39 answers

My Child Is Not Competitive! Uggghhh!

Moms, I have to ask. My son is a sweet, laid back kiddo that gets along with anyone he meets. He is very handsome, smart, kind and very popular. The problem we are having is his lack of competiveness.
My son is 13, and after getting back from baseball practice last night, my husband was very disheartened. He joked to me, "At least he's cute and smart." We don't rib him to much, but this child puts forth little effort and hardly ever speaks up for himself. He wants to play sports of all kinds, but when it gets going, he just doesn't "try". He is so fair playing with the other kids, it drives me batty. He is the biggest push over, and it upsets dad so much!
I realize he isn't going to play professional sports, but would like him to play organized sports in school if this is what he wants. We can't seem to get it through to him that coaches will not like his lack of effort. We are afraid that he may have problems in the future with other males that may interpret this as a weakness. I do not want him bullied when we move next year up north.
My husband thinks his testoterone is too low, and is considering asking the doctor if there is something wrong physically. He has no interest in girls, he is not aggressive at all. Pls help calm our fears and worry. What can we do to help him excell?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

oh my! he sounds just wonderful. a sweetheart who is fair and likes to have fun and doesn't need to one-up anyone else.
i hope you and his dad can learn to love him just as he is, for who and what he is.
testosterone indeed.
:( khairete

15 moms found this helpful

Ok, my son is 14. He wasn't interested in girls until like 3 months ago...now we can't get him to focus on anything else really. Seriously. It's like the hormones kicked in, and his brain shut down. My son also isn't aggressive (I think that's a good thing!), and isn't very competitive.

None of this has anything to do with him not having enough testosterone in his system. Leave the poor boy alone. He'll hit puberty and he'll like girls. If you push him toward sports, and he's not into it, he'll resent you.

8 moms found this helpful

Is he enjoying himself? Is he happy with his own effort? That is what you need to ask him.

This is what the goal is, unless he is planning on making these activities his passion or career, as long as he is having a goodbtime, that is what is important.

7 moms found this helpful

More Answers

please do not have the dr check him! Both you parents are pushing this kid....beyond his comfort zone. Why? Why are you not content with your child...as he is?

I'm not saying you're berating him. I'm not saying you're belittling him. I'm saying: at this age, he is aware of your dissatisfaction with his nature....with his very being. This will ultimately harm his self-esteem, if it hasn't already!

As others have said, it's time to back off his lack of competitiveness. Let him find a sport or activity in which he can excel solo! Tae-kwon-do was recommended. I'd also like to recommend golf, tennis, & Band. What about Track or Cross Country? Swimming would be another option!

& I have to admit....I don't get it! My # one concern at age 14 would be: is he happy? is he content? does he sniff around drugs? does he steal? does he exhibit psychotic tendencies? If you can't tag him with any of these descriptors....then leave him alone! Please give him Peace!

18 moms found this helpful

Let's see, by your own words: sweet, laid back, gets along with everyone, handsome, smart, kind and popular. I mean, could you ask for anything more in ANY child?? Count your blessings, dear! Sports ability/interest doesn't make a 'man!'

18 moms found this helpful

oh my! he sounds just wonderful. a sweetheart who is fair and likes to have fun and doesn't need to one-up anyone else.
i hope you and his dad can learn to love him just as he is, for who and what he is.
testosterone indeed.
:( khairete

15 moms found this helpful

Is he having fun? Isn't that the point?
Really, I don't see the issue.
Get off of his back!

12 moms found this helpful

Um, I don't see the problem.

I have a 16 year old boy. He is sweet, compassionate, loyal, smart, snarky, and non-agressive for the most part. O,h he riles up when needed, but he does not seek out fights.

He "discovered" girls last year at 15, has a girlfriend, but plans to stay abstinent until married - so his "relationship" is more of a middle school, holding hands variety as he knows to avoid temptation.

He is in the band for the past 6 years, but has also done sports - he loved to play, but thought the overly competitive attitude of most coaches and players was "stupid", his words - to him that sucked the joy out of the sports.

He really found himself once he entered high school.

Just because your son does not fit you and your hubby's stereotypical macho image of young boys does not mean there is anything wrong with him. Instead of forcing him to fit your image you need to help him discover himself, his passions, and his path in the world. He is an individual, help him develop himself - leave your preconceived ideas behind please.

12 moms found this helpful

Have you or your husband ever heard of the term "Vicarious Living?" It's when parents want to live through their children, rather than allowing their own children to live by their own internal desires.

Your son sounds wonderful the way he is made. You can't force a competitive nature on him. Personally, I come from a very athletic family, everyone played on team sports and there was lots of competition. It was truthfully very unhealthy as it poured into every aspect of our lives...gosh, cleaning the darn kitchen became a sport event....who could do it better, faster. Is that what you want permeating your life? With the focus only on being the winner, only the best?

Yes, I agree he should give his personal best on a sports team, but it doesn't mean he has to rule the court and bring down the other team with raging testosterone.

BTW, I quit track and field one year because I was winning first place in the 220 yard dash, and at one meet I let this other girl who I had beat everytime, go ahead of me at the finish line. My coach was pretty unhappy and gave me a C on my report card over this choice. I was pissed and quit track and field over it. I did not have concerned parents though and I did not have the competitive spirit to care who won everytime. I thought she might like a first place ribbon like me.

Please respect the other posts. They are meant well.

11 moms found this helpful

Oh, wow. This really irks me. A LOT.

Perhaps he's depressed because he can't seem to be good enough for his parents.

Low testosterone? Really???? So, ALL men have to want to rip apart other men in professional sports? That is so... warped. And sick. And wrong.

Your son sounds absolutely fine. Read all of these responses, hopefully take them to heart, give your son a break, love him for who he is, and stop trying to live out your wishes through your kid.

10 moms found this helpful

Sounds like he excelling socially. Need more men like him.

9 moms found this helpful

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