For Those of You with Kids with 4+ Year Age Differences

My kids are 21, 20, 20, 19, 11, 8, 6 and 3. Big gaps in some spots :)

The littler ones seem to go with the flow a lot better then the first ones. I think some of that just has to do with the fact that they HAVE to be more adaptable, because we have to be more adaptable.

In my case I found I was more rigid with things like naps and bedtimes with the older ones. With the younger ones I was more flexible, meaning they could really nap anywhere. It doesn't have to be at home and in a crib/bed. I also found that my younger ones could and can sleep anywhere and through anything.

You're also going to have to accept that there are going to be times and things that the older ones can't do. Not often but it does happen, and it is okay.

A family I know has 3 kids, each 5 years apart, and they all seemed like really happy, well-adjusted kids and have grown into happy well-adjusted adults. From what I could see, their family rarely had issues.

So judging from their example, it's a good age spread.

Hi liv-

I have many kiddos...some of whom are 4 years apart in age.

I found a sling...a double stroller...and a carseat were my friends when a little one needed a nap. With my first kiddo, I walked on eggshells to make sure 'he' was home...in crib...for a nap.

What I found (with my kiddos anyway) is that when they needed to nap...they did. And they napped where they were comfy.

If I had tethered myself to 'home' for naps, NO kiddos would have done any activities (or I would had to have had a nanny).

Really...it will work out!

best luck!
michele/cat

My boys were 8 & 5 when my daughter was born.
I was up and running the fastest with her! We went to Disneyland when she was only 17 days old and went to the San Diego Comic Book Convention and a Wiggles concert when she was 6 weeks old to give you an idea of how much of a non-problem it all was.
We never had a problem with naps conflicting with anything. She learned very fast to sleep anywhere we went. I had a ring sling that I wore her in that she could nurse it or nap in and I could keep going about my day. She could go in her stroller to nap, or I'd put her in her stroller after she woke up from her nap in the ring sling to give us both time to stretch out. She slept in the car and would only wake for a brief couple seconds when I took her out at our destination. We did not use a removable infant seat with any of our children. We had a moses basket that we took everywhere we went so she could nap in that if we were somewhere for the day, she also napped in it in the living room with the rest of us quite often.
In all honesty this is very much like we did with all 3 of our children. We did not shut down just because they needed naps or needed to nurse or needed a clean diaper. If you're doing it from day one they know it as normal and go with it. This was true well into toddlerhood and beyond.
I have had no problems with my 3 having the age gaps that they do as far as going on with our lives and activities.
Now I do have problems with the 12 year old not accepting that he is expected to help with more of the household chores than his not quite 4 year old sister and even his 9 year old brother is because he's physically capable of doing more because he's older. But that's a whole other story LOL
Don't worry about it all. It really will work out. Kids adapt to the world they live in. If that is your third's "normal" then that is what they will work with.
I love having my three! I am glad they aren't closer together!

The baby learns to be flexible very early on. He goes where you go. You don't need to have family around to survive. You adapt and the kids adapt.
People have been doing it for years. Everyone grows up happy and healthy. My granddaughter is 9 months. The ages of the other kids are, 10, 12, and 14. She is the easiest going baby ever. She rolls with the punches.

My kids were almost 5 years apart. My son was already in preschool and ymca sports when she was born. She adjusted very well to napping on the run to keep up with her very active brother. At soccer, I would put her in her stroller and walk up and down the field until she was sleeping. The fresh air and motion of the stroller would put her right to sleep. Dad was coaching so I knew i couldn't get him to help. When my son needed to be comforted (injury), one of the other mom's I knew was always happy to help with my daughter. When they were both heading off in different directions, sometimes we would carpool with other parents to make sure that everyone got where they needed to go. Good luck!

Hey! We have almost exactly the same age spread. Our first two are two years about and then the third is about 4.5 years younger than the second. It has actually worked really well. There are some initial scheduling challenges, but the third one is much more resilient than the first two and has just managed to adjust. She has definitely napped in car seats more, and dropped that morning nap sooner than the other two. She also stays up later than your average three year old, but she has completely adapted. The upside is that she has also gotten more hugs and kisses because her older siblings love her to pieces. She has talked earlier, walked earlier, etc., etc. We do arrange more car pooling things for the older two to avoid the perpetually in the car life style for the younest, but it has worked out fine. You cannot be as committed to all of the schedules you were committed to with the first ones, but this child will be so much more stimulated that he or she will crash out at night and in carseats and whatnot much more easily. I had the same worries that you do now, but a friend of mine pointed out that the third one's childhood won't necessarily be better or worse, just different than the others because of the age difference. I will point out that she and I (and my husband) are totally biased because we are all third children. :-)

Good luck!

My kids are 5.5 years apart. My daughter just had to tag along even if it was nap time and we had to make due. I think it helped her to be more flexible in life! Sometimes I would set up carpooling where I would drive my son and one of his friends one time and the other kid's parents would pick up my son the next time. That made it easier on me. So, most of the time my daughter just had to go along to her big brother's activities and she would just nap in the car, or where we were, or afterwards. But mostly the soccer games and stuff are about 5:30pm and the nap was about 1 or 2pm so they did not interfere too much.

ANY child born after the first never gets the "dream schedule" of a first born. NEVER. These kids nap in the car, on the soccer field, etc... It's the nature of the beast and like others have said, they adapt. I had to wake my son from naps in order to get my daughter from school every day. What I found was if I could get him up in the mornings earlier, his nap would be earlier, and I wouldn't have to wake him. Sometimes this worked, sometimes it didn't. He is easy going, and just went with the flow. It's like they "know".

If you want another child, I wouldn't let schedules keep you from having one!

Good luck!

My girls are 5 years apart. Your concern was just not an issue for us but then again my kids never had regular nap schedules. My youngest always just went with the flow, coming along to every activity my oldest was involved in.

Little ones adapt, because that's all they know. Our kids are 15 (step-twins), 9 and 7. The 9 and 7 year olds spent their infancy and toddlerhood in a car seat, stroller, or being passed around/followed around at school, sports, and other activities. It was great for them. They are both very social, they love knowing older kids, they were exposed to all kinds of sports and activities at a young age and couldn't wait to start school because they had already been in the building a million times.

when you have 1 child.. the world revolves around the child.. you hurry home for naptime.. so baby can sleep.. you have meals around the baby schedule..

whenyou have additional children.. you just have to balance the needs of everyone. so a somewhat tired toddler goes to soccer games and catches a catnap in the car or the stroller.

a hungry toddler gets a healthy snack instead of a bigger meal cause it is time to pick up the sibling from school.. I think the kids just learn to go with the flow.

You have many answers, and I agree with all of them.

My boys are 6.5 years apart, and I love the age difference! Schedules weren't much of a problem; we all learned to be flexible which has served us well as we have all gotten older. When the youngest was napping, he napped in a sling, carseat, or stroller whenever we were out, and sometimes our oldest had to wait a bit before we could leave to go somewhere until his brother woke from his nap, too. The toddler stage was easy with an older child around. When our youngest was 2, his brother was 8/9. He was so much help! They played together even then. Our oldest is very laid back and happy all the time, though, and that certainly helps. Our youngest is happy, too, but he tends to be a bit more high-strung. He worries a lot.

The benefits of their age difference are wonderful! There has never been any jealousy or fighting over toys. They are extremely close. I think much of that is because of their personalities, but their ages may play into it, too. They are now 9 and 15, and get along so very well.

my sons are 9 years apart...& it's great! Well, except for a very recent conversation: my 25yo son told my 16yo son that he'd better not catch his brother asking strangers to buy booze. Good God.....(rolling my eyes here!). While I know they were messing with me, there is truth in the statement which scares the Hell out of me!

Moving on, for my family the very 1st baby pics at home said it all...my older son held my younger son, with the dog sniffing the baby's head. That's how our life rolled....even down to me pushing my older son's wheelchair while he held onto the stroller in front of him.

In between my older son's surgeries for his hip, he was allowed to play some sports. I remember many afternoons & evenings where my toddler played/slept in our van. I sat in the van....& my DH helped on the field. It worked for all of us. Oh, & why was the little one in the van & not playing on the bleachers.....because he had zero fear, few listening skills, & was disruptive to the other families. Not a big deal, simply he was tired & needed to be corralled. & I must say.....dang, those van seats were much better than the bleachers!

The key for me was to keep a full supply of toys/snacks/drinks! & a 1st Aid Kit!

My sons are about five years apart and they did fine. One napped in the buggy while the other played t ball. Ran from one activity to another when they were older. They are off and on again really great friends (similar to myself with my own brothers and sisters). If you choose this then you will work it. Enjoy them! Follow your own rules, everyone will have different opinions.

when my current youngest was born my only other child was 8 years old :) We LOVE that age gap.... Older sister is so helpfull ,loving and proud of her baby sister I truly enjoy watching their interaction together,... I nursed my 2nd longer than I did my oldest as well & we have ended up with the stroller at chorus concerts... rocking the toddler so she does not disturb the performance... & I have found myself ducking into an empty hallway to nurse durring shcool functions... but none that I can remember were bad expierences & my oldest never shared that she was unhappy with the expierence @ school or other functions :) wishing u guys the best :)

My daughter is 2. My sons are almost 8 and almost 11. She just goes with the flow!
We have missed naps. No biggie. She went to a TON of soccer games in her pack n play! She still goes to practice with me 3 times a week.
I am a single mom with a husband that works a ton of hours. lol. She just does what I need to do. If we have soccer, she is there. If there is a school conference, she comes. If my son has a school concert, she comes to that too.
L.

The older one will be more independent when the baby arrives. Will be out of diapers. May be in K or preschool. My DD was born when SS started college and SD started HS. We took her with us when appropriate. We got a sitter when it was not. I found that DD became really adaptable. She sleeps HARD and she can sleep in the car, in a stroller, etc. I would just take each event as you go and try to be flexible. When you really can't because of something, then make sure the kid knows he or she is still important. Even before DD, we could not make all the games and events. DH and I tried to make sure that one of us (be it their mom or me or DH) was at all or almost all games so there was someONE in the stands for the kid. We went to one night of a play, not six. Etc. And there may be times where if it's a championship game and another kid has the pukey flu, that your DH takes some family leave time to help. Just like you would with 2 kids.

My sks are also about 5 yrs apart and it worked out fine with them, too. It also (generally) gave them space to be their own person in school without being so much in big sib's shadow.

We are currently pregnant with our third and this one will be 4 years younger than my son and 6 years younger than my daughter. While I do not have any advice, I too, have wondered the same things you mentioned. Hubby works weekends...so I know any game/activity/bday that is on a weekend will include me having all three kids. I, however, have most of my family close by and will rely on them to watch two of the kids, say if the third has a birthday party. However, for sporting events, I plan on just taking all of them along as well as a huge bag of treats/snacks/books/games and toys to keep all the younger parties interested.

We are also a family that believes it's okay for one parent to stay home with 2 kids so the other kid/parent can have time together. For example, when my daughter goes to gymnastics, I will most likely leave the younger two with dad at home (after I am done breastfeeding). Same goes with me and two of the three if/when hubby wants to take our son/daughter out for a father/daughter or father/son date night.

I think you will be forced to go with the flow. Baby will nap in the car, stroller, on your back (this is when a baby carrier will become a lifessaver!). I am even considering a stroller that has a sitting area for a larger kid JUST for times when I do have all three alone and need to wrangle in the younger two :)

Good luck. It'll all work out. If not, you'll just stay home for the next three years. LOL Kidding!

Updated

We are currently pregnant with our third and this one will be 4 years younger than my son and 6 years younger than my daughter. While I do not have any advice, I too, have wondered the same things you mentioned. Hubby works weekends...so I know any game/activity/bday that is on a weekend will include me having all three kids. I, however, have most of my family close by and will rely on them to watch two of the kids, say if the third has a birthday party. However, for sporting events, I plan on just taking all of them along as well as a huge bag of treats/snacks/books/games and toys to keep all the younger parties interested.

We are also a family that believes it's okay for one parent to stay home with 2 kids so the other kid/parent can have time together. For example, when my daughter goes to gymnastics, I will most likely leave the younger two with dad at home (after I am done breastfeeding). Same goes with me and two of the three if/when hubby wants to take our son/daughter out for a father/daughter or father/son date night.

I think you will be forced to go with the flow. Baby will nap in the car, stroller, on your back (this is when a baby carrier will become a lifessaver!). I am even considering a stroller that has a sitting area for a larger kid JUST for times when I do have all three alone and need to wrangle in the younger two :)

Good luck. It'll all work out. If not, you'll just stay home for the next three years. LOL Kidding!

I am rambling and may go off topic, but....
My kids are 4 years apart.
It was not planned this way... it just so happened.
BUT, I LOVE IT!
My kids, though being 4 years apart, are very close, like 2 peas in a pod.
Age spacing, has no bearing on if siblings will get along or not.
I have a sibling who is close in age to mine... but we never got along. UGH!

And with more kids, your Husband WILL need to help, with taking your kids to places, TOO.
It just is.

Now, once I had 2 kids, and my son was still a newborn and baby and Toddler, his naps.... were as it was. I did not schedule anything else, at those times. AND he was not a portable napper. Meaning, he would nap ONLY at home. He could not and would not nap, on the go or in the car or in a stroller. AND when he was born, BOTH my kids, had the SAME nap times. My son as a baby, napped 3 times a day for the first year. My daughter would nap during his afternoon nap time. For example.
The 2nd year, my son would nap twice a day.
The 3rd year, he'd nap once a day. Afternoons, by then.
Then he'd still nap, even while in Kindergarten.
He was a napper, and VERY regular about it, no battles.
My daughter, too.

If you can, make naps at the same time. I did with both my kids, until they outgrew it. Then at that time, my older one, my daughter, would UNDERSTAND that, though she outgrew naps, her brother STILL napped... so the afternoons were QUIET time. Whispering, time. And it was fine. It was, routine. EVERYDAY.

Per young kids and scheduling conflicts.... I just went according to my kids' naps, at that age. Because, without naps... my kids were GRUMPY fussy Trolls, by late afternoon. And if they did not nap... they then were OVERtired by their actual bedtime, and being overtired meant, they did NOT go to sleep well or fall asleep well at night. It backfires... when a kid is overtired and can't nap.

Being young like that (5), they do not have to... be in sports or activities. Yet. A child is typically in school too, at 5 years old. So they already have a full day. And that in itself tires them out... being at "work" at school all day.

My son didn't start sports/activities/extracurricular activities until 1st grade. For example. And it was then, that he wanted to.

Or, you might have to hire help. So you can, take your eldest to his sports things. Instead of, taking all 3, with you.
I have seen some Moms do that.
I have also seen some Moms that tote all their kids (baby included) to their one child's sports activity... and then, they are kinda going bonkers. Because, the other 2 kids are restless/tired/a baby, and its hard keeping eyes and ears on all of them, while "waiting" at the sports lesson, for the other child.

If you two really want another child, go for it. It all works out. This is the least of the worries. Ya just go with the flow of life. The whole family goes together with whatever is happening. Ya just do it, it's part of your family dynamics, you all adjust accordingly. Everyone scoots over a bit and makes room for baby.

My youngest is seven years younger than the one before her, the other two only a year apart and the one before almost 4 years older. My DIL first and second are 14 years apart.