Follow to Online Classe: Guilt

You sound like you have some temporary situational depression going on.
This has an ending date. It is like a job but it has a point. You need it so you don't have to do something you hate.

You don't like missing out on things now and your are dreading the future with a new job. You might just like your new job. You might see your life through a different lense. You might just have a great feeling of accomplishment when you finish this class. You feel stuck right now but you are looking at it as the glass is half empty.

There is another component to this and it's maturity. You started it and you need to finish it. If you want the respect of the people around you, finish what you start.

You're doing this in order to make things better for your family. Your class is almost over. It sounds like you have some anxiety and depression issues, so it might be a good idea to talk to a therapist.

You don't have anything to feel guilty over. Do you think that being a stay at home parent means you're supposed to literally keep your eyes glued to your child with a feeling of joy and awe all day every day, and live only for your child? Or do you believe that you're allowed to pursue life and career enrichment, especially when it's in pursuit of bettering your entire family's life?

You're not missing out. You perhaps need a break and pampering time. But finish this out and see it through.

Eye on the prize, mom. Eye on the prize. Finish the course. Just GET there. THEN you can relax with your child.

Dwelling on this isn't helping your anxiety. Do yourself the favor of stopping beating yourself up.

Hang on, you are almost done. It will be what, a month? You won't miss out on much in a month. At the end of the month you can reevaluate.

Your child will be fine. Try to enjoy what you are learning, or it will be wasted. Learning is fun!

My Husband was going to school for 4 years... while we have 2 kids. Plus he worked a full time job.
He was not able to do everything with the family.
He was going to school and was very busy keeping up his grade point average and projects and everything.
He made it.
He got a much better job.
Our kids were PROUD of him, at his graduation.
They were so tickled, for him.
Sure, he felt like a cog in a wheel.
But it was the "goal" that was the point.
And him graduating with his degree.
It was now or never.
And he did it.
My kids were about 4 and 8 when he graduated.
It was good they saw him study and work HARD, for college.
It was a life lesson for them.

You just have to hang in there. Once your done you will be proud of yourself and it will be faster than you think.

You need to look more at the big prize (accomplishment)- that the class will help you get a new job which is a good thing since you have to go back to work. You said you are near the end of the course, so buck up for a few weeks and get it done. Then you will be relieved of the feeling of being overwhelmed by this class. Organize your day so that you get some school work in before he gets up and then put it down and spend time with him. Get a sitter who will concentrate on your child, so you can concentrate on your school work. Don't keep putting it off or it will become even more burdensome. good luck!

One foot in front of the other... Just finish.
You got this!

you're so close!!! hang in there, mama! you got this!
khairete
S.

Graduate school can certainly be depressing, especially in this economy. But perhaps you are depressed for whatever other reasons and this class is pushing you over the limit. Motherhood can be isolating and depressing, too, especially if you feel that you are doing a bulk of the work. One online class is not going to cause depression, but it can certainly exacerbate something that's already there, and what you are describing in this post isn't "guilt" (going through the motions, withdrawn, losing weight). It's never too soon to do something besides take care of your child (well, maybe when your child is just a few weeks old...) but if you don't really like it, it's going to make you unhappy and even depressed. There is a big difference between leaving your baby in daycare and going to a job you hate, and leaving your baby in daycare and going to a job you love. Please find a therapist. If you find a good one, and connect to him/her, I promise that you will feel better.

You cannot work from home without putting your little one in child care. You cannot concentrate and make the grades your future employers will want. If you cannot take your little one to child care while you are doing your school work then please think about it.

Employers look at transcripts totally different than normal people. We had engineers from Armstrong come in one time to an organization meeting. They told us that if someone was studying anything except architecture or engineering and didn't make complete 100% straight "A's" they put the application in the trashcan and moved to the next one.

As an engineering/architecture/CEAT major they had to meet deadlines, finish projects, do every single bit of their work on a timeline and still make "A's".

Their opinion of any other major, except perhaps medical school for a doc, is that they are soft majors. That they are easy "A" classes and if someone does not make those straight "A's" while going to school then they aren't very smart and they are not material for their company.

SO if you are studying anything other than engineering or something else through CEAT then you must concentrate more so you can make straight A's.

Your kiddo is interfering with that. You have to put them in child care while you are "going to school and doing your work" of you are doing it for nothing, your grades will show it.

If you live alone and don't have a partner to help with the kiddo so you can go into an office or bedroom to study then you have no other options than getting someone to help, whether it's a child care provider or a friend who will perhaps trade babysitting with you, try other classmates if you know anyone else taking the classes with you.