End of My Rope with Preteen Son

If possible, contact the Boys and Girls club of Fort Wayne. They have programs there that help kids get themselves together and may be able to refer you to someone who can help if they can't. I don't think you should take this behavior lightly or alone, though. Being a teenager is hard enough and being the mother of one is even harder! I hope things get better for you! :)

Maybe its a stage that he is going through, but maybe not. What I think is that there is something thats really bothering him, try to talk to him. Maybe he feels like hes not getting enough attention, although Im not saying that your not giving it to him. Maybe he needs his father more in his life now, once is not enough. Hes getting older and he is understanding whats going on but hes dealing with it another way. Try counseling, it might help. Because if you are afraid for him or anybody else. Its time that u do get help.

Sounds to me like you need to have a sit down with him about how being violent like that he will be headed for BIG trouble!! And if you haven't already discuss with him about how it's not right what his dad did to you. If nothing you say works than I would suggest counseling, before he gets himself thrown in juvenile detention. My brother ended up in there and missed the first three months f his neices life. It may just be a phase too at 11 boys and girls for that matter are going through alot of things that at that age we probably didn't because they have more to worry about than we did. I'll keep you in my thoughts and vent to me any time!! Hoping things get better!! L.

Shannon A had great advice. Therapy can really help, but most of us can't afford it and hey, many therapist aren't really much better than a loving mother who sits down to talk things out and really listen. (I have a friend whose parents sent him to so many different therapists, but few of them ever really helped. I think he's been able to make a lot more progress with friends who take time to listen to him than he ever made with therapists.)

I have an 11-yr-old too and it's so easy just to lecture him instead of asking him questions that might draw him out of his shell. When I actually remember to listen, he often says things that shed light on how he thinks and what he feels. It lets me know how to help him or how to lecture him (grin).

I also wanted to point out that visual impressions are so powerful--especially to young boys since so many of them learn by watching and imitating. Since your son had such a poor example of how to treat women back in March, and since that example was made so much more powerful because it was given by his father, it will be hard to overcome that image that has been imprinted on his brain.

I wanted to suggest that you try to provide your son with excellent examples of how men should treat women. It would probably be most effective if those men were being kind to you. I don't know if there are a few good men in your life who would be willing to come over for dinner or go out to a movie once in a while, etc. for the purpose of being a great role model and doing things like asking how they can help you or offering to help clear the table or do the dishes etc. I know men like that might be hard to find, but maybe some would do it for a good home-cooked meal. Just an idea. I sure wish you the best.
S.

You have a lot on your plate. I am also a single mom raising one 5 year old boy who's father has never seen him. We have something in common, although I think you have more going on and I do feel for you with all of my heart.

I am not sure what to tell you. The anger could be related to a personality disorder, perhaps. It is not your fault. You did not make him that way. My son also has anger issues and he was diagnosed with bipolar. However, he will be able to function in society without major problems, just his anger. I am in the process of looking for counselors for him. This isn't easy.

I want you to know that you are more than welcome to email me and maybe we can get together and talk. I am a good listener and I did major in child psychology and I have a ton of books on raising boys. I would be more than happy to lend you some. I am new to this area and I don't know many people around here and I would appreciate making new friends!

My email is ____@____.com name is T. McCurdy.

Hope to hear from you. God bless.

counseling, counseling, counseling, your son needs to be able to discuss his anger with you, his father and the fact that the man that he just met, hit his father, Imagine how you would feel if you saw your father hit your mother and to top it all off it is a man you just met,come on now, this is a no brainer. Your son needs help, he just met his father, your pregnant as a surrogate,and I am only guessing but there are not alot of male influences in his life?
Find him a male counseler, investigate if your town or city has a Dads for Boys program, and finally I suggest enrolling him in a Karate, or Judo program. These teach self control, and for boys or girls who have anger issues these classes really seem to be a great outlet.
Goodluck

You should try couseling. For him and yourself (so you will better know how to deal with him). I was also a troubled teen and got into alot of trouble and caused my mom many headaches. She took me to many different counselors to help me and she also went to help herself learn to help me. But there was only one counselor who ever really helped me. He wasnt pushy or threatning, but he didnt let me bs him either. Now my mom and I have an excellent relationship and I consider her my best friend. Your son is probably acting out because of his dad not being around, and although he may not think so, he needs someone to talk to. It can be much easier to talk to someone who is not your parent and can be neutral. My father died when I was 7 and that is where most of my problems came from. If you are interested in seeing my old couselor his name is Chris Johnson and is number is ###-###-####. He does work with single women alot, because counseling can be very expensive and he sometimes does it at a cheaper rate for them.

you need to get a big brother for your boys boys need men in their lifes. plus you being with child again the little green monster may be showing his face around your place both the boys are older maybe they fill like you don't care about them anymore. my grandson was without has dad till he was 12 and she finely had to let him go live with his dad it was the hardest thing for her to do but he is getting the man guideance he needed and the trouble has stopped.i not saying it has to be their dad but a big brother or a mentor would do some good.

WOW, what a horrible thing for your son to witness. At that age it's pretty standard for most kids to start acting out some. They are trying to figure out who they are, all the hormone changes don't help, and then to witness that. I had problems with my son at that age and he didn't witness anything like that. I really wanted to talk to my son about what was going on with him but couldn't get through to him until I did something very unorthodox. When he would start to throw a fit, I would put him in his bed and wrap my legs around his waist so he couldn't get up. I let him scream and flop and hit until he was worn out. Then he would calm down and tell me what was bothering him at that time. Before long he would elaborate on other things and even ASK me to hold him so he could throw fit just to get it out of his system. It became a game after a while, but we got a LOT of talking done. He's 18 now and still remembers it as fun not torture.

I would say you need to try to figure out why he is acting out now. I started acting out around that age or a little older and now that i am thirty and after a lot of heart ache to everyone and lots of trouble in my own life i figured out that i was acting out because i was missing something in my life. try some counseling. try talking to him about his father. try spending some extra time with him doing something he loves. make sure he is involved in stuff at school that makes him feel good and fullfilled. good luck.

You have a long road ahead of you. I suggest to seek help at once. Be with a minister, doctor, etc.. I also suggest you to get counseling yourself. Being a single mother is hard, now you are carrying a child for someone else. You need to get into school and further your education. And create a stable family and home for the two children you already have. Your 13 is acting out for HELP. And with peer pressure these days, he is going to end up in trouble. Seek help now.

I am glad to hear that you have sought help.

To address your family dinner situation. I recently began implamenting them as well. In my case we are constantly on the go. I lacked time to make dinner let alone sit down and eat it. Then I discovered that if I skipped the drive-thru and actually went in to the fast food resturant with my kids - this gave us time to chat and eat and the extra time was only a few minutes. On the nights we can eat I home, I have learned to cook out of the crockpot...My family eats a healthy meal, I don't have to dedicate a ton of time to cooking and we can sit down and eat as a family.
Since doing this I have noticed my kids are much more happy and my tween is opening up more about the new world of middle school.

Best of luck to you and your children!!!

I'd get him into counseling ASAP! It sounds like he has feelings he doesn't know how to handle and I highly recommend a counselor or pshycologist. Good luck