Problems with BF, Dont Know What I Should Do

Good Morning C.:

I'm sorry for the condition that you find yourself in!

I will tell you up front that I do not like your boyfriend!
In your own words he shows no respect for you or for your
son, the son that he created yet says he is the son of a B!

You do not need to stay with him for your son's sake, your son will be better off without him!
You and your son move in with your grandparents, you then set out to get an education, there are grants available for ladies that are in your situation that will pay for all of your schooling!
Talk to your grandparents and ask them for help and tell then you have a plan. At 19 you can be anything you would like to be, today with the shortage of nurses and that you
can become an RN is just 3 to 4 years and then will have a
high paying job, something to think about!
Good Luck
B. C.

2 moms found this helpful

Well, I'm really sorry to hear about you BF and how he's acting....but, you my dear need to move in with your grandparents, just you and the baby.

Your BF's frustration is out of immaturity and if he really feels that stressed, well, you don't want your little boy hurt. Don't kid yourself, get some space between you. You're a mom now, your priority is to your son and only your son.

Good luck

1 mom found this helpful

Three words of wisdom, DUMP HIS ASS! Leave as fast as you can pack your stuff. This man will bring nothing but hurt to you and most of all your child. I would get a lawyer (call the Bar Association) and a very tight custody contract drwn up right away. You should never stay with a man for the child's sake when he obviously DOES NOT have the child's best interests at heart. You are not asking too much from a man, this one sounds more like a boy. These are bad warning signs of things to come. I was married to an abusive man for twelve years. Please, please do what you have to, no matter how hard, to protect your child and yourself. CB

1 mom found this helpful

Take the baby and go to your grandparents for at least a while without the boyfriend. If he wants to be a part of your and the baby's life, he will come around. If he doesn't, it is his loss. I'm so sorry you are going through this alone. You shouldn't have to, but you sound like a strong and smart woman who knows what is best for her child. Keep with that and you'll find yourself on the right path! I wish you nothing but the best for you and your son.

1 mom found this helpful

As a pediatric nurse for almost 20 years--and a mother of 4 adult children and a 19 month old--I can not express enough to you the "red flags" that go up when you talk about him yelling at your infant, calling him names and becoming irritated with his care. I have seen too many instances where the caregiver has lost control for one instance and the child suffers the consequences for the rest of his life. Your BF is probably not a bad person, he is only having having a hard time adjusting to this completely new lifestyle and responsibility--but--I can not stress enough that he does need help with understanding that his anger directed at this infant only makes it worse, and can be devastating if allowed to get out of control. The baby will feel his irritation and cry even more. As much as you want him to help out with the care---if he continues to ABUSE this helpless infant by being upset with him for being a NORMAL baby---then you need to not put your son in that position. As his mother, please do not ignore these classic warning signs. Please educate yourself on "shaken baby syndrome". It only takes one time to ruin EVERYONES life. As far as staying with him for the baby's sake---if he can not get a handle on his anger--you need to get away from---for the baby's sake.

1 mom found this helpful

Your boyfriend just sounds very immature. Just because he is old enough to make a baby, does not make him behave like a dad. A truly grown man loves his child/ Children and would do everything to support and want to care for his child.

He is not showing you the respect that you deserve. Both parents need to be care givers and he is not pulling his weight. As a mother, I know that you love your baby and want to give your baby the best that you can. I can also understand that you want the baby's father to be a part of this, but right now he is just not ready to grow up and face the responsibility.There could be some other things going on with him that the 2 of you have not had a chance to discuss.

When our daughter was first born my husband and I had been together since we were in middle school and we had been married 10 years. We knew each other so well, there were times we did not have time or energy to have a grown up conversation we were so busy taking care of our baby, but we could just look at each other and through our eyes tell each other we loved each other. My husband and I had great jobs and owned our own house and yet, my husband told me he was completely freaked out about being able to care for our daughter. I told him he was going to be a great dad, that he would learn to take care of her, but he stopped me and said, "No, I know I can care for her, but can I take care of her financially and emotionally". "Am I a good man. Will I treat her correctly?" He asked if we were "going to get through this and be ok as a couple". These were the things he was worried about.

Your boyfriend has a huge job to do and he may be frightened by all of it. I would suggest the two of you go and get some counseling. Call your local Mental Health services and see who can see the 2 of you together. If he will not go, you need to go alone and they can help you come up with a plan to set up this new life.

You are never alone. It sounds like you have a great family. Ask for help, it is an honor to be asked to help. It is a gift you give to the other person when you trust them enough to ask them. It is also very mature to know when you need help. I am sending all of you good thoughts.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with everyone. GET OUT ASAP! This BF is going to get worse and you must protect your child and yourself.
Take the offer of living with your grandparents. Do not wait any longer. God Bless.

1 mom found this helpful

Do not stay with someone for the sake of the baby. If you're not happy, the child can sense that. If you're BF can't and won't help with the baby, then you need to have a talk with him. If he still refuses to help, and you truly don't love him anymore, then it's time for you to move on.

Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Sounds like you've gotten some good advice already and mine will mimic the rest. But I'll say it a little more harshly. Dump his butt until he figure out how to be, and if he wants to be a dad. You're a mom now. You have no choice but to look at the bigger picture. What is your baby going to learn from the father at this point? Hate and resentment. It's not fair for your child nor for yourself. Your baby comes first as you know but you also need to remember that your physical and mental health are important too. If you don't take care of yourself how can you be a good mom? I'm not saying you need to totally give up on your BF but you need to make this move without him. Not as a way to punish him but as a way to say, "Right now I need to do the best thing for the baby. And that's moving without you."

Also, please remember to go and file for child support. It's the responsible thing to do for your child. And if he is remotely caring father at all he will agree that this is the best thing to do. Men who fight against women filing for child support aren't ever going to take care of their responsibilities without the law looking over their shoulders. Even if he isn't living with you he still needs to share in his duty of financially taking care of the baby. He helped make the baby, now he has to help support it. If he's not going to do it emotionally or physically then the least he can do is financially be there. And please don't let him talk you into ANY verbal agreements on child support. You need to file with the state. Your baby comes first and if he decides he doesn't want to pay up then he needs to be able to answer to the authorities because he won't be answering your calls for help.

Good luck! Be strong for you and your baby! You can do this!
J.
http://www.mommysjoy.com

1 mom found this helpful

I haven't read the other responses yet, so I'm not sure if someone else already said this. I certainly don't think his actions are appropriate and it sounds like he is very immature and possibly even dangerous for your child. However, it is a stressful time and you are both young. Maybe a break would be good to give the two of you time to evaluate your feelings and see what direction you want to go. But in now way should you allow him to think that his actions are appropriate. I wish young people would think about these things before they bring children into this already scary world, but it happens. My own children have similar issues. Just remember that YOU are ultimately responsible for that baby and YOU need to do whatever it takes to make sure he is safe and taken care of. It is not your grandparents responsibility but I am glad you have them to help you. I know I wouldn't trade the world for my grandkids. Move to your grandparents and concentrate on taking care of yourself and the baby and let time tell. You just might find that he thinks about it and changes - or you could find out that he's just not someone you want to raise your son. Either way at least you are finding out now. Pray about it and you will get your answer.

1 mom found this helpful

Move in with your grandparents without him. If he is responding so harshly to the baby when he is feeding him, he is doing more harm than good. Babies are small and can sense anger at a very young age. You are too young to get stuck in a negative relationship so if you have a chance to get out, do it now before it gets worse.

You are not asking for too much out of him by asking for help with feedings and such. This is just a preview of how things will be later on. Maybe the break away from him will help your relationship if it's meant to be.

1 mom found this helpful

I would definitely move without him. I would not have my 2-month old around someone who is expressing so much hostility. ( father or not )
Don't worry about him right now, move in with your grandparents, get a job so you can work to take care of your son and yourself. If things do work out later that you two get back together , thats great. But right now, with the situation like it is, I would make getting my son into a more stable environment and a more nurturing environment would be my top priority; and let the boyfriend work things out for himself.
Later on maybe things will change .....but for right now you need to take care of yourself & that baby. You can do it! :)

1 mom found this helpful

First is he the babys daddy? second no child should EVER be tslked to that way, especially a newborn. I think u should move in with ur grandparents just u and the baby. U r not being whiny or asking too much of him. U shouldreally walk away from him at least for a lil bit. I am close to ur age so if u want to talk or get together, please do not hesitate to write me at ____@____.com and i will give u my numbers so we can talk or meet up. The best of luck always

1 mom found this helpful

Get away from him and live with your grandparents. It sounds like he is immature not ready for this responsibility. I broke into tears when you said that he calls your little angel a SOB... that is absolutely horrible!! How on earth could a father call their baby that..unbelievable. If you move in with Grandparents you can always still work on your relationship with your b/f but definitely move away from him at least for awhile. You continue to be strong, love and spoil that baby with everything that you have. If you need financial help go to www.yourtexasbenefits.com about WIC, food stamps, housing.......

1 mom found this helpful

Hi C. V,

Never let anyone speak to handle your baby the way your boyfriend does. You are your babies guardian, he cannot take care of himself and depends on you. You do what you have to do that is the best interest of your son, if it takes you leaving and going to your grandparents then do so. Many mothers out there do it all the time, your son is your #1 priority no excuse. Empower yourself you can do it!

1 mom found this helpful

you are not asking too much of a father to help care for his son. I would suggest moving in with your grandparents, just you and your baby. Your baby doesn't need to be around someone who talks like that to him. It is not good for your baby or any baby. While he may not understand the words, babies can sense your feelings and it affects them. It is better right now if he is just surrounded with love and happiness. If you live without your boyfriend with your grandparents, it is a good time to see how your boyfriend really feels when he doesn't have to be around. Guys don't always know how to spend time with such a little baby, but he should want to spend some time with his baby. Just stay strong..you are strong, and you can do it.

1 mom found this helpful

A HUGE warning sign is that he is yelling at the baby and calling him a son of b----. That is not the sign of a good parent. If he is doing this now it will only continue as your son gets older. Do you really want your son to grow up and be talked to that way?
I advise you to take the baby and move into your grandparents' without this man. And go to court, get child support, and ask for supervised visitation. If you have evidence, such as a witness or anything of that nature, that you can use to show the court that supervised visitation is best use it! He does not need to around this baby unsupervised. I have a feeling he would not properly care for the child much less show the baby any real love.
And NEVER believe you should stay with someone for the sake of the child. That is just wrong. I think you know what the right choice is or you wouldn't be thinking of it. I will be praying for you; I believe you have the strength to do what you know is best for you son.

1 mom found this helpful

Please don't let him talk or treat your son that way. Your boy is innocent and helpless. This could be a very dangerous situation for your son. People who get frustrated w/ babies are more likely to shake a baby which could cause serious, life threatening injuries. Statistics show that men are more likely to shake babies and baby boys are shaken more than baby girls. Knowing this and knowing that your BF has already been verbally abusive to your son and gets frustrated while careing for him, you should definitely LEAVE HIM. It is not worth putting your child at risk to be w/ a man who would treat his own innocent child this way. Please think about your son's life and how this could affect him. I will pray for you and your son. I have a six month old baby boy and it breaks my heart to think that anyones baby has to go through this. Be strong for your son! Email me if you need to talk to someone. I will help anyway I can.

1 mom found this helpful

The fact that BF will not help is a sign of selfishness.
When BF does help, he's "ABUSIVE". Don't ask for BF's
help. Leave asap. Write down all your concerns about
life with "BF". I bet there are more that you have not
expressed. After living away from BF, your memory will
fade and your heart will yearn for his companionship.
You'll need to re-read the notes you made about "Life with
BF" and reality will hit home. BF needs to really prove
a change by attending anger management and parenting classes
just so he can "man-up" for his next relationship, if not
with you. The notes will also help authorities know what it would be like for your child to be alone, in the care of your BF. Think of your child, #1, yourself and your
grandparents. Think about your future. More of "THAT"
should not be an option. I do wish you the very best,
because it is out there for you. Sometimes we make mistakes
to learn from them and make better choices. Learn from
this and make yourself better for it.

1 mom found this helpful

Tough situation, being 19 the first year and half is critical to bond and care for your own child. Its nice if you have a father to help if he is being helpful, but in your case hes working parttime and not motivated to get a full time job to totally suppport you and his son. If you are going to stay with your family and you are not married you can make a decision here, You could work nights and get some job training and make money for yourself if grandparents can watch your little guy before he goes to bed and you feed him after work again around 10-11pm. Or you can keep going on relying on him to save money up, not help you and be in limbo.
If you tell him you are wanting some space, he can't move in with you but can see the baby as much as he wants see what happens. You can do this by yourself if he doesn't come around much, You can get child support guaranteed from your b-friend if he doesn't want to support you and your child and make a go of this family, stay with your baby during the day, and have grand parents put him to bed at around 6-7pm work a job from 5-6pm-or 10-11pm. Data Entry postions at CPL Clinical Pathology labs are night jobs, so are grocery stores as a cashier, or restaurant waitress/bartender to make some money for yourself, help your grandparents out with a small portion every month until you save your money up for furniture,rent(at least 3 months)deposits, and some utility money. I'd save about 2500-2700 dollars before moving back out. Working 4-5 hrs a day for 8-10 dollars will take you about 6-9 months to get on your own feet. Your son will be almost a year old, which is perfect as most of the frequent feedings of milk and beginning baby food are established by then. Keep the father in your childs life, but its up to him how he wants to be involved all the time or here and there. Tell him like it is, if he can't support you and your baby fully, then maybe he should just pay child support and take care of himself he sounds young and not responsible at this time.You are the mother and you have to do what is best for your son's care and being called names isnt an option.

1 mom found this helpful

You should move into your Grandparents WITHOUT your b/f. It's not fair to you, the baby, your BF or your grandparents to just stay w/ him b/c of the baby. You should also ask him to get some help b/c it seems like he can't control his anger if he is yelling at the baby and calling him names. Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

I think you should read what you wrote. First of all you don't stay with any man just for the child's sake. Any MAN would not tell a baby to hurry up and finish eating just so he could go back to sleep. He sounds like he needs to grow up. If you have supportive grandparents, move in with them only with the baby if they will allow it. Then my suggestion would be to get your education to support you and the baby. Don't completely cut off the father but he needs to be there for support and that doesn't sound like it. I have been there. I am a divorced mother of 2 and I am supporting them myself. Yes I get child support but after an abusive relationship enough was enough.

Goodmorning,
Well, here is my take on this, and this comes from experience. I had my first child at 17 and my second at 19. I now have 5 kids, and I am 29. Anyways, when I was 19 me and my common law husband had been together for about 3 years, and we had two children together. He was a great dad, but things changed and I found myself in a very similar situation. The truth is though, that things will not change if you allow them to stay this way. The worst of all of it is that even though my ex was a great dad and man, I never expected the changes that came after we had our second child. It started with the yelling, the frustration when having to deal with the baby, and ulimately, when my daughter was 2 mths old, and I was at the store, he fractured her legs! Yes...He got frustrated because she wouldn't stop crying and he had fed her, and he squeezed her legs and because babys bones are still soft, they fractured. This was the hardest thing in my life at 19 to go through, and let me tell you, you have got to get out of this situation now. If he loves you and your child then he will come back, CHANGED!! But don't make the mistake of looking past things when they smooth over...because they will always come back. And you will find your life to be insanity. Which means-doing the same thing over and over agian expecting different results.
There is nothing more then having your family together, but you have to stand your ground for you and mostly your baby. You sound like a great mom, you just need to find the strength to know that every will be ok, with or without him. This I promise you...I have had a very hard life being a young mother, but I have made it, and you can too!! Just hang in there, and follow your heart and your instincts...they don't lie, and it would be a great time for you to make these changes if you move into your grandparents alone, and let him know that he must change for the better- for you, your child, and mostly himself...
With Love,
S.

First, you are not being whiney. The first 6 months to 1 year of a baby is major adjustment emotionally & physically. Rest when you can and as much as you can.
Second, stay with your boyfriend b/c you want to for the both of you. B/c you believe in your relationship with him. Don't stay just b/c you have a child. That will not work, especially for your child.
It sounds like you have some family willing to help, maybe you both need some time to sort through expectations of each other. What are you expecting from this relationship? What does he expect?
Enjoy your baby, treasure the simple moments as they go by fast. You can get through this.

What you should do: move in with your grandparents, if they have offered to help. Do not let your boyfriend go with you. He would probably be mean and abusive to your grandparents, too.

Your boyfriend is not a man. He is acting like a spoiled child. He is not ready for responsibility and a family, and you need to let him go.

I think that you and your baby may not be safe from the way things are going so far. Also he is not contributing to the relationship with either you or your baby and is making things worse. I think you should do what's best for you and your baby and move in with your grandparents. Good luck!

I don't think anyone can tell you whether or not you should move this guy in with your grandparents, but I do think you need to ask yourself, "How much respect are you giving your grandparents?" I know that most people don't think it is wrong to live with a person when you are not married, but I have a difference of opinion on that subject. I think it is wrong and I think it is disrespectful to your grandparents to move your BF into their home.

I also think you need to ask yourself why you want to continue to live with someone when 1) you are not married to him; 2) he works a part time job and cannot adequately support you and your child; 3) he is not helpful with his child; 4) he curses and yells at the child, and 5) you don't even know if you like him any more. I think you need to spend some time with yourself and God and get your life together so that you can try to raise this child in the right way. I think you need to understand what a real man of God is like and I think you will make the decision that your BF doesn't fit that category.

go to your grandparents without that looser!! You or your baby should not be around some one like that. I am 33 with an 8 year old son and would have never put up with that. I love my son way tooooooo much!!! Hope this helps, B.

For the sake of the child it is time to move on. His behavior now says that before long he will be further abusing the child and you. You would be better off on your own with the child. From the sound of things you have the support of your grandparents. Move in with them and tell him to take a hike. It also sounds like you are growing up a bit by recognizing that this situation is not in the best interest of the baby or you. That being said, do not let him off the hook for child support though. If he was adult enough to enjoy the ride, he need to man up and take care of the child that resulted!

You should not stay just for the children when the other parent in borderline abusive to you child imagain 3 or 4 years form know when you baby dose something he doesn't like what is he going to yell at him then just go by your self.

i don't mean to sound cold, but is this guy worth it if he is yelling at a two month old. i don't know your bf, but is he is worn out from an ice cream shop than you are better off by yourself. easier said than done, i know. think of that baby and what roles models and just people you want around him. let that give you strength to ditch the ice cream man and love your baby and find happiness alone or possibly with someone new. i am sorry that you are in this situation. it sucks.

Im young like you, and i can understand how hard it is and how you feel. Your boyfriend shouldn't be reacting this way to a hungry or crying baby. and obviously your maternal instincts know this is not right or you wouldn't get mad about it in the first place. Everyone needs help sometimes, and he should know that, you job is much much harder then his. Never think of it as staying in it for the babys sake, i know your doing it because you care but if your not happy then your son wont be happy either. i agree with other moms on here that his verbal behavior shouldn't be tolerated, and could possibly get worse.

move in with your grandparents with you and your son alone, i think thats the best thing for you both.

hang in there, things will get easier :)

why are you even thinking about it. If he is calling your son names, what is there to think about. It is not this childs fault he is hungry. No one calls him names when he eats at his own pace. I say now is the time to break loose and move in with your grandparents alone with the baby. Regardless man or woman and child is the parents responsibility. Just cause you are the mom does not mean you are the only one to handle the child. My husband helped me with all four of our children. From bathing to feeding taking them to the park so i can rest. Even when i was sick he used to treat me like a queen. He of course has a bad streak, when he is sick he whines like a baby.and of course i have to treat him the same as he treated me. But i say kick him to the curb till he learns to appreciate the gift god has given both of yall.If you really need to think about it, watch the news and see the story of the baby situation from Galvestion, you wont have to second think it then.

You have got to get OUT of that situation and quickly! You are putting yourself and your baby at great risk. He is an ABUSER. Anyone that would speak to an innocent 2 month old baby like that has a cold black heart! I'm sure he's been verbally abusive to you too; calls you names, treats you with disrespect, etc. He doesn't care about you the way he should. Just because he hasn't physically HIT you yet doesn't mean you're not being ABUSED by him. You don't deserve to be treated that way by anyone, especially not the person who is supposed to love you more than anyone else in the world. You deserve better!

You are not asking too much of someone who took on the responsibility of being of father. Did you discuss adoption before you had this baby? I'm assuming it was unplanned. Did he want to be a father? Does he resent the fact that he has this responsibility now? He's obviously not mature enough to be a father and has no ambition to care for you or his baby or he would be getting a better job or going to college or doing something to ensure a better future for you both.

This is not what you want for you or your baby. Cut off contact with him for a while as you get back on your feet. Move in with your grandparents or parents to help you. If you can move to another city you'd be better off. Start looking into ways you can get additional education or training that will help you get a good job so that you can support yourself and your child. Don't depend on you BF for help because you're probably not going to get it. And don't expect your BF to change because he's not going to! Don't be naive and think things will change. They didn't change when you moved in together or had a baby together. He is NOT going to change. The good news is there are good men out there, but you can't keep doing what you're doing and expect to get a different result. You are the only person you can change. And just so you know all your options: it's not too late to consider adoption and new start for you all. It's one of the most unselfish things you could do.

You're too young to stay with someone "for the baby's sake." In fact - if you're unhappy, and especially if he doesn't treat the child well, it's ok to leave than to be a dysfunctional family forever. That's not good for a child either, it's worse. He just can't treat the child like that and he doesn't seem to respect you. I'm sorry, good luck.

I would move in with your grand parents. I think its best for another person to observe his behavior too. As for the father helping out my hubby didnt help that much with my son for the first few months. I started singing the little boy blue man on the moon song. Its about a father that never made time for his son then when he got older his son never had time for the father. It really bothered him. But still not much help. He assured me that once he got older that he would be there and play more with him. And as he gets older my husband is more with him. This is a very stressful time for you both. Your young and sleep deprived. There will be times that you dont like eachother and there will be times that you work on the relationship. Dont stay together for the baby's sake. Thats alot of pressure for a baby and soon a kid to handle. I just dont want you to end up blaming the baby for your unhappy life. And it dosent have to be unhappy. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Remember that if you kick him out of the picture he still has rights to your son. Hope you find the answer your looking for.

Hey, you can do this. If he is acting like this do not sty with him b/c of the baby. I have been in your situation and I dropped the dude and never looked back and never been happier. I met and married a wonderful man who loves my daughter like his own and has helped me raise her since she ws 8 mths old and she has always called him "daddy." She has continued to see her bio dad and she loves having two daddies. It's hard being a single mom but just remember you have a sweet baby to always make you SMILE no matter the problem. Word od advise it's always going to be stressful with a baby around. Good luck.

OK LET ME SEE IF I CAN HELP YOU UNDERSTAND. I KNOW YOU WILL JUST SAY I'M OLD FASHIONED, BUT LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY CAUSE I'VE BEEN THERE, & DONE THIS.I HAD A BF MOVE IN WITH MY SON & I. WELL IT WAS FIGHT, FIGHT, & FIGHT. BUT I WAS EVEN DUMBER, HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM & I WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO THINK THAT IT WOULD BE BETTER THAT WAY, WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!HE STARTED BEATING HELL OUT OF ME & THINKING IT WAS OK CAUSE I WAS NOW HIS. GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP ASAP. I SURE WISH THIS WEB PAGE WOULD HAVE BEEN AROUND & SOMEBODY WOULD HAVE WARNED ME. BUT I MIGHT HAVE BEEN TO STUPID TO LISTEN BUT I'VE BEEN THERE & YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO SETTLE FOR LESS. HE CAN'T LOVE YOU & THAT BABY LIKE YOU NEED TO BE, ESPECIALLY THE BABY OR HE COULD NOT STAND UP & CUSS HIM OR NOT HELP YOU WITH HIM.
HOPE YOU WILL LISTEN TO REASON,
BUT I WAS YOUNG & DUMB TOO.
D.

If I were in your shoes, I would only let my boyfriend move in with me and our child if he agreed to take some parenting and anger management classes. And followed through.

If he doesn't get help, his behavior will only continue and it very well could get worse. It's understandable that he is stressed out, but yelling at a baby and calling them names is not acceptable, do not put up with it. Or two years from now he will be doing the same things to you and your toddler (or worse).

I know you love him but is this how you want your future life together to be? If not you need to take steps now.

LEAVE NOW. Do not take him (BF) with you. Go to your Grandparents, get your life together and move on. My sister was in an abusive relationship for 25 years because some days were really bad but "the next day he will be helpful and nice". This is classic abusive behavior. LEAVE.

Judging from the fact that your boyfriend is working part-time at an icecream shop, I assume that you are fairly young...I was once in your shoes. I had my oldest daughter when I was 19. After reading that he has no patience with you or the baby, you should definitely re-evaluate your relationship with him...are you only with him because he is the father of your child? Do you really care about him, AND can you honestly love someone who treats you and the baby that way? Trust me, it will not get better...only worse if he doesn't have patience now to deal with baby, he sure as heck won't have patience to deal with a toddler...or pre-teen...or teenager! If you have grandparents who are willing to give you a place to live, take them up on it - WITHOUT HIM! Try it for a while..you will have less stress and be happier. My guess is that your grandparents won't mind helping with the little one if you go to work or school. About your boyfriend - he is JUST as responsible as you are for taking care of the baby...he should not be "let off the hook" on anything just because he is a man. In fact, there are plenty of men who help with their children. Not helping is SO caveman-like these days!!! In fact, I am married to a man who is not my girls' dad and he has done more for them than their own father has ever done. So, please don't sell yourself short just because he is the "father". Talk to him and let him know what you expect...if he isn't ready to take responsibility then take matters into your own hands and go your separate ways. Go through the Attorney Generals office for child support and they will garnish his wages here in Texas so you get some help to take care of the little one. You and the baby deserve better!! So take care and please let me know if you need to talk...
~K

You and your baby need to move in with your grandparents.I think you are making an excuse by saying "I know i should stay with him for the baby's sake", seems like to me that's for your sake. My God he works at a ice cream place how tired can you be that you cant come home and help with the baby he is just being selfish he is only thinking about hiself but when you have a baby it's not about you anymore it's about that child and whats best for that child. The way he talks to the baby is hideous and you shouldn't let it go on leave him he is the SOB not the BABY!!

No, you need to take care of your baby and dump the loser. He is probalby way too young and immature for this great responsibility. If he is calling your son that and mad cause he has to get up in the night, he doesn't sound like the greatest guy. You are young, move in with your grandparents, apply for assistance and get an education. The best thing you can do for your son. Don't drag him along, let him go so he can grow up and maybe make something of himself. You can do it.

I have 3 kids and had the first one at 24yrs old and even then it was hard. I went back to school and became an RN, I can now give my kids what they need. My husband has supported my education all they way and he cooks, cleans a little, and works.

Hey well I am just going to tell you from my experience and my opinion what I think. Please take what you want and leave the rest...I was with my son's dad for a until last March and although we didn't live together it just wasn't working out. We BOTH tried to stay together for the sake of our son, but in all actuality that is NOT always what's best for our kids. I don't believe you should ever stay with someone just for your kids. Kids are so much smarter than many people give them credit for. Just like we want our parents to be happy they want the same for us and they KNOW if we aren't happy...Now they might not fully understand what that means but they will be able to tell the older they get(does that make sense?) Also, do you really want someone around your son that talks to him the way that your bf does? Honestly there is NO EXCUSE for that. Your son is 2mths old and has no control over the things your bf is yelling at him about. He is helpless and think of how that makes him feel...being yelled at and not being able to do anything about it...by someone that should love him unconditionally. I'm not sure how old your bf is but I don't think he really knows how to handle his feeling about being a parent. Or maybe his responsibilities...I don't know but I do know I would NOT let someone talk to my son like that. I am a single mom and live at home with my parents...Is it hard...YES...BUT, it's so worth it. There are days where I just want to cry bc I need a break...I work full time and am a full time mom when I get home. I am not in the same boat as you I don't think, but I do understand how tiring it is for you being at home with your son all day and you do deserve a break. Maybe you could talk with your grandparents or a friend or find a mothers day out group to help with your exhaustion so you can have some YOU time. Even if it's just for an hour or so...A break is a break.

I know it's hard to think about NOT being the the father of your child and i'm sure you love him...but whats best for you and your son. If you do what's best for YOU it'll be what's best for your son. You need to look at all the pro's and con's of why YOU want to be and ARE in a relationship with him. Maybe making a list will maybe help some. I have so much more I can say but I know this is already getting long.

I am not sure what you believe, but my belief is that God has someone very special for each one of us. You are an amazing woman and deserve to be happy and to be helped with all the responsibilities of having a child and for you and your son to be RESPECTED. Sometimes we get that help from the father and sometimes it's from others. Sometimes we want it to be the father so bad that we overlook things that once would have been a deal-breaker...but now with a child in the mix...I completely understand how complicated that makes things.

Just remember sometimes things aren't meant to be and thats okay. This could be the case for ya'll OR it may not be. Only you know the answer to that. Just take a really good look at your relationship and see if it's REALLY what you want in the future. Don't expect things to change...bc people don't change unless they want to. Have ya'll had a date night lately or just some time the 2 of you to really enjoy each other and talk and just hangout??? Maybe you could find a sitter or someone you trust to watch your little one so ya'll could go out and enjoy each other and really talk about what you BOTH want and where you see the relationship going. Ask him how he's feeling and maybe ya'll could talk about it. You never know how he's really feeling unless you ask and really listen. And do it without your son around so it's just ya'll 2. Just my thought.

If you have any questions or need to talk or anything please feel free to send me a note and i'll be happy to send you my e-mail address. Anyways, good luck to you!

You need to leave him now, he sounds like an abusive guy. You are very young, I would stay focused on your son, stay with your family and move on from him.

Sounds like he is a little agressive with a 2 month old baby and how bad will he get as the baby gets older. No you are not asking to much of him... he is obviously not ready to be a father or a parent..Sorry I know that is not what you want to hear or you want to give him a fair chance (which you can not be blamed for) He is only working part time my husband works full time 12 hour shifts at a plant and he comes home and does his part cause that is just the way it is. no I do not take a break when he comes home and say here you go but he helps with getting the children feed and bath time. He did not want to help at first either but he never yelled at the baby or tried to rush him through a bottle. I hope you get plenty of good advise and chose the right path with your relationship with your child. A 2 month old does not have any faults so what can happen when the baby gets old enough to actually start pushing his buttons

Move in with your baby only - if you are not sure you like him, the father, then that means you don't and you certainly don't love him. He is a person I would not want around any baby - especially alone. You will be making the right decision, but make sure you let him know your reasons - citing the words and actions he uses with his son. Sorry, he sounds like a jerk - you may want to get a restraining order.

Dear C. V,

This guy is bad news. Calling a little baby horrible names and not helping you. He is self centered and immature to say the least. It only will get worse as time goes on. You and your baby will be better off without him. He probably will get physically abusive if not already. Please for your sakes, separate from him and start your life anew. You can do it with the help of your grandparents. An older mother who has been around the block.

Jan in Katy

I would definitely move in with your grandparents; but I would tell BF to stay with his parents and seek anger management. I would also have his wages garnished for child support since you are NOT married.

I don't mean this to sound harsh; but living apart from your BF will either help him mature or help you move on. Stay strong and remember that only you know what is best for yourself and your son.

Best of luck!

The behavior that your boyfriend is showing is not normal. Please do not think that it is. A baby is a lot of work, but when we have them, we can no longer be selfish. That child gets our attention, our time, our money, and most importantly our LOVE! I do not think that you are doing anything for the baby's sake by keeping him around if he is yelling at a 2 month old and calling him a SOB. That baby cannot control what it is that he is doing. He is doing exactly what he knows how to do - eat, sleep, cry and learn. And as they get a little older, they are going to require a lot more attention. I think that it is wonderful that your grandparents are allowing you to move in, but remember that at the end of the day, that is your child and you are responsible. It's a scary thought to even think about being a single mom at 19, but you cannot let that be the deciding factor. Surround yourself with a strong, loving support system and you will make it through this tough time. That baby is a blessing!

Hello there I'm not sure what everyone else has said so forgive me if i'm repeating anything. I noticed that you said you should be with him for your son's sake. If your bf is saying those things to him then leaving him sounds like it would be better for your son. I know that having a baby can put stress on a relationship but that seems a little over the top. Have you tried talking to him about how you feel? If not that is something to definantly try. If it were me and going off the information that you provided I would really consider moving in with your grandparents without him. Tell him that you think maybe that yall need some time apart. Just because you don't live together doens't mean you have to break up. Maybe after that things will change for the better.If not then that should tell you something...I don't think that you are being whiny at all! He seems to be selfish and all abotu him. Remember that you are the only one in your situation and you have to do what is best for you and your son. Best of luck with everything.

You know in your heart what is right. Men typically do not help with the baby- but getting upset with the baby and calling names is unacceptable. Maybe moving without him will make him realize that he loves you and the baby- or not and you would be better off anyways. I wouldn't stay with him just because of the baby...my Mom was a single mom for 4 years until she met my Daddy- The man that got my mom pregnant denied that I was his- and my Dad raised me- I wouldn't have had it any other way. You can do this if you feel it is right.
If you decide to let him move with you- he has to know he can not continue doing what he is doing and the way he is acting. You have to speak up for your baby- he has no right to be that way. He is the Daddy!

God Bless and I hope this helps!

K.

http://www.RogersUnitedRealty.com

Why do you think you are doing your baby a favor by staying with this awful excuse of a father. He is hateful to his own baby. I say you should remove yourself and your baby from this situation. Is is very obvious that he resents having to take any responsibility for helping raise this child.

Leave, now. You deserve better.

Get yourself and your innocent baby out of that situation. Don't wait until something bad happens. You only have to pick up the newspaper to see how bad things can get. Don't let it happen to you.

I know that you feel like you should stay but for your sake and the baby you need to leave. He has no right calling the baby names and treating him like that. That would scare me to ever leave the baby with him. Move in with your grandparents and fight for rights to the baby. We will all be praying for you.

Dear C. V,

Do yourself and your child an ENORMOUS favor and DITCH this LOSER! A man who loves his child will "want" to do his part in raising his newborn son. Anyone who will look at a precious newborn and YELL at him, tells him to SHUT UP, or calls him an SOB - does not love the child or have the child's best interest at heart! Your boyfriend sounds like an immature, self absorbed JERK! Your baby is a little human-being and although he is still too young to respond, believe me he senses that he's not being held in loving arms. Please don't raise your son around this LOSER. You will be much better off cutting him loose and raising your son on your own - in a kind, loving and emotionally secure home. The verbal emotional damage that your boyfriend will do to your little son in these early developmental years may be irreparable. If you're a sweet and loving person then you deserve a sweet and loving man in your life. At 19 you have many years still to find that special partner. If you want to move to your grandparents home with your son I think that would be good, but do your grandparents a big favor too and leave the boyfriend behind. Your grandparents shouldn't have to deal with him either. They obviously love you if they've opened their home to you and the baby. Don't set them up to have to ask you to leave because of the boyfriends behavior. That's not fair to them, or to your precious child.

Please trust me on this advice... I'm 53 years old and I went through this same situation years ago - only I had 2 sons. I left the boy's dad and raised my sons on my own. Today my sons are both wonderful, stable, grown men who have good and happy lives.

I'd tell him to hit the road. The sooner the better for everyone concerned! You nor your baby deserve the way he treats the both of you.

Good luck to you and your precious little one.

J.
Austin, TX

Do not stay with him for the babies sake. He calls the baby names and yells at him he is only 2 months old. What will he do when he is two? It is not always to stay with the father just because he is the father. If I were you I would move in with out him and see what happens. He may stip up to the plate, who knows. I dont mean to frighten you but the number one person to shake a baby is a father. They just dont all have what it takes to put up with the crying.

I was not raised withmy father and I am fine. I have an amazing step father who loves me like I was his own (in fact I always thought I was the favorite). Dont stay with this man. He is obviously not happy with the situation.

This guy is a LOSER!!!! Are you kidding me? He is mean to a baby? Let me tell you what he will do to the child when the baby gets older- Probably start hitting him at the age of 1 or 2 and even worse when he gets older. LEAVE!!! NOW
I'm actually scared that your confused on what is the right thing to do. Make the right choice for your baby-dont let this poor innocent child be exposed to hate.

DO NOT stay with someone "for the baby's sake" You can remainon friendly terms with them for your child's sake. He will ALWAYS be his father, that does not mean he has to be your, boyfriend, husband or significant other.

Look at it this way. Your child deserves parents who are happy and well adjusted so he can model after them. Staying together for his sake will just cause you and he to resent each other and possibly your little one for being in a situation you do not want to be in.

Make absolutely sure you have LEGAL PAPERWORK regarding all custody, child support and who claims child for taxes.

Good Luck!! ;-)

Hi, I think I'm going to have to agree with the other ladies. He does sound very immature and not ready to be a dad/boyfriend. I think this is your out, I think you should move in and be safe with your grandparents without him. One should never stay together for the baby. It sounds like his behavior is unpredictable, I'd be worried he'd get mad and shake the baby or something, you just never know what someone else will do. You are definitely not asking for too much, if you don't even know if you like him anymore, then you should take the time to think about it. That little baby doesn't deserve his dad calling him names etc and remember, you can't change someone, he'll have to change himself. Please take care of yourself and your baby.

Your son should never be with his father unsupervised. You deserve better. Move in with your grandparents, just you and your son.

I will keep y'all in my prayers.

How is staying with this guys who yells at your sweet 2 month old baby to shut up and calls him horrible names in the best interest of the baby? I'm sorry, but your BF sounds extremely immature and you don't need two babies to care for. Move without him!

For one thing, why move in with a man (boy)without the benefit of marriage-why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. You did not say how old the baby-daddy was, yet you are/were too young to take on a responsiblity of play-wife, mother, lover, and housekeeper. With that being said, why would allow your boyfriend/baby-daddy move in with your grandparents? That's disrepectful. I know it is best to keep the family together but there are times when you just have to cut your losses, move on, get yourself a career, tell him to get himself a career, and then the 2 of you, once established can get together. What is her going to bring to the granparents house? ICE CREAM? I think while you are at your grandparents that is time for reflection and additional schooling.
I know baby, I have been there.

How is it for the "babies sake" if all he wants to do is force feed and curse at a 2 month old. If he is acting like this now it might get worse in the future. Do you want to risk something happening to the baby in the future? Can you feel 100% comfotable leaving your baby and know that nothing bad will happen to him while he is with his father? My husband now used to be a complete piece of s**t up until our son was born. He never held a job longer than 3 months. When I got prego he found a full time job and started saving but was still lazy as hell. When I had my son he completely changed. I was off work and he was pulling 12 hour shifts, but he still made time to help. He said that if you love and want the best for someone or something you have to change. I think you should re-evaluate the future of your relationship and how it will effect you child. You have to do what is best for your family even if you have to get rid of the bad seeds. If you have your family behind you it will help out a lot.

If you haven't noticed before in all of the writings on the wall, take notice now. You BF is still young and immature as are you. You however will bare the burden of all of this but you need to move in with your grandparents. If he gives you the crying I've just been so stressed, well guess what, so are you and the first words out of your mouth are not to hurry up or to say " SHUT UP" to your baby. Think about it as your moving on. You need to get yourself on your feet, get some strength and selfesteem and do it for you and your son. If in time your BF matures has a stable job and life then maybe he can be a part of your son't life. If you stay with yur BF, know that your son is picking up all of your BF socalled Life ambitions and attitude and it will reign on you and your sons future wife tenfold. good luck and sorry about the harshness I got a wakeupcall and I ant to pass that thankful gift to you. We are so much better for it.

Listen. I am giving you the best advice for your child. Please don't stay with this man that shows no love against the child, as he would not be calling him a son of a b___ if he did. If you are staying w/him because of the child's sake, just think what someone like that will actually do to your child. He is verbally abusive and shows no love for him. Will you allow him to treat him and speak to your little boy that way when he grows up? How can that possibly be good for your little boy? If you really love your baby, you will do what is in the best interest for him. He has no voice at this age and really depends on you to be his voice. I am a 30 year old mother of a 4 year old girl, and I would NEVER allow anyone to speak to her that way, especially her father. This will cause self confidence issues among other stuff as they get older. you brought this baby into the world and it's your job to protect him.

There are many good parenting classes around, free I think, which he is very much in need of. Right now he's being abusive to your child and is a danger to him. Please get help RIGHT NOW. He should NEVER be yelling at a baby! This is a danger sign, and could lead to him hurting your son in a fit of anger.

whoa-- you do not have to stay with him 'for the baby's sake' what about you? and if he is yelling at the baby for just being a baby and calling him names--then that ai'nt right. your young and you can do this without him.move in with your grandparents with out him, and take a step back from the relationship, and get some help and go to school for a career and support yourself and the baby. raising a baby is hard but it doesnt help anything to yell at the baby. tell him he wanted to be a man and want the booty, this is a direct consequence he needs to step up and be a man. it takes two.

move in with your grandparents, and get your life straight, there are a lot of programs out there for single moms.
your young and you can do it!! it sounds like you are being a good mommy. just believe you can do it!!

My sister was in a similar situation... except she was married to the guy. Turned out.. he was using Meth though! Anyway... NEVER stay with someone "for" the baby. It honestly makes things worse. Babies can feel our stress and it tends to make them more fussy. It will be better for you and the baby to get out of that house and move in with someone who is going to help you, like your grandparents. If he is 19 also, most guys at that age are immature but should never treat a baby like that. Please, please help yourself and your baby and get your things together and go! Goodluck to you both!

DO NOT STAY WITH A MAN JUST BECAUSE OF YOUR CHILD... it is clear that this man is abusive if he is yelling at an infant for crying or for needing to eat! I am assuming that your boyfriend is not very mature if he is only working a few days a week to try and support you and a new baby.

Perhaps you should take the baby and move in with your grandparents for now and let the boyfriend be on his own. Ya'll could still date and he could work on his parenting skills.

At the very least -- he needs to take a parenting class to understand how to treat a helpless infant.

blessings,
stacy

Staying in a bad relationship for a child's sake is never a good idea! Plus he is not being a loving supportive father anyway! You have to face it, he is not daddy material at this time in his life! Go to your grandparents, be greatful that they are there to help and support you and the baby, and leave him behind. If he grows up and decides to become a real father and a real partner to you, that is one thing, but until then, you are not helping your child by keeping him around. Be a god mom, love your baby, and keep the baby safe and away from abusive behavior! Even though the baby doesn't understand the words he is saying, the baby does sense the hostility! Best of luck

I would move in with my grandparents, me and my baby alone. Why put your grandparents through more hardship than it will already be. He may not be too grateful or respectful to them either. Sounds like your boyfriend needs a good wakeup call. This is a compromise. You aren't really "leaving" him, but don't think it's appropriate that he moves in too. See how he handles that. He needs to take a parenting class or something. You might insist on that one. I know many a macho man that won't take care of a baby. But, they work a lot harder than your boyfriend does. I say you can't have everything in one man. A truly macho man comes with a lot of sacrifice on your part, but a lot of benefits too. They tend to really want to take care of their family, in their own macho way. No offense, but your boyfriend doesn't sound macho, just lazy and has no clue about family. He may have never been taught to be a man and has no good role model in that department. In that case, you can be patient with him, but only if he is willing to learn.

You didn't say how old the BF is, but if you are 19 and the only work he has is 3-4 days at an ice cream parlor, he cant' be too old, or too mature. He needs to spend the time he's not working looking for a job that will support a family. If he resents getting up with the baby and esecially if he calls him names, he's not father material and you might be wise to get out while you can. When he tells you that you're the mom and you're supposed to take care of the baby, you might remind him that it takes two to create one, you didn't do it all by yourself. He enjoyed the fun then, now it't time for him to assume some of the responsibility. A few sessions with a family counselor would do you both a world of good. You need to put your foot down NOW and stop the name calling. That can effect the baby's development and self esteme.

Listen, I know you are going to get a ton of responses but I want you to think about what you said. Why would you say staying for the sake of the baby is best when he calls him a SON of a Bitch. One an insult towards you and who says that to a baby??? I too am a stay at home mom. I know the frustrations but love that baby and hug that baby!!! You will get a break. Those days and times will come. Cherish it every minute right now. Grandparents or in the babies case great grandparents will help you and love you and the baby and be more help and support then your BF. Please WALK away and don't look back. HUGS

Well I say the answer is not an easy one. I am one that would stay in realtionship through thick and thin. But....the point of return is being abusive to the child. You need to pack up and leave NOW!! If he ascting like to the ababy now you may see him on the news tomorrow. You need to pack up yourself and your son and move into your grandparents. DO NOT TAKE HIM WITH YOU!!! Use this time to get yourself a job or go to school get yourself together for your son. Do not let him pressure you. Yeah you may really love him but it is not about you anymore. You have to get that child away from him as soon as possible.
If he wants to the man then he needs to be a man and go get some anger counseling and abetter job where he can support you and the child accordingly. Until then he is not the man he is a bully.
Leave today if at all possible.

Girlfriend---NO you are not whiny--You are facing the real world of what it takes to be responsbile with children. Make a break take you child and move in the your Grandparents--leave the BF. You are way too young to live in that situation for the rest of your life and with his anger that is an unhealthy combo. Get a new lease on life,get a job and on down the road get a Man worthy of you and your son. He will not change.

God bless you--it will not be easy, but very worth it in the long run.

Hi C. V You need to get out of that stituation, he has no right calling you alls baby a son of a --, obviously he needs some growing to do. It took both of you to make you alls baby and it will take both of you to take care of the baby, no matter if he works and you don't. Move in to your grandmother's house alone with your baby. Teach him a lesson and put your conditions. If it doesn't work, then it was never ment to be. Good luck, stand your ground.

Don't stay with him just for the baby's sake. My brother married his girlfirend when she got pregnant for the baby's sake. Many many issues later, they have been fighting and carring on. Their now 4 year old is starting to have major problems. She wont sleep at night and other issues the Dr thinks maybe related to her home life. Kids can't express their emptions as well so it comes out in physical forms. It sounds to me like this guys is close to being abusive. Don't let it go that far. If he is yelling at a baby then what will he do next?? I just don't think that you want to find out. Don't let him end up hurting you or the baby. Move in with your family and tell him he can send a child support check every month and visit when he is not in a temper. Good luck.

Here is my sincere and loving opinion. A little history about me. I got pregnant when I was 17 and delivered a healthy baby boy when I was 18. The father of the baby signed away his rights. My decision at the time was to give the baby up for adoption. It was the least I could do for that precious and innocent baby. He had no father, I did not have a job, I was not finished with school, etc. This occurred over 17 years ago and although I think of him often, I have never regretted my decision. It was a painful and selfless decision of love and sacrifice.

My suggestion to you would be to give that sweet boy of yours an opportunity to grow up with a loving set of parents and many opportunities to learn and excel in music, sports, education. Find an adoption agency and talk to a councelor before you make any big decisions. I suggest the LDS Social Services for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. They have professionals that can discuss your options with you without being judgemental or pushy.

It appears that even though your boyfriend has good intentions at times, he is not ready to be a committed father OR partner. I think you would be an excellent mother. When the time is right! Make the biggest sacrifice of your life and give that baby a better opportuntity. Go back to school for YOU.

You will probably be judged by some, you will probaby hurt inside for a good while. But you will always feel good about yourself and know that you gave that baby a happy life!

I will keep you in my prayers. You are a Daughter of God and he really, really loves you and wants you to be happy. Many wishes to you!

I agree with the others... Leave now. You don't need him. Your baby will be better off without that kind of role model and influence in his life!

Regardless of how mature you may/may not be.....you have chosen to have a child with a child. I could not imagine raising my daughter on a budget that is so limited! Unfortunately, children need more than love. My advise to you would be to seek the help of your family. Move in with your grandmother, and let him go an grow up. Most mature fathers are happy to help with their children, day or night...and they understand the sacrifices involved.