relation to these people. But we also understand the significant role they have played in my grandparents, and their children's lives, and vice versa. It's a show of love and respect. Just because we aren't "related" doesn't mean we aren't family.

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N.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Well...both my children (16 and 10) call our close friends aunt/uncle and they are fine. :) Really I see no problem in it, these people have been our close friends for years! Some since our high school days. Personally, I don't think it's a big deal at all.

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K.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

I do not think this is "lame" because I moved to Cali with no family here and my good friend became my family because she also had no immediate family here. We hang out and help each other out daily. She has three small kids under 4 and they see me so much thus "Auntie" was born! P.S. I remember my mother have a close knit group of friends that I still referr to as Aunt today.

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K.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I see both sides of the situation and can see how opinions differ. My perspective is that a family isn't always blood. My children are my only blood relatives that I have because I am adopted. My brothers, who are technically their uncles, are pretty much not in our lives. My "sisters" and "brothers" are not my actual relatives, they are extremely close friends that I consider to be my family more than I do my own siblings. So, I understand why your friend may choose to call someone an aunt who isn't. I also get why your husband may be concerned, though. I have seen people refer to everyone as their cousin or aunt, brother or sister and use it extremely loosely. I don't think it should be used to someone who you aren't extremely close to or don't consider as family. My guess is that every situation is probably different, just as each of our perspectives are:).

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S.Z.

answers from Reno on

Some of my closest friends' kids call me Aunt. My kids have called several dear friends of ours Aunt and Uncle since they were babies. My kids have "cousins" that are not biologically related - they are the children of these honorary aunts & uncles. My (adult) daughter's oldest friend just had a baby, and she refers to us as the baby's grandparents. Obviously, we have never thought this is dishonest or sends the wrong message.

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J.N.

answers from Salt Lake City on

We refer to my brother's wife's sister as Auntie, and her kids call me Auntie, although technically there is no familial relationship.
I had a beloved teacher in junior high we called "auntie"

I don't think that the term "auntie" necessarily needs to be family. Yes, an Aunt is the sister of your mother or father, but the term auntie is used in many societies (or something similar that doesn't have a direct translation) for a beloved adult female, related or not.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

There is no bad message being sent - only a message of love and affection. The child will (or possibly already does) know that they are not her biological aunts. She knows they care about her and love her. It's not a lie, it's a title of affection, that is also a title of relationship.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I grew up with a slew of "aunts" and "uncles" that were my parents closest circle of friends. I don't see the issue. I still consider those people "family"!

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L.B.

answers from Biloxi on

Oh, S., see if you can make sense of this, my family. {smile}

My Aunt is my father's sister. My son calls her MawMaw, for Grandma.

My Aunt is life long friends with "D" and is Godmother to "D"'s daughter "C". "C" calls my Aunt, Nanny. I call "D" Grammy.

I was raised with "C" and always referred to her as my cousin. My son calls her Nanny and refers to her children as his cousins.

I call a young (20 something) year old girl that I know, my not-daughter, as she has been a part of my life for almost 6 years now. She used to watch my son when I traveled for work and has a key to my house. My son refers to her as his "sometimes sister".

I was good friends with a neighbor, her then teen son used to hang out at my house. I have known him, and his wife, since they were in High School. Their daughters call me Aunt.

Family is what and who you make it. While we all have families that are related to us by blood and marriage, we also make our families with other people along the way. Sometimes, the family we choose is closer to us than the family we are born or married into.

God Bless

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B.V.

answers from Los Angeles on

Some cultures like people from India call all sorts of people Auntie.
Our kids have had Indian friends and they did this for parents of their
kids friends. In one case I was so glad for this because the woman died and
I tried to be extra nice to my son's friend.
Also lots of families , like mine, don't use the term Aunt or Uncle at all.
It really doesn't matter and is a nice idea especially when there are
very few or no close relatives.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

It's a cultural/ethnic & regional thing.

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D.P.

answers from Detroit on

Are they Filipino? We call everybody aunt or uncle. It is just a cultural form of respect.

Other than that of respect and affection, I can't see a message being sent either way of right or wrong. It is not like all aunts are golden and some friends are just closer than siblings.

Not to make your hubby have a coronary but my dds call my sisters Mama (lol) as my nephews do me.

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M.C.

answers from Pocatello on

I am on the fence with my opinion. I have friends who would like my daughter to call them aunt or uncle... and I disagree.

She has one "aunt" (my husband's sister) and her husband to be is her one "uncle."

My SIL, however has no problem with ALL her friends being "aunts and uncles"...

Honestly, it irritates me, and maybe it shouldn't. However... My SIL's friends are mostly superficial party goers who come in and out of her life at random, and disappear the first time they have a disagreement with her... Good or bad, my husband and I will ALWAYS be around for our nieces and nephews, and won't disappear or abandon them just because we aren't always "getting along" with his sister. We would be willing and offering to adopt them and raise them if (god forbid) anything ever happened to my SIL... I don't believe her other "friends" would. I hope she would still be there for MY children even if she couldn't stand me or her brother... just for the sake of "family."

If her friends were as steadfast as we are I guess it wouldn't bug me so much that her "here today, gone tomorrow" friends are given the same "title" as we are... and it doesn't bother her that her children's "aunts and uncles" can just come and go, and are not people they can rely on.

Now, if I had a LONG TERM friend who I felt truly would be there for my children, like a real aunt or uncle should... then I wouldn't mind having my kids "adopt them" as aunts and uncles. Genetics isn't what defines a family... but there is a lot more to be a part of a family then just friendship and fondness.

That said, every culture is vastly different, and so I totally understand that culture plays a major factor in these things too. How other people choose to let their kids show respect and affection for friends and relatives is completely up to them!

-M.

PS: I was just remembering that I DID call my cousin's uncle "uncle J" though when I was staying with my Aunt and Uncle... but I called him that only around my younger cousins. It was out of respect, and to be "consistent" with my cousins so they didn't get confused. I wouldn't call him that anymore though... those cousins are highschoolers now.

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E.P.

answers from New York on

I have 2 friends I grew up with and have known my ENTIRE life. Neither of them have sisters and honestly, we are as close as sisters. Our kids all call the other two Aunt. My daughter also calls my husband's best friends Aunt & Uncle. My daughter knows these people aren't siblings of either my husband or me. We use these terms as terms of endearment for honorary family members. My daughter also has real aunts as my husband and I both have sisters. I call my mother's best friend Aunt as well. It's just the way we've always done it. It also helps with the awkward - calling adults by their first names thing which I don't particularly like. My daughter will call an adult (say the Pastor's wife) Miss Mary, etc.

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K.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

I grew up calling my parents' friends Auntie This or Uncle That, it was just part of the culture I grew up in. Now MY kids don't call MY friends that, but my nephew who still lives where I grew up calls HIS parents' friends Auntie and Uncle. Some cultures do that. When I visit relatives in Hawaii, EVERYONE calls EVERYONE Auntie and Uncle, even me! I don't see the problem.

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S.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Like so many other people who has posted, I am Filipina, and calling our parents' close friends Auntie and Uncle (Tita and Tito) is very common. As I was growing up, I was aware of who were biological aunts and uncles and who weren't, but it didn't matter and it certainly wasn't confusing.

Now that I have kids of my own, they also address my close friends as Auntie. For their classmates' parents, they are addressed as Mr. & Mrs. So-and-so.

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J.W.

answers from Chicago on

No, I don't think it does. Both of my parents are only children, so the only "aunts" and "uncles" my brother and I had were their friends.

A few of our friends ask their children to refer to my husband and me as "aunt" and "uncle". They want to convey that some respect is in order, yet feel like telling their kid to call us "Mr. and Mrs. Surname" is too formal.

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K.S.

answers from Mansfield on

My child has plenty of aunts and uncles that are just friends of the family. I grew up calling my dads friend Uncle Porky, so thats what all my nieces and nephews and child all call him too. Then my son has his Aunt Lea or so thats what he calls her, that he loves very much and cries if he don't get to see her or talk to her every once in a while.

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G.D.

answers from Honolulu on

I live in Hawaii and it is very common here for children to refer men and women as aunties and uncles. It is more a sign of respect than a reflection of a familial relationship. It also helps young children who can't always remember the names of the adults they don't see often. I personally love being called auntie.

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S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Here, in South Africa, most children refer to any adult friend of the family as either Aunty or Uncle. It's considered a form of respect. I've become good friends with an older gentleman and I decided to call him Uncle (he calls me niece) because we care for each other as if we were blood relatives (even though we're not). Again, there's no "right" or "wrong" here. If the parties involved are all happy, what's the problem? Would your husband object to an adopted child calling his/her adoptive parents Mom & Dad cos they're not "blood relatives"? If that's ok, what is his problem with "adopted" aunts? My personal opinion is that there's absolutely nothing wrong with what your friend is doing. Have a great day!

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D.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

My parents came here from Denmark and we had no relatives here...so my mom called a few of her friends "aunt" and i called them that too but i knew they weren't my real aunt but it gave me a closer feeling to these friends..i am now 46 and it has not affected my life..i think your husband is over reacting..its just a term of endearment ..i do this with some of my friends w/ my own son..he knows they're just our friends..he has one aunt on his father's side..my brother passed away 7 years ago so he has no uncle..i find your husband's attitude to be cold.

D.

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P.F.

answers from Las Vegas on

When I lived in Hawaii we always called our elders (those older than us) auntie and uncle. It was out of respect. Your husband is wrong. It is out of respect.

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J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

who cares. In my family we have a very wide range of ages. I hav cousins 10 years older than me and 15 years younger. If they are your same age-ish they are cousins. drastically older or younger Aunts/uncles and neices/nephews. I have a few close friends who like to be called auntie and that means they better act like it: come to birthday parties and support sports. In some cases people do not get to live close to their real aunts and uncles so to have surrogate ones is so wonderful!

S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Really, your husband's reaction seems strong. Because she doesn't add the word "like" to her statements ("they are *like* my nieces/nephews"), she's sending the wrong message?! Puh-leaze. They message is that she loves them.

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A..

answers from Kansas City on

Oh goodness, you're husband is being ridiculous! Yes, technically she is not her aunt but if it is a good friend I don't see what the big deal is! Is he always this anal and technical about things?? :)

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H.V.

answers from Los Angeles on

well, your husband would freak out over my situation. we have close family friends (best friends of my parents) that our son calls grandma and grandpa (they were unable to have their own children and i see them as an extra mom and dad). friends are the family you make. i grew up with my aunt pam and my aunt lissa (mom's best friends), whom i still call aunt. they are sort of like your godparents for those of us who aren't catholic. it's just a term of affection and respect and lets your friends know how much they mean to you.

S.H.

answers from San Diego on

It's actually very common in many cultures. I've especially seen it done in the South, however, I think it's becoming more common everywhere. My best friend and I refer to each other to our children as Auntie Erika and Auntie S.. We refer to their actual Aunts as Aunt Mel, Aunt Michelle, etc.

I don't think it's perpetuating a lie per se. It's meant as someone who is close and nurturing and would be there for you or the child. I'm sure when it's time to start learning how familial relationships work, we will explain it all to our son.

But, it's your husband's opinion and it's fine if he wouldn't want to do it. It's just not fine to call someone stupid for their own choice when it doesn't hurt the child. ;)

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