Ex-husband Don't Show on His Every Other Weekend

I do not know if there is anything legal that you can do about it or not. You might need to touch base with a lawyer and ask. I just wanted to tell you that my X was horrible about getting the kids. I would have to drive the kids too him and provide food on the rare occasions that they went to spent the night with him.

My only suggestion is that you stress to him the importance for a regular schedule for the kids sake. They will be getting invites to birthday parties and to other activites and it is only fair to them to know if they can or can not go in advance. My kids were almost made to feel guilty if they choses to go to a party then to see their dad. It should not be that way. What about when you kids are in sports and things. They really need consistency.

Try to keep it about the kids - not about you or him. Try not to cut him up directly - but just focus on when the kids really need and want.

Good luck to you.

Keep a record of all of his visitations dates and whether or not he kept the scheduled times for each one. And also keep a record of each time he has called and the reason for his call especially if it's about coming to get his kids...
I was told this by an attorney.

keep track of everything you never know when you might need it, as for your kids i would start leaving them completely in the dark if he says he'll be there don't tell them, and then when he does show up it can be a nice surprise eventiually they wioll realize he is a jerk on their own you don't want to get into a situation where they have to defend him because they will nomatter what, that's kids for you, nomatter what you do they will miss him so that is something you will jsut have to learn to cope with as will they but you can at elast prevent the frequent disappointment by not telling them when he says he will come, if they ask jsut say you don't know since in reality you don't, as much as it sucks by protecting him you are protecting your kids, good luck.

Just document everytime he calls and when/if he shows up. I would not tell your children that he is coming at all until he actually shows up and then the kids will be surprised and you dont have to let them down. Also I would give him a time frame, if is not there within 1/2 hour he lost his shot. I mean really if you over sleep or "whatever" how much did he really want to see the children? I would also say on the days he says he is going to be there have a back up plan even if you dont tell the children he is coming. Take them for some fun time with you. COSI, Magic Mountain, Galaxy, (if your in the Col. area). Anywhere fun thats not at home would be great!
S.

That is a very hard situation! Deffinately document everything!!! A suggestion you can try is to see if you have somewhere that does supervised visitation, sometimes they also have a service where you both meet at for his visitation, they would document that he didnt show up, or you could even make a police report, because if you dont have someone else that can back you up that he didnt show up he can say you wouldnt let him have the kids. That way if he takes you to court you have proof.

I totally understand. My husband and I have been separated for 2 years now. Even though he only lives a matter of a few blocks away, he still breaks his promises to our son. I don't even think he means to do it...I know how much he loves our boy. But, for whatever reason, on the weekends he comes late, if at all. I bend over backwards until I break sometimes, even cancel plans, because of his inconsistency.

I've begun letting my son be the one to call him when he's late and talk to him when he cancels. It's not fair to me to be the bearer of bad news all the time. It's still hard, because I still have to cushion the blow and dry my son's tears. But I'm not the "Bad Guy". It also makes his father feel more accountable to his obligation. (Believe it or not, the number of broken promises over the last few months has actually dropped and he quit his second job so that he could have more time with Max.)

Even though we're separated, we are still quite amicable. I know that is not the case in most splits. Even at the best, it's hard. Hang tough. I hope this helps.

My husband and I are going through a very similar situation. In July we recieved full custody of the 2 oldest children and their mother doesn't have any custody and has supervised visitation every other weekend with her mother. We thought this would work however the grandmother isn't following the visitation rules at all. She allows the children to be unsupervised with their mother all weekend. The grandmother is never the one to pick up the kids. She sends whoever is handy to pick up the kids(this includes their mother) and she refuses to take our oldest son to his little league practices during her weekend(she says it takes away from her "time" with him). Our lawyer told us to document everything and after a while we could file contempt for the blatant disregard to the visitation rules. It sounds like you have Schedule A visitation and it clearly states that if he is more than a half hour late without calling you at least an hour before hand then he forfeits the right to take the kids for the weekend. Of course this can backfire as in our case. The kids' grandmother calls an hour before the pick up time to tell us she will be late whether or not they are late or not. However our lawyer said that this is also contempt. I know this is long winded but I just hate to hear about kids who are being wronged by a parent at all. I glad I could try to help you out.

Hi sounds like my situation too.. my childrens dad dont come get them every 2 weekends either like he is suppose too and he used to call them like your ex does to you and your children. In the beginning I used to get so mad at him for what it did to the children them sit and look out the window and wait and my oldest pace the floor and open the door everytime a car pulled in. I finally quit telling them it was his weekend and the 2 younger ones were ok with it and when he would call me I would tell him they werent home that way he couldnt tell them he would be down to pick them up and not show up. Than I started making plans to be away uncase he did show up we wouldnt be home went like that for about 2 mnths and than he started coming around on his weekends like he was suppose too and picking them up on a reg basis. I cant say its been easy on girls it hasnt at all and they our realizing the rejection part.. its been a mnth since he has picked them up this past time and before that it was 3 mnths before he showed up to pick them up and I really got mad because he showed up at the door with candy and toys and this was after he hadnt picked them up in 3 mnths and had come just to tell them he wasnt picking them up...so I told him no way its not gonna happen told him he was gonna take them for the night since he was done there and told him if he ever shows up at my door again and has no plan to take them not to bother even pulling in my driveway..so that seemed to work he dont call anymore or show up unless he plans to take them for the night and the children are doing fine other than my 5 yr old asking every now & than when daddy gonna come pick me up I just tell her daddy is working and he will come when he can. and when he does show up unannouced I make him sit in driveway for a long time while i pack the childrens clothes.. I used to pack their clothes but I gave that up along time ago. just try to be understanding with your childrens feeling and dont put the blame on him..its their dad and they love him no matter what..as they get older they will realize what he is doing to them on their own and they will come to a decision how they feel either way.. i hope as your children get older they dont pull away as my oldest has shes 13 and hasnt gone with him maybe once in 6 mnths and i wont force her to go ..he has to make that up time up to her whether it be here at home in backyard and just talking with her until he can gain her trust back up and be a father. other than that my advice 1. tell him not to mention to kids about picking them up 2. have him tell you a time he will be there on weekends and you not tell the children and wait see if he shows up 3. leave when its his weekend if you know around time he would probable show up and do it that whole weekend just so he can see how it feels to disappointed when he drives to your house and you not be home. 4. dont pack their clothes until you know hes in driveway . for a while this worked for me... like I said he came around picking kids up on a reg basis which in my situation it didnt last. And it took alot of the dissappointment & stressful situtation out when he didnt show up.

M.

I agree with almost everyones suggestions on your situation. I am sorry you have to go through something like this. I would follow the visitation schedule guidelines for changes. If he cannot follow that, it is not your concern. I believe that it says in the visitation schedule that if he is more than a half hour late then you can chose not to send them over for the weekend or for the agreed visitation time frame. Keep documenting everything, you never know when you will need this. I wish you all the luck with this.

M.,

I totally understand what you are going thru. My ex husband did the same thing to my boys. They were 3 and 5 at the time. He even took me to court for visitation rights. Since I did not feel comfortable meeting with him directly because he never showed then tried to blame me. I set it up with the courts to have him meet me either at my parents, his parents or a representative of the courts set location so there were witnesses to him not showing. It is very rough on the kids especially on the older ones. My suggestion is to either not tell them when he is to get them until he actually shows ( this way they can be surprised if he really shows) or if you tel them and he doesnt show then do something special with them to make them feel the love that he is not giving them. The most important thing is to make sure they know they are loved even if their dad does not show up for them. Also, one of the most important things to remember no matter how hard it is... DO NOT TALK ABOUT THEIR DAD IN A BAD WAY AROUND THEM. I know this can be very hard especially if he continues to not show and wants to fight about days to see him. Good Luck and if you need to talk I am here for you.

M.

Welcome to my world.. my ex-husband does that all the time.. But for a long time when he did take our daughter and she asked why he didn't come before, he told her that I wouldn't let him take her. So then she thought that I am keeping her from him. I have told him that in the future we would not tell her when he is planning on picking her up. We will keep that between the two of us so when he doesn't show she won't be heartbroken. He still did it though.. go figure. I had always tried to keep my opinion of his actions to myself because it isn't right for her only being 6 to be caught up in grown up problems. And I had tried every way I knew to make it better but you can't change who people are so you have to learn to deal with it. Unfortunately my daughter now understand that her father isn't honest about things of this nature and she has learned the hard way that she can't believe what he says. She doesn't get her hopes up anymore.. So she isn't heartbroken when he doesn't show.. Some may not agree but I believe you should make sure your kids understand that for whatever reason their dad has other things come up a lot and, as sad as it is they shouldn't put all their hopes into him following through. He will regret it someday when he realizes his kids don't trust him, and it is his own fault. He will probably never admit out loud that it is his own doing, but he will know.

My ex began to do that and we were divorced since my 13 year old was 3.The last 2 years he really has not shown up nor called. I never spoke to my son about his dad is coming and his father would get mad ocassionally bec my son's bags were not packed. Well I figured he could wait a few min to get that done since you never knew if he was showing up or not (when he would show up a month or so later). Now in the past 2 years he may have seen his father 3 times and that is a stretch. Not for his birthdays the last two years, not Thanksgiving, Not even Christmas. His decline with seeing his son also brought decline in support. I have not had a dime of support in two years and the court is actually going after him now for contempt, even if he files taxes and I get it. I do hope that this does not happen to you. I think men have a mentallity that out of sight out of mind. Some actually think it is better for their children for the limited contact.. My oldest actually is at the point he wants his name changed. I took my maiden name back and he wants nothing to do with his father at all. I know you have to be there for if he shows up, but try to involve them in an activity to keep their minds off what time it is and do not mention it if he does not show up. Pack their bags yourself maybe when they aren't looking or when you do laundry that week. Know your divorce decree and if it states he must be there at 6 pm Friday within 30 min or he forfits his visitation, stick to that. NO okay on Saturday. I tried that and it did not work. My attorney told me to stick to the decree and nothing can come back on you. If you go off the decree and ever go back to court he can say you did not follow the decree and even if it was to help him out, it can hurt you. Also if you are Shared Parenting, it should say something like he has to call every Wednesday, mine didn't call that way either, keep maticulous notes on this, witnesses around you, everything. Don't tell him you are doing that either. You can't avoid all the hurt and maybe he will come around, but your children will see you as the protective mother who loves them and is doing her best.

Good luck, it is not easy, but there are many women who can relate and help you through this time.

Best thing to do is write down everytime he doesn't show up. Have this notorized by a notory.

take this to your lawyer or if you need one call the legal aid society and they can set you up with one.

Once you get incontact with them see if they can set it up for you to have a guardian look over your case. If you can get a phone log from your phone company that shows he calls and have that documentation and show it to them , you might be able to file a petiotion for him to have a supervised visit with a guardian present. I know they courts can't make them see them, and i don't know why any parent wouldn't want to see their children. Maybe you should just have the visitation threated to be taken away or just have it taken away short term . Maybe that would give this man some time to think about his actions and realize what an idoit he is being.

Good luck to you hun ! I hope this helps

BE CAREFUL!!!! I have been through so much with my ex!! Document EVERYTHING!!! I'm not sure of your situation but my ex used to be the same way and I finally got sick of it and the heartache he was causing my daughter and I took him to court!!! He asked the judge for split parenting 50/50 a week here a week there!! AND GOT IT!!!!! Just for asking and showing interest to the court ( the whole time not wanting his daughter - just trying to hurt me) Here we are 10 years later still fighting and paying lawyers and battling in court!!! So my advice to you - let him go!! if he wants to see the kids have him arrange it and set it up!! If he doesn't show, take care of your kids the best you can - they will grow to know how their dad is!! Good luck!!!

Sad to say.. I WISH I had this problem. I hate forcing Asiah to go to her dads when she doesn't want to. She is now at the age that the judge just might let her chose within reason who she wants to be with and when. I document everything.. including when he doesn't pick her up, or picks her up late, or even makes some lame excuse as to why I have to bring her over there.

the only thing to do is sign up for Ermas house If you go to court soon ask to be sent there. It is a place where they document everything if it is his turn to get kids and he is no show they doc this and give it to courts. There number is ###-###-#### Good Luck

D.

Hi M.. I am very sorry for your situation and I am not divorsed (my husband is though) but I do understand your situation. However, I would like to play the other side even though it is a mom's group, please don't get mad. My husband had that problem once too. Unfortunatly he didn't have any electricity or water or gas (generally one was shut off) and would try to make araingments to visit with his children at his sister's or mom's house and then if his family member fell through he had to cancell on the kids. I thought that might just be a diff perspective on it. I agree that you shouldn't tell your children he is coming since he isn't reliable. Best of Wishes!

oh, I went through 13+ years of this. It is very aggravating. I remember my daughter, who is 21 now, sitting at the window crying because their father didn't show. There is really nothing you can do about this. You can't force them to show up. Just be there for your children, show them that they have a place to be when their father does not show. Take your aggravation to another room and let it out, away from them. When it came to the fact of WHEN he could have the children, I stayed out of that. When he called to see if he could have the kids, I gave the phone to them and had them answer. This way, no child could tell me that I kept them from their father. My ex was worse with his son than with his daughter (which is kinda unusual to me, you would think the father would want his son). Your children will gain their own insight on your ex husband and realize that it had nothing to do with you. In the end, they will realize that when daddy let them down, mom was always there to pick up the pieces. Like i said, it is a VERY aggravating thing, keeping track is very good idea (i did too) when it came to court fighting on this subject. Good Luck!!