Dealing with Depression Advice/Support

I just wanted to tell you that we are so similar. I am a 31 yr.old stay at home mom to 4 daughters. I have many mornings that i do not want to get out of bed. I also wish i had more energy and feel like i drag through the day. I have tried celexa before, i don't remember it working at all. Wellbutrin is pretty good but i stopped it again recently because of a couple side effects. I just attribute it to the enormous responsibilities we have with 4 children and a whole house to take care of. Lets face it, husbands can only be so helpful ;-)

There still are some wonderful days though....that is what i look forward to. I started to change the way i look at things. I do not get down on myself for not getting as much done. I focus on the great things i have done and how happy the kids are. I hope i have helped a little. Feel free to message me anytime...

Gee, I don't even know how to begin...That was my life 15 years ago...I am a 57 year old mother of 5 children (oldest is a girl and the 4 boys are now 23/25/27/29) I homeschooled them for about 5 years. I don't know if anyone has told you but postpartem depression as well as PMS become more difficult with every child a women has so I am not surprised you are dealing with depression. I have been on Prozac for about 20 years due to depression. First thing to remember is that your depression is organic and not due to "changing" things in your life, however, maybe reevaluating your priorities due to your physical (in this case your depression which is physical)condition may be a good idea.

My guess is your life is non-stop and that you have un-realistic expectations for yourself as a mother and wife - (especially if you are religious which was one of my reasons for having 5 children and homeschooling)

I could go on about this - how I dealt with things, how I see things in retrospect - and would love to but - before I send anything at length let me know if you are interested in pursuing this conversation. Good Luck - you are not the first women/mother/wife dealing with feelings of being overwhelmed and not sure you have the resources you need to deal with them...trust me - you do! M.

This is going to sound like I am on a high horse, but please bear with me. Depression is a medical condition where certain chemicals are lacking from your brain. Taking medication adds the chemicals back in to allow "normal" brain function. It can take time and monitoring to make sure it is at a theraputic level. I compare having depression like having a convulsive disorder. If you don't take meds for that you will have increased risk to have a seizure. So, in comparison, if you have depression and don't take your meds (or they are not at a theraputic level) you will experience the symptoms of depression. It sounds very cut and dry to put it that way, but there is such a social stigma related to this. Depression is not because you did something wrong. You didn't ask your brain to not chemically balance itself. There will be times when you need to go get checked to see if your levels are at the correct place. Some people need a very low does and some need a much higher dose. It just depends on that persons particular chemistry of the brain. It sounds to me that you might meed to go to the doctor and see if you need your dose adjusted. You may need a higher dose. Its not about a number that the doctor tells you that you need 25 vs 50 mg. Its about quality of life. Its sounds to me like you are not having the best life experience right now and are struggling.

My question back to you is: are you happy? Its seems to me in the short blurb that you are not. And that is okay. We can only change ourself. You can't change your DH and who he fundamentally is. Its also sounds to me like he wants to help, but doesn't understand depression. He doesn't understand the struggle that we women feel about our children and how we try to give them the world and often forget about ourself. (and that also includes making time for our health be it mental or physical) I would sit down and write out how you are feeling and what your struggles are. I would discuss it with a doctor WITH YOUR DH PRESENT (not yelling this, but just wanted to add emphasis). I would envolve him in the process. It sounds like he is out of touch with you on a few levels and that you are seeking that he has a deeper understanding of what is going on with you. He isn't doing something bad or wrong, but he's trying to help in his own way. WHat he is missing is the final goal that he thinks will help might make you feel worse.

If you love to homeschool then I would try to find a way to make it happen. But if you don't LOVE it, be ready to let it go without guilt. There is nothing wrong with releasing the guilt and anger that you might be feeling. Pent up emotions have a way of eating at us and making everything just blow up like a huge mountain in front of us. It is evident in your post that you love your family very much. Do you trust them enough to let them help you, help yourself? Can you let go of this portion of your life and still feel validated as a monther/person/spouse? Can you do it on your own terms?

And don't feel bad about having trouble getting out of bed :) There are somedays for all of us ladies-that all we want is to crawl back in for a few more minutes.......

Sometimes depression can be helped with food. What I mean is, sometimes the things we eat add to our depression because we don't feel good and our body is run down. I know for me, I had several health problems and food allergies I didn't know about... and I would get pretty depressed. But once I learned how to eat right for my body, I feel better, so I do better.

Also, I would take time to evaluate your "stress" and what has gotten you depressed. Ask your husband for some time alone with him that you can openly talk about what is going on. Warn him beforehand that you just want a listening ear. Sometimes, we as great women, think we must do everything if we are going to be a good wife, mother, homemaker, teacher, etc. That is not true! Many women are extremely depressed because they see everything they don't get done. Instead, make a list at the end of the day of everything little thing you did that day. Also, sometimes we do so much behind the scenes and no one knows how much we've done. But making a list of what you did accomplish can help relieve guilt, which women seem to be famous for feeling! One more thing, does your husband help with household chores? It may be vital for him to help for a few minutes everyday... so you work as a team. And, don't feel like you have to home school your kids. Many kids who have great moms, like yourself, at home can excel in public school despite the obstacles. It may give you the needed healing you need!! I highly recommend it, and please don't feel guilty for not doing it. You'll still be an excellent mother, I know!!

I feel your pain, I've been there, and on occasion monthly !! You sound like you have a ton on your plate, girl. Do you really need your kids to be homeschooled? That alone can free up some time for you, which you sooo need to balance life out, trust me. Does your hubby help around the house at all ? If not , you need to get him helping, he lives there too. Moms spend so much time takin care of everyone and everything else, we often forget about ourselves. I used this natural 'drug', a few years back, called Mood Assure, you get it at GNC or a vitamin store. The Zoloft made me like a zombie, so I pitched it after a week. I got more sleep, started takin my vitamins (which I should be still doing) and made sure I delegated chores for my husband and kids to help out. I also made some time for girls night and hubby night once in a while. Life is more than kids and the house, believe me. People who work outside the house get breaks and leave the 'office', but SAHM never usually do. Most of the time, PPD is due to hormonal and vitamin deficiencies, and lack of sleep. I will never judge anyone who chooses to take the drug to help, but I do believe God has things out there to help us that he has supplied. Read up on it, talk to your doctor and do what's right for you and your family.

I wish you the best.

God Bless you !!

Hi J.,

Depression is a tough nut to crack. Some of it is stress related, some of it is brain chemistry. Do not expect your husband to be able to solve it. When he is good for a day and then "not so", you have to remember that he is also trying to run around and pick up the pieces that you don't get done because you can't get out of bed, and can't get things done. If the meds aren't working for you, check in with your doctor.

I think it would be smart to send the boys to school. If you are having trouble just getting up, and your energy is at a low ebb, they are probably not getting the quality of education you wanted them to have when you decided to home school. At this point, their education is important. Send them to school and see how it goes. If that doesn't work, PA has an online home schooling program -- it's a charter school -- and that may be a good alternative.

When the boys go to school, force yourself to do something. Something with people - an exercise class, a crafting group, something that will give you some challenge, and some reward. I have been a FT employee and a FT mom, and frankly, I find staying home depressing. When I had a job, I accomplished things. When I stay home, the only things I notice are the things I don't get done (the LR picked, up, the floor washed, etc, the laundry folded) At work, you get to see yourself accomplish stuff, and you can go home feeling good (most days) that you DID something. I think getting out in this world and being able to interact in a positive way with other people would be a BIG asset. It might help give you a reason to get out of bed, especially when you really don't feel like it.

Putting the kids in school elsewhere is not a failure, by the way. I have a masters degree and I have had my kids in public schools all their lives. While I fuss at times about the school system, and assorted teachers over the years, and often I wish my kids were challenged more than they are, I also know that they are getting opportunities to be with other people their own ages, as well as to interact with other adults than our circle of friends, and those social opportunities will be good for their adult lives, when they have to go to work and interact with a broad variety of people.

Frankly, I have a friend whose husband is a college professor. They had issues with the school and she homeschooled for a year, decided it wasn't working, and now my daughter's friend is in a private school more to their liking.

You can be a successful mom whether you homeschool or not. Do not look at the decision based upon what you think it the "ideal world" choice. We don't live in an ideal world, much as we would like to. We do the best we have with the resources and strength we have for each day. The goals are to educate your kids, to get your depression resolved, and to have the family function as a loving and supportive unit. Public school, or a good private school, might be the best alternative right now. You can re-evaluate the decision over time. See your doctor to see if together you can get the medication levels worked out so you feel more functional. Find some things to involve yourself in that are productive and help you to feel good about yourself. Bring the joy of that home to your family, and share the stories that they bring home to you. I have a friend who got a job, working 2 - 3 hours a day in the elementary school lunchroom. she LOVES it, because now she has stories to bring home and share at the supper table, just like her husband and kids do. It's opened up a whole new world for her. (She was a SAHM) It also gives her vacations that match her kids' schedules.

Don't be afraid to grab for something a little bit better than the status quo. Deperession is hard to tackle, but not trying to resolve it is devastating. Your family needs its mom, and as the mom, you need to work at being as healthy as you can be. Your husband will probably help with the details to get the kids enrolled in school, and they can get tutoring from you or the school if they aren't at the same "spot" educationally as the rest of the class (it will probably be different subject by subject), and you can check in with the doctor for meds that work for you.

When you get life back on an even keel, you will feel SO much better.

Hi J.,

I intuit that what you really want is to continue homeschooling your boys but you feel pressured by your husband to send them to school. I fear you are going to get even more pressure from others who have not homeschooled. Believe me, your boys are not going to suffer socially because they are homeschooled. There have been enough studies done by now and enough evidence from veteran homeschoolers that this simply isn't the case.

I suspect that those homeschoolers who are seen as not fitting in would be seen that way whether they went to public school or not. That's probably just part of their personality. We all have different personalities, but there are some that just never seem to fit in with the norm. It's too bad that society tries to fit everyone in the same mould. We need to learn to accept and value everyone---differences and all.

Well, I could be wrong about your wanting to continue homeschooling. Maybe you're struggling with the decision because you actually do want to send them to school but feel guilty. If that is the case, please do not feel guilty. Whatever decision you choose will work out and everyone will learn and grow from it. Your children will not be destroyed either way.

The important thing is for you to feel better. You need to get to the root of your depression. Homeschooling or not homeschooling is not the real issue. There is something deeper than that. Do you feel that you have to keep doing and giving to others with little appreciation or understanding from others? Maybe you feel you've lost sight of who you are as an individual. I'm just throwing things out for you to consider. The issue could be any number of things; only you can know what it is (and that may take some digging on your part to get to the bottom of it). A good counselor should be able to help with this.

I highly recommend a book by Ray Dodd: "The Power of Belief". He writes about our deepest beliefs about ourselves and how to change them and eliminate negative self-talk.

Pleae keep me posted on how you're doing.

Many blessings,
K.
www.joyfulconnections.net

I agree that something has to change in your life in order for you to get back to a more healthy frame of mind. Here are some suggestions to consider:

Schooling
Consider the reasons why you are homeschooling. If you don't think your local school is the right answer for you, would enrolling your children in cyberschool take some pressure off you?

Chores
Make a chore chart. Give EVERYONE responsibilities - even your hubby. If each of the 5 men in your house does 15 minutes of work a day that is over an hour of work you don't have to do. If you and your husband have high expectations for getting everything done, consider relaxing those expectiations. (If they boys don't do a perfect job dusting their rooms don't redo it. Instead of vacuuming the carpet every day do it MWF.)

Breakfast/Lunch
I won't ask why your husband isn't preparing this himself, because I used to pack my husband's lunch everyday, too. When the kids came along I stopped. Discuss how to change this. Can you afford for him to eat out? If not, buy quick items he can grab on his way out the door or prepare for himself easily - cereal, granola bars, microwavable soups, cold cut sandwiches. I used to fill sandwich bags of pretzels, trail mix, and other snacks on Sunday night for my husband to include in his lunch for the week.

Communication
Be clear to your husband and your children about what you need to "get better". While you play an important role in running the various aspects of your home and everyone's lives, you are not an accessory in THEIR lives. You have needs that should be met as well. You are all part of a team that should be working together to accomplish household chores, tackle the obstacles life throws at you and enjoy the life you are building together. Would you feel comfortable and would your husband agree to go to a few counseling sessions to discuss issues with your counselor?

I hope I don't sound like I have a house that runs smoothly. We have a lot of issues, but I have learned to relax expectations and speak my mind to my husband. I refuse to take sole responsibility for things not being done in our house. My kids are 3 and 4 so they are still pretty young, but I am teaching them to clean up their toys and sort laundry. And they love to dust and use the stick vac on the linoleum in the kitchen and hardwood in the dining room. I wonder how long that will last. LOL Best wishes to you.

Please take care of yourself. I had a grandmother who committed suicide from depression many years ago before there were drugs and such to treat it. I was a little girl. My mom and sister both suffer from it. It is a very real and powerful disease. I will pray for you.

Obviously you have to make the decision, but really consider enrolling your children in school. There are many benefits to public schooling (I am a teacher...) but I also understand concerns, especially depending on the district. You have to look at safety, quality of education, etc. Whatever you decide can be temporary until you treat your condition and get help for yourself.

Take care of yourself for your family's sake.

Best wishes.

J., Homeschooling is a full time job that never ends. So is being a SAHM. I do neither. I teach and I 'mother' but my schedule is quite different than yours. Maybe sending the boys (maybe even just some of the older ones)out of the home for education WOULD alleviate some of the pressure you are feeling. Right now you have to plan the education of 4 boys all at different levels and do the mom duties on top.Do you have concerns about public school? Is private school or charter school an option for any of your children. I do understand your stress and the overwhelming feeling of not being able to 'get above' feelings of depression. Things do need to change...you need to do what you need for your mental health, and the healthy home your family deserves. It may mean abandoning your idea of the 'picture perfect' family life and adjusting some things to meet your needs as well as your families. I have been where you are. With a positive approach plan involving meds. and positive life changes (particulary in routines and 'division of labor') I have overcome not wanting to get out of bed in the morning because of all that lay ahead for the day.

Hi J.,
I have read the other responses, most of which I agree with wholeheartedly (exercise, delegate chores & housework, carve out time for yourself). They are all very important. As someone who's been dealing w/PPD for 7 months now, I know these things have been really important for me. But the most important things I think you can do are these: Keep up w/the counseling, it can help you get "outside of your head" and really understand the way you think & respond to stressors, and have the feelings you do related to them (guilt, anger, sadness, etc). Also, the right meds for YOU and the right dosage are vital. I tried Lexapro, worked great until I went back to work PT then even w/ an increased dosage I felt lousy again. Tried Effexor but had side effects. Right now am on Prisiq and am finally feeling happy on some days, which is a huge relief to feel normal again. You are not going crazy, though some days it may feel that way. I have alos had days when I did nothing but cry & not want to get out of bed. My husband has come to 2 counseling sessions with me (I see a great social worker who specializes in PPD) and he went for one session on his own since he wasn't really "getting it" . He has been much more supportive since then & I think he finally understands that this is a real disease (like cancer or diabetes) and I can't help the way I feel somedays, but I can choose to respond differently to stressors than the way I used to. I hope this helps,good luck. If you want to speak privately, email me at ____@____.com.

Hi J., As someone who has been dealing with depression for about twenty years I can relate to how you are feeling. I will respond to your depression treatment and just tell you some ways I have learned to manage this giant in my life. One thing I have found helpful is journaling/writing out my thoughts sometimes in prayer form sometimes just words that come to mind, or writing down sayings and quotes that I find helpful and give me hope. I also try to walk everyday even if it is only twenty minutes. Exercise helps combat depression. If the counselor you are seeing is a good fit for you I would encourage you to stick with the counseling, it is not easy but it will be worth it. A good counselor will give the tools you need to recognize the roots of the depression and to help you see what the triggers are in your life. The tools will be there for you to use so the depression doesn't rule your life. Hope this was helpful.

I can't tell if you mean the decision already being made for the kids to go to public school is giving you more stress, or trying to make the decision is, but whichever it is, please push for what you really want. Stress is usually when you are going against your desires. If having them away during the day would be good for you in your heart, do it. If homeschooling is important to you, don't give it up if it will stress you out.

If your depression is post partum, it should pass. Believing in your mind that it is passing is important. If it's permanent (don't tell yourself that it is, tell yourself it's been residual for years after birth, but it's finally going away), you will have to dig deep inside to find out what makes you sad. Even if it's chemical wiring, you need to get yourself as happy as you can with your daily life in addition to any counseling and medicine. My prayers are with you on your search. there are different boosts for different people. This sounds so small, but always be sure you get enough sleep and keep your diet free of toxins and exercise regularly. It really does lighten your dark mind. Depression is a lot about fatigue. Meditate or relax however and whenever you can for several minutes here and there every day. Say mantras about all the things you are grateful for in that moment and pray for your mind to be washed of sadness in that moment. Proceed and repeat as much as you need to. Pray for strength to get up every morning and say, "Thank you for this day, help me appreciate it and give me energy." Look in the mirror with love for yourself. The Book A New Earth really helped me tackle some overwhelming stress. Best wishes.

Hi J., Being at home all the time, a teacher, mother, housekeeper and cook of an entirely male based household would depress any woman! You need to get out of that house and make some time for yourself as well as some female friends! You also need to start to delegate some household responsibilities! Teach them all how to do dishes, laundry, floor moping, dusting, ironing...cooking, the works! Not many women can or would do it all so your boys need to learn how to do it all for themselves anyway. It might also be good for you to consider sending your boys to school...there are a lot of really good school districts here in PA! With really great teachers, activities, clubs, music programs and sports programs for your family to get involved with! Keep working with your counselor and taking your meds...it will get better! Best wishes.

I have been able to get over most of my depression and am now not medicated. Depression is curable and you can be well. I was medicated for five years and needed that to get to a stable point to be able to come off it. It sounds like you may be doing to much.
I also have four boys and its really hard. Every9one said four would be easy but for me three was easy and four has been hard. Get all the help you can and take a break. Drop unnecessary guilt, like "oh I feel so guilty staying in the shower 5 minutes longer because the kids are watching a movie downstairs!"
You can do this but you just need to do it one step at a time. I have given a talk to a group of women and can send you the handout if you would like that I did about depression. Just send me a personal message and I can email it to you.

J.
I am not sure I had gone through everything similar but I had PPD and had a host of problems after my pregnancy. The Dr's wanted to put me on meds but I refused. I needed all my faculties and didnt want to feel differently. I wanted to feel the pain and recover from it naturally. I had in the past taken zoloft but made me feel suicidal because the dose was too high,lexapro was another one I took and seemed to work well. But what worked the best this time was nothing and working through my problems and putting them behind me and releasing the unwanted energy that I had from the past and present. I read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay and I prayed alot for strength and courage and after about 2 years one day it just left ALL of the anger and ALL of the depression and I do follow up in the book to make sure I am on track with my life and live in the present moment every moment. Sounds to me like you have alot on your plate you could really benefit from reading the book when you have the time it could change your life in so many ways!

Many Blessings to you and your family
S.

I too had PPD, and I know how miserable it is. I am so sorry you are going through this. Having 4 homeshooled oys doesn't CAUSE PPD, but it could be contributing to slowing down your recovery. Send the boys to school. 99% of us attended public schools. Different schooling situations offer different costs and benefits, but I think that you are trying to be supermom and superwife and you. can. not. be. I don't think anyone can. Your husband and kids will love you just as much if you don't wait on them hand-and-foot (he can fix his own darn breakfast, lol, what are you teaching your boys to expect from thier wives?!?). Ask yourself this: if you had cancer, would you be doing all this? Would your husband expect you to be doing this? Or would you all be concentrating on your recovery? How is a severe depressive episode any different? I don't think it is.

Your husband and your boys would rather have a happy, healthy wife and mother than anything else. I know it gets said over and over again, but you can't take care of everyone else if you don't take care of yourself. Depression is a very serious illness, you must treat it as such. Good luck to you!

J.,
First off, hang in there. I have anxiety and take Effexor. I also see a counselor 2x per week. I am and "executive" mommy so I struggle with having to work lots of hours and still find lots of quality time for the kids. Thankfully I have tons of flexibility in my position and can go to anything for my kids at my own will. It is hard to say that you should put them back in school if that is not what you want. While I personally am not a supporter of homeschooling, I do feel that it is each one's decision to make. The biggest thing my counselor tells me is that you can't take the stressors out of your life just to fix the problem temporarily, if it is not something that can be long term. Unless you are willing to put the kids in public school permanently, it is not a fix. I would recommend finding a counselor again. It may take some time to even find the right one. The first one that I saw, I didn't click with. I click with my current one and she is really good. A good counselor will work with you to identify the stressors and deal with them. Not change things that can't be permanent fixes. You also need to get your husband's full support. That is one of the biggest things that I have going for me. My husband is extremely supportive of me and does things to help me relieve issues. I go out one night a month and scrapbook with friends. On the weekends he gives me at least 2 hours to do what I want to do and then do stuff with the kids. It really helps me to have his support and time to myself. I do reciprocate as well. He does a guys thing once a month and I give him time to himself as well.

Good luck! It is a really hard thing to go through that unless you have dealt with it, is very hard to understand.

It may be a good things for the boys to go to school. it will be good for them socially. if they go to school may be you can volunteer at the school. it may be good for you to get out of the house and do something for yourself. this will probably help you feel better. there is a new medicine that i saw on tv called abilify which you can take along with the other depressions medicines. it is supposed to help. the doctor should be willing to work with you to find the right balance. my sister in law has depression and has had a lot of issues to deal with. it is hard but hang in there.

J.,
Have your husband sit in on a session or two with you in counseling or start couples counseling seperate from your counseling. Lexapro is a wonderful medication, research it and ask your Dr about it. Excersise! Even walking releases natural hormones that help with depression. Talk to a close girl friend too. Go do something for yourself like a pedi or mani or just go get an ice cream cone! Talk about the school thing in a neutral place like a restaurant or a park. Why not put your boys in a public school? They will make tons of friends and have better social skills get involved in team sports and playing etc... (not saying that they don't now or are unable to I just feel personally school outside of the home is best for ANY child-just my opinion) Give it a try just this year and see how it goes but don't forget that the kids come first not your needs or your husbands needs. Putting them in and out of school can be stressful for them too. Ask the boys what they want!
Good luck
C

1 he can make his own breakfast/lunch. If he so wonderful he will take this off your plate and also do you want your boys to expect the same thing>

He needs to also do some chores as well as the boys. They do have more time.

Why do you home school? Look at the real reasons and maybe it might be good for 1 or more to go back.

You need to take care of yourself first before you can help others. Seems you need time to yourself. Do you have friends? go out? time away from the family?

Please get help. I also had postpartum depression and talking to someone (a professional) made a world of difference. Doctors are so quick to treat you with meds that sometimes all you need to do is talk. I'm not saying you'll be off the meds. There is a chance you may need both depending on your situation. In my particular situation talking to a professional helped more than I thought.

J.,
Wow! You have a lot on your plate. I have O. son and I cannot imagine being caretaker of 4 boys AN home schooling them, too! That alone is huge--not to mention that all other household duties fall to you.
Do you think your expectations and standards are too high? We all need to realize our limits and sometimes let something go til tomorrow, or the next day (or in my case--next month!:-0)
Is it possible for your husband to attend a counseling session with you? If so, that might be a good ideas so he can hear it from someone else that he needs to help out EVERY day! Good luck to you
p.s. Check out flylady.net if you haven't already--it's great for helping you to focus on O. area at a time.

I've gone through it. One thing I had to do is do only for myself (which of course comes last, right?) and for those who can't do for themselves, the younger children. My husband? He makes his own meals except when I make a meal for the entire family as a whole. He WILL take turns making dinner a couple nights a week or he just goes hungry. Depression or not, SAHMs get burned out now and then, period. My husband does his own laundry and anything else that is for him. He's a big boy! My husband does dishes a couple times a week as well. I mean, if my husband can hold down a job and drive a 2 ton vehicle without killing anyone then he can handle running a dishwasher! LOL As for my children, I teach them early on how to do things for themselves. If they're tall enough to reach the washer buttons, they're old enough to wash their own clothes, fold them and put them on hangers. Tall enough for a mower? You got it! They mow, lol! We're a team as a whole and we all pitch in to get the house clean, and it also teaches them how to take care of themselves when they grow up. All of this helped me with my stress. Make a list if you have to for the kids and hubby. If hubby doesn't do his share then leave it. Wash a dish as you need it. If he doesn't "get it" then tell him to get out. Extreme, I know, lol. But for me, I just don't have time for the BS anymore. Either everyone pulls their weight and works like a team or find another team.

As for home school, this is totally up to you, and can be a very controversial subject, but I would put the children into public school. You can be a very involved parent with public schooling. These days public schools have grades online, individualized information, email addresses for each teacher and they welcome you staying in touch often since many parents do not. I would give it a try for a year and see how it goes. It'll give you time get yourself together, take a break from the 24/7/365 grind and give the family as a whole form a new shape.

Good luck!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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Wow!! 31 yrs old and yo are feeling like this! You do need to change your daily routines to relieve some stress. I think your husband is absolutely right to send them to public school, i feel that is where children should be anyway (but that is just my opinion). I feel they need the socialization of other children, structered day, rules, school dances/functions etc..etc... (again my opinion).

Anyway i think alot of your stress is because:
1. your ONLY 31 yrs old
2. your homeschooling and taking care of 4 boys (very active im sure)
3. you ALONE are doing all the housework, making husbands meals etc..etc..

You need to slow down NOW before you have a stroke or something. You need to relieve some stress somehow whether, you put the kids in public or charter school (so that you have time for YOU or get a part time job so you have some ADULTS to socialize with) or pass out responsibilities around the house (which should be done anyway to show them responsibility). Or both of these sound good to me!!

Giving chores to everyone is normal, it teaches value and responsibility, it doesn't have to be on you just because you are home. good luck and keep you head up.