Does Your Mother in Law Get on Your Nerves

Wish mine was 500 miles away! LOL
She drives me nuts. Complains, gives orders, does NOTHING, is not at all involved in my son's life (sees him maybe 1 or 2x per month--maybe).
I refuse to get involved in her drama.
I'm polite and respectful to her. I don't give her any reason to have anything bad to say about me--except that I "stole" her son. LOL

My MIL and I dont like each other. She didnt really raise my husband,more of a in and out mom until he got older. My hubby and I have been together for over 4yrs. and have 2 children together and he already had a daughter (who he has custody of).She was 2yrs. old when we got together. His mom never really seemed to like me or take time to get to know me, although I put myself out there sooo many times. I am so irritated with the way she treats me AND my daughter, who is 3 now. I used to confide in her as a friend about some of the issues we would have, only to hear back about it in a negative manner when she got her son alone. She never wants to see the kids me and my hubby have together,just my step-daughter. Which I think is really unfair to a 3 and 2 year old,Never comes by to visit us (which i guess is good,but still bothered me). I am at the point now where I said "F*ck It!".She always has to have an attitude at my kids b-day parties,which is really upseting. My point...She's a complete Pain in the A**!

I like my mother in law, but she talks to people in baby voice. I cant stand hearing it! She's a very nice lady but her voice is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

I loved my MIL and miss her daily. Did we disagree? Often, but we had respect and love for each other. I sat with her as often as I could when she was dying from Small Cell Cancer on her Liver. She was a wonderful woman, lady, advisor, and adventurer. She would get in her truck and tell everyone to expect her when they saw the whites of her eyes, then we'd get a postcard from Alaska, Florida, or somewhere wonderful. She always had an opinion and a story to back it up. I loved her more than my own mother.

She worked one time while my FIL was stationed in Antarctica at a nursing home. There was a lady who had some dementia and would not sleep, it was a nightly drama with everyone working to get her to her own room and sleeping. My MIL asked her one time why she was wandering around. The lady said she was looking for her room, it was upstairs and she couldn't find the stairs. My MIL said, "let's take the elevator", she led the lady into a equipment storage closet and turned on the autoclave for a moment to sound like an elevator then opened the door, led her to her room and the lady slept all night. She was always figuring out things like this and passing on her findings. It was annoying at times but when I could stop and pay attention to the message it always had merit.

Similar problems here, but oh, to have 500 miles, LOL! She lives only 45 miles from us. Always knows better how to do something, give her a gift or cook something and she always has comments on how you could've done it better or how she would've, or used to, do it. She always offers financial help, but you know it comes with major strings attached, so we have never taken it. She is very much like Marie on Everybody Loves Raymond, and though she did look at a house across the street from us, we are thankful we have the 45 miles.

She did come over to watch our kids yesterday for about 5 hours, 2 of which they were asleep, so her son, my husband, and I could go out alone on his birthday for dinner. That was nice, except she kept the 17 month old up 2 hours past bedtime, and made her 14 year old special needs granddaughter do all the babysitting, other than making dinner. uhm - if we wanted a 14 year old taking care of our babies, we could get someone local.

This is only the tip of the iceberg - she has adopted her 2 special needs grandchildren who were taken from their bio parents, my SIL and her husband, for neglect and placed in foster care for 3 years with 3 different families before she got them. By her own admission, She is too old and tired and her husband is no help, he is like a grown child too they are 65 nd 70 taking care of a 14 and 16 year old girl with Bi polar disorder and boy with Asperger's syndrome - she is overworked, and always calling us and the other SIL in for "help" - but yet will take no suggestions on how to change the ways she deals with the kids to make her life easier in the long run. We even offered to adopt them, have them come live with us, but she wasn't willing to let go of control. We made a decision to close that door a few years ago, after offering multiple times, once we started our own family.

so as you can guess there is lots of tension and we only get together once every couple months or so, it really is a shame, I think she could be a great grandmother to all the grandkids IF she would let go and would've let us and our other SIL tak the big kids years ago and just been a stress free grammy - but she has to be in control, of EVERYONE, and so she can't enjoy her grandkids the way she may have otherwise.

Wow - that got long - but that is how it is - you are not the only one.

I completely understand where you are coming from! Here's my situation: only daughter-in-law, married to her youngest and only son....you can begin to imagine the trouble! On our wedding day she pulled me aside to tell me that she was sad. Sad because she was losing her son. I have been left out of many, many "family" events and have always been treated as if I didn't matter. When I was pregnant with her only grandchild, I mattered. But once my daughter was born I was back to being insignificant. I struggled with this for a few years, only to realize that my husband chose me. He had no choice in who his mother was. I tolerate her for my daughter's sake, but always find myself biting my tongue when she is around! (She is an expert on EVERYTHING too!) Just always remember that yor hubby chose YOU!

I'm sure they all vary. I've learned to appreciate her and I do respect her. However, we aren't that close, and yes - she does get on my nerves. It's all about her - she's pretty self-centered, but I could do worse!!!

Well I wish we were closer she was never a very nice person towards me. It was no secret that she was jealous of me she told me enough. Although I am not really sure why. She said "Nate loves you more" ( my husband) I said mom its just a different kind of love. The love a man has for his mom is sincere and will always be there. Its not the same type of love a man has for his wife. I would always visted my in laws before they became my in laws without my future husband. I would bring dinner or just visit. I always included an invitation for vacation but they never joined us.
For years she would cancel our visits the night before or that morning. I would many times schedule these visits weeks ahead of time. We are one hour away and we have their only grandchild. Once my kids entered school it got tougher to visit.
I do what I can but I no longer beat my self up any longer. Its her issues.
Now she has cancer and its gone into her bones. I wonder what her regrets are? Does she regret not making time for us when she had it.

Girrrl! I have known my husband since we were 13.. She never cared for me..Even now that we have been married almost 30 years, she is terrible.
I have tried everything to be kind understanding, helpful, whatever was needed I stepped up. Not for attention or for gratitude, but because I wanted to.

She has always cared more for her daughter than her son, my husband. It has hurt him deeply. That was bad enough, but once our daughter was born, her indifference compared for her attention to our nephews her grandsons, was just heart breaking to me.

Once our daughter was graduating from High School. My MIL pushed me beyond any anger I could have imagined. She acted as though we had personally offended her, because our daughter did not want to attend college in TEXAS.. Our daughter is an amazing student and has always had a dream of "attending a college where it snowed". She had 9 choices of colleges. MIL almost did not participate in ANY graduation activities or celebrations. She has hardly ever attended any events for our daughter even though she lives 20 minutes away. She does attend almost every event for the grandsons.

Once she accused me of "never including her in any events" and "not ALLOWING her to do things for" our "daughter". I decided, I was done with her. I am known for being "miss information". I keep excellent schedules and have always passed along all school calendars, All special event that had anything to to with our daughter. My husband was even appalled at her accusations.

He and his mother went to family counseling and that is when my husband realized she is never going to change. She does not feel she needs to and has no apologies.. He supports me with my decision to no longer put any energy into his mom. Our daughter and my husband still go and visit any time they want with my blessings. They have really had an eye opener having to deal directly with her. She is completely disorganized and unaware of any one but her daughters family.

I loved my mother in law until she lost her job and moved in with us. I couldn't do anything right and she was mean and nasty to me when it was just her and I. As soon as my husband got home she put on a sweet as pie face. She made me look like the b$#ch when in reality she was playing games. He finally saw it one day and the stuff hit the fan. She tried to rip him a new one for taking my side and he put her in her place. Yet, things got worse and she was mean 24/7 after that. I finally snapped and kicked her out a few months ago. She hated me for a month. Now I just make very short pleasantries when I HAVE TO. Other then that....it's his M. and he can deal with her!!!! Sometimes it's safe to keep your distance so you don't say or do something to make it worse.

Hi L.,

Oh, the stories that I could tell! I have been married for 16 years and I have two kids (one is 5 years old and the other is 6 months old) and my mother in law thinks that she knows more about my kids than I do.

One recent one was just last week. My 6 month old was constipated, so I called the doctor's office to see what all that I could do to help him go and the nurse told me what I could do and what I couldn't do. One thing that she told me not to do and that was to give him applesauce because like banana's, applesauce can cause constipation. Well, when I told my mother in law this, she told me that I was told a bunch of bologna and that applesauce doesn't cause constipation because it has fiber in it (well, so do banana's and they can cause constipation). Well, I researched it online, in some books and I talked to my sister in law who recently worked in a doctor's office and is an RN and before I could even ask her the question about applesauce (this being after I explained the situation to her), told me that applesauce can cause constipation as well. My mother in law thinks that she knows more than the doctor's and nurses and doesn't listen to them half of the time.

There are more stories that I could tell, but that would take up much more time. So, I do really understand your situation. By the way, I live only 10 to 15 minutes away from my mother in law.:o) My mother in law is a good grandma and does watch both of my boys, so I just keep quiet and let my husband know about it when I think that she's gone to far.

I. K.

Thank god mine is far away. She makes me MENTAL. Whenever I get around her and her hubs I see where my hubby got all of his negative traits (which don't stand out much in normal everyday life but by the time a visit with them ends, I'm always contemplating divorce and how losing them would be a sincere perk) and I'm surprised he's not way worse. She is SO stubborn, disrespectful, an insensitive immature bully and a drinker. The kids go way downhill when she's around because they can see I'm not in charge. Like I said, THANK GOD they're far away, but I seriously worry about dying and having them help my husband raise the kids....oh god...don't let me get depressed and paranoid...

I actually live with my MIL, I am her full time caregiver (she is a stroke victim and came to live with us when my FIL passed). She drives me crazy from time to time with stupid comments or what not. I think half the time its not her its just me wanting my space. I love her but she does drive me crazy, you are not alone. There are days when I think its great she is here with our daughter and times when I just want to run away, but oh well what can you do, right? Part of the extras that come with the wonderful husbands :) ((HUGS))

As much as I would have liked to be close to my MIL, it will never happen. She is very quiet and when she does talk, all of the questions are directed at my husband. She makes little critizism-type comments about how we raise our kids and she says some inappropriate things sometimes that are insensitive. The last time we saw them, she would never have reacted the way I did towards my daughter when my daughter did something inappropriate and she did it in front of my daughter. I let her know that she crossed the line and she would not talk to any of us the rest of the trip. We spent $1000 to fly out there to see them and she ruined our vacation. Afterwards she would not contact us, even her own son. My husband had to be the one the contacted her. Then I had to be the one that apologized for the situation and tried to open up the lines of communication. I have lost a lot of respect for her because my husband and children are the ones that suffer and they need to know that she cares. I do not like the kind of person she is, but I want my husband and children to have a relationship with their grandparents, so I am trying my best to make things work.

I am close to my mother-in-law. I love her and like her and always count my blessings to marry into a great family. She has never (that I can remember) given advice I did not ask for, her opinions I respect and almost always agree with, and I enjoy her company and conversation. She was in delivery with me for both of my children and stayed with me for about a week after each, helping out around the house, cooking, snuggling the baby so I could nap or shower, and just being a calm presence. She has come and stayed with us several times as well when we've had very ill children and really needed to work or just needed an extra hand. She is about 2 1/2 hours away but sadly we can't see them as often as we would all like as my husband works Thursdays, Fridays, and Sundays, I work Monday through Friday, and my FIL is a pastor so has to be home on Sundays. They are keeping the boys for us for about five nights this coming week so we can go to their family camp alone, and have done that several times for us to have a little time off or to cover something I am doing for work. (I also adore my father-in-law, I should add.) I am very blessed to have married into a loving, Godly family.

My husband, however, does not like my mom (it seems to be quite mutual) so it is good that we hardly ever see her I guess (live on opposite sides of the country). I love my mom but am pretty happy with the distance there. Sometimes it makes me a little sad.

Feel your pain! I use to live 500 miles away but now live about 10! She is a huge help and loves to keep my son overnight and most of the time we get along...but she is extremely negative...the most negative person I have ever met. I can take her in small doses unfortunately we are all she really has around her and she suffocates us ALOT! The other day she was over and her sister came to pick her up...she had bought us a comforter for our bed and decides to take her sister to our room to show her....I said no no not today...I didn't make it or clean or anything..she goes ...Oh I made it already...WTH?? Isn't that weird?? Am I the only one that finds it CRAZY that my mother in law just goes in my husband and my room??? My husband agrees 100% with me she annoys him more then me...ANYWAY...I feel your pain! :)

Hi L., My MIL is in ND and I only met her once, last month when she flew out for 4 days and we drove to CA to stay on the beach. Had a good time but VERY glad she is not too close! :o) That being said, I have more problems with my own mom. The way I have solved her sometimes rude, unsimpathetic and unasked for comments, I simply don't tell her "details" about my life anymore. Its amazing at how nice it's been! It's sort of like if she's doesn't know what's going on in our lives, then there really isn't anything for her to comment on. She still makes comments, but its much less now. Maybe something to consider for yourself. Good luck!

Not as much now that I am happily divorced from her! LOL

My mom and my mother in law are best friends. They met the day my sister and husband were born. They shared a labor room and the recovery room for 5 days after the kids were born. I love my mother in law, she is my mom #2. They are very supportive, I enjoy hanging out with her, our favorite thing to do is canning. Right now if it wasnt for my in laws we would be in over our heads with debit because the economy crash.

As with any relationship I do get annoyed with her at times. Sometimes I feel she is a bit h*** o* my but I know it is because she expects more from me since she has seen so much good come from me.

My BF and I were in a long distant relationship. So we had to make a choice as to move where he is (600 miles away from where I lived) or the other way around. We were undecided until a month before the baby was born. My dad passed away. I did not want to be there anymore, it was very h*** o* me (and still is). So decidion made, I move far away from anyone I have ever known, and everything I have ever known.
This also meant my baby's only grandparents were my boyfriends. This was also my MIL first biological grandchild, not to mention we originally lived 5 minutes away from them and saw them all the time. I wouldn't say my inlaws get on my nerves, I just feel his entire family structure is very very very different from my own.
Sometimes it wears on my nerves (sometimes they bicker constantly), but then I just sit back and realize they can never replace what I have in my own family, but they are great to my baby (they also have always welcomed me in their home). Thats what really matters to me, and now that she's older I can tell she's really attached, even to my negaitive, grumpy FIL. =) LOL

I love, love my MIL and FIL. They live so far away but we are very close. I can't say the same for my hubs. My mom lives 5 blocks away and I am sure he wishes she lived 5,000 miles away. Unfortunatley I can't say that I blame him.

My husband and I were planning a visit to take the kids to see their "gramma". (That's the way she spells it.) Anyway, first thing out of her mouth was, "Don't expect me to babysit." Well, thanks so much, we won't bother asking you to spend some one on one time with your grandsons, whom you haven't seen in 2 years.

She has called them maybe 2x in 6 years as well. My son wants to call her all the time and I discourage it because I can tell she hates talking to him. He puts her on speaker phone and I can hear the dread in her voice. Have you ever talked to someone and all they do is say, "uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh" but don't actually ask any questions. That is how she is with her grandsons.

Anyway, we get to her house and to show how much she wants to interact with them, she immediately puts the tv on for them. (Yes, I brought games and books and toys.) But nope, sitting with them while they watched the boob tube is her idea of quality time together. That is what she did with them the entire time she was 'sharing' time with her two smart, sweet, generous and kind grandsons. So, of course, I turn my back and she gave them all the 'sugary' juices I brought for them in the first hour we were there, never asking me if that was okay. The juices I brought for the entire weekend were gone in 15 minutes because it's easier for her to give them junk than to say, "how about some water if you are thirsty." (She probably didn't want them drinking her bottled water. Yep, she's that stingy.)

So the next day, we are going to the movies with the kids. Guess what grandma says?
"Good, it'll give me a break from you guys!" We'd only been there 17 damn hours and 8 of that was sleeping!

At that point, I just concluded that she wanted to 'see' her grandsons, but not get close to them. She wanted to spend time with them but 5 minutes was enough. She wanted to talk with them, but not get involved in the conversation.

So, we pretty much stayed away, (with the kids) for the entire weekend doing stuff. She was happier that way. They saw her for a few minutes in the morning, less than 60 minutes and it was enough for her. When I hear, "I need a break" after basically 8 hours, well, I can take a hint.

Anyway, we were there for 3.5 days and they probably spent max, 3 hours with her and that was watching TV.

I realize now that the legacy their grandmother will leave is the lesson of what type of grandmother not to be. I'm okay with it. I have to be.

I adore my MIL. Does she annoy me? Of course! We're human, we're going to get annoyed with each other occasionally. However she has a huge heart, loves me unconditionally, loves my kids unconditionally, and has been there for me time and time again when my own mother has bailed on me. I wouldn't trade her for the world!!

Wow I'm apalled at everyone's response. This is your husband's mother! How would you like it if your husband was saying horrible things about your mother, or you for that matter? I WISH my mother in law was still around - she passed away six months ago from cancer and the thought that my children will never know their grandmother is horrible, and my poor husband is just devastated without his mother. You should be thankful for the time you have with her and hope that she is a good grandma to your children.

I CANT STAND HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She is an enabler for the negative.
She does opposite of what her son asks her to do, she tries to over ride his parenting, she is a horrible gramma, she is a materialistic gramma & not a loving caring one. she feeds his 5yo daughter junk food all the time. She LIES ALL the time & when you call her on it, she changes the subject or says she doesn't remember the conversation. No one in the family wants her around, she is rude to everyone & talks behind all of our backs, she told us she doesnt want her ONLY grand daughter to spend the night. She won't babysit, but she will buy all the clothes & candy you could ever want...!!! What a gramma.....UGH! He tells her not to communicate with the babys mom & she goes behind his back & tells her things she has no right to say. I can go on, but it is making me angry.....