Decreased Libido After Childbirth

So glad that you asked this question. I didn't know that breastfeeding can have an affect. I breastfed till 14.5 months, and had little if any desire, and was VERY dry. My husband was very understanding about the "goo", but I know that it hurt him that I wasn't interested and rarely initiated. I knew that I really needed to make an effort, so I would mentally prepare myself and make a small attempt that night. He usually took over the rest. I hate to think that I "got it over with", but that is how I viewed it. It wasn't that it wasn't enjoyable, and I was pleased that it made him happy, but I just never desired it myself.
I also made a point (with a few exceptions) to not deny him if he initiated. I don't mean he wanted it every night, but I needed to make sure that he knew I wasn't uninterested in him, just not on the same page as him. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

i remind my husband that he will have to work harder at getting me in the mood, and i tell him what works best for that. also by a certain time of night i'm just too tired to be intimate, which is earlier than he's ready to sleep. so sometimes i give him a "last call"-- if you want to do it at all, turn off the tv and come now. that's on days that i feel slightly willing. and drinking lots of water can help with the lubrication level.

Hi -
My son is 10 months old and I'm experiencing this too. IT really sucks. On top of that, I didn't heal correctly after childbirth so I had to have a revision surgery done, so I'm back to square one with healing. To say the least, there is zero interest on my part. I've actually posted the same question on this website awhile ago, I'm sure you could search for it somehow...but lots of people responded and said that it was normal. I hope it returns for both of us : )

I am never in the mood for about a year after I have a baby. I think all the ladies are right, nursing probably keeps it at bay. However, once I am intimate, I never regret it. So now my saying is, "I could be convinced" and then just go with it. Dr Laura's book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, helped me realize that if I love him, then I need to show him, and sex speaks volumes! And never do I think, "Oh that so wasn't worth it", I always feel closer to him and more loved after.
I am a planner, so a lot of times I just have to schedule it into my week. Sounds so unromantic, but if works for us:) (he doesn't know I do that).
Just plan at least two nights a week and let yourself be convinced. And if you make one small move, he will probably make the rest!
Being loved and loving take work, remember that love is an action word:)
E.

it sucks but sounds pretty normal to me. My 2nd daughter is 8 months old and I'm right there with ya. I don't remember it being this bad with my first but I do remember not have a sex drive for a while after my first daughter too. It will come back and if you are breast feeding that's a big part of it too. but just try to relax and it will come back. mine did and then when I got pregnant again I felt like a horny teenager all over again. Gotta love those crazy hormones!

This is pretty normal after having a child. If you are still breastfeeding that could be some of the issue for you. Your hormones get a little bit more messed up after each child. You are probably exceptionally tired after dealing with all the mommy things. I would just give it time and things should be back to normal. If you still are having issues after you quit breastfeeding (if you are) I would just go to a doctor and have bloodwork done and get your hormones checked. A doctor that specializes in bio-identical hormones helped me. A lot of issues that women have about sex come from just feeling sexy. Just work on that and remember that foreplay does not always have to be in the bedroom. A gentle touch, a sultry glance, or even extra help around the house can put you in the mood. Just discuss the issues that you are having with your husband and I am sure he would be glad to help. Sometimes it is just mind over matter. Don't make it a stressful situation and your body will perform better.

Hi S.. It is so totally normal to go through this. I think being a mom is such a full time thing that it is hard to shut it off sometimes and be a sexy wife again. I think if you decide to just make it as fun as possible and get into it, it becomes easier to get in the mood. I also have heard of a really good book called the Kosher Sutra. It is not a icky book, but a book about how to get the relationship revampted. It is written by Rabbi Shmoolie. I have no idea if a spelled the name right. But it is a great book about figuring out how to get back the love you had when you were first married. You should check it out. Good luck.

Hello S.,

This may not apply to you, but if you are still breastfeeding you will experience less sex drive and probably be somewhat on the 'dryer' side. I had consulted my dr about it in the beginning and they had told me this happens to some woman.

Stay well,
C.

S.-
I didn't really get my libido back until after I stopped nursing at one year. I agree with the other gals. He'll have to work a lot harder to get you in the mood!
Good luck!
M.

I experienced this after the twins were born. It helped to pick one night of the week and reserve it for sex.

We do roleplay stuff or seduce each other or dress each other up...but I know it's coming and that day I try to do less and sleep more so I won't be soooo tired. I throw myself entirely into it - knowing that it's just once a week.

Actually we do spontaneous stuff, too, now...but we didn't that first week and it helped me feel less stressed about sex in general.

Yes--totally normal. For me it was worst after my first baby. But guess what? I have four kids, so it definitely comes back. :) I've talked with lots of moms who have felt the same way. For me, I just stuck it out knowing it would be better eventually. With breastfeeding, lubrication is naturally less, so having a bottle of "goo" makes it more pleasant *even* if it wasn't my favorite thing at the time. If you feel like telling your husband, it's good for him to know it's a normal physiological response after having a baby that get's better. I recall being intimate a little less often, but I made a mental note of not "declining" more than __ days.
A quick phone call to your doctor might be worth it. The nurse may know if s/he's familiar with this, what he generally recommends, and then you can decide if you want an appointment to discuss it further.
Hang in there! It'll get better.
A.

This is totally normal. We breastfeeding mom's have been touched and sucked on all day and are so tired that it's hard to think about having someone else touch you. Get a really great bottle of lube, get some pretty panties and have at it. you'll be happy you did, you feel better about you as a sexy being and your husband will totally appreciate you.

Hi S.,
I'm glad to hear that I am not the only one that is going through this! I hope some moms out there know what to do. My baby is 7 months and I still dont have one either. Its putting a real strain on my marriage thats for sure :(