A friend of mine who already has two boys just found out that her third will also be a boy. I think she is pretty disappointed, as is her husband. This will be their last child. Even though my friend's husband has always said that he wanted a girl, my friend says she didn't realize that she did too until she found out she was having another boy. I know that they will eventually come around and the newest little guy will be very loved. But, since the news is so fresh, I'm wondering if anyone has ideas about what we can do or say to make her feel a little more excited about the prospect of raising three little men?
I have three boys, too. I wanted my last to be a girl, also. Fastforward 5 yrs later and I can't imagine not having this little guy around. He is so special and let me tell you he loves me more fiercly than the other two boys do. Having 3 boys is lovely! Don't even need to comfort her. I don't see what the problem is, lol!
The term "gender disappointment" was coined to describe exactly what your friend is going through- it can happen with any baby- your first or your fifth. I would normalize her feelings and do not brush it off by saying "as long as you have a healthy baby." Of course we all know that having a healthy baby is most important, but in a sense she is mourning the dream of a relationship with a daughter. I would listen to her, and the more she acknowledges her feelings, the sooner she will come around and of course love her third little guy.
The one thing I have always told my best friend of 3 boys is just important her job is b/c she is going to have to teach these boys how to treat their future wives and how to love them...and we don't have a lot of good strong men in our society and she bears the responsibility of teaching them how to be that,
I have my two wondering little boys who is 4 years old and 8 months old... My husband and I always said that we are only going to have two and we love it if we have one boy and one girl... When I found out my second baby is a boy, we were so disappointed, so did everyone else around us which it made it worst since you are already extremely disappointed yourself that you aren't having a girl... I cried for a whole week right after we found out the news because the expectation to having a girl to friends and families are so high. I felt I failed them to have another boy instead of a girl... But as wonderful they are, even though they are disappointed, but they show me that didn't matter if I was having a boy or girl, they're very excited about him and would love him either way...
First, I would suggest that please... please... don't "EVER" mention or show that you are disappointed or still hoping they're having a girl... It's a very bad thing to the mother, especially the mother... It would effect her mood and everything about her... Second, I would show her that how excited you guys are that she is having another boy... show her how wondering her two older boys are... Third, reassured her that it doesn't really matter now she is having a boy, you guys will love him and her very very much.
Even though she will always wondering what her life is going to be if she has a little girl which it will never stop, but this is a very important time to show her that her life is going to be a whole when her little guy is here with her and everything is going to ok.
Give her time to mourn her daughter. You do not need to do or say anything, with that wonderful boy growing inside of her, once she gets her mourning out of the way the joy will flood in.
Gender disappointment is usually a very private thing, because in addition to feeling the GD, there's often a lot of personal guilt thrown in ontop of it for having GD to begin with. There isn't really anything you can say or do to alleviate the GD, it just takes time for her to mourn the ideal family she had in her head. There's a gender disappointment forum over on www.in-gender.com that helped me a lot. On the plus side, she doesn't seem to have anything close to exreme gender disappointment (at least by what she's told you), so she should get through the mourning stage pretty quickly.
I am currently pg with my 3rd baby. First 2 are boys. I had an ultrasound the other day to see if we'd be getting a little girl this time around, but the baby was sleepy and didn't move so we could see. I have been trying to prepare myself to hear that it's another boy, and I think, by far, my biggest consolation is that if it IS a boy, that is another boy that I can help mold into a loving, self-sacrificing, generous, non-chauvinist future husband and father. What a gift for me to give the world. If I focus on making my boys' development my life's work, I will be so proud of the men we turn out to the world.
How old is your friend? Why does she think that she'll be too old to have another baby?
Seriously. I had 2 boys and would have been just fine with a 3rd boy. I ended up with a girl and she is SO drama...and I am not. I am now pregnant with #4 and we don't know what it is and won't until the birth...but boys are great and they are best friends. Girls cause drama.
I have 2 friends who have 4 boys each....and it's very balanced and no drama. Lively households, but boy energy is stable. Also, the clothes are cheaper and she already has them....AND no weddings to pay for! No PMS.
Did I mention girls are drama???
There will be something definitely wrong if she doesn't become used to the idea of having three boys. At the moment you might help her through her fatigue or morning sickness or any other adventure she's beginning her pregnancy with. The thought of a three-boy basketball team or singing trio will become an appealing one after a while.
We just can't have our own way about everything in this world. When I was in high school, we lived next door to a family with four boys. They were nice boys and their mama loved them, but sometimes she'd show up at our house to visit my mother, just to have a female to talk to! One of my good friends now had six boys! But now she does have girls, too - daughters-in-law and granddaughters - and she says she's received her reward for raising all those guys.
I am the opposite of your friend...I wanted a third boy and was told that we are having a girl. Oh well....super excited about it now though!
I think I really wanted a boy because I have such GREAT boys! Maybe remind her of how great her other boys are?
I also wanted to be the queen of my castle!!! Surrounded by my boys and me the only woman. Now I am going to have to share that with my princess...I am still the queen though!
I think that I would just talk about how great her other two boys are, what a great mom of boys she is, how much fun she is going to have, and how she gets to be the queen of her home.
L.
Just be there for her and acknowledge her feelings. There isn't much you can say so just say that to her. I know your upset and I don't know what to say but I am here for you. Saying things like as long as it's healthy will probably only make her feel worse. It's like when you have a miscarriage and someone says it's for the best there was probably something wrong UGGG!!!! Sometimes just admitting you don't know how someone is feeling and you don't know what to do to make it better helps the most. You sound like a great friend!! I am sure once she holds that beautiful little boy she will be fine.
My third is also going to be my third little boy - and I admit, I was disapointed at first but then I realized how much I love watching the interaction between the first two and started thinking about how much fun it would be to give them another brother. It just takes time...I think it was easier for me because barring any complications with this pregnancy, we do plan on having #4 so I still have the hope of a little girl in the future.
i have 2 friends that are going through the same thing..they were trying for a girl and now #3 is a boy..they're both fine with it..i would show my friend those American Doll toys for $95 each..that all the little girls want..lol! I told my girlfriends they would have made a king proud..like old king Henry the viii ..and then i say..well you can have a little rock band on your hands with the boys..or some sort of sports team..they should all be taught instruments..its a bummer when you want one gender and get another ..i wanted a girl SO bad..cried when they told me i was having a boy..now i would gladly have another boy...i'm sure they'll be fine and have a sweet little #3 boy
D.
My best friend had 2 boys and really wanted a girl. After many miscarriages (at least one was a girl) she got pregnant again with a boy. I just kept reminding her that she has 3 healthy boys and that although she really wants a girl she has to stop torturing herself about it and be happy that she has 3 healthy children. She loves all her boys and she's come to terms with the fact that she is not having a girl. You friend will be ok but the best thing is to be supportive and remind her of the healthy children she does have.
good luck!
I have two boys and they are 5 and 8 now. I enjoy being the only girl in the house. My men treat me like a princess. It's good to be the only girl in the house at our house.
