Extremely Impatient 12 Month Old: Diva Baby!

Hi K.,
Im sure you have probably tried this allready, but have you involved your daughter in making the milk or whatever it is that she is impatient for? My daughter who is now 2 went through similar phases to this, and in our case it was also centered around food prep--though by no means limited to it. I dont think it was the actual food she was having a fit over, rather I feel her upset was due to me or her Dad being out of the room or diverting our attention from her--all to do with her emerging independence and new found ability to assert control over things coupled with a spike in separation anxiety. If I left the room to quickly refill her juice---she would have a complete fit. I started, around 10-11 months including her in simple food prep and it changed this dramatically. Not only was she more interested in whatever food I was preparing (she can be such a picky eater) but it gave her a clear sense of involvement and pride in helping Mum and Dad. She understood that it took time for, say, eggs to cook. Its not like she all of a sudden understood what 2 minutes meant, but she really got that it didnt happen instantly. I dont think that racing to meet her demands is necessarily rewarding the behaviour you dont want to encourage. I think what you are rewarding is her attempt to communicate her needs to you, even if what they are exactly gets lost in translation, she knows that you are trying and I really think thats whats important.
Good luck, I know hard and exhausting this can be, and while its going on it can feel like the behaviour will never change. My daughter just turned 2 and while we still have days like this, they are really the exception and mostly those really impatient days are days that I havent had the time to let her help me as much as she wanted. I dont mean to imply she now has the patience of a saint, on the contrary I think she is now has what I would expect is a "normal" amount of patience for a toddler.
Hope this helped,
Rose

Sounds very familiar! Our son is turning one next week and was an early walker. We have started to notice new tantrums and inability to wait for anything as well- it also happens when we take something away that he wants or tell him no. With the bottle situation- I will go sit down in a chair and let him work out his frustration on the floor - I tell him that when he is done he can come over to me and have his bottle. He has had a few minutes of crying and then he calms down and comes over and puts his head in my lap- I only give him the bottle when he is calm. We also realized that sometimes when he is really hungry or tired he has less of a fuse- so we try to get food into him early and have it ready before he sees it to prevent a meltdown from even starting. We had a problem with biting for several weeks when he was around 11 months and we both decided that we really needed to nip it in the bud- every time he bit our shoulders we would tell him no and put him down and then turn away from him for a minute. He did not like the withdrawl from us and within a week he stopped doing it all together. The most important thing to remember is that you are the parents and set the rules and expectations in your house. A few moments of crying or frustration in your child will not hurt them and will help them to see that there are limits and that the world does not revolve around their every need. Try to remain calm and help them to see that they can get what the want for the most part when they ask for it appropriatly. Don't give in to the screams and the crying, they will only get more intense and more frequent! Good Luck, it is a tough new phase but we will all survive!

ohhh...I couldve written this myself...and no, I dont have any answers for you except that, my now 18 month old is exactly the same way....from the womb! I knew she would be difficult, my (now 5 yr old) was way too easy! My family is the same way, easily aggitated, no patience, so I know some of it may just be hereditary, however I sometimes worry about bi-polar disorder or something, its like a switch goes off in her for no reason! And God forbid she hear the word no! My best advice is keep her busy, thats the only way I get through my days with this one...it's not an easy task either when they are this little. Its definately exhausting, but it seems to me the older she gets and is able to communicate the easier she is becoming, if that gives you any help!

keep signing - lack of language skills definately cause frustrations - she will catch on... and help her language develop too.. try this game - get in her face and give her a toy.. take it and say one second and then give it back, increase the time and keep doing this.. you can eventually make it so she's sitting andyou walk away for a period of time and then come back.. as long as she learns that when you just a moment, she knows you are going to respond to her needs..

good luck

The truth is, teaching her to be patient takes discipline on the part of all of you, and it takes time. My 12 year old would eat until she vomited (when she was just about 1 year old). I would tell her she needed to rest her belly and not eat so much. I had to put her in her crib a few times and let her scream a bit, checking on her by peeking through a crack in the door...eventually comforting her if she did not fall asleep. I have a 9 year old son, and a 10 month old baby girl now as well. Getting her to sleep in her crib has been rough. But, I put her into it and let her throw a fit and cry...checking on her through a crack in the door...after 20 minutes, if she has not stopped, I comfort her (but I do not talk to her as if she is a princess)...and try again. Parenting takes patience...and prayers...~M.~

I also have a diva-daughter. She isn't struggling as much as yours, but I do feel your pain. Signing has helped us TREMENDOUSLY. Just keep signing to her, all the time. Eventually she will catch on. Whenever she does sign praise her like she's won a million dollars. We really only use a few signs -- eat, nurse, more, help me, please. It will take a bit for her to catch on, but keep trying. Otherwise I think everything you are doing is exactly what you should be doing. If day care is critical, tell them what you are trying and ask for their suggestions. Every child is unique and has their own temperment. We call ours the Willful Wonder. But you know, on the upside? She knows what she wants. :) Good luck!