Custody Questions

Updated on June 02, 2008
A.L. asks from Hanover, PA
13 answers

does anyone know the normal court order for a non married couple with one child??

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So What Happened?

Well, thanks for all of your responses. my son will be a year this month and The father and I have been doing our own thing since he was born. But sometimes he gets the idea to change things and do it his own way after we had already agreed on something. Normally for us its every other weekend and Wednesdays and that seems to work well. only thing is, is instead of bringing him back at 5 Sunday, He'll keep him 1 hr longer or 2 hrs or even over night if he can't drop him off on time. So that irritates me and when he does that I get mad and wanna file. Then I let it go and he does it again. He just doesn't listen and I thought a court order would help. But again, i change my mind and keep it the way it is. BUT I am going to go this Friday about filing for custody or support, one or the other, i just haven't decided which. He's pretty good at paying me on Fridays but sometimes he'll tell me to wait to cash it or wont give it to me till the next week but thats not often. I'd rather show him that I am serious about getting him back on time Sunday and show him how important it is to keep things the same. I told him how I do it, is almost exactly how the courts do it much if he is late...he forfeits. He'll learn soon.

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M.M.

answers from Harrisburg on

I have been through this and just did resently and I live in PA

Mostlikely you both will have Joint Custody, and you can apply for Primary Physical Custody which means the child lives with you.

M.

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T.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

not sure i know what you mean..but i have a daughter with a man i never married..i had full legal custody with visitation...explain more what you need and i can prob give you a better answer also not sure how old your son is but i didnt have to have over night visits til my daughter was 2...fort.my daughters father wasnt the brightest bulb and she is now 13 and doesnt have a relationship with him...i had a laywer and went for full legal b/c he is a loof and i didnt want him to decide what she should do or how she should live if he wasnt around...it will really depend on your relationship with him ..i think alot of it is cut and dry

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C.H.

answers from Allentown on

try to work it out amongst yourselves first. in pa, custody, and support 2 totally different things.

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R.M.

answers from York on

It doesn't matter if you're not married, parents are parents. Each of you has equal rights as well as equal responsibilities. My daughter's father and I were very amicable and didn't go through the courts for anything. Then I found out one thing we absolutely must do through court is establish paternity. That means he acknowledges that he's the father. Then if he should pass away you can get social security for your son. If you two can work out an agreement between yourselves it would be best. If you need a court order to spell things out hopefully you can, again, work it out beforehand and put it in writing and filed with the court. You'll need to address each of the 3 issues - custody (physical and legal), visitation and child support. They're "enforceable" with a court order, but then you need to go back to court should the need arise to enforce it. Who wants that headache? But depending on your situation, if you need it, you need it. Best of luck to you!!

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M.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

i have a beautiful son and in the same situatin,i hate his father ,we do live together,but he has changed since he has been born,dont worry as long as you are a good mom ,you will be find ,every other weekend,and child support is all he will be rewarded,u have nothing to worry about ,i have been through it twice now. M.

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S.C.

answers from York on

Dear A.,
You didn't mention what kind of relationship you and "Dad" have, as to whether it's amicable, barely civil, or not civil at all. I saw several post that indicated 2 VERY important facts in PA. 1)custody/visition & support are separate. 2)lawyers mean $$ for both of you. Also 3)there is no such thing as normal. So...if you can work it out yourselves it will save you both a lot of time and $$. If you think that's possible, set aside a time (without your son around - get a sitter, you won't want any distractions) and sit down to discuss it. Each of you should take time BEFORE this to sit down and think about what you'll want to discuss. To the extent that some things tend to be VERY common, joint legal custody is typically one of them. This just mean that where decisions are made about you son, you BOTH have to agree. (BTW, a great reason to start open dialogue now!) Also, if one of you is a stay-at-home, that's probably who probably ought to have primary custody, simply for $$ reasons, unless there's some other concern. In the event that neither of you are able to stay home with the boy, you'll have to work out a schedule. Again, inasmuch as there is a common practice, it tends to be an every other weekend and one/two days during the week with the noncustodial, or truly "split" custody where the child spend every other week with each parent. Know ahead of time if there are certain holidays that are important to you/him. For instance, our arrangement for Thanksgiving was that my step-son spent Thanksgiving day with his Mom EVERY YEAR! However, he spent Thanksgiving weekend with us EVERY YEAR! This worked best for us b/c my husband parents live out of state, as does one of his siblings, so his family celebrated Thanksgiving on Saturday. Also, the website, http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/Childsupport/ has calculators by state to help you figure out support. In PA, the calculator combines both incomes to equal 100%, then takes into account who is paying for insurance, etc. Then determined how much/if any support is due to the primary custodial parent. If you have any other questions, feel free to e-mail me. I wrote a Petition to Modify Custody for my husband twice. (They're pretty straight-forward & simple.) Also, know ahead of time that in PA, b/c c-v and support are separate you'll pay to file each separately. IF you can come to an agreement on your own, you'll want to consider splitting the filing costs. Otherwise, in PA the non-custodial usually ends up paying for both. Typically, the custodial parent files for support and the n-c, as defendant, pays the fees, and the n-c parent files for visitation, and ends up having to pay the fees up front. This is one area where I think PA's system is COMPLETELY unjust! God bless you, your son, and his daddy. I'll be praying for all three of you.

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L.S.

answers from Lancaster on

It depends on what you can agree on and what each of your salaries are. If you have custody then you need to figure out who pays what for example: I used to make 24,000 and child's dad made 60,000 a year. I paid for her health insurance through my work and he was ordered to pay $200 a week. He also had 2 other kids and was married to their mom. We were never married so it was a matter of me going to a lawyer and having the paper drawn up and submitting it to court. You can also both go before a judge and they will determine what and who should pay.

If you are in PA call your local domestic relations office and they can give you guidelines or go onto their website.

Also google, child support in PA and a few site should come up that you can plugin number for different scenarios.

Good luck

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L.V.

answers from Pittsburgh on

usually every other weekend for the non-custodial parent. My boyfriend and I get his girls every other weekend. It is up to the couple somewhat too and can be adjusted as both of you see fit as long as you agree.

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S.E.

answers from Allentown on

I had a free divorce consult and was told that because of my "less" work schedule, I would have physical custody of the kids and we would have joint legal custody. I was also given the approximate amount of alimony and child support that I would be receiving. Are you in PA? I was told that in PA, they don't recognize separation until a divorce order is filed. I would highly recommend a consult. I could recommend a great woman in Bangor, PA if that is nearby you. You can email me at ____@____.com.

I'm sorry I just realized you said NON married. My husband had a child and was unmarried before me. She had to file for child support separately and he had to take her to court with an attorney in order to get visitation unless you can come up with a schedule without fighting. When the child was a few mos. old, he filed for visitation through the courthouse and at age 20 gave up custody so he was only eligible for visitation. He was awarded short visits until age 3 or so and then every other weekend and every other holiday plus birthday and vacation time.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

A.,
I just wanted to tell you O. thing: Financial Child Support and Visitation are two totally separate issues. Support does not "entitle" O. to visitation. I believe (and my niece went thru this) that you are asked to go through court sponsored mediation first before you go in front of a judge. They will work out support issues as well as visitation schedule/arrangement. Both sides are expected to work out an agreement that everyone can live with. My advice is to get all of the information you can before this all begins. Good luck to you.

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M.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

The basic is the mother gets primary custody, the father gets every other weekend and one night a week depending on the age of the child unless any of this is disputed by the father this is the norm

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A.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

HI, I just went through all of this with my daughter. First I will tell you that it is all different depending on the state. If the father lives in the same state, then it is much easier. Mine does not. However, the first step is to establish paternity. In other words, if he can physically be in the court with you or was at the birth, then he has to sign off stating that he is the father. After that, you go to the court and ask for a paternity order, stating that you need to establish this because you would like to file for child support. They will tell you what you need to do from there. Like I said, this is the easy part if he lives in the same state as you/the child. If not, it is much more involved and difficult, but can be done. I hope this helped. AC

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M.D.

answers from Scranton on

Honestly there is no such thing as "normal court order". Each case is different than another. Situations are based on salaries, home care, medical, alimony(even if you are not married),child support, and so forth. If your "ex" is willing to work somethings out with you, then by all means, other wise, Expect the unexpected in these situation. There's no telling what they'll grant you.

Best of luck.

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