K.F. asks from Keller, TX on June 11, 2008
Desperate for Help...3 Year Old Will Not Go #2 on the Potty
We started the potty training process over 8 months ago and he is willing to use the potty to urinate but will not have a BM on the potty. He is not constipated because I regularly give him Miralax per a suggestion from his Pedi. His problem is that he will start to have a BM in his underpants and when I bring him to the potty to finish he stops going. This has become an all day process because an hour later I will catch him trying to go in his underpants again...back to the potty we go and again, he will not finish. He is getting diaper rash from the constant stopping and going because I have to clean his bottom so much which is leaving a negative impact on him (he is scared for me to wipe his bottom)
I have tried high fiber diet, the Miralax,incentives (i.e. treats, toys etc), talking to him about using the potty , keeping him relaxed while he sits on the potty, putting him back in diapers just for BM's,distracting him with books/ toys....all to no avail.
I have taken him to his Pediatrician several times and was basically told that this is a common problem and to keep doing what I'm doing. When we started the potty process I understood that the BM portion of training may be a challenge but I think we are beyond the "norm" here and am really desperate for some insight. HELP!!!!
L.S. answers from Phoenix on June 12, 2008
I think you're trying too hard and this is backfiring on you. I think you need to take a break from potty training and especially the laxatives to give the guy a break.
My son was the only one in his peer group who potty learned before 3. Most of them were about 3 - 3 1/2 (one was about 4). These are very bright kids too btw. Potty training, or rather the lack of, is not a sign of intelligence. It takes some kids a while. The fact that you've been doing this for 8 months shows that maybe he's just not 100% ready. I've noticed how kids who start when they're not ready take longer. It has to be their idea and not the parents in order to be successful.
D.A. answers from Dallas on June 11, 2008
My friends son had this problem and would hold his poop until she put him in a pull up. He was actually five years old before he gave this up. She tried all kinds of incentives(toys, parties etc) and nothing worked until he decided that it was time to give up the pull up. She now also has a two and half year old son and he is doing the same thing. I don't have any advice just wanted you to know that it is quite common and you are not alone
D.O. answers from Dallas on June 11, 2008
I so wish that I had some advice for you! One of my 4 1/2 year old twins regularly poops in his pants. He does get constipated and will not initiate going on the potty by himself. I will make him sit on the potty when I know that he has to go but even after he sits there for an hour or so, he will not go. Then a little while later he will go in his pants. I have not tried Miralax yet so I am anxious to hear what other moms' experiences are. His twin brother and 3 year old little brother are pretty much masters at pooping in the potty. I just wish he was!
P.B. answers from Tyler on June 12, 2008
I have boys. I also potty trained at a day care for years.
Leave it there while you get your son ready to do his business. When he is not looking, drop a tootsie roll under the doll. Get excited that the doll has "pooped". Give the doll a sticker or put one on a chart (whatever works for your son). Then say, "your turn".
You may want to use a damp wash rag (can rinse in flushed toilet before washing) instead of wipes to clear up his bottom. The moisture on the wipes may be causing the rash.
Hope this works. :o)
D.J. answers from Amarillo on June 13, 2008
My son was the same way, he was so embarrassed, and even started withholding. I basically solved this problem in two ways. One, I got out the little potty chair (he was using the big one for peeing), and taught him how to pull down his own pants. Then, I told him if he needed to go poop, all he had to do was take himself, and call me to wipe. He was so embarrassed about having anyone in there with him, this seemed to help. Secondly, he was really into stories at that age, he loved to hear about times when my brother and I got into trouble, etc. So, at bedtime each night I would start telling him a really good story. However, I would stop before I finished it and tell him I would tell him the ending when he pooped. Or I would tell him about this other great story I would tell him when he pooped, and just give him hints about what it was about. After doing those two things, I just quit talking to him about it. Before long, he was going much better. Good luck. I think pooping just really embarasses some kids. My son is 4, and he still won't go at the babysitters. He also tries to wipe himself because he doesn't want anyone to know what he is doing. He is not very good at it, but at least he is going in the potty!