Focusing Problem

Sounds like possibly an auditory processing disorder? you could get her evaluated to see what is going on.

Hello S.,

oh dear...you can try a few things.
first, no more yelling, it will only get worse. you may haveto start putting her on timeout if she's not willing to listen.

drop the sugars from her diet, specially high fructose corn syrup. NO soda (I'm only saying this because I've seen parents giving their kids soda...hopefully you don't)

make sure she's getting about 11 hours of sleep per night

at sprouts or wholefoods you can get 'valerian calm' from HERBS 4 KIDS. try giving her one dose in the morning. see what you can hide it in. (as long as she's not allergic to ragweeds...it has camomille in it too)

get some lavender oil and diffuse it throughout the house.

when you are talking to her get down to her level and perhpas even touch her hand, shoulder, something to get her undivided attention. Then whenever she's talking to you, give her undivided attention.

tell her that you need to look at your face when you're talking with her.

last but not least, pray. good luck! ~C.~

Hi S., this sounds EXACTLY like my 4-year-old daughter. I was getting close to posting the same message. I personally wrote Mindy B. for some more insight on controlling/managing this. I, too, have a very strict diet as I'm sensitive to preservatives, additives, red color dye, Nutrasweet, Saccharine, alcohol, gluten. I get very sluggish, foggy brained, loss of memory, yellow eyes, migraines, weak, unfocused, etc.

One thing I would caution you of,however, is not to jump to drugs. PLEASE check out Dr. Mary Ann Block in Bedford at the Block Center. I happened to come across her book and found out she is LOCAL! She works to get to the root cause (likely food and other toxins) using safe alternatives. Drugs ARE not the answer, they only cover up the underlying problem by treating the symptoms.

Best to you! I know how hard this is. I'm in the exact same place about to launch into identifying the culprit(s).

S.

S.,
She could have some Auditory processing issues. Maybe try a deveoplmental Peditrician or a child physcologist. You really need to nip it before she getsolder. She may be acting out and talking back out of frustration. Google Aud. proc. and see if that sounds like her.
LC

This reminds me of my daughter, also four. When DH was younger he was very sensitive to certain foods which made his ADD much worse. We've realized that by eliminating artificial colorings, apples, and processed sugar from her diet we see a huge improvement. Avoiding sugar has been the hardest - it's in almost everything. "Safe" snacks include any plain fruits and veggies, cheese, pretzels, cheeze-its, raisins, and tortillas with the all-natural, no-sugar peanut butter. You may want to try eliminating the sugar and colorings for a week and see if you see any improvement. It takes a few days to get it out of their system.

My husband can tell if our daughter has had sugar during the day. One time I gave her some stir-fry that had Oyster Sauce in it, which is basically soy sauce with sugar, for lunch, and that night DH could tell before I said anything. When she's had sugar she has trouble maintaining eye contact, she will forget things too. Like that night she got up to refill her water glass but forgot the glass on the table. Also sometimes she'll start doing repetitive behaviors that look like autistic stimming to me, like wiggling her fingers back and forth repetitively.

Hope this helps! For more info, google Feingold Diet, it's where we started.

Hi S.. I was also having a hard time with my son (who is 8 now) but thought it was just him being a boy. Once he was in school, though, I realized there was so much more to it. With the help of the school and our doctor we were able to determine he is borderline ADD. I have changed his diet slightly but he is also on a small dose of Concerta on days I need him to concentrate (school days). I do not give him the medication on weekends or during the summer. He takes it with breakfast in the morning and it is out of his system about 12 hours later. It has not changed his personality or altered him in any way, which was my big concern. It just gives him the push he needs to settle down and concentrate. His grades have dramatically improved! Good luck...I know it can be frustrating!

Try retraining her to listen to you. Stand still, bend or sit down on her level, look her in the eyes, insist that she look at you, lower your voice instead of raising it, and reward her when she acknowledges that she heard you, then reward her with a hug when she does what you asked. Also, take a personal promise to listen when she speaks to you. I highly recommend the book, "1-2-3 Magic" by Dr Thomas W. Phelan. Read it, practice it, and save your sanity.

My son was having similar problems. We would talk to him, and some days he would look at us and seem to not even see us. He would out right disobey us and go about his own plans. He was directly rude more to his playmates than to us, but he got more and more aggressive with them. He was very sensitive and would melt down at the tiniest disappointment. Even his toy cars getting out of order would make him melt down. Did you know that these can be signs of ADHD? Even without a pronounced hyperactivity that is stereotypical, some kids can show these other classic signs. My son has a huge attention span when he's interested in something, yet will out right ignore his teachers when he'd rather not participate. He doesn't have the typical "Hard to concentrate" behavior. I did the same thing when I was little. My parents recently suggested that we put my son on the Feingold Diet. I was on it as a child. They said it helped my behavior greatly.

There are two tiers of foods to eliminate from your child's diet. First of all you get out all artificial colors, preservatives, and such from your diet. Then there is a list of foods that you can look into removing as well. We were skeptical about this diet I mean how much could eliminating a few foods do to his behavior? We don't have much artificial stuff in the house. Would you believe children's vitamins were our biggest culprit? So we decided to jump right into the food list. We said we'd give it a month and if that didn't help we'd stop.

Less than a week later my son's behavior was improving. He was able to handle disappointments better. He suddenly seemed to be hearing us better, and you could reason with him well for the first time ever. He is more gentle with his friends . Don't get me wrong, he's not a perfect angel. He's still a preschool aged boy with lots of energy and mischief. However, he is better behaved and much more pleasant to be around. About two weeks after we started the diet, the stress level at our house was visibly reduced.

All the other ideas about not yelling and not tolerating disobedience and rudeness are important, too. However, if you could help your daughter break that barrier of attitude and hearing, it makes all the rest a lot easier.

Have you had her hearing checked? My grandson had so much fluid in his ears at one time that he lost some hearing.

It sounds like she doesn't respect you very much. If she is giving attitude, talking back and sticking her tongue out at you or being rude why on earth would she listen to you. You really should demand respect from her by disciplining her when she does these things. If you find her "currency" use that to discipline her for these things. Time outs or taking favorite toys away might work, but you have to be consistent and demand respect from her. She will still love you. good luck!