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What Is a Fair Curfew for an 18-Year Old Daughter Living at Home?

Hello there. My husband and I have a single daughter who will be turning 18 in June and has been commenting that she shouldn't have a curfew once she is 18. She will still be living at home and attending the community college for the next two years. My husband has already set her straight that while she is living at home and even though she is 18 she cannot do whatever she wants and will need to respect our home. We have set her curfew at 1 a.m. once she turns 18. She doesn't like this of course, and comments about moving out like most teenagers do out of frustration. My husband and I are not lienient parents and have always given our daughter a curfew. Right now her curfew is 12:30 on Friday and Saturday nights, which we feel is very generous. Her curfew use to be midnight, but she complained so much that her other friends curfews was 1 a.m. or later and if we could change the curfew to be a bit later. Since she has been doing very well in school, we told her we would extend her curfew to 12:30 a.m. My daughter would like her curfew to be 2:30 once she turns 18, but my husband and I don't agree. Her friends currently have later curfews than she does at age 17, so she feels 1 a.m. is not fair when she turns 18. What do you ladies think is a fair curfew for a soon-to-be 18 year old young lady living at home. She's a good student and responsible at her part-time job. Thank you for any advice!

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I have to agree with you 100%. My thinking is there isn't anyr eason to be out past 1 am. The bars close and I would worry about drunk people out driving after 1 anyway. More power to her if she wants to move out as my parents told me "good luck". SO good luck to you both and as I stated there is not a reason to be out any later.

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Haven't read what others said but here is what my parents did for my sister and me (we both lived at home until we were 21--our parents wanted us to save our money). With a father that was a police officer for 28 years, he'd seen just about everything that can happen in the early and wee hours of the night. They sat us down, explained that they know that you can get into trouble at any hour of the day (car accident, sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.), but that a large majority of the problems arise in the evening hours. Our curfew was set at 1:00 a.m. and then 2:00 a.m. when we were 20. They explained that they worried about us, on the road with the less responsible people--those that took drugs or those that drink and drive. They said they trusted us not to do those things. After I saw how many of my friends/acquaintances had to deal with these issues (a couple of them killed by drunk drivers while they were "good" and minding their own business and driving home at 2:00 or 3:00 a.m.), I realized what my folks were talking about. My parents said they couldn't sleep while waiting to hear that front door open, and I don't blame them. When kids move out, parents worry (I've got 2 out now), but when they are gone you don't know what they are doing, where they are, who they are with, what time they get in, etc., and so you have to let it go. You still worry as a parent, but it isn't thrust in your face. I understood then that if my parents were going to "support" me that the least I could do was give them a good night's sleep. And looking back on it, whatever I was doing from about 11:00 p.m. until 1:00/2:00 a.m. really wasn't that much fun.

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I have to agree with you 100%. My thinking is there isn't anyr eason to be out past 1 am. The bars close and I would worry about drunk people out driving after 1 anyway. More power to her if she wants to move out as my parents told me "good luck". SO good luck to you both and as I stated there is not a reason to be out any later.

2 moms found this helpful

My niece, who lives with us, is turning 18 the day before she graduates from high school. She initially thought that meant that she was going to have every freedom in the world, too. I explained to her that she will still be living here and still under our rules. Yeah, I'll relax them some, but she's not going to be any more responsible on her birthday than she was the day before.

I told her that I do not sleep while she is gone, and she knows this. I wait up for her. I expect that she isn't going to be coming in late and waking everyone up. Currently she doesn't have a set curfew, it's more about what she is doing and where she is going and kind of decided on that. I think 1 am is plenty late. I have told her before that I don't want her out there on the roads when the drunks are leaving the bars, which usually starts around 1:30 since they close at 2.

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi R., I think you are fair. I used to hear all that complaining too. We did make acceptions. If they were at a friends house and we knew where they were, or maybe a late movie. It just depended on the situation. As long as she is under your roof, she should go by your rules. I will tell you that my kids are grown 25 and 21. They still live at home. I still ask that they be home by 2 and for some reason if they are going to be later than that, I want a phone call. My son, who is 21, took awhile to comply, but he finally came around. Good luck

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I'm not sure what a fair curfew might be but have your considerd a reasonable "open" curfew? By that I mean, have her tell you her plans for the evening and then agree on a time to be home based on her plans. Like, if she's going to a 10pm movie and then to Denny's for late night meal, it would be reasonable to expect her home between 1:30 and 2 am. If she's going to a party that starts at 9:00, maybe she could reasonably be home by 12:30.

It's a little more work night by night, but it will require her to tell you her plans rather than just being free to do whatever until 1am.

This is the way my mom did curfew with me when I would come home from college and it worked great! I felt like I was being trusted and could be repsonsible part of the decision making process... my mom (I think) got to know where I was and have a say in when I'd be back.

Hope this helps,

T.

1 mom found this helpful

1 am is fair. What is an 18 year old doing til 1am? I would ask her why she wants her curfew to be later and have her tell you what she is doing til 1 am and why it needs to be until 2am. The reason should be something other than my friends have a later curfew.

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Ok here is the best advice I can give you for her. I say that since she is a good student and will be 18 soon you should give her a curfew of 1:30 am. I say this time cause its 30 minutes past what you wanted but its 30 minutes before bars and clubs close. You don't want you daughter to have a later curfew than that cause that's when people try to drive home after drinking at clubs and bars. My parents had this rule for me and I respected it because I knew it was fair and they didn't want me to get in any accidents with drunk drivers. Now you need to tell her though that if she disobeys this 1:30 curfew it will go back to 1 am. This should help her not disobey the curfew. Hope this helps and don't give in to a later curfew cause its potentually dangerous

1 mom found this helpful

See http://ForCarol.com Carol was one of 4 kids who died in Tracy, CA. Curfews and parents that are engaged well past 18 (as long as they are at home)...need curfews and parents that care.

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