Co-sleeping - Doylestown,OH

There are risks to crib sleeping just as there are risks to bed sharing! And P.S. - Cosleeping does NOT necessarily mean bed sharing. What any parent hopefully tries to do is make the safest sleep environment possible, whether that's in a crib or in a family bed. And even parents who thought they were being safe have unfortunately had to suffer the loss of a child. Some of those deaths were probably preventable, while some babies would have died of unknown causes whether in a family bed or in a crib down the hall in a separate room.

Do babies die in cribs? You bet they do. That's why it was called "crib death" for so long before it was given the less negative-sounding name "SIDS." Even parents who have tried to be safe have had babies die in cribs by the baby:
- becoming entrapped between the crib slats
- suffocating when cribs collapse inward
- choking on some toy or crib bumper or object left in crib
- stopping breathing and being too far away from the parents (and that "trusty baby monitor") for the parents to notice & do anything about it
- being seriously sick but the parents not being able to tell how feverish or ill the baby is because that baby was down the hall in another room
- dying of unknown causes

So all of these parents with babies who only ever sleep in cribs, you may think you're being safe but it's always important to double and triple check the safety of the crib and bedding because babies still die in cribs (is your crib recalled? assembled correctly? free of excess bedding, chokable objects, strangulation hazards? firm matress? no gaps between mattress & crib sides?).

Do babies die while bedsharing? Yes here, too. Even parents who have tried to be safe have had babies die while sleeping in the same bed with the baby:
- becoming entrapped between the wall and the bed (never cosleep on a couch, waterbed, recliner, etc.)
- suffocating due to excessive blankets, pillows, etc.
- being rolled onto by a severely overtired parent, a parent who sleeps too heavily in general, or a parent who is on medication that makes them drowsy, etc.
- dying of unknown causes

So all parents with babies in the same bed with you, you may think you're being safe but it's always important to double and triple check the safety of the family bed (bed low to the ground to prevent falling out of bed? no gaps between wall and bed? firm mattress surface? minimal bedding?) AND your own levels of awareness while sleeping + your tiredness levels (too tired? drowsy from cold meds? don't cosleep that night! not very aware of your baby in bed in general? don't cosleep then!) because babies still die in bedsharing arrangements.

Historically, yes, mothers and babies are hardwired to share sleep. Biologically, it is very advantageous for parents to share sleep with their babies (promotes safer, lighter sleep which reduces SIDS rates, promotes breastfeeding to ensure good food supply and smaller, more frequent feeding which is healthier in the long run than larger gaps between big meals).

Not every family should cosleep. Not every family should have their baby alone in another part of the house in a crib. And sadly, regardless of whatever your choice, some families will suffer the terrible loss of a child either in a crib or in a family bed. The REAL issue here is that we create the safest sleep environment for our own family based on our unique physiology (for example, I can't sleep well with my baby in a different room, so I get much more restful sleep when cosleeping - my husband feels the same way - but in general we are very aware of where our baby is at all times. On nights where either of us is just exhausted, too tired to be aware, our little guy sleeps in his crib at the foot of our bed!).

N., it's wonderful that you are able to recognizing what sleeping arrangement is most optimal for your baby and your family! Cosleeping safely is a very valid, time-tested choice, and this is well supported by research (http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/intro.html), though the crib manufacturers would never tell you that! ;) Consider, too, that your MIL may have very different sleep than you (and babies with very different temperaments than yours) such that cosleeping was not optimal for her/her children.

Congratulations on becoming a mother and the birth of your son earlier this year!

3 moms found this helpful

I co-sleep and LOVE it!! Check out http://www.attachmentparenting.com/

I believe it is best for the child as well as I sleep better, which is better for everyone! My son is 13 months.

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I swore I wuld NEVER co-sleep. My girlfriend has a baby before us and she co-slept. We thought it was the CRAZIEST thing ever. Well along comes my princess (almost 2 months early) and she would NOT sleep anywhere but in our arms. After a week in the recliner fearing I would drop her every night (and having hallucinations from lack of sleep) my husband begged us to come to bed. Well we co-slept form then on out and I cannot imagine it any other way. She "weaned" herself of this at about a year or so. Then we moved and now she is back with us - just due to a lack of space right now. Although I did just put up her toddler bed next to our bed (sidecarred like her crib) and she winds up next to me anyhow. I guess what I am trying to say, like someone else said, is that no highschooler is still in bed with their parents and I think they leave when they are ready. Also just because one kid did it doesn't mean they all will u know?

2 moms found this helpful

I am a mother of 5 children, ages 7 and under. I never planned to take my baby to bed, but like one of the other responders I had a baby who would not sleep unless I was holding him. People who have babies who sleep in cribs cannot understand what this is like unless they experience it. I also believe that people who have never slept with their child cannot fully understand the benefits of it.

All five of my children have begun by sleeping in our bed. Three of them are in their own rooms now, but there was a time when we had 3 children in our bed at once. We have a queen and a twin pushed together. Neither is on a frame, so they are very close to the ground. Also, one side is against a wall. This makes it hard for me to get out of bed, but the room is small and there is no chance of anyone falling out that way. When they did express interest in moving to their own rooms, we started by having them share a bed in their own room. It is so sweet to see them cuddled together when we check on them at night.

My advice about your MIL and other nosy people is don't tell them if you can get away with that. My MIL eventually stopped bugging me. She lives in another state, but it seemed to be her mission to correct things like this when she visited! She still tries to potty train and take away pacifiers when we see her now, even if it is just 3 times a year! I don't usually share our sleep habits with people unless a new mom is interested in trying it herself and asks about it (like now!).

Looking back, I would not change my decision to co-sleep. My husband agrees. It is our cuddle time with them. They grow up too fast. I have never been worried about the baby being in danger. If you want more details about how I made the bed safe, you can e-mail me. Best of luck! Enjoy your baby!

1 mom found this helpful

I think it's a matter of preference. Whatever makes YOU happy, YOU should do. There are studies done on both sides saying that you should and that you shouldn't co-sleep with your child.

Personally, I believe that every child and family is different, and what may work for one person, may or may not work for another and that doesn't mean pushing what you think is right or wrong onto someone else.

If you like co-sleeping with your child, then do it and don't worry about what others say. I have four girls and all of them slept in our bed at one time or another. My first child would sleep ON me, the sound of my heartbeat would put her to sleep!

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I whole-heartedly believe in co-sleeping. Both of my children, did it. I believe they both feel more loved and confident because of it. I can honestly say in 9 years neither one of them has had a nightmare. If a mother is in good conditions, is not on drugs or does not smoke/drink, then there has never been a case recorded against a child being hurt sleeping by her. This is not true with Fathers, they do not have the maternal instinct. I put the crib right next to the bed with the side down, covered it so there was not holes for them to get caught in and she would lay right by me or in the crib with my arm by them. At one point I did not have the crib next to us, so I had a foldable guard, that you can buy in stores to use. I honestly believe that is the way God intended it....

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I coslept with all three because it's NATURAL. The Western world has seemed to take on the mentality that these dependent little beings need to be "trained", taught to sleep alone, taught to cry, etc., while most countries don't even have separate rooms for their babies.

It's one of the most loving things I can do for my baby - I'm there when she goes to sleep, and there when she wakes up. It's the way it should be, no questions asked.

And believe me, there's no high schooler that still sleeps with their parents. It's absolutely NOT a "bad habit", "starting something you'll have to break", etc. etc. It's what a loving parent does.

EDITED 11/2 TO ADD:
FOR THOSE THAT THINK CO-SLEEPING IS DANGEROUS, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY ZERO RISK OF SMOTHERING YOUR CHILD IF YOU PRACTICE SAFE COSLEEPING (NO DRUGS, DRINKING, OR OBESITY). It's ridiculous to think that your baby would simply lay there and let you smother him. Believe me, not only will they fight to breathe no matter HOW old they are, but you WILL feel it.

1 mom found this helpful

[Raises hand] Umm, me! I wouldn't have it any other way. Cave mommas slept with their babies. Mommas all over the whole world sleep with their babies. It's not unsafe unless you are a drug user, taking sleep medication, very obese, or heavy smoker. Oh, and it's unsafe to co-sleep on a couch. I am not and don't do any of those things. I slept with my now 6 year old until I was pregnant with number three. My first two moved into a bed together. They were 5 and 2 at that time. They did okay with it. I still had to lay down with my 2 year old for a few months to get her to go to sleep without me, but now she does it just with her sister. My oldest will often scratch my 3 year old's back to get her to go to sleep. It's really sweet. Our 8 month old baby sleeps with us and has since birth. My husband and I love to cuddle in bed with her in the morning when she's all smiles. He also likes it because he doesn't get woken up at night. She starts to wiggle a little and I subconsciously stick the boob in her mouth. If she wasn't right there, she'd get fully awake and be much harder to get back to sleep.

I also am a midwife a recently went to a conference where Dr. James Mckenna spoke. He has done lots of research on the safety of co-sleeping. He said what we really should be asking is whether it's safe for babies to sleep alone.

Here are a couple links:

http://www.naturalchild.org/james_mckenna/

http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/

1 mom found this helpful

Follow your gut. I have co-slept with three children and it has been a wonderful thing in our lives--try reading anything by Dr. Sears. You'll find encouragement and some nice answers for prying family members.
There is some data that it prevents SIDS--as well.

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Ok, so I know I'm a little behind on the bandwagon, but I'm a co~sleeper and have been since my son came home from the hospital. I had problems getting him to sleep when he was in his crib and I didn't sleep well either because I was paranoid. I started out nursing, but had to switch to formula because his jaundice wasn't getting any better and because of more.. ahem.. personal problems. Anyway, he's to where he can go to sleep by himself (he's 2 1/2 now) but he still sleeps beside me in bed. I have his matress on the floor beside mine (neither of them have frames) and he's only fallen out of bed once. His bed was there for him to fall on and he just got up, whined for a second because it woke him up, got back in bed and went back to sleep. For a long time I held him while we slept and actually had him on top of a pillow that way I wouldn't inadvertantly roll over on him. There was always that reminder there. I wouldn't change co~sleeping for the world, I still love it and am trying to let him tell me when he's ready to go to his own bed. I think it's coming up because he's asking about laying in his bed. Don't let people tell you it's not safe or that it's not "natural" because even if they don't agree with it, it's still a personal choice and for me, it was the best one for us. Moms have to sleep too and if I wouldn't have brought my son to bed with me, I would have never gotten any sleep.

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My daughter is almost 6 months and she still sleeps in our room, people tell me I need to put her in her own room now, but I prefer having her in our room, plus I am also still nursing. She sleeps in a crib in our room next to our bed, and I bring her in bed to nurse and then put her back in her bed at night to sleep. She naps on her own too, so I don't think she needs us in the room to sleep, she also goes to bed several hours before us, and sleeps by herself in the room. I think co-sleeping is natural and a lot of people who have had babies recently that I know all said they co-sleep. You really just have to do what is right for you.

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Okay, lots of advice to go through so I will try to make this short. I have co-slept with both of my children. My daughter we started b/c she would not sleep any other way but on my chest. I slept on the sofa with her and put her bouncy seat next to me to make sure she was close by. I would put her in it whenever possible. That lasted for three months then we moved to "camping out" on the floor b/c of the fear she would roll off the bed, she is now three years old and sleeps in her own bed. I now have a son who started out great in the bassinet but when he was 3 weeks he would not sleep anywhere else but with me. He is now 6 months today and he is still with me. I did breastfeed both at one point and now I don't but this is the most comfortable thing FOR ME. It has to be comfortable for you and what will give you the peace of mind when you sleep at night.

I have a MIL that does the same thing to me. I just think of it as her way of trying to help. I don't tell her that he is sleeping with me, I tell her that he is either in the bouncy or in his crib which is true for his naps. Sometimes fudging things a little avoids the naggying advice.

Okay I hope this helps

Hi N.,
I am S. mom to a 3 year old boy and a 1 year old girl. They both co-sllep with my diance and I and have since birth. Well, until recently they only shared a bed with me, but we recently moved in with a friend and are all sleeping in a king sized bed. My 3 year old sleeps between us and my 1 year old is on my other side with a bed rail keeping her from falling out.
I started co-sleeping when my son was born for the same reason as you, nursing. IT was just a lot easier to do with him already in bed with me. When my daughter was born, I was nursing them both and my son was still waking at tnight to nurse so it was convienient. THey are both weaned now, but it just still feels right for them to be in my bed.
I used to woryy about the transitioning, but I think that at this point my son should transition pretty easy once we are in our own home again. My daughter will still sleep with me for a little while longer possibley, but like you I think she will tell me when she is ready.
I am glad to see that there are others out there that see co-sleeping as a positive thing.

We co-slept with our older daughter (now 5) for 3 full years. We are currently co-sleeping with our 13 month old daughter. My husband and I wouldn't have it any other way. We hadn't planned to co-sleep, but rather just kind of fell into it. I kept our oldest in my hospital bed because I just couldn't bare to put her down. When we returned home, it just seemed more natural to have her in bed with us.

We had no problems at all getting her into her own bed when she turned 3, I think largely because we let her pick out her bed, set up a rewards plan for the transition, and gave her lots of cuddle time during the day.

When our younger daughter came along, there was no question about where she would sleep. We didn't even bother setting up the crib for her.

A lot of people raise their eyebrows when they learn that we are co-sleeping, I think largely due to the bad press that the practice gets here in America. The truth is that co-sleeping is commonplace in most of the world, and SIDS is not. Co-sleeping is perfectly safe, as long as it is done safely. Obviously big fluffy pillows right by baby's face is a hazard. Use common sense and read the advice of professionals such as Dr. Sears, who have plenty of tips on co-sleeping safely and happily.

Sweet dreams!

There will come a time when it is best that he sleep in his own bed-especially when he wets through all his clothing and you have a wet bed to sleep on-no fun! Diapers do get too full of liquid ! Cloth kind AND disposables ! (mother of 6, one son)

We took one side off the crib, secured the crib next to my side of the bed, and stresslessly co-slept with our first son. Later, when my second son arrived, we moved #1 to the youth bed at the foot of our bed. It sure made nursing very easy, we all got more sleep, and it is so nice to know right where they are. We slept together in the hospital, too, and the nurses were very nice about it. Although we stopped nursing in February, my little guy of 2 1/2 still sleeps in the modified crib, and when he gets cold, he snuggles up with me. The oldest randomly sleeps in his room, the living room to "camp out," in his brother's room, in the guest room, or with us as the mood strikes him. He is VERY independent and secure.

Women for centuries, and still in other countries, have always nursed and slept with their babies for nourishment, protection, warmth and comfort. Americans are the neurotic ones where everybody sleeps with their kids but just don't admit it, because somehow we have been programmed with the idea that the baby has to have a room of his own down the hall to sleep in a cage. Where did we ever get that weird idea anyway? Just image the cave dwellers, with the baby down the hall, alone!

Furthermore, why does everyone tell us, "Baby has to learn to sleep alone?" Most Americans are married or otherwise in intimate relationships for MOST of their lives. Therefore, sleeping alone is usually not done, and plenty of independent sleepers need to learn to be good bed partners (not hog the bed, not kick, not steal all the covers, etc.)

Best wishes and continue to smile sweetly at your MIL and then do exactly as you please for you will develop a secure, happy, healthy baby.

K.

Hey darling. I sleep with Sasha too. It's just so much easier for nursing and I feel so much safer having her in my arms instead of in a crib in an other room. Not to mention she just plain refuses to sleep in her crib unless it's a nap during the day. I just love cuddling and sleeping with her and I know that all to soon she will be all grown up and on her own so I want to enjoy every single moment I can with her.

I kept both of my children in bed with me, I partially blame it on the fact that I am a lazy person and the thought of even having to step out of bed (to the bassinet in our room!!) was to much effort!! I kept my first child my son in bed with me until he was 4 or 5 months old, I think the reason I moved him out was because he became to wiggle at night and was always kicking my husband. I didn't mind but he was missing a lot of sleep!!!!

My daughter however was another story, I also kept her in bed because it is just easier when you nurse. I tried to move her back into her own bed around 4 to 5 months old because people kept telling me that I need to move her to her own bed but every time I did she would cry so I just kept bringing her into our bed!!!

The only problem I ran into was she was still nursing every 3-4 hours through the night when she was almost 8 months old becasue she would wake up and I would be right there and of course to keep her quiet I would just let her nurse. Some people may not think that it is a problem but when you are loosing sleep it really dose become a big deal.

My children both now sleep in their own bed I need my time away from them and my husband and I need our time together alone. I don't know if this will help you at all I just thought I would share my experience. You should do what ever you feel is the best for your family, and if the out come is not what you want or thought would happen just think of it as a learning experience for any future children. That is what I did!!!!!!!

For Sandra: Please don't think smothering can not happen, because it can. I had it happen in my family, and no, they weren't on drugs, drinking, or obese. That is just ignorant to make such a statement. My neice was 2 months old and her mom, my sister in law, was co sleeping because she was breastfeeding. She fell asleep and when she awoke, my neice was not breathing. My SIL had accidently rolled over on her. They even had a co sleeper that rolled next to their bed.

Hello N.,
I have 2 girls who are now 2 & 4. If there's one thing I learned, there are no right answers where children are concerned. Your life style, work hrs, financial situation, ethnic background...etc determines how you parent. As long as you have your child's safety and well-being in mind I think anything goes. So before you do anything think: " am I doing this for my convenience or my baby's?"
I can't say I co-slept with any of the children it kind of happened. I started by putting them in a bassinette by my bed and when they woke up to nurse would pick them up, and lay them next to me and sometimes fall asleep. If I woke up I would put them back. Sometimes I would wake up in the morning and the baby would still be there. I found it easier to transition to the crib this way because they didn't get used to one thing. I also found that I didn't really sleep when the baby was with us, I just dozed, because I was afraid to roll onto it. Then one time I inadvertently turned after falling asleep with her next to me and I pushed her out of bed. That freaked me out.
Whatever works for you is ok, as long as the baby is safe.

We started co-sleeping with our son when he was still an infant. Now that he is days away from 5, he wants nothing to do with his bed at all. I really wish we would not have started the co-sleeping because I do think after a certain age, kids should have their own room away from the parents. But again, that is my opinion. We have been trying for the past 2 years to get him to stay in his room. Once in a while he does it, but most nights, he ends up back in our room. We have a daughter who will be 2 in January and we have never allowed her to sleep in bed with us. I feel 4 in a bed is a bit too much hehe. She has never asked nor has she ever thought about sleeping with us. She is more independant than her brother, but I don't know if it is because of the co-sleeping.
I don't think there is a right or wrong in this situation, but what is right for that individual family...

Congratulations on your baby, just wanted to let you know that we have used cosleeping with both of our children and love it! I wouldn't want it any other way. I think it creates more secure attatchments.

I didn't think co-sleeping would be right for me either. I had always actually had the bed to myself (I am a single mom) but when my daughter was born and I was nursing it was just so easy to nurse in the bed and then stay there both of us asleep. I know that it's not recomened but I loved having her in the bed with me. I feel it increased our bond and made us closer starting from the very begining. I agree that they should be on there own schedule. It makes change for them so much easier.
C.

We co-sleep and she's 14 months. We've done it since she was born and it would be nice to have her sleep in her bed. She never slept in her crib and now she has a toddler bed. We TALK about her moving into her own bed but she always ends up sleeping with us. Take my advise and nip it in the bed ASAP. It's nice to snuggle with your hubby too, I miss it!!

Amen, sister! I'm 48 and have 3 boys, 17,14, and 8. All nursed and all slept with my husband and I for months when they were born. You're right on with following your instincts. Fathers have paternal instincts just as us women have ours. What's nice is when husband and wife can work as a team and build a strong foundation. What the heck, your building your family bonds! I loved every moment being with my children, nurturing and nourishing them. Just remember to save "alone" time for just you and hubby...that's the foundation! And have you ever really listened to the advice that the advicee is giving! Their usually miserable about the choices that they have made. Besides, every one is different in this world. I prefer appreciating the differences and enjoy the uniqueness each individual has. I love listening to all the different advice, but when it comes down to decision making, I leave it to my intuition based on good sound advice! Pam

I co-slept with my son, Austin, for the main reason that I was working full time and also nusring him. My husband, who is a very sound sleeper, usually slept on the couch when I had Austin in bed with me. My son is now 17 months old and sleeps fine in his crib. But, since my husband got used to sleeping on the couch that's where he sleeps even now.

Do not worry. You will let him sleep by himself when you are both ready. My son slept with us until he was 11 months old. He is 2 now and sometimes still sleep with us. It started because of nursing. It was just easier that way. You do not have the luxury of just putting a bottle into their mouth. Breastfeeding is work.. My daughter slept with us until recently. She is 8 months old and she still sleeps in her crib in our room. She stopped nursing on her own. I think that is why she is more independent... I think sleeping together is fine. I bought one of those beds that fitr inside the bed for my kids. You just have to be careful when they are very small... It can be dangerous. I found myself feeling bad the first few weeks for falling asleep while nursing. Scared that something could have happened. When she was that small, and the same thing with my son, I would not let my husband in the bed with us. They were too tiny and he was is a sound sleeper. I woke up if they even moved... You are so tired while nursing. it takes alot out of you. Do not worry about what others are telling you. This is your child. Do what feels right....