Dealing with Tantrums and Aggressive Behavior

Hi S.,
Hav you checked to see whether your son may have a food allergy? My second son acted out after he had high fructose orn syrup. I was giving him flintstones vitamins and the he would start acting out. My friend suggested that it coul be that so I started reading labels and yes it is in almost every thing! But it helped to watch what he ate. He is a suger freek and now that he is 18 I don't have much to say about it. Get that checked out and talk to him about his behavior when things are calm about how he feels when he is dissiplened. He could be angry or confussed about something that has happened or going on now. Perhaps he feels he has lost you since your went back to work. Be honest with him about why you went back to work. YOu did not go back to work to get away from his brother and him but to make that much needed money. My son was not verbal untill he was 3 and to figure out his tantrums was very hard. Anyway good luck and let us know how things turn out.

You wrote this in 06. I'm having similar issues with my daughter. I would love an update on how your child has progressed. I need reassurance that my child is normal! Thanks!

Well, while I don't have any advice for you, I guess I can at least offer the comfort of feeling "normal." My 14 month old daughter has begun to throw tantrums too, throwing herself on the floor, banging her head into my chin and chest if she's on my lap, hitting, and recently biting a little. I have been feeling the same way, questioning if the behavior should be a sever concern or just a mere behavior problem thst she will grow out of... I am taking her to the doctor on the 15th for another issue but I do intend on asking the doctor about this issue in hopes of getting some good advice. I will be sure to let you know if I find out anything helpfull!

Hi S......one small thing you may be able to do is to give him the words to describe what he is feeling since his only response currently is to lash out physically. I have been with Discovery Toys for 15 years and we offer a book designed to do just that. It was written by our in house child psychologist and the whole idea is to give them lots of words to describe how they are feeling. You can check it out on my website at www.discoverytoyslink.com/selltoysfast and it is called "The Way I Feel." The only other suggestion I can give is that when it happens you remain calm and keep putting him in a safe place until he calms down (it may take you putting him back in that place 100 times) but you need to keep doing it until he catches on that you are the one in charge and his actions are not acceptable....good luck and may all the patience be with you! C.

Wow! My daughter sounds just like your son. My daughter is 29 months old. Up until about a week ago, I was going through the same thing. I was the same way...I could deal with the tamtrums but I couldn't deal with her attacking me or anyone else that crossed her path. She would do it even if I was trying to comfort her after she got hurt. What I finally noticed with my daughter is as long as I am calm, she is calm, and I have to make sure she realizes that I'm there for her no matter what. For me it has made a big difference. I wish you luck because I'm sure it's not easy being pregnant and having two boys.

Take Care,
A.

Hi S.!
My 21 month old daughter broke my nose during a fit. Protect yourself especially since you are pregnant. What we do is hold her strong & tight, talk to her sweetly until she just wears herself out. My husband does this better then I do! I'm sure all of this is just a phase. Good luck to you!

here are two things you can try one he is 2 1/2 right then its time out find something that can be used as the naughty ....
for example we have the naughty step at the bottom of our stairs when my son gets out of control he goes there for 2 1/2 minutes you get the time by there age my son is 2 1/2 and when he is 3 then three mintues. it takes a lot of patience and you have to stick to it try the naughty rug for example. and no matter how many times he gets up make him sit there for the full time. then when time is up get down to his eye level and explain to him why he had to sit there and that you love him but that he can not act like that then hug him. it took about 2 months now my 2 1/2 year old listens very well and hardly ever has to go the the naughty step. at first you will get flustrated but i figured nothing else has worked so i tried it and in the end it pays off

There is so much going on for you and such a behaviour must be exhausting.
You can try holding him with his back towards you so that you do not get hurt when he is having a tantrum.
My daughter was showing similar kind of behaviour some months back, only to us of course. I think that was just a phase. She is very nice now. Initially we could not understand what was going on but after reading a couple of good books on kids, we learnt that being very patient, calm, and firm, works like magic for her.

S.,
Check out family.org for information that might be helpful. Also, there is a book that I have found very helpful called The Strong-willed Child by Dr. James Dobson.

Best Wishes
J. Franz

S.,

Generally child act out like this when they feel like they cannot communicate or want attention. Is he speaking/communicating at an age appropriate level? I suggest some one on one time- you and he and Dad and he so that he feels special and gets some extra attention. Explain to him that this extra time will stop if he acts out.

The tired factor can be a big impetitus too. Make sure he takes a nap if he needs one and try and earlier bedtime.

Good luck!!

I would also talk to your pediatrian about coping methods and maybe see if his diet, etc could be affecting this.

I know how you feel my step son had those tantrums for my first two pregnanies. My husband didn't believe me when I described them thinking that I was just overly emotional from being pregnant. What freaked my out the most was the kicking. Trying to get him away from his brother or to a safe place while I was pregnant. What ever you try to do protect your belly! Once my husband did see a tantrum and agreed with me that it was a little over the top we just put him in his room. If he distroyed it he would have to clean it but it was the safest place for him and us. Just be careful getting there. On the bright side at age six he doesn't have the over the top breakdowns anymore and they really decrease shortly after age five. Try to have a much one on one time with him when he is good and talk about why or how he is feeling. It is much easier to communicate when they are calm. Good luck, know your not alone.

My four year old son use to really get angry too. He would throw himself on the ground bacwards. I always thought he was going to hurt himself but he never had. I stand there and tell him when you are done with your tantrum mommy will be ready to talk to you. He will kick and scream but will realize that I am not going to pay attention till he stops and he will eventually. He to use to kick, hit ,and bite when he would get mad. It is harder when you are pregnant because you don't want harm to the baby. I would grab him and sit on the floor with his back up against my stomach and put my legs over his and my arms around his arms and hold him tight till he would stop moving around. I didn' hold him so tight that I would hurt him but enough so he couldn't get away. Sometimes letting them have something they can go hit is nice because they have to use it and it only. Mine were told they can bite hit kick pinch whatever to a pillow. It helped get the angert out. Now I have little problems with him. But when he was 2-31/2 he was ourt of control. I hope you can find away to control it . I hope I helped a little. You can email me at ____@____.com if you would like to talk more I also have a really good friend who went through this and she also used the same tecnique.

Can you wrap him in a blanket and hold him during his fits? I did used to do that with my stepdaughter- who was very very violent for years.. She eventually was diagnosed as autistic- not sure if it explains her being out of control during those years or not...

I have recently read a book called "the explosive child" by dr ross greene- depending on how communicative your son is- it could possibly help... My step daughter is now 10 years old- and the theory and techniques in the explosive child really help now... I am not sure if it would have helped in her younger years though...

I see he has an identical twin, do both boys act out like this?

Hi S.,
I have a 27 month old daughter that does some of the same thing your son does. I know who hurtful it and confusing it is to have your child that you love and spend so much time with come back with such hurtful and abusive behavior. My daughter has been doing this for some time. I asked her doctor why this is and she tod me is implusive behavior due to her age and by the time she is three and can express her feelings more she will stop. I don't know if you have asked your doctor about this or not, but that is the answer I got.
I feel for you and I will think about you. Your not the only one out there. I hope that helps just knowing that.

Take Care