Ex Sister in Law (And Friend) Now with Sister's Soon to Be Ex-husband?

Hi B.,

Try to support your sister the best that you can. Listen to her and be there for her emotionally. It sounds like the ex sister in law is a piece of work and has no respect for herself or for others. Stay away from her and try not to get yourself tangled in the drama. They are adults and unfortunately she is meddling in someone elses relationship. But I would focus your attention to your sister, her kids and how to help her stay strong.
Good luck!

Molly

My friends and I had one of those friends and thank God we all saw the light soon enough and broke away from her. The situation is awful, but what can you really do. The ex sis in law should have known better but she obviously has a track record of inappropriate behavior. The husband - wow - he should know better. Either way you or your sister can't do much. Maybe your sister can ask that she not be around the kids for awhile and hope that it doesn't work out between the two of them.

my thought is: they really suck.

Your poor sister needs to hold her head up high and do some deep breathing, because like it or not, she is probably going to have to deal with this immature and desperate chick and her lame, lame, completely lame, separated soon to be wuzband.

Also, I know that stomach sicky feeling that you get, the dread stuff. I hope you and your sis go to a great day spa together and get some serious positive energy flowing. You both need to get away from the stench of crappy behaviors. And maybe make it a regular thing, for when he and his new winner of a gfriend take the kids for pony rides and burgers, and if the kids start complaining about anything that could look bad for him in court, record their information on a digital recorder.

That's what I think about it.

A woman in a position to go after a married man isn't necessarily going to have the "decency" to make sure it's not a man married to someone she knows. Your sister's STBX isn't fair game until he's divorced. You yourself said that you haven't spoken to your ex-sis-in-law for two years because "of the drama." I'd steer clear of this drama. I'm sure your sister wants to talk about it, but I think you'd both be best served if when she brings it up, you empathize with her, but try to change the subject to something she actually can do something about instead of encouraging her to dwell on something she can't.

I think you need to drop your ex sister in law as a friend, and stand by your sister. Your ex sister in law dropped you as a friend when the going was tough, instead of talking it out. Your sister is your family, and she needs your support. Tell her how you feel, and how your all tied up in knots, she doesn't know how you feel.
And yes it does take two for something like this to happen, both of them are scum. There should have been a little voice inside of each of them telling them not to do this but they're weak. Good Luck to you, it's not going to be easy.

Hi B.,

It is important to understand that in a long-term marriage (15 years in your sister’s case) we no longer think in the term of “I”. Our partner is a part of us. When our spouse leaves, a part of us is now missing. The emotional gamut of feelings suffered is not unlike if the person who left has died. The problem is that there is no real finality of ceremony to help with the grieving process.

When the spouse who left begins to see someone else it only adds to the feelings of abandonment, loss, and betrayal. If the person they are seeing is someone we know it amplifies those feelings. We feel the friend or acquaintance should understand what we are going through and not be willing to add to our grief. It is a set back to the healing process, making it difficult to move on or to think in terms of a solution.

Your sister needs you right now. She is still in the healing stage and now been wounded even more deeply. With a year long separation she has had the carrot of hope hung in front of her that her marriage might be saved. She is going to need the help of your strong support as she learns to be strong again. It is possible to be supportive without taking sides. When she cries put her head on your shoulder and hold her. When she vents, simply listen and let her get out all that is welled up inside. Try to remind her of her personal strengths, talents, and gifts. Always reassure her she is loved.

As long as the focus is on the husband and the former sister-in-law relationship the energy needed for remedy or healing is weakened.

My prayers are with you and your sister,
L.

Obviously this ex-friend has no concept of boundries & is emotionally immature, hence the middle school drama she's creating. I suggest you be supportive of your sister & stay away from any drama this other woman is causing. As hard as it may be, you & your sister shouldn't stopp to her level in any way. Chances are, once the fun has worn off of having an affair w/a married man, this woman will leave your BIL in the dust, where he belongs! Good luck!

Why is it affeting you so much? Because you are a decent person who would never do that to someone. You understand that repecting a relationship with in an intimate circle (those who celebrate birthdays and weddings)assumes respect for the individuals in that circle. Her action contridict basic assumtions of friendship and intimate connection. How will this efect how you see other relationships? Will it stop you from trusting others? Your mind has to grapple with what it means and how you will use this information for your decidions in the future. I suggest you think about this; how can you best support your sister? How can you strengthen your own bonds with in the circle of friend you have to heal from the rip these people have made in the fabric of relationships you currently have? Best of luck.

Hey Biana!
There's nothing you can do to change the way you feel or your sister. Only time will heal her heart, dont worry one day she will find that man that will fill all her needs. Ex sis will brake his heart or he will brake hers because CARMA IS A BITCH and believe that carma is no joke, it really is true. Healling is just a proccess in life. It only makes us better weather you want to believe it or not, it did for me. Married, cheated on, broken hearted, healed, Divorced and now engaged to a wonderful man

I feel that is pretty crappy. I mean bestfriends are sister from another mother and how tacky do you get. She was probably eyeing him while they were still married. I would be careful and definetely say something to her, because that just should not be TOLERATED.