Dating Advice for Mom of 16 Year Old Girl

Hi L.:
Well, I've had alot of experience in this department. lol Not because I have daughters, because I have two sons.However....My four sisters and I about drove my daddy insane....trying to keep tabs on each of us when we started dating!! ....The truth is....I could write a pretty funny book about the experiences. Daddy was extremely strict,and I suppose,all of us girls understood to a point as to why.Mom and dad had enough to handle,with ( Seven) I would imagine the mere thought of one of us coming to him with the news of a pregancy,would have quite literally sent him over the edge! When my sisters and I speak of those days now, we find it hysterical,and laugh about it,but back then, we found very little humor in it! Incidents,such as opening the front door,at the exact moment my date was giving me a goodnight kiss. We took the alternative,kissing goodnight parked in front of the house,only to have the garage light flicked on and off like a beacon!!!Once, upon meeting a new boyfriend,daddy took out his rifle,and proceeded to tell my date what an excellent shot he was.lmao!! Anyway you get the idea.After years of torment,my sisters and I learned a few tactics and learned how to get around some of daddys strict rules.One thing we couldn't get around,was The time we had to be home from a date.He had to meet the guy. Not just because he wanted to see what type of charactor I was dating, but so he could make himself (crystal clear) about the time he expected him to get me home!! He wouldn't nag, but simply would say. I expect her home at 12 on the dot! I knew what the consequences were. The following weekend I'd be sitting watching tv with dad! ewwww. Frankly,we girls had no problem with a curfew. The problem we had ,was telling him exactly where we were going.If we told him we were going to a movie,then he say" ok, the movie is 2 hours" "It takes you 15 mintes to get home" I'll give you an extra 15 in case.Be home at 8:30 on the dot!! 8:30 ???? I thought...It's not even worth going! What if we wanted to stop and eat, and just talk. I mean you can't really get to know someone,when your watching a movie,or swaping spit!! lol.Anyway,my sisters and I had to become more creative. We'd tell him we were going to the drag races and dinner,or anything that would take more than an hour or two,just so we could be out a little later. Daddy would ask how the races were,and I'd tell him FAST! Little did he know,I meant my dates hands!! lol. All kidding aside L..If you've taught your daughter well. If you have an open relationship with her and she doesn't do anything to cause you to question her honesty,or integrety,then don't second guess her ability to make the right decisions.She will be 17 soon,and a year after she will be old enough to move out on her own. I think I would insist on a mutual curfew,and let her know,that you set that,merely to set your mind at ease. You want to know your daughter will return home safely.If she doesn't use good judgement,and leaves you to fret,without contacting you,then i'd share the consequences with her.I would allow her to go out alone with a date. There will probably be times,they meet up with others and make it a group date,but at 17 Shes mature enough to date alone.I wish you and your mature daughter the best.

3 moms found this helpful

My daughter is 17 and she has to be home by 11 on weekends and usually isn't allowed out during the week except if there is a set plan. She is a Sr. in high school and although she oftens complains she is the only one with a curfew I know she knows it is for her best. I always allow the boys at our home and they are not allowed in bedrooms without the door open. I always have to talk to his parents to make sure they are home if she goes to her dates home. Also, set a code with her so if she ever feels uncomfortable she can blame you for having to go home. I always take the blame for not letting her do anything she doesn't want to do. Good luck it is really hard being a good mom.

2 moms found this helpful

L.,

Here are some links/articles about teenage dating

Helpful tips to Help Parents with their dating teenager
http://parentingmyteen.com/2008/helpful-tips-to-help-pare...

http://www.troubledwith.com/ParentingTeens/A000001051.cfm...

http://parentingteens.about.com/od/teenculture/a/teen_dat...

http://ezinearticles.com/?Teenagers-and-Dating--What-Pare...

I hope these articles and links will help you. Let me know how it goes.

R.

2 moms found this helpful

If I didn't know better I would have thought that I wrote this. My name is L. and my middle initial is "F". BUT, I didn't write it. I do have a daughter who just turned 17 last week and her boyfriend of 6 months just turned 18. We talk to her often. We tell her what we expect. She knows that I am a bit more relaxed than her Dad is. But, she still has to respect us in our home. I speak with the boys parents too. We both have had discussions on our expectations for the kids. We talk to them about what we don't want, ie, preganancy, STD's etc. They are both seniors in High School and go to separate schools. They are planning on what they are going to do after graduation and want to be together. This could be a serious relationship. We like the boy and his parents like my daughter. That is a good thing. We always keep the lines of communication open for her and her older brother. She has a 10:00 curfew on weeknights and an 11:00 curfew on Weekends. He maybe 18 but she is not. She still has to follow the rules of the city and the city has a curfew for all children under 18. We took off last week and left her and the boyfriend with our little ones for a while and I talked to both of the teenagers and told them EXACTLY what I expected from them. They are role models for my younger kids. They said that they would be on their best behavior. When we got home the younger ones, the spies, told us that they were very good and didn't even kiss in front of them. So, lay it out and speak to them both often. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

First of all .... good job for you - it sounds like you and your daughter have a good relationship. I agree with Jenn D on curfews. Yes, I am not a parent of a teenager, but I am a high school teacher ... you would be shocked and amazed at the things I hear and learn. Curfews are a must .... if you don't set guidelines with her, you may be suprised out how late she will be out, even if she tries to use good judgement. Even on school nights I hear about my students being out until after 10 and on weekends it seems like some are literally out all night. FYI - only hearing the male side as I teach at an all boys school, but the truth is somewhere in the middle of how late and how often they are out.

Also, if you haven't, talk to her about what is fair - jealousy, etc.... You would be suprised at the number of male students I have who feel it is okay for them to talk to another girl and have female friends while dating someone, but they don't believe the girl they are dating should have male friends or hang out with males except for them. Even I was shocked at their double standard.

I also love the suggestion about mixing up the dates - some family nights, some group nights, and some couple excursions - as long as you continue to monitor where and with whom, I think all should go as smoothly as can be anticipated. Good luck and kudos to you for being such a great mom.

Our rules were: no dating at all until 16, group dates first, then one-on-one dates, 10 pm curfew school nights, 11 or 12 weekends, changeable at any time due to your behavior. Dates also had to come to the door, not just honk the horn!

I have an 18 year old and at 17 she had her first "boyfriend" If you say NO on things she will start to lie to you. I found that I set the rules with both of them right away. No closed doors, no under blankets, no being here together when I am not home. Make no exceptions! Stay strong on your rules. Do not be blinded because you have a good girl. This is the age where it does happen and it will slip right between your fingers if you don not have a handle on it. I did a lot of things with them and let her have him come along places. Good Luck

there is a good book called "do hard things" it's about dating and stuff like that. probably not the most popular advice, but the best for some families.

You could check out http://www.urlzoom.org/1be for a religious point of view.