Feeling Very Sad About Returning to Work

I don't have an in-home solution for you because I've chosen to work in an office because I need the dependable income level and hours. My goal is to drop down to something part time when she goes to school so I'm there every afternoon to help with homework, activities, and know her friends when she's old enough to get into trouble.

What I can tell you is that for me it eventually got easier. My daughter will be 3 in April and I went back after 8 weeks. Yes, the first couple of months I cried almost every morning on the way to work. Then, one day she reached for her daycare teacher and never even looked back at me. OK, I cried even harder that morning, but the next morning I stopped crying.

As she's gotten older I realize that she is getting a lot out of "school" that I couldn't give her if I was at home really stressed over making enough money to pay the bills:
1. Friends to play with and learn from.
2. She's MUCH more advanced in things like her letters, numbers, colors, etc than she would be if she were at home with me all day.
3. Me. I find myself over-compensating at night by spending more time (and having more patience) with her than I have when I'm with her 24 hours each day.

The key is to make peace with yourself in whatever choice you have to make. If your family really needs your pay to make ends meet, accept it and find ways to spend great quality time with your daughter. It is never easy to leave them. (OK, I'm lying because when she hits Talking Non-Stop Toddler phase you'll find that going to work can actually be peaceful some days.) You just do the best you can and make sure she knows that you love her every minute of every day.

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I am also a working mom and like the previous poster said, HANG IN THERE!!! It was your first day and you can expect to feel horrible and cry all the time. But just know that IT GETS EASIER!!! After a month or so, and especially as your child gets older, you will both settle into your routine at work/daycare and really enjoy it. Kids do love the socialization with other babies and you will benefit from using your 'professional' brain and having some time with adults again. (If your job doesn't give you that satisfaction or challenge, then maybe you won't feel this way. I do, anyway...) And the time I do spend with my son is even more precious and quality.

One day I may consider being a stay-at-home when we have baby #2 but right now I love my choice to work and my son loves his daycare. It works for us but only you can decide what will work for your family. So I just wanted to say - give it some time before making any decisions. The first few weeks after going back to work are rough - lots of us have been there but you will get through it. Good luck!!

I know how you feel. I was able to wait 6 months with my oldest, and it wasn't even for very long, but I hated it! I cried and cried, and would much rather be home with my son. People can tell you all they want that children NEED daycare, but no, they don't! They NEED mom. My sister is a stay-at-home mom and while some days I know she'd give anything to trade places with me, she treasures the days she gets to spend with her children teaching them, working with them, knowing exactly what they are eating, drinking, and learning. They are very, very bright children who have absolutely no problems socializing with other children (you want kids who are way ahead for their age, it's amazing! They'd be just as smart in daycare, but not able to do all they are able to do from home! My six year old neice has already read The Chronicles of Narnia, on her own, and is starting another series of books! She wouldn't have that opportunity in daycare!). They go to Sunday school, mom's morning out programs, and they do just fine. When I stay with them, the youngest cries for his mother maybe for awhile, then goes about his business. I'd feel horrible if my child never cried for me or missed me when I was gone!
I am due in April with my second and will have to go back to work in 12-14 weeks. I'm not looking forward to it, because I know how I was with my 6 month old son, but like you, I need it financially.
Just spend quality time with your daughter when you are home. No distractions. It's easy to have the tv on, be cooking dinner, and that be your time, but have undistracted time with her. Don't leave her screaming and crying and clinging. Try to drop her off a few minutes earlier than necessary to give her time to settle in and not feel like she's just being dropped off. That's one thing my sister WILL NOT DO is leave her youngest child in the nursery or with someone if he is obviously very distressed. This needs to be a peaceful transition.
As for working from home, there are lots of options, and I'm still looking into them myself. Beware of scams! But most baby magazines usually have some starting places for you!
It will get easier, though, I promise! Your daughter will start getting used to her surroundings, and if you can leave her seeing that she is happy, then you will be happier at work (in other words, don't leave her screaming and crying, if at all possible. That will only make it harder for you!)
Good luck with everything!

Hi H.,

I know your pain. I had to go back to work when my baby girl was just 13 weeks old. I still cry when I have to drop her off at daycare. She is 10 months old and it has NOT gotten better. I have asked to work part time at work and it was denied. I am also looking for part time work as well. Please Please Please let me know if you find a good opportunity.
Thanks,
W.

I know how you feel. With my first one I went back to work when she was 2 months old but it didn't last long. I am now a SAHM again since having my second one almost 2 years ago. I make some extra money now as a Creative Memories Consultant. I love it!! Of course I love to scrapbook and have always used Creative Memories so it just made sense to become a consultant. I get to work when I want. Set my own hours and don't have to answer to anyone. Let me know if you are interested and I can give you more info.

I know how you feel. I just went back to work on Monday after being out for 4 months. I work in the evenings, so my daughter is home with my husband at night, but I still feel like horrible. Besides being so overtired because I work late and then I am up with her as soon as she gets up, I have no time for anything! I literally work, sleep,eat & care for the baby.. nothing else. As it is, I have to get ready for work here soon.

I wish I had some ideas to tell you about working from home. I am in the same boat. I have to work for financial reasons. If I quit my job, we wouldn't be able to survive.

Good luck.. if I hear of anything I'll let you know.. vice versa?

If you are married and your spouse has an income, it might do you good to speak with a financial consultant or to just sit at home and do your budget yourself. We found that with the cost of childcare, gas, clothing, lunch, parking, etc. etc that we could actually bring home more money by removing my income because the tax brackets are different for a family of three on one income then it would be for a family of three on two incomes. I do have a job that I do from home every once in awhile at night when my son is sleeping. Go to www.liveops.com. If you have any questions feel free to email me. I think mommies need to be home with their babies if at all possible! :) Hang in there and good luck!

IT WILL GET BETTER!!! I know it is hard, but you can do it! My Boy was exclusively breast fed, and it took some adjustment, but he is all the better for it, as am I. He is so much more social than other kid's his age ( he will be 7 months at the end of this month) and the time I get with him is that much more precious. You can do it, Hang in there!!

Hi H.!

I've been a stay at home mom for 3 years and have tried EVERYTHING!! I was at my wits end and didn't know what else to do. With 3 small children, going back to work just wasn't an option. The M.O.M. Team gives me the best!! I'm improving the Health and Wellness of our family and working to become financially stable while being home with my kids.

There is No Sellng, NO inventory, NO parties and NO RISK!! What do you have to lose? Check it out and I'll be glad to give you a call to go over it in more detail.

http://www.themomteam.com/priscilladavis

Hi H.,
If you are still interested in finding work from home, just hit me up. I will be glad to introduce my home based travel biz to you!!
Hope to hear from you soon!
L.

I have a perfect solution for you. I am a stay at home mom and I have my own business as a PartyLite consultant. The job is a lot of fun, the income is endless, you set your own hours and you get to meet a lot of great people all while staying home with your children. Also, there is a no start up cost investment so you can't go wrong. I have a lot more detail if you are interested? I can e-mail you or I can call you...whatever is more convenient for you. I have worked for another direct selling company before and I've never been so impressed with a company as I have with PartyLite. They are a great group of people and a lot of fun! I know how you are feeling because I had to take my son to daycare when he was 10 weeks old! It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but now I'm at home with both of my kids (4 yr. old and a 14 mo. old) and I couldn't be happier. I would love to have you on my team!!!

I understand how you feel. With our first child, I went back to work, still nursing, and pumping at work. My husband stayed home with her but still it just didnt feel right. We made a budget that we could work with, and I became a sahm and I dont regret one minute of that decision!! With 3 kids now, I am still at home. Sure, we dont have all the latest and greatest of all the new material things, but it is so worth it being the primary care giver and not someone I dont know! I dont know your situation, but I liked some of the other ladies suggestions with stay-at-home incomes. I wish you the best of luck and hope you can make it work with staying home.

I know just how you feel! I was right where you are now when I had to return to my job when my son was 4-5 months old. Luckily my mom was able to stay with me and be there to watch him while I was teaching. BUT, when i missed the first day he crawled, it broke my heart and I KNEW I had to do whatever I had to in order to be home with him. I made that transition in September and have never looked back. I don't regret my decision to stay home with him because I get to be here with him every day and I'm able to make an income from home so I'm still contributing to our finances! Working from home is not the answer to everyone's situation, but it was for me. I got to see my son's first day of standing, walking, babbling, etc. He's now able to sort shapes into a toy and I LOVED being the FIRST one to see him do all that. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Hey,

Have you ever considered becoming an Independent Consultant for Arbonne. You could still stay at home with your daughter and earn a supplemental income while doing it. I began my Arbonne business just a few months ago and am having an amazing time meeting other people and building a home based business to boot.

Check out my site www.abriggs.myarbonne.com.

My number is on the site please feel free to call or email me with questions.

The compensation plan is amazing.

Hi H.,

I am sorry this transition is very difficult for you. I am 7 months pregnant now and after I have my son in late April, I have to be back at work June 1st. I will only have about 1 month before I have to put him in daycare and be back to work. I am sure this will be quite difficult at first.

I can however offer you a different side of things from other stay at home moms and their children I have witnessed. One thing I believe is that kids learn to adapt much better when they are put in an environment with other adults and children. A friend of mine who stays at home asks me to watch her 3 children so she can run errands sometimes for a couple of hours. When I arrive, her youngest who is about 14 months screams and cries for about 30 to 45 mins after she leaves because he is not used to anyone else caring for him than his mom. He doesn't seem to know how to build relationships, bond, or trust anyone but his mom. Also, when other children are around, he doesn't seem to want to play with them, just be with his mom. I really believe that putting my son in daycare with other children and caregivers will make him more interested in social activities and more likely to explore relationships other than just me.

Trust me, I am not against stay at home moms at all!! I believe that it is a wonderful thing if the woman chooses and is financially able. I have just seen several negative things when staying at home is not done correctly.

I will soon be in your shoes and learn how difficult it is. I am trusting that the good that will come from him being cared for during the day will be a positive influence in his life. I would give your baby a chance to adapt and become comfortable in her new environment. I sure she will soon and it will end up being very positive for her!

The Best Of Luck! --C.

I am a stay at home mom, and I also struggle with finances. I SO need to be working outside of the home, but I just could NOT bring myself to entrust my daughter into someone else's care. So, instead I just recently became an Independent Consultant for Big Yellow Box by Crayola. I saw their products and just fell in love. Now, not only do I get to stay at home with my daughter during the day, but I also have my own business where I can set my own hours, AND I can contribute to our family finances! Send me a message if you'd like more info, or if you'd just like to talk!