My nephew is 27 months old and gets up each morning and says, "no food, no food," even before my niece and he go downstairs to the kitchen. She has to practically stand on her head to get him to eat and has tried all kinds of tactics; letting him watch cartoons, reading to him, talking to him, trying different foods. He's that way at lunchtime and also at dinner and never seems to be hungry. He hardly drinks any milk but drinks lots of water. She always gave him sips of water from a cup as he ate his meals from the time he came off formula and sometimes now he will drink chocolate milk but not what he should be drinking. He doesn't want snacks of any kind and when at birthday parties when all the kids are enjoying the cake, he takes a forkful and walks away. When they visit other homes for lunch playdates and the other kids sit and eat, he gets up from the table and walks around doing his own thing. He understands everything she says to him and speaks beautifully himself; he has a very large vocabulary. He is thin but not skinny.
Also, he doesn't like change. The other day she went to give him a bath and when he realized that the bath mat was different from the usual one; (she had replaced the white one with a beige one), he refused to go into the tub, crying "white one, white one". She insisted he stay in the tub until she finished the routine bathing and he cried the entire time. When she asked him if he was ready to play with his bath toys, he just kept crying. She took him out, and insisted to her mother that she will not buy a white one to make things easier the next time. It has been her experience that he doesn't forget from one time to the next so tonight he'll probably be crying again at bathtime. Should she give in and use the white bathmat that her Dad went out immediately and bought yesterday when he heard the story from my sister or should she stick to her guns and not give in. He also complains about wearing certain colors. For instance, the other day when she went to dress him he said, "no blue shirt, no blue shirt" and he wouldn't get dressed till she allowed him to pick out the color clothing he wanted to wear. Later in the day when she put on a purple shirt, he said, "no purple, no purple, take off, take off:. She replied, "this is Mommy's shirt and Mommy likes purple, and that was the end of it.
How should this be handled? By the way, this is a kid who when he sees a crumb on the floor he will pick it up and eitheer hand it to us and say "garbage" or go directly to the garbage pail and put it in.
it sounds to me like a sensory issue, my friend thought her son was just a "picky" eater, but when she had him evaluated for speech she found out that there was also a sensory issue the colors and textures of foods had a negative effect to him...so I would have him tested...to rule things out...if it is just personality, then stick to your guns...but if there is an issue, then you can address it.
I'm laughing while I read your post, and wondering if you're writing about MY son! Ha! Okay, so now you know that I totally don't think it's actually funny. It's very frustrating from a parent's perspective. My son is 22 months so not quite 2, but he's very rigid in his routine. The slightest deviation, as Hannah G says, causes a total meltdown.
We warn, warn, warn. 10 minutes until X happens, 5 minutes, 3,2,1 minute, then 30 seconds, then 15 seconds, then we count down from 10 seconds. We have to be consistent - if you say "time's up" you have to mean it, no matter what. And if he tantrums anyway, we say "I warned you we were getting out of the bath, remember? We counted backwards from 10 and now it's time to get dressed!" This tactic has actually been tremendous for us. Our son is very responsive to warnings and we rarely ever get a meltdown if we plan ahead this way.
Food. It's time for mom to stop caring about food. He gets up in the morning and is freaking out first thing, which says to me that eating has become an issue. Totally give up. Provide the choices, don't mention a word if he eats or doesn't eat. No big deal. When we stopped caring, our son transformed into a child that loves to eat. My son IS skinny, he's gained 2 pounds since he was 9 months old. I read all about food hang-ups in "what to expect the toddler years" and I tried all the tactics and they work! But the most important one in our house is to not make an issue of eating - don't praise when he does eat, don't scold when he doesn't, and don't make him taste something he doesn't want to taste. My son is not picky anymore. He won't try everything, but his diet's variety has improved drastically since I stopped making a big deal of it. I also don't worry so much about feeding him a large variety. He might eat the same thing for dinner 3 or 4 nights in a row, and that's comforting to him. And toddlers love to dip stuff and graze - offer lots of snacks, just leave them out for him to try! Turns out my son LOVES olives! Green and black.
My favorite phrase with my son is "pick your battles". If he is upset about clothes I've put on him, then I change him. I usually give him 2 new choices and let him pick one. Sometimes I let him just pull what he wants out of his drawers. Our hang-ups about outfits and matching are just that: our own. If my son won't wear a jacket and it's 40 degrees out, well, I put the jacket in the car and when he's shivering, I ask if he wants his jacket on. Almost always he's learned by this point, that it's cold and his jacket will be warm.
I would totally get the white mat. Why make the kid crazy? It's not going to teach him a lesson to make him bathe with the beige mat, is it? 2 year olds can't be reasoned with. If he was 3, I might suggest sticking to the beige mat...
My son also picks up crumbs and puts them in the garbage. Sometimes I can't even see the crumbs. But it's great, because my 8 month old is learning to crawl and he's helping to keep the floor clear of hazards!! All this behavior is totally normal. Good luck!!
I would definitely discuss the eating issue and any other questions with the pediatrician. From the description you give of your nephew he seems anxious about eating. Maybe it hurts him to eat certain foods. Maybe he has acid reflux or something else that can be relieved or managed but a doctor will have to help you and your family figure it out. If you do not like the answer your doctor gives you, ask to be referred to a specialist for further investigation or get a second opinion.
About the transitions and him wanting to pick out his own clothes, this seems to be typical two year old behavior. It is impressive that he wants to dress himself, he wants independence like most two's do.
You probably already know this but, in general two year olds are very busy little people and at this stage in their life they typically become "grazers" while they eat. They prefer to eat on the run. Sometimes the best we can do is make sure that over the course of the week the child has gotten in the major food groups with lots of healthy things being offered to them at three meal times and two snack times. The fact that your nephew talks about food in an anxious way before mealtimes may be a sign of a problem that he is aware of and needs help with.
Again about transitions, I think transitions are tough for two year olds. They need a heads up, like saying "in five minutes we are going to go take a bath, do you have everything you need so that we can go to bathtime?" I once had to let my daughter go in the bathtub with her socks on because she insisted that I not take them off. I was so very annoyed but I let her keep them on since it was a silly battle for me to try to win. The second her socked feet touched the bathwater she looked at me as if I were crazy and said "yucky wet socks" and then she let me take them off. In the end it was very cute and funny.
Also maybe a children's book about bathtime with your nephew's favorite characters or one he picks out with you together at the library can help.
What a character! He sounds very smart, and very opinionated! I would talk to the doc about the eating situation. In terms of the dislike of change- this is so normal for a toddler! My best friend's toddler has a total meltdown when his routine varies. Total tear and scream-fest. It's just a developmental stage, and most kids will grow out of it as long as the grownups in their lives don't react too strongly.
And hey- let the kid pick out his clothes! :) If he's that neat and careful, he'll probably pick something nice...lol!
The food thing is rough, though. Definitely ask her to talk to her doctor!
There has to be a reason that your nephew is not eating. He's little...he's not starving himself to try to manipulate you or get his way on something. He might be in pain, have food allergies or digestive problems. Little ones can't always tell you a reason. They listen to their bodies...and his body is telling him that it can't eat for some reason. My advice would be to bring him to his pediatrician and tell him/her the whole story. Maybe they can figure out the reason he's not eating and fix whatever it is. Or they might prescribe something to help. There are special high calorie formulas for toddlers that don't eat well. (My daughter was on one for a while....Elecare.) They might also want to try a low dose appetite stimulant to kind of kick-start his appetite and get him eating again.
I don't know about not liking change. I just have a lot of experience with a toddler who wouldn't eat. After seeing every specialist possible, her pediatrician prescribed a formula and a low dose of medicine that had a dramatic effect immediately.
