How Much Do You Work Around a Nap?

I always worked our schedule around my kids naps to ensure they got them at the regular time. The few times I tried to forego and nap or mess with the time it was a disaster and totally not worth it to have a crabby sleep deprived kid.

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I am extrememly stringent about my DS's nap. He is 2.5 and I would not attend a lunch if it was naptime. I have friends who are way more liberal with when their kids nap, including a friend who only has them take cat naps in the car. Their kids are always crying and throwing fits. I blame lack of sleep.

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I have a 5 month old a 4 yo and a 5 yo. All are fantastic sleepers. We have with our girls always worked things around their napping. They now no longer nap. Both are in full day school and get home at 3. But up till a couple of months ago my 4 yo still napped 2 hrs a day and went to sleep at 8 pm every night for 11 hours. They need their sleep! They don't give bedtime battles or anything else. I have lots of friends whose kids go to bed later, whose kids quit napping much earlier than mine etc. To each his own I guess. However, I also know several kids who are very moody from being tired or who have difficulty learning. So I don't know.
With my infant, he has been sleeping through the night since 2 months old. He sleeps 12 hours at night and then naps 3 times a day. One long one and 2 shorter ones. I work around his first nap which is a 3 hour nap in the morning usually 9 - 12. I try and not go anywhere till after (as much as is possible).
I would work around the nap, and maybe adjust the timing of it so it is done at the most convenient time for you. Since he is your only child I think I would not think twice about this. He's only 17 months - a couple of hours of a visit is plenty for him. I always scheduled things when it was best for naptimes and all of our friends were understanding. Of course there were a few exceptions but seriously only a few.
My first 2 being 14 months apart, a good schedule was the only reason I and they, survived! They both napped together every day at the same time for a very long time. They both sleep in the same room too.

Long story short - no I would not go to the lunch. Unless they were willing to do a brunch at like 10:30.

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Well, it looks like I may be offering a differing opinion. During the week, I make sure my son has a normal nap schedule, but on the weekends we are a bit more flexible. He still gets his nap, and we do our best to make sure it is at home in his bed, but the time of his nap is flexible. If we are on our way home from somewhere and he is falling asleep, we will try and entertain him to keep him awake, so he he can sleep in his bed vs the car, which is never as good. My son is pretty easy going though, and if he doesn't get a nap or it's not at his "regular time", he usually doesn't have a complete melt down either...he is 26 months. I personally, would not think twice about going to the lunch. Good luck!

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I do my best to work around my toddler's nap schedule. She is a PAIN to deal with if she doesn't take one. So, for my own sanity, I try to make sure she has her nap every day. :)

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At that age, we didn't let our daughter miss naps. Over the past year (she is three and a half) we have been more flexible. You are not being inflexible. You know your son and what he needs.

We have friends with a daughter a week older than ours. Her schedule is very different--she naps way later than our daughter. So when we get together, we are just honest with each other about our daughters' respective needs and usually get together in the morning.

I would try to reschedule lunch to a morning playdate or late afternoon playdate. If the point is for him to play with the kids, just time it around nap. No need to include the lunch hour. The other mom should understand.

Both my kids always napped since they were born.
My son is now 5, and is napping now.
My daughter is 8 and will nap, when very tired.

When they were younger and until about 3-4 years old... I planned things according to their naps.
IF a nap was sacrificed due to whatever events... then my kids get VERY cantankerous and moody and fussy.
THEN they are total grumpy monsters by evening.
HENCE, I do not, sacrifice naps and always work around it. Even on weekends.

My kids, are also NOT 'portable' nappers. Meaning, they will NOT nap anywhere, except at home in their bed/crib. They will not nap, on the go or in a stroller or in a car or at someone else's home.... no matter how tired they are. Hence, we always come home, for their nap time.
And, this has always worked for us.
My Husband, is GLAD that I kept to a nap routine for our kids and am 'anal' about it. (and he actually TOLD me, he is glad I was routine about our kids naps)... Because, he KNOWS darn well, how cantankerous they get, when they are over-tired.
AND it is NOT FUN... to be out, with 2 fussy over-tired kids. They don't enjoy it and we don't either.

I have ALWAYS... kept to my kids nap routines/timing.
Always.

I would NOT go to the lunch. Their 2 year old should be napping then too! It drives my parents crazy that I work around my kids' nap times so much. Family gathering at 1pm? Have fun without us. Brunch after the late church service? Maybe breakfast before instead. I should offer an exchange: we participate in a nap-time activity and my parents can then come take care of my children the rest of the day & the next day too because that's how long it takes to get them back on a schedule after missing a nap!

When our daughter was in the napping stage, we were pretty religious about getting home for that nap so that she could have the quality, uninterrupted sleep that she needed. Some of our friends were much more laissez-faire about their kids' naps and their kids would nap in the car or on the go. That just wasn't for us. For important events, etc. we may have deviated, but that was pretty rare for us. If friends/family wanted to get together, we'd suggest getting together after the nap and no one seemed to have a problem with it.

I would be honest with this family & say you would really love to come, but your son is a beast when he misses his nap. Maybe they would offer moving the time up or back...otherwise maybe you could offer a future event at a time that works better.

I completely understand your dilemma, I have contemplated this many times myself. My daughter 2-1/2 is finally at an age where she can miss her nap occasionally and not break down. But I tried it a few times when she was 1-1/2 to 2 and it just wasn't worth it. Exceptions, like you said, for Christmas or something like that, but I decided I couldn't justify it for just a "normal" event, and I no longer feel guilty/crazy for thinking that way. My breaking point came when our company picnic was scheduled to start right at her nap time - 2-1/2 hours away! (I work from home mostly). I felt guilty if I wouldn't go, just so my daughter could nap. However, when I left at 5 pm, she cried non-stop for 2 hours. It was sooo sad, I was crying along with her most of the time. I could feel her pain - she had missed her nap by too much, was overtired & couldn't fall asleep on her own. And didn't understand what was happening to her body. It was awful, and I vowed to not feel silly for saying no to things "just for a nap." ;-)

At 17 months we were a little stricter on naps than after 2 yrs. However we still would delay naps occasionally and by occasionally I mean not more than 1 a week. We to would just do things in the morning and be home for nap. Although we would be a little flexible in nap start between 12 and 1:15. If we were out with friends I would try to leave about nap time so he would fall asleep in the car, but it was to usually make it easier for me and increase the chance of the older daughter falling asleep/
We've tried to nap at others places and it rarely works. If they are really comfortable at the house maybe.

No nap means no fun, cranky toddler this too shall pass quickly and you'll be missing those naps!

Every day, lol.
I don't care if others think its crazy to work around naps either. I don't get a lot of sleep but what I do get I need. I know my girl still needs a nap. There are days when we skip it and she's fine, there are days where we skip it and she gets crazy hyper over tired cranky. So I try to only skip it when we have to.
When I have something to do thats during her nap time I wake her up earlier then normal, and give her an earlier nap (like right before we have to go). Then she usually takes another nap on the way home. The naps are usually shorter then normal but having two helps. In those cases she will go to bed early as well.

I am in 100% agreement. I too, kind of make naptime sacred. For some reason, husbands don't seem to understand....my husband has finally learned by the third child not to argue with me about it. I always schedule playdates in the morning or in the afternoon after naps.

We still work around my son's naps. It makes it easier that way. And he keeps on his routine. If he doesnt get a nap it is chaos!

Can you ask your friends if maybe 2pm would work better?