Need to Know How to Deal with Terrible Twos

I deal with melt downs on a daily basis here at work. For the 2's I would recommend walking away, sitting down and read a paper and let the chidl know her behavior does not bother you in the least.

In a store. Park the cart carefully step over the child and head for the door keeping an eye on her. She will run after you. Then take her to the car.

C.

Cassandra I also have a two year old daughter. When my child acts up I put her in a corner. You know like they use to in school. Nose in corner and her hands behind her back. I let her stand there for about 5 mins or so and every time she gets out or turns around I start time over. I did this probably for about 2 weeks and even extended her time to 10 mins a couple of times and I am glad to say now she is alot better. Not perfect by any means and still throws a fit sometimes but not as much as she use to. After I let her out of the corner I talk to her and let her know that what she did was wrong, make her tell me sorry, and then tell her I love her and give her a hug and kiss. This technique also worked with my other three children so I hope it works for you.

My daughter just got out of that stage - she's 3, we just never validated the behavior. If she threw a tantrum because she wanted something, she didn't get it - the other piece to that was we taught her the correct way to ask for things, by saying please and thank you and not screaming for them, but by using her words. This seemed to work with her. She has her moments, but they are few and far between now, she knows they are not going to get her anywhere.

Hi C.! Terrible-twos, what a misnomer. It's too bad this cliche stereotype is so popular. It really creates more confusion than anything else. Personally, and my girl is 2, I feel that these tantrums as you call them are just an outlet for extra energy that is being created in order for the child to grow. They are growing! Like a weed! That's not only incredible, but it takes alot of work. Your kiddo is changing and rapidly from little baby to little girl. That said, I always handled it the same way every time as kids thrive from consistency. My daughter would go into a "tantrum" and I would actually take that opportunity of about 5 minutes or so to get something done. I could read mail or bag up the trash, etc. During the event I would moan and groan with her, "Oh baby, I know honey, it's so bad, get it out, let it out, maybe I can cry with you" etc etc etc. And then when she was all done and sniffly I would go over to her and say "Aw poor baby, come to mommy" and give her a great big hug and tell her she is a good girl and mommy loves her. Not only did this work for the both of us very well, but I feel this technique has had positive effects on her development and our relationship. Good Luck and God Bless!

I have a 2 and a half year old. And we have been able to nip tantrums in the bud. (my hubby has a psych degree, and he said when they studied child psychology, the reason that it is called the terrible twos isn't b/c it is at the age of two, but it lasts for 2 years!!! from about 1.5 to about 3.5...and it is b/c it is the WANT stage, and they haven't yet mentally developed the ability to realize that the world doesn't revolve around them...but it will come...)
This is how we have dealt with it...
If she throughs a tantrum in the house (and BOY can this kid throw a tantrum), I just carry her kicking and screaming into her room and shut the door....and I leave her there. She will cry and scream up a storm. Sometimes she calms down in 5 minutes, sometimes 45! Sometimes she falls asleep. Once she is calm, I ask her if she is done, and we talk about why she can have/do/watch/ want it was that she wanted. It seems to help.
If we are at a store I either leave her on the floor crying and start to walk away, but I keep her in sight. If that is not an option, I abandon my shopping and we go outside where she can finish her fit in the car or parking lot.

Good Luck!! And just remember, if you give in that will teach your toddler to cry HARDER next time!

C.,
Well, I have 4 daughters. They are 11,9,7 and 22 months (plus I'm pregnant with twins, OY!) So, I have experienced the terrible twos and I am about to experience it again. For example: about 20 minutes ago my 22 month old asked for a banana and so I got her one. Instead of eating it she decided to squish it to pieces between her fingers and mash it into the carpet. I had one that would throw a fit like no other. She would drop to her bum, and then slam her head back on the floor in a raging screaming fit. They are looking for a reaction from you. I would step over her and walk away. The sooner they figure out that you are NOT going to respond to that kind of behavior and that its NOT going to get them what they want, they'll give up. They are just testing their boundries with you. As embarassing as it is...when you're in public, say...in Wal-Mart- you just ignore the screaming fit and continue your shopping. Don't let your child dictate your schedule. Kids are smart...they learn fast. Good luck and I hope I was able to help.

My oldest son would throw the biggest temper tantrums. He even broke a Graco stroller during one of his tantrums when he was two. What I did to minimize the problem is set up a "No Throwing fits Zone." He was only allowed to throw a fit in his room (if we were home), and in the bathroom (if we were out). I also would just ignore him if he started throwing a fit. I would simply tell him this room was a "no fit zone, and he needed to go to the room." Then I would not acknowledge him until he was done. On the really bad fights when he wouldn't go to his room, I just left the room he was in. They throw fits to get attention and to get their way, if you don't give them the attention or their way, they will soon stop (hopefully). I hope this works as well for you as it did for me.

TK

The main thing is to be consistant; don't give in. What I always find works best is totally ignoring them. Even make sure you do something that brings your path along them and step right over them. That really gets them. After awhile I ask the child if they are finished, and if not, I let them go throwing the tantrum for a while longer and ask again. They will say in that cute little voice "yes" and I say "ok" and we move on. If my boys and I were at the grocery or something, I did pretty much the same thing, of course I couldn't wander off very far. Once they realize it doesn't work, the tantrums stop. My oldest was a big tantrum boy, and this was the way I took care of it. I also run a daycare and I don't have tantrum throwers because I don't let it work for them.

I have read The Happiest Toddler on the Block, and I would recommend it. It definitely worked for me & my daughter.

Well, ignoring often works, espcially when the tamptrum is for no reason. My daughter is in them real bad now, and often times we tell her to go to her room, she gose in there crys it out, when she comes out we tell her, that if she is angry then she can show it but in her own room or in a good way (ie not yelling and screaming) we do "time outs" but mainly send her to her room, which won't do much good since her toys are all int there. We are a firm believer in spankings, but that is up the the parent.
Right now i'm reading the book "Happiest toddler on the block" it is supose to help to deal with toddlers, i haven't gotten to far with it, but it may help or be worth checking out!
J.

I know the feeling my lil boy is 2 also and I just let him cry out his temper trantum in his room and when he's quiet then I go try to find out what he was mad about.

My daughter and I are in exactly the same boat. 1st, you have to choose some of your battles. If its something really not important, then let it go. That may get some criticism, but when you are by yourself parenting, its hard. Lucy used to throw fits that she would not get into a cart at any store, she wanted to walk. What I started doing was talking to her as we entered the parking lot. I explained that I would let her walk like a big girl to the store, holding my hand and then she was going to get in the cart with no fighting. She argues in the car, but I won't back down. Tell them exactly what behavior you expect, if you know there are certain things that trigger a fit. She still put up a little fuss, but she got in the cart. Now, I hardly have a problem at all.

I also started using what I call the choice method. Right when she seems to be getting upset, I give her a choice. They may niether one be what she wants to do, but you are giving her a choice none the less. Sometimes, if we're out, I give her 3 choices and the 3rd is to go home. This has really seemed to work with Lucy.

Also, I saw a show a while back about Toddler speak. It explained that they get so focused that what we are calmly trying to say or screaming at the top of our lungs about just won't get through. You might notice that your daughter is repetitive in things she says and does...do this with her...repeat yourself in short phrases, in a firm voice. Be on eye level with them. This has worked for me too.

If you want to contact me, feel free, ____@____.com. I'm a single working mom with an almost 3 yr old daughter, so I'm sure we would have a lot to talk about!

i found with my daughter when she was that age if i just ignored half of them they werent near as much fun for her so she just stopped doing it and if she would do it for what seemed like forever i would take her to her room put her in the floor and say there now throw the fit and she would get more mad at that than anything if we were doing something fun we would just leave dont let them win remember u r in control and dont let her win

ignore the fit as long as she is not hurting herself. Try not to give in to her and be strong make sure she knows who the BOSS is (thats you!) She is just now deciding who she is and you have to teach her that she need to calm herself most of the time. Although sometimes a big hug and a I Love You may be all she needs other times she will want nothing to do with you. That may be hard for you but very good for her. Good luck

there's a book, The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, PH.D.

It's designed for older kids that throw temper tantrums but it worked really well with my 2 year old too. He'll be 3 in 2 weeks and we don't have nearly as many temper tantrums as we used to have.

I am in the same boat as you. My first child was really easy and accepted the word no my youngest now is doing the temper tantrums. The only thing i can say is if they do it when they want something and you say no keep to your gun with no. i have also tried time out and that seems to work some.