Daughter Throwing Fits

The truth is, there is little you can do to actually stop this. Even after 20 years in daycare and raising 4 daughters of my own, I STILL always think to myself that if I nip it in the bud we will stop the tantrums. But they won't stop to one degree or another and at 21 months she is just showing you the slightest taste of what's to come. This is normal for her age and you will be butting heads with her for the next year and to one degree or another the rest of her life.

It sounds like you are trying the right things, but coping with the tantrums is about all you can really do.

Suzi

I'm afraid to say that's pretty natural. "Terrible twos" sometimes seems to be an understatement. There's really not a lot you can do really. Be consistent, is my advice. Always do the same thing and don't give in in special circumstances. Most behavior will go away with ignoring it and time out. Wish I could help more, but my 28 month old is going through the same stage still, and its really just a waiting game. My son is very low key and most the time a very good boy, but once in a while he opts for fits. Its a big busy world, and there's a lot of frustration for them at that age. I mean, if we could get away with it, we'd probably yell and scream when we got mad too. :) I'm an attachment parent, and I also note that half the people want to deter it, but what do you expect from a 21 month old? They aren't miniture little adults. They are going to have times they get upset.

Hi M.,

I'm a home child care provider myself. And this is how I deal with the tantrums starting at at about 1 and up.

If a child whether it be mine or a daycare kid wants to throw a fit for one reason or another, they can but they have to go to the corner in another room. They are sent to the dining room, in the corner to "have it out with themselves" when they are done they can come out. The child can throw a fit all they want to but they are not going to do it in the presence of me or the other daycare kids. I don't believe in the term "it shall pass" or "ignore it". I can't ignore a child screaming child in the middle of the floor because they didn't get a certain kind of juice they wanted or snack. They can have what I gave them or do without. In my house the can get happy in the same pants that they got mad in.

If your daughter was in my care and if she started throwing a fit for whatever reason she would be sent to the corner until she could calmly tell me what she needed or wanted. Then if she still didn't like my answer and still wanted to throw a fit she would be sent right back. That is the one thing I don't tolerate out of my kids including daycare kids. If they can talk then they can use their words.

For you, you have to be consistent on whatever you decide, if she starts to throw a fit you have to do something about it right then and there, even if you have to pause what you are doing with the group to send her to the corner. After a couple of times of her throwing a fit and missing out on things she will get the hint that throwing a fit isn't such a good idea.

This is just my opinion and what I have found to work with the kids I have watched in the past and currently. W.
I have a 1 year old that if I put him in the corner for not being nice to other kids he will sit there.

I do have a question though, when one of your daycare kids "throws a fit" what do you do ??

Everyone here has the right idea-- you just have to ignore her and/or move her to a location separate from everyone else. And I agree whole-heartedly with Cori-- 5-minute "warnings" did a world of good for my daughter. That way, she's not just playing happily and then all of a sudden the rug is pulled out from under her, so to speak. Kids love to know what's coming up next-- it makes them feel secure and a little more in charge of their environment.

And whatever tactic you use, it may take a couple of weeks for it to really sink in that you're not going to put up with her tantrums. So don't give up after just a week. Good luck, this really WILL pass, as long as you consistently show her that you're not going to put up with it.

There really isn't much you can do other than ignoring it or sending her to her room. Since she's been doing it for a short time, you need to be consistant in how you're going to react. If you're out in public, take her to the car and let her scream it out. Have a book in there ready so you can read (or pretend to read) while she's screaming in her car seat. When my 3 year old does this, it's usually because she thinks we're not hearing her. Some times it's because she's not getting what she wants so she his sent to her room until she's done.
Something that might help is to give her 5 minute warnings that you're going to change activities or it's time to come inside. "In five minutes, we're going to come inside and have a snack." Even though she can't tell time, having the warning will prepare her and let her know what is going to happen next. If she protests, tell her when you can come out the next time to play. "We can come out after lunch to play again." or "some time soon, we can come back to the park and maybe we can bring a shovel." or whatever

Also, with the snacks, when you see it's running out, mention to her, "I see your snack is almost gone, when we go home, we can get more." Before it's even gone.

When she hits 3, you'll still be in this phase. Good luck, it can get frustrating :)
C.

I have a little different advice. Try reading Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. His approach to interacting with children in general helps avoid these kinds of situations completely. Time out does not work and is damaging to your relationship with your child.