Desperate Mom - Denton,TX

If he thinks he is you are not paying him enough attention, you aren't. It does not matter that you think that you are, what matters is that it is not as much attention as he needs. Boys that age do not typically want you to pay a lot of attention to them, so if he wants more attention he needs it. He may just be a child that requires a lot of attention. The arguing is because of his age and puberty. IT's normal. Don't make a big deal about it. I would however sit him down and have about an hour long conversation with him. Ask him if everything is alright. Ask him if there is anything wrong. Ask him if there is anything he wants to tell you. Ask him if he has any questions for you. Ask him what he would like you to do differently. If he feels like you want to do what you can to help him he would probably improve. Do not scold him during this conversation, do not criticize. Be nothing but positive, uplifting, inquizitive and genuine. Let him know you care. It may not be quantity of time that he is looking ofr, just quality. He may want to just talk. Sometimes when you are running around with your kids, taking them places, at events and stuff, they don't feel like they are getting attention. They see things so differently than we do. I think one on one talking time would show him attention.

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When my daughter was 12 all I can say is I told her one day that I thought aliens had abuducted my real daughter and replaced her... She is now about to turn 14yrs old and is back to the daughter I have always loved. I think part of this is puberty. She was a terror and even got a custody battle started between my x-husband and I for two years. I had full custody since she was one and half. She has now said that she is so glad she didn't go to her Dad's. So all I can say is that I think she was going through a lot of horomone changes and thought my rules were not fair. She thought the grass would be greener on the other side. My x thought he could get custody since she was 12 and in Texas they say they can decide where they want to live. The judge did not care and left custody with me. It has all passed and she is back to being a wonderful daughter.

Turn the question to him. Ask him what he wants to do with you instead of you having to plan for him. Is it possible he's in too many activities? Good Luck.

Does he have any biochemical issues? Hopefully not but some kids have messed up testosterone or neurotransmitters that cause anxiety, anger, etc.

Check out... www.celebratecalm.com.

It is a website that helps parents deal with children in a calm manner. If you lose your calm your child has taken your power. The more calm you remain the less likely your child will be rewarded and less likely to act out. The site is originated for ADHD children but I find that the site's advice helps me with all my children. I can't help you with the reason that your child has become argumentative.. my advice stay calm... don't argue with him.....

check out the book "the five love languages". you may be showing love to him in a way he can't understand. it's great that your husband spends all that time with him but maybe what he really is asking for is a hug!

there is a test in there to help you figure out how each of your children show and need to receive love.

Also "shepherding a child's heart" is another GREAT resource.

have you ever heard or read of the 5 love languages? it describes 5 different ways that people feel loved (quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, and gifts)...and they even have a book that is on the 5 love languages of teenagers...it gives a lot of examples and scenarios to help you recognize what your son's love language is.
the idea is that everyone 'receives' love in different ways, and while you are spending a lot of time with him...maybe that's not the best way to 'show' him love. he may 'feel' loved by different things.
i highly recommend this book...it makes a lot of sense, and while i don't have teens yet...i see a difference in my younger boys, and how they appreciate things differently. one loves hugs and physical affection, and one loves words of affirmation...and its also a wonderful thing to know about your spouse, as even i feel loved in different ways than he feels loved.
anyway, i hope its helpful for you...best of luck!

Although i AM technically a mother, i have not given birth yet, i am due in June with my first so as a MOTHER i would not be able to give you advice, HOWEVER, being the aunt to almost 20 nieces and nephs (great nieces and nephs included), I DO have a couple of nehphews who were and still are at that stage, one is 16 years old and the other is 15 years old. Although, they have a great home life, receive plenty of attention, and have everything they could ever need and want, they still tend to have that, "i am smarter than you, you dont understand, leave me alone" attitude. I honestly believe that it is just a phase but you should still keep a close eye on him just to be sure that it doesnt stick or lead to other problems. Also, I am not too far from those stages myself, i am 27 years old so i can remember when even I had that same attitude and honestly looking back i i dont remember why i even acted that way. So, if i were you, i would just try your hardest to be strong for him and put yourself in his shoes and remember that things are definitely different in todays "teenage society" there is alot more peer pressure and sometimes it can drive a child insane for awhile. Take care and Good Luck!!

My children are the same age as all of your children. I can definitely relate to what you are going through.One of my biggest problems is my 5yr old son and 13yr old son absolutely do not get along. It seems to be that my 13yr old instigates alot of the arguments. He seems to have very low self esteem. He recently has been doing worse in his grades. In the beginning of the year he was making A's and B's, and now they are turning into C's. He has a bad mouth and absolutely no respect to any of us. I took everything away from him. For example, computer..video games..going outside...spending nite at friends house...and hanging out at friends house. He is totally bored. He was told that he has to earn those items back by getting better grades and treating his family better. So far, I feel that we are getting our point across.
We try to take him out one on one with one parent. He says that he enjoys that time alone with the parent. He feels he has to compete with his younger siblings. Everyone tells me that he is going through the change so it will be difficult. By the time he is 14 or 15 things should be looking better.
What you are doing as far as spending time with him is the best thing that you can do. Dont change that. With your son having yonger siblings, he needs that time with his parents. I would also take things away that he loves and make him work to get it back. My son has had his things taken up since spring break. He has earned one thing back since then. I get to choose what he gets back. Dont give him his most favorite item back first....give him something that doesnt really matter. It will work over time...It will just take a lot of patience. Good Luck!

Maybe the kid needs a break. Stay home for awhile. Have late night talks about life, girls, mean kids at school (and there are lots). No specific schedule just together time.
Whatever is going on he is feeling lonely.

Keep communications open. remember while you are in the stands, he is still out there standing by himself.

If he is telling you he needs more time, please listen. How lucky you are he is telling you he needs you. Catch him now before someone else does and teens are very susceptible to drugs and drinking at this age.

Also, try Tae Kwon Do for self esteem. Really helps deal with the bullies at school.

PS: As a woman I know I get into squabbles with my spouse when I am upset over a completely different topic. Drives him nuts. Lots of calm no distraction talking will help this and lots of listening. Good luck to you both.c

Welcome to teenage years. Your once loving gentle son turns into a monster and just as quickly changes back and wants to sit next to you and get a hug. We are going thru our second round with our 11 year old son. If it is any help our 20 year old is once again loving, kind and polite to us and everyone else. Sometimes I just wanted to pull my hair out because the change was so sudden and unexpected, we never knew what would set him off. Enjoy the good moments and grin and bear it thru the temper tantrums. Good luck.

Enroll him in martial arts. Find a positive center with a good instructor. You are from Denton. There is a great school in Highland Village. The owner is Mr. Strickland and he is a wonderful guy. Visit http://www.hv-tkd.com for more information, or call ###-###-####. Or try to find one closer to your home. There are good martial arts centers everywhere.

Martial arts will help your son focus, increase self-esteem, find new friends and will give him an outlet for his stress. I hope this helps.

He needs to work this aggression out in the gym! Boys need physical exertion at this age. Start working out together. ARe you using positive affirmations with him everyday? This age stinks! It just gets worse.

Hang in there... sometimes kids do just want our attention all the time, he's also going or getting ready to hit puberty and that a big change for him... I have an almost 12 year old, next month, there are days when he does just want all my attention, I have a 2 year old son too, and after 9 1/2 years with him being the baby, well, he misses that. I also more tentative to the 2 year old because he's so younger and needs my attention. I try to make it up to my older son and we talk a lot, but it's hard having 3 kids, my daughter, the oldest really feels left out or just doesn't want anything to do with me most of the time. That's hard to deal with, then you have two fighting over my attention, well 3 really because hubby does get a little jealous we don't have enough one-on-one time...
Hang in there, tell him how much you love him, show him how much you love him and he's old enough to see that you are quite a busy mother...and you are just trying to do your best. We will disappoint our kids time to time, we are human, give them as much as you can possibly and Pray all the time for them.
Hang in there and God Bless!

I have found that my 11 yr old that is going to be 12 in July is doing the same thing. He thinks we don't pay attention to him or support him in things he does. We are big on family and do alot together... He cares more on what his friends thing now adays.. It is really scarey.. I don't have any suggestions cause I am scared and confused myself but just know you are not alone..

Sometimes kids show depression through their anger.... your 12 year old may have some issues unresolved due to the younger kids that came after him...or something going on with school...???? Why not seek a child phycologist to make sure things are OK....???? It can't hurt.

My son is nine and we are going through this. Our son is in baseball and it takes alot of time in our personal time schedule with practice 3 times a week and games.Our son is craving our 1 on 1 personal time. I know you said your husband takes him fishing and all that, but it may not be often enough for him. With 3 children it is hard to divide time especially with the baby. I say baby cause the 2 yr old. I also have 3 children,9yr,8yr, and 18 months. We will sometimes skip practice for the time together. We also take 1 on 1 time with the 3 of them several times a week. Like one of us will do something with only them. I take it he's in band. Play music with him or sit with him and listen to him play. We also try to have a game inside or outside to play with them all together 1 night out of the week. If your schedules are too full it messes up stuff. That's really all I have. I'm still working on ours too. It has gotten a little better. Take care. Hope this helps.