Cute Babies

Perhaps she doesn't want her child to be judged by her appearance. Maybe she does not want 'what a pretty girl' to be all the value people place in her child now and for her entire life. And being close to someone who is following all the gender stereotypes may be something she finds difficult now. Without her telling you what the problem is, it would be hard to know.

Yeah, I don't know if you are reading this right. I have beautiful girls but could not stand the foo foo nonsense. Maybe she is just sick of that, not the comments. I am not saying there is anything wrong with how you dress your daughter it is just some don't think it is cute or anything, it is just over the top.

My oldest is 21 and at her age you cannot tell who were the foo foo girls.

You know, some people are just idiots and I don't think they mean it.
I had my first baby, a girl, in a store with a frilly blue dress and big blue bow on her head. I couldn't believe the woman behind me making such a fuss over my pretty little boy. I said, "Thank you, but she's a girl. Do you notice the dress and the bow on her head?"
She literally said, "Of course I noticed, but they're blue."
As if I would have my son in a blue dress and bow.

Anyway, you just have to take these things in stride. Not all parents dress for a specific gender and it's possible others really don't know which is which.
I personally don't think it's anything to get that upset over.
There are baby boys pretty enough to be assumed to be girls. There are girls who are assumed to be pretty boys.
Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference and it shouldn't be taken so personally.
That's just my opinion.
Many people assume little girls should be frilly. It's not a prerequisite though.
I would hope your friend is happy with her fashion choices for her daughter and be a little thicker skinned than that. Babies are individuals. They have their own style.
It's okay.
I don't know why people fawn over one baby and not another, they're all beautiful in my opinion. Some people lose their sense of discretion and your friend shouldn't be hurt by it.
Give her some time to chill out and think about things.
My son went to school with a boy who had hair down to his waist and everyone thought he was a girl. It wasn't just the hair. He was a "pretty" boy.
His mom used to get so pissed.
No one was deliberately being mean.
Your friend might just be sensitive to the fawning over one child and not the other. That would be hard to take, but it's not your fault or your baby's fault or even her own babies fault.
She should own her babies style.
I hate to say it, but people do fawn over bows and ribbons.
When my daughter was pregnant, I got her the cutest things for a girl.
Alas...they all had to be returned because she had a boy.
As my daughter got older, she literally said, "Mom, quit putting nick-nacks on me."
It's a process.
I hope your friend won't continue to be sensitive over her choices.
All babies are beautiful in their own ways.
She should know that.

Best wishes.

Even when I dressed my daughter in purple and dresses, I got asked if she was a boy. Your friend is being a little thin skinned.

I hate to say this, but you may not be the best person for her to talk to right now. Does she have anther close female in her life? A sister, or mother, or friend (who does not have a baby right now) who could talk to her on your behalf? Try not to push but simply let her know that you still would like to be friends and that you would like to know how to make that happen. Talking to someone not directly involved is likely the best thing she can do right now.
P.S. For year strangers would comment on how 'beautiful a girl' my brother was (until he was 5 and cut off all his blonde curls). You either learn to laugh it off or you go crazy.

Ok, if you want my honest opinion, I am not a frilly sort of person at all. If I were your friend, I think I would mostly be upset by how important appearances seem to YOU. I mean, if you truly felt bad about the disparity in compliments, maybe you could tone it down with all the bows and stuff with your girl when you know you're going to be together? It's not really about comparing, but when YOU keep saying stuff like, "Don't we both have gorgeous girls?" it makes it very obvious that YOU notice that your daughter is getting all the compliments and your friend's is not. It's sort of like you're apologizing for her when a) it's not necessary and b) it's not your place.

That being said, unless you do dress your child up in super obvious gender stereotypical outfits, you're going to get people guessing the wrong sex regardless of which they really are. And even then. I had people telling me all the time that my son was a beautiful girl. And - my favorite - my husband, who has gray hair, took our daughter to the store in a darling blue sweater set that had flowers and ruffles on it. A little old lady went up to him and said, "Your grandson is adorable!" You sort of learn to deal with it, and your friend should too.

It shouldnt ruin your friendship just because some stranger made a mistake when looking at the girls. Shes upset, she will get over it. She may have been having a hard day, or PMSing, and just didnt take it well. Give it time. Maybe if you want to tone it down a bit in the ruffles and bows on your daughter it might make you feel better, but you shouldnt have to just to make her feel better. If this was the only reason she was upset then she would have been dressing her girl all frilly too just to keep up. Its not her style so she should be able to handle your girl being all fancy when together.

Sometimes people are ignorant and should think before they speak. People used to mistake my baby girl for a boy also...didn't really bother me. You didn't hurt your friend. You didn't do anything wrong, and you can dress your daughter however you want. I think your friend's behavior is inappropriate.

Her feelings are hurt and she's protective of her little one. She probably even realises that it's not down to you that this happens, but nevertheless, when she and her baby are around you and your baby, her feelings are repeatedly being hurt. I think it's OK to give her a bit of space, and let her take a break from the hurt feelings. Just go with the flow, and perhaps after a little while suggest some time together, where there are no other people around to make the comments. Perhaps a BBQ/lunch/coffee/playdate at your house?

Honestly, you havent done anything wrong. its your friends problem and inesecurity with herself as a mom and her daughter. Its sad, very sad that she is taking people's judgements to heart. Write her a note and tell her that you want to talk to her in person. When you see her, give her a big hug and tell her that you know that person's comment hurt--but its not your fault! Ask her if she wants to doll up her baby a bit so she doesn't have this issue anymore. GL

M

ok so either the observer is totally ignorant and made a stupid comment, or she is making an obvious effort to dress her child neutrally, and therefore can't get upset if someone can't "guess" her baby's gender. what the heck? there are sooo few gender neutral clothes for 12m - she would really have to make an effort to dress her that way. so if that's what she's doing she has zero right to get upset. if it's simply that she dresses in "baby girl" clothes but doesn't do the bows and frills, then ok i can see her getting upset. but it sounds like she is making an effort to dress her child neutrally, in which case she can't get upset. if the friendship means a lot to you go by her cues and be patient, she should come around. seriously..there are a TON of adorable 12m girl clothes that aren't "frilly" or "frou frou", but still obviously for girls. sorry she got upset with YOU, when you are not at fault.

Wow I'm not sure why she would get upset with you over a comment someone else made.
There must be more going on here?
How could someone else's comment effect your friendship in any way?

Maybe she just got annoyed by all the fuss around baby's beauty...fuss that you seem to somehow "endorse" with your gracious and inclusive responses to compliments towards YOUR baby. SInce she doesn't stress so much appearances (obviously) she probably prefers to spend time with somebody else who shares the same ideas too, for a change. I don't believe she is jealous of not getting enough compliments to his child, I truly think she is rising to another level..understandably. Perhaps you want to try and focus on something else too, when you are with her, you could set a date that is more cultural or educational..I bet it'll be a good way to reconnect.

Oh, your poor friend! That has to be hard. Each time someone comments on your baby and not her baby, she must be feeling like they think her baby is ugly. No fun.

I don't even know what to suggest. I would validate her feelings. Be understanding. Tell her how important your friendship is. Respect her wishes if she needs some time away. You could also say something about how beautiful her daughter is and that are so sorry that the lady said what she did about her baby. If babies aren't dressed really girlie or really boy, it's often hard for people to know if it's a boy or a girl...and that's really why you think the person said that. Her baby is beautiful.

Too bad she doesn't realize that it's likely that she doesn't dress her baby girlie enough and that if she did people would respond more! Even if a baby isn't the cutest, if they are dressed super girlie and with the cute headbands/hairbows, it always makes them look so much cuter...not that I always dress my babies like that...hehe. But I think it's adorable!

I didn't want to dress my daughter very girly or frilly for a long time, even kept cutting her hair short for the first year... about 18 months is when I finally gave in. She may be thinking about whether to be more obviously girly, or if she's ok with ppl still thinking R is a boy.

sounds like you are jumping to conclusions.

Don't pacify her, she has a right to her feelings, don't make excuses for your child either. Give it time and her space. If you really value her friendship, still be nice to her, but do not push it, overdo it, just let her be. If you see her again in play groups, and someone says something to your child, say thank you and you both continue to do what you would normally do if nobody commented.