Daughter Has Melt down Every Year at Her Birthday Party

Have a low key birthday party with her closest friends.
Just decorate the house in her favorite colors (streamers, balloons).
Get pizza, movies, some snacks & dessert (cupcakes or whatever she likes.).
Don't over think it. Don't over do it. Ask what she wants. Do not intervene. It's her one day. As a kid SHE should get that one day because as she gets older she won't have that much of a special day.

Basically butt out. I mean in the nicest way. ;)

If she can't handle the stress of a big birthday party, then by all means, don't plan another one! Maybe allow her to have a few (4 or fewer) friends over, maybe plan a craft (like decorating cupcakes or cookies), let them run around a little, and call it a day. One of my kids loves big parties, and when her little sister came along, I figured I'd just plan the same big birthday bashes for her. Wrong. Some kids totally melt down when they're the center of attention and they know mom has gone way over-the-top with all of the planning. For those kids, they don't require or appreciate big parties. (Good news for us moms, right? ;)

"I am an admitted perfectionist. I have been obsessive about planning the parties..." This is your daughter's problem.

Please don't do this to her. Let her make the decisions regarding her party and stop pushing her.

This party isn't for you. It's for her! Instead of your plans being what's important to you, her wishes are what you need to pay attention to. This way of thinking will help you both a lot as she gets older. Perfectionistic behavior on your part will cause so many problems in the future.

I would talk to her. I would say that you've tried a number of things, but she always ends up upset. If she wants a belated party, then how can you and she plan something that is low key and low drama? I would allow her to have a handful of very good friends over, NO games, and pick up by x time.

I would also work with your DD about being a good winner and a not so sore loser. That is something that is not just about parties. That will affect her behavior at other people's houses and school. Now that she is older, other people will have to deal with her outbursts without you. That is not fair to them.

I don't think it's uncommon for certain personalities to have meltdowns at their birthday party or other major event. Some kids get overly excited and can't handle things. I'm not sure even a low-key party is the answer.

My SD has had some kind of meltdown at her birthday party and other major events every year until she turned 10. I think she would get overwhelmed with the attention, the sugar and the anticipation of the party. One year it was the games (she didn't win the prize she had been wanting), the next year it was because the kids weren't listening to her (she was being bossy), another year it was because she wanted the party to last longer.

She's had major meltdowns on Christmas as well, I think she's overtired (from not sleeping the night before because of excitement) and overwhelmed with all the gifts and stimulation.

I don't think that the parties were necessarily about you, I think that you just need to talk to your daughter about your expectations and what's going to happen. Have a frank discussion about what some of the kids might do and how you're going to handle it. For example, we open gifts at the party, but she is not allowed to open the boxes or play with any of the gifts until after her friends have gone home. This keeps pieces from being lost or gifts from being broken. You may need to remove her from the situation if she looks like a meltdown is imminent.

I don't think you're alone in having a child that gets overly excited and may have meltdowns at her party. Don't let it be a reason not to have a party, and don't feel like the party failed because of it.

When we look back, my daughter doesn't remember any of the meltdowns. She just remembers she had fun.

Good luck!

I used to freak out over parties too, but found that kids are happy with the simplest of things. Actually I think, the simpler the better. She was probably so overwhelmed and thought also if anything went wrong then it wasn't perfect enough for her too.

I say do something small and don't make a big deal out of it. If you don't stress, most likely she won't either :)

M.
Moms Helping Moms Work at Home
www.homeisgreat.com

Always have the party outside the home and with an activity that is not strict. We have done roller skating and swim parks. State Park with play ground. Simple and open is best. Kids can come and go. Set it for 2 hours and then everyone goes home. Not enough time for kids to go belistic after a tiring day and not to much of a time for them to fight. Just good memories.

Are you running the U.N.? I think there is less diplomacy there. :P

Have a few friends, keep it low key, and stop obsessing.

I say this as a mom who has obsessed over many a birthday party through the years (mine are 19 and 16 now). Trust me, someday you will look back on this stuff and laugh.

I like Patty's idea. Maybe just have her pick a friend, and take the two of them to do something special of her choosing?

Let her set the pace as much as you can.

Good reply from Micky. Have her help u plan, she will like it. Does the anxiety piece disrupt your or her life in other ways?

I would ask her what does she want to do for her birthday. It sounds like you are planning everything but is it what she really wants to do? She may only want one or two friends and go do something somewhere. Or, just order pizza and hang out? Also, make sure she goes to bed early the night before and rest some the day of the party. When my daughter has a big event then I tell her to go rest on her bed or the couch by watching a movie. I stress to her to rest because she will be very tired later if she doesn't. She listens because she has learned the hard way in the past when she did not rest beforehand. Meltdowns usually occur because a child is hungry or tired or both. If you feed her a little before the party with a light snack and make sure she is rested then I am sure that it will help with these party meltdowns.

Apparently SHE doesn't need a corrective experience because she wants a party. So, again, it appears this is about YOU not HER.

I would do the low key "play date" style thing.

Take her and another friend to see some sort of show and lunch or dinner.
If there are not appropriate shos in your area, pick a fun place and take them for her special day.