Curfew for Teen

My daughter will be 17 in a few days. We don't have a stated curfew, but I do expect to know who she is with, where she is going and when she will be home. I expect her to be home when she says she will. That being said, our city has a curfew for under 18 unless they are driving to and from work. So she wouldn't be out with friends past 11 or 12 on a given night anyway. She often has sports related activities during the week, so it is mostly on the weekend that this comes into play. My 19 year old son - basically same thing, communication and sticking to what he says. If they live in my house, they have a responsibility not to leave me worrying. My son has been known to call me when I wasn't home when expected, so I guess it goes both ways!

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I would probably not have a set curfew -- too inflexible -- I would want to know what she was doing and when she would need to be back would depend on what is reasonable for that. That being said, home by 10ish on a school night unless there are special circumstances is reasonable, and much more flexibility on weekends/days off.

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When I was 17.... I was already graduated from High School... and worked etc. I had no "curfew." Besides the all knowing "glance" from my parents.
Or course, they trusted me. I returned that respect.
I came home past midnight. Responsibly. Meaning, not drunk, not on drugs, no missing clothing etc. But my parents also knew my friends... and their parents... I always told them what I was doing/where I was going. Not because I was a "child"... but out of respect. I didn't want them to 'worry' needlessly. I also dated... and it was fine. They met everyone I dated. Even a dude in a rock band with a mohawk.... who picked me up on his Motorcycle. But he was a nice guy... educated, decent. My Dad even liked him.

It depends... on the "relationship" you have, with your child... who is now 17. And the reciprocal "respect" you have, or not, with that child, now an individual who is independent....

And as for me, I was not still in High School. Big difference.
Once I hit 18 years old... well, I came and went... the same. Except that I then went clubbing. Which at that time, 18 was the legal age and for drinking... and such activities. Normal in my time. Still, I came home... responsibly.

all the best,
Susan

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I'm a big fan of no curfew for teens, so that they can learn by trial and error how to live their lives (aka how much sleep they need to wake up on time, get themselves to school, do the HW, etc.) NOW in highschool, rather than just be "let loose" in college with no life skills, or have to learn by getting fired at work for oversleeping / not having projects completed, or end up in the brig for being late in the military. It's FAR better, imho, to miss first period or even sleep till noon or later and have an unexcused absence in highschool than the far more expensive alternative of doing it in college, on the job, or in the military. There is a LOT more latitude / wiggle room to learn in highschool than once they turn 18 and move out. The parallell is that we don't "catch" our children every time they stumble as toddlers, but for some reason most parents bend over backwards to keep them from learning their own balancing points as teens.

Of course, hand in hand with not having a curfew is ALSO living responsibly with those who love them. Meaning that they need to come and go without waking other people up, calling or leaving a note on a regular basis, etc. If my husband just "didn't show up" after work without a call, or came in and woke everyone up, etc... well anyone can see that those things don't fly. It's about respect, not control.

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When my boys were in highschool curfew was the following

10pm on school nights with them only allowed to be out 1 weeknight
12 on friday and saturday

exceptions were made for nights when there was a school dance and they were all going to a kids house after-wards.

if church was not attended on Sunday morning then no going out the following weekend.

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At 17, i think my curfew was 10 on school nights at 2 on weekends.

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My curfew was 10 when I was that age, later only on weekends on special occasions. It made me so mad -- many of my friends could stay out later, and I was a "good" kid who wasn't likely to get into trouble. I thought the curfew (and many of my mother's other rules) indicated that my mom didn't trust me, and I knew I deserved to be trusted.

Now that I'm a parent, I understand that my mom DID trust me. She didn't trust herself to really know whether I should be trusted (I know of lots of parents who THOUGHT they had good kids but were completely wrong), and she knew that somehow bad things are more likely to happen late at night. When I look back at my teenage years, I conclude that a lot of the reason I was a good kid had to do with my mom's rules and the fact that she cared enough to impose them. It's a fine line between being overly strict and being a responsible parent, and I'm sure there's no "right" answer -- a lot depends on your kid and your relationship with your kid, how well you know the other kids, and all that. But I do think a teenager should have some sort of a curfew, especially on school nights.

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For my 17 year old daughter it's 10 on weeknights (not really a problem. She is a soccer player, so she is tired and often goes to bed early on week nights) and 12 on the weekends. By the way she has had her driving license for a year. In California, the first year of their license they need to be home by 11 (if less than 18). I read somewhere that the purpose of a curfew is to make them come home and not to sweat the late by 10 min or so. Often when she is late I text her "you are 10 minutes late". That way she knows she hasn't pulled anything over me. Good luck!

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I have a 16 year old, and have read some good responses. I like the idea of not a set curfew, it could vary depending on the activity. I think I have good kids who don't drink or do drugs, get good grades and are respecting of us, at least for the most part. So far, going out hasn;t been much of an issue, but from he says, that could be changing, hmmm life as a parent.

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When I was 17 and working, my curfew was 11pm. With an underage teen(under 18) they are not allowed to work past 11pm by law anyway and most state curfews for under 18 are at midnight. I like the 10pm on school nights, but I would keep it to 11-11:30 on Fridays&Saturdays unless she has cleared it with you and your husband beforehand. If I was going on a date- the curfew was midnight.
~C.

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My daughter who is 20 now was in by 9 if she wasn't at work, which she only worked til 10 one night during the week. On weekends it was 11.

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My curvew was 12:00. But I moved out for two weeks (another story) came back home and didnt have a curfew. Funny thing is once I didnt have a curfew I came home earlier than 12:00 alot of times. She seems responsible I would give her a trial period of no curfew , see how it goes. If she over steps the bounds then set a 12:00 or 1:00 curfew. There really isnt a need for her to be out past 1:00 anyway unless you know where she is at.

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I guess I'm kind of different with my 17 year old daughter. During the week if she isn't at sports practice or work she is home. She has too many things to work on with studying and college applications so a weeknight out is rare. Weekends vary as well...depends where she is and what's up the next day. Tonight it is 10:30 because she has senior pictures in the morning, sometimes it's midnight and prom night it was 2. I don't want to make a blanket curfew and give her a reason to be out. Thus far, no complaints from her :)

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When I was 17 I had to be hoome on weeknights right after I got off work, I was the store's asst mgr so some nights I had to close but rarely on a school night, the latest 11pm. Weekends, depended on what we were doing and who I was going out with. If my mother knew them and thier parents then it was later (midnight), if it was a school dance aside from Prom and Formal 11, if it was a date 10:30 if she liked the boy 9:30 if she was not sure and was not going if she did not like him(never had that happen). So really it depended on what I was doing and who I was doing it with for my curfew. It worked for us, kept communication open too b/c I would tell her what we were doing and why I wanted to be out so late, she would let me know after she confirmed my plans but as I got older it got easier. I like that I was held accountable, she knew where I was going, and the rule was that if plans changed she knew and had the right to say no and pick me up with out being upset.

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Mine was midnight my junior and senior year - should have been earlier. I hung out with the wrong crowd and make some really poor choices. I believe if I had to be home earlier I would have hung out with different people and would not have had that late night exposure that was too much for a 16 & 17 year old girl.

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Is she still in high school? If she is: 10:00 on school nights; 12:30 - 1:00 on weekends. More or less.

It's really hard. With the responsible ones, it's not really about what trouble they will get into but what evils might befall them. It's always a worry. My daughter's the same age but in her first year of college. She basically makes her own schedule at this stage, but I still have a hard time going to sleep when she's out and I know she's going to be home vs. staying at a friend's house. I can't wait till she lives somewhere else so I can go to bed at 8:30 like I want to.

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When I was 17 I also had a job and good grades. As a trusted and responsible young adult I did not have a curfew. I plan to do the same with my boys, unless they give me reason not to trust them.

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Growing up as a good kid, my parents decided on our curfew with each circumstance. If I was going to a double feature movie with a friend on a Saturday night, they'd usually want me home around 12:30 am-since that gave me plenty of time to get home and there was nowhere else to go (reasonable anyway) at that time of night. On the other hand-if I was going for pizza or to study on a school night, they'd usually say for me to be home by 9 pm (with leave to call if a legitimate need arose). There was no set time, and I didn't mind, because I felt like there was flexibility and if my parents were giving me a time to be home, it was because they knew where I was and what I was up to each time, rather than a blank check to do whatever as long as I was home by a certain time. Plus, there were just some times they wanted me home early-for whatever reason, like they knew it had been a busy week, so they didn't think I needed to go out with friends when I had a tournament the next day-and that was their right as a parent. Funnily enough, I didn't mind, and at times, they didn't tell me a specific time to be home, because they knew I understood what was reasonable in each situation. Especially now that I am a parent, I appreciate that. Good luck.