Divert My Toddler from TV and Make Her Understand My Words

I did not read the other posts, but let me reasure you, unless your daughter has been alone in a room with a TV for two years, she was with people everyday, then her attachment to TV is a symptom and not the cause of her issue. 8 to 10 hours of TV a day may not be ideal, but the TV did not feed her, the TV did not change her diaper, and I assume that you have had some contact with her over the last two years, so she has had human contact.

I have a child with a developmental disablity, and she took to TV at about 18 months, and from the moment she saw it, she was in love. Your child is doing exactly the same thing she did, and in my work as an educational advocate, I have found that many kids with developmental issues take to TV this way. TV does not cause children to avoid eye contact. TV does not cause repetetive speech (echolalia) and children who won't speak otherwise do not know how to spell the cartoon's names and act out what they do, I have seen that behavior, and it was not just because of TV. TV is something some kids with developmental disabilities can hyper focus on. You are seeing an effect, not a cause.

If you want to take no chances, make some phone calls in the morning. First, call the nearest children's hospital and ask for the Developmental Pediatric department and make an appointment with a developmental pediatrician. This will take several months before you get in, but keep the appointment and fill out all the paperwork they send you. Get someone to help you fill it out if you need it, this is very important.

Call a speech therapist near you and make an appointment for a speech evaluation and start speech therapy. She may say words, but she needs therapy because she is not using langauge to communicate.

If money or insurance is an issue, call Easter Seals. They may be able to help you. Also call the county, they will have early intervention services, although it will probably take a long time to get these, and you will be nearing three before you do, and after age three, contact the school district for evaluation, but never depend on state services to be everything she needs. It won't be enough. You should begin the process with the county board of MRDD, they will be able to help you with the services in your area too.

I am not going to say what my daughter's diagnosis was, because that may not be helpful to you, but I can say that from where I sit It is not too late, but let go of the idea that TV caused this issue. Your daughter has a clasic presentation, and if you continue to focus on the TV, you will not access the services she needs. You need help, start tomorrow.

M.

5 moms found this helpful

Many, many toddlers of this age are not very vocal yet in a way that makes sense to you and me. Just keep talking to her in a normal way, not baby talking and not shortning your sentences to 2 and 3 word codes. She'll be talking up a storm soon enough.

The tv might have been on for 10 hours per day while you were working. But I don't believe in any way that she was watching it all those hours. My grandson is the most hooked on tv that I've ever seen a baby be. But he gets bored with it just like anything else. AND, he's developmentally right on and not at all difficult to get a long with. He's still young, but I've cared for children for 24 years and I do NOT believe that television is a cause of poor behavior in children. That's a very poor excuse for poor behavior.

I've had a great MANY children that would sit in front of a tv while it's on one of their shows and the minute it is shut off or switched to a show they don't care about they are asking what's next. I've never had a child that left my care developmentally behind in any way. In fact, quite a few children tested by professionals have tested way ahead of the game cognitively. I've used learning television a great deal through the years and I have hundreds of great little kids to use for comparison.

Your child is more than likely reacting to a lack of parent/child interaction and I don't mean just you. The in-laws might have been unequipped and maybe didn't know how to talk with and care for a small child other than just letting them go about their own devices. But by all means, don't blame it all on them or on the fact that you were working.

I've seen 100-200 families go through my daycare through the years and many of them kept 2 jobs and or worked AND went to college. They were perfectly capable of handling their children on the nights and weekends. I applaud you for taking the time you are to get to know your daughter better. Just keep trying, talk to her in a down to earth way, play with her and be strict when you need to be.

2 moms found this helpful

She needs person to person interaction with you. That means no TV. Play with her, read to her, be silly with her. Tickle games with lots of tummy flubbies! Play blocks, string cheerios on shoe laces, laceing cards are funs, color with her (it doesn't matter if the stays in lines or not), when it's warm out side play with bubbles, draw on sidewalk with chalk, if it's raining but warm, put her in a rain coat and rain boots and teach her how to jump in puddles (my son LOVED that one!). Take her to neighborhood playgrounds. No toddler is big on sharing. They learn it more at 3, 4 and 5. Until then kids parallel play (they play next to each other but not cooperatively with each other). Tantrums are part of terrible 2's and 3's. You have to expect it, but you can minimize it by making sure she gets her naps in and doesn't get too hungry. She'll be fine!

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It is never too late! (If you have any concern that a medical condition is adding to this, call her pediatrician and they can refer you to a specialist if need be)
First, tv needs to be off!! Now that she has you, she doesn't need the tv to babysit her any longer.
You need a good rountine from a getting out of bed time, morning play time, snack time, reading time, nap time, play time, etc ...... bed time.
You need to decide on how you will be disciplining her. Time outs, etc. At 2 years old she should have boundaries to follow. If this is new to her, expect her to fight you every inch of the way. Be firm and stay consistant!
Follow your rountine every day and she will get used to other forms of entertainment.
Spend plenty of time outdoors. Play ball, take walks, go to the park to swing, collect leaves and rocks etc.
Reading is wonderful. If she can't sit still, don't get discouraged. Read as long as she will let you and then stop when she's bored.
Wooden puzzles and building blocks are fun to play with kids and works on their motor skills.
Nap time and bed time are important. Without enough rest she will be grumpy and you will get frustrated easily.

You are making a wonderful decision. You will have some work to undo what her sitters have done, but it is possible with a lot of patience from you. By now she probably knows how to work the remotes, so you might have to unplug the tv's.

Before I became a SAHM, I went through something similar. It was hard, but we over came it. I've been home now for almost 10 years and I love it. She will not like her new schedule and rules, but stick with it and in a couple of weeks she will look forward to spending time with mommy.

Maybe you can join a play group in your area. Call the local preschools and ask if they know of any.
Good luck and have fun! They are only little once!

2 moms found this helpful

First, no tv! None! She needs one on one time and face time. She needs routine, she needs structure, she needs to be with other kids. Look for a mom's group in your area (check meetup.com), take her to storytime at the library, see if there is a kiddie music class in your area (check Music with Mar-very, very affordable), check into toddler gymnastics at your local Y or gym.

You have to expect tantrums and such just given her age but she really, really needs structure and socialization. It won't happen overnight but if you keep at it you will begin to see changes.

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Okay, I totally applaud you for being concerned and wanting to limit her TV watching, but she's 2. Every behavior you described in the first paragraph is more likely b/c she's 2 not because she watches TV. You absolutely should limit her and do more reading, exploring, games, etc., but be prepared for the many of the same types of behaviors. Kids learn a lot through songs so it's normal that she knows all the TV show songs, just try teaching her some old nursery rhymes or favorite songs of yours too. At 2, kids don't really know how to share very well. Work on it with her but this is a skill that takes a lot of time. Also, most kids this age don't really play together...they sort of play around each other. It's normal for them to do separate activities and even end up in separate rooms. It's also normal for them to fight over the same toy, especially one they previously wanted nothing to do with and now someone else has it! ;) My daughter is very social and she still doesn't make eye contact when I talk to her. I ask her to and try and encourage that behavior but sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't. (she is also 2.5, by the way)I don't really think this is a sign of autism in your child, I just think she's been fending for herself for so long that she's used to the TV.

Just my advice, but I wouldn't cut out all the TV at once. You might try slowly wiening her off of it. It sounds like she watched quite a bit and I would maybe treat it like an addiction of sorts. Just make sure you limit it and the best advice is to READ, read, read!! It isn't too late, just stay strong and be prepared for battles over the TV for many weeks to come. That's been her normal routine and it will be hard to break her of it, but if you're compassionate, understanding and firm she will learn quickly that exploring the house, the neighborhood, the community and her life with her mom is also really awesome!

Good luck and good for you!

2 moms found this helpful

I have not read all the other posts, but I would suggest that you see your pediatrician and get your child evaluated.
8-10 hrs of TV is A LOT and even if she was otherwise well cared for it amounts to psychological neglect and she may be in need of some early intervention services.

You do need to get rid of TV for her completely and try to remember that she will rpobably put up a fight, since her little life is about to be turned upside down (in a good way though...).
I think you need professional help.

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

It is NEVER too late, and never give up on your children! Remove all the TVs from your house, and start having fun together. She'll forget about that TV in no time.

2 moms found this helpful

I would worry, based on what you have told us, that television has affected her ability to connect with real humans. Recent studies suggest that TV is harmful to the mental and emotional development of young children, and that children younger than 2 should be kept away from television altogether.

What I find most alarming in your description of your child's behavior, though, is that some of it sounds like autism. Lack of eye contact, repeating your words, and total fascination with rhymes, memorization of all the characters – all of this sounds exactly like an autistic boy I know well. Please talk to your pediatrician about this. Describe her behavior and ask for a reference for an evaluation.

If your daughter does turn out to be on the autism spectrum, the earlier you start dealing with it, the better it will be for you all.

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

I can; tell you what to do but this is what I would do:

- TV: It has to disappear from eye sight. No tv option will probably reduce the tantrum (there will still be tantrum, she will test you, that's a given)

- Cartoon characters: my guess is, all this time watching cartoons had her associate with the characters. So to start, I would use these to recreate a communication and slowly have them disappear. By that I mean for examples play with them, use them to teach her things...get into her world first before changing it too drastically -- pace then lead. Buy these characters and play with her...or play dress-up, tec. After a while, you can switch to "become" her world, communicate, and shape it the way you really want her to thrive in.

One last thing to always keep in mind, she is not responsible for what happened and shouldn't feel like she is being punished.

Thumbs up to you for quitting to take care of her!

1 mom found this helpful

My kids love TV too. But, there is nothing wrong with taking it away.
Just unplug it and tell her it's broken and you'll fix it later.
Take her for walks, have her help you in the kitchen. At this age, diverting their attention is really pretty easy. If she talks about things on TV, try to help her draw pictures about it and talk to her about it.
It sounds bad, but we have a TV in almost every room in our house and you would be surprised how many nights we don't even turn a single one of them on. We listen to music. We dance. We cook together. We walk and pick berries.
TV isn't bad, but there's more to life than television. And, all you have to do is unplug. Your daughter may cry, but that's when you lay down with a good book or go looking for leaves outside. Find a way to go to the park and have her interact with other children as opposed to characters on TV.
One thing I do have to say about television is that children can learn to be very creative and dramatic so just try to have fun with that with the TV off.

Best wishes.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with the below ideas. and add: Good for you!!!! Have fun
Some ideas: go with her to the park, or library, or book store, or ride the escalator at the mall. Share with her how much fun real life can be. Bring her to the indoor play gyms at the mall if it is hot to help her learn to play with other kids, or to the park. Make each day an adventure. Even a walk around your street is interesting. Look at the birds, mail a letter, go grocery shopping, smell fruit...
You are an amazing momma.

1 mom found this helpful

You are not too late. The first thing to do is wean her off TV. Don't cut it out completely right off the bat. She is only 2 and doesn't quite get cause and effect on that level. Start off with an our in the morning and then an hour in the afternoon after her nap, maybe an hour after dinner. She will scream and complain, but don't give in.

Set up a RIGID schedule and follow it to a T and never vary from it. Go to the grocery store the same day and time every week. Do the laundry the same day and time every week. Breakfast, lunch and dinner the same time every day. Nap the same time. That way she knows exactly what to expect and when to expect it.

2 year olds do not share. It is not in their vocabulary. They parallel play. Before she has friends over, ask her to pick some toys that she does not want the other child playing with and put them away. Let her know that the others are up for grabs. If she throws a fit, her friend will have to go home.

Good Luck!!!!

Your never too late to try to help a child. However, A LOT OF DAMAGE has been done. No child under 2 needs to be watching tv for any length of time. The first thing you need to do is get rid of the tv. I don't mean just turn it off, I mean get rid of it, make it disappear. No excuses, I don't care if it's the only tv in the house.

Make an appointment with her doctor for a few weeks from now. After she's been away from the tv for a week or two see how her behavior changes. You'll also want to keep a written record of this to review with the peditrician.

Watching this much TV is horrible for her development. It should be much, much less. I would say less than an hour per day. There is no way she can learn anything while she is staring at the screen all day. She needs to be playing outside, interacting with people, etc. I doubt that you will have any luck changing her behavior until you reduce TV time dramatically.

The topic of TV time comes up with parents and many are not aware of its negative effect upon children, including literacy. The following article provides some interesting insights and more info is at the following link:

http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/02/06/...

Are you surprised that the American Academy of Pediatrics says no television before age two?  This standard alerts parents of infants, toddlers and preschoolers that their children are strongly affected by the talking tube and that they need to consider the way their children are exposed to its powerful influences.

* If you chose to allow your children to view television, consider limiting the amount of “watching time” in their first three years to 30-90 minutes per day. This is more than enough for their young brains and eyes.  Children prefer, and benefit from, interacting with people far more.

It sounds like TV is all she knows. You need to work backwards. Although a child at 2 should get no more than 2 hours of TV a day, you may have to do the reduction gradually. Maybe start by allowing her to watch only the TV programs she loves the most. Then gradually take those away. Also, try to watch the TV programs with her and make a game out of them. Then gradually add in different games that don't have anything to do with TV. Make TV a reward, not a must. Since you are home with her now, join a mom's play group and get her out of the house and playing with other children her age. If you can afford different passes, try the zoo, museum, and other places that will allow her to learn. Its never too late and good luck. I am happy that you are able to take control of this situation and start her on the right track.

What is it that you are saying? Everything? Or is it that she's not following your directions?

Kids are absolutely not born with a gene that urges them to follow directions just because it comes from their parents. :) They are born to investigate, be scientientist and to be master of their world.

My suggestion is to learn how to be playful and how to talk in her style - the cartoons get it because they come at things with songs, animated actions, funny sounds and quick short phrases. Pay attention to how she communicates and use the same type of style to communicate with her - don't talk down to her, but don't overwhelm her with long speeches at this age either.

The book Playful Parenting is a good start. Also, Unconditional Parenting by book or DVD is great as well. Jane Nelson has some really good toddler books and materials too. These should be available from your library, so you can check them and don't need to buy all this.

Also, check google groups or just search on the internet for an API group in your area. The moms come from all backgrounds and I find our group has great knowledge that has been really helpful. Plus they're FUN to get together with.

At 2, she is not too young to learn this. Turn off the TV an keep it off. Tell her "TV broken" or something.
Read her books, take her to the park, explore different things outside....have her play with toys, sand, water....

all these things help.

I think you need to take her to a doctor and get her evaluated. She may have an Autism Spectrum Disorder such as Asperger's. Kids who have ASD like repetition and are very rigid in their behavior. If she does have an ASD, she qualifies for early childhood education. The younger the intervention, the better off she'll be. Don't waste any time getting her evaluated. I speak form experience.

Rest assured it is never too late to change a toddler's interests and daily activities. Start gradually at first if you have to (small changes). Get her used to the new routine, which does not include so many hours of TV. Make it a fun adventure for her to try new activities - don't make a big deal about being away from the TV. she's still young enough to accept the new-ness if it is presented in the right way. Do not give her the choice of watching TV except for maybe a few of her favorite shows that you know she would miss - work the programming schedule into your schedule of other activities.

First of all, get her tested for any type of autism spectrum disorder. Did your pediatrician ask you questions about her language and interactions at her 2-year-old appointment?

If all is well, then there is a lot you can do. You have a terrific opportunity now that you are home with her. People below mentioned the zoo. You can look for music programs, gym programs, library programs, and keep yourself plenty busy--so busy that you really don't miss the TV.

I agree - she sounds like she has many of the signs of autism. You need to have her tested immediately.

I'm so sorry, but obviously non-stop TV is healthy. However, as a mother to someone who is autistic, it sounds like your daughter has characteristics of autism--actually, all of what you mentioned are symptoms of autism. I'm sure the TV viewing by itself didn't cause it, but it provided a fertile ground for it to flourish. You need to get her assessed ASAP so that they can determine if she does have autism and to provide necessary therapies if she does.

It's great that you quit your job to devote time for this! It's a tough choice to make sometimes, but it has to be done when the stakes are this high!

Good luck!
C.
www.littlebitquirky.blogspot.com

I did not read all of the responses BUT I would talk to your pediatrician. While many of these are symptoms of Autism or ASD she may not have it. My daughter has some sensory issues (can be controlled by activities) and had a HUGE delay in vocabulary and auditory processing. Be sure you are trying to communicate with her using very short phrases. 2-3 words. Show her what you are saying too. I used phrases from her favorite shows when that was all she could understand. (Instead of "lets get in the car to go to the store" sing the "vaminos" song from Dora "Where are we going? The store!" etc.) She may be a visual learner. Make her use words through the day and show her words. Dont just say what you want start showing her. Believe it or not but less than a year ago my three year old behaved the same way and TV seemed to be the only way we could communicate BUT now - largely with the help of someone to show me what to do for a few months- she is doing extremely well. Her ability to understand and to express has skyrocketed. With her ability to express the shouting and tantrums and such has slowed down greatly. You are welcome to e-mail me.

no its not too late at all! it sounds more like a momma and daughter issue than an actual comunication issue. espically since she will interact with other kids. thats a whole lotta tv. take her out to the play ground, zoo and other actual activities that she can do and not just watch. children museum are great too. books. you get the picture. good luck.