Chores - Lewisville,TX

Hi J.,
I went to the web site, it sounds complicated!
I have 4 kids- ages 9 1/2, 5 1/2, 4 and 2. We had a family meeting about the chores we wanted done.
The 9 y/o has to clean the bathroom- which is basically cleaning spray on the sink/counter, toilet, washing the mirror, changing out the towels and cup. I DO NOT expect perfection. He also rinses and puts dishes in the dishwasher.
My 5 y/o Dusts the living room and clears the table.
My 4 y/o sets the table and puts the silverware away when the dishwasher is emptied. All 3 of them go on "poop patrol" for the dogs.
All must clean up rooms and the living room before bedtime. Even the 2 y/o.

If chores are not done privileges are lost. Toys are lost- like given to Goodwill) if they are not cleaned up after one warning.

We do a lot of talking about being part of a family and everyone having responsibilities.

They get an allowance, but it is separate from chores. IF they want to earn extra money they can ask for things to do (raking and picking up leaves, folding a load of towels....)

Again, I stress, I don NOT expect perfection on any of these jobs, nor do I nag, yell or argue. I do remind- "Hey, Zane, don't forget to clean the bathroom today� The next day it may be "Sorry, no game cube today, you didn't clean the bathroom".

I also "Ohh and Ahhh" over all jobs done (well, maybe not the poop patrol)

Feel free to email me with any questions!

D.
____@____.com

Hi J.,

My ex-Fiance's parents had 6 kids and the same problem. What they did that really worked was a 2 part program. Each chore was worth a certain amount (exp: 5 cents to put your shoes or backpack away, 25 cents to put your laundry away, 1.00 for dishes, etc.) As the did their chores it added up. BUT what REALLY got them done was if you didn't do your chores and someone else did them for you THEY got the money instead from mom and dad. So each kid not only wanted their allowance but more so they were really quick to pick up a siblings toy or put their shoes away so THEY got the money. A couple siblings got a little frustrated at first but quickly learned that if they put their shoes or backback where it belonged right when they came in then their siblings had NO chance in getting that money. Then every saturday the kids could go to the store or save their cash for another store trip later. They each had a jar that their parents put their daily earnings in at the end of the day before family prayer for that night.

As far as disipline goes for it they also found that they had to be careful what they said would happen for NOT doing the chores because if they didn't follow through with the punishment then the kids didn't take them seriously next time. So no mattered what they "threatened" would happen, they HAD to do it.

They also found that not constantly hounding the kids helped (and kept mom more sane, eventually lol). They had one that was always late for school cause he wanted to watch tv in the mornings. They told him that if they caught him watching tv again before school that they would take it away for a week. The next morning he was watching it again, so instead of saying anything about it like she usually did she just waited for him to go to school and when he came home it was gone like promised. They all learned that mom and dad wouldnt always remind them about their chores and if they wanted to go and do the fun things they wanted that they couldnt if they didnt hold up their end and do their chores.
Hope this helps. Good luck and let us know what you find that helps!

A.

We have recently started working with my son on his chores. He is seven and we have stopped buying him things when he asks for them. Rather he is given the opportunity to earn money (allowance) so we kill two birds with one stone. We are trying to teach him the value of money and working for things he wants. He knows up front that cleaning his bedroom is his responsibility because it is his. He dusts and vacuums for $10 a week. I caught him not doing a very good job and he was then told if he doesn't do the chores correctly then he is not going to get paid and he will still have to do it right. That seem to get his attention. I still have to nag him so not sure what the solution is to that one. The lying is a whole other issue. That is my pet peeve and my son knows if he is caught lying that is major trouble so I really don't have issue with him on that one.

Your children are very young - even the 9 year old. I too expect a lot from my children and they have had responsiblities since they were 6. I found myself being similarly frustrated and still do with my 9 year old twins over this same issue. We are so serious about this, we have an invoice system at home and I pay for many items, although not all of them. Some things are just part of working as a team and family.

I have found the following:

1- They do not have the cognitive brain functions nor the physiological brain development to handle more than one thing at a time. Instructions must be simple and one item. You will need to do the chores with them until they are about 7 or 8. Don't expect to give them a chore and they jump in and get it done.

2- reward, reward, reward - and I don't mean exclusively with things. STOP what you are doing the instant you see them doing the chore or whatever is right, get down to their level and hug them and praise them, be sincere and look in their eyes and smile at them. They will beam!

3- Relax your standards and think about WHY you are wanting them to do the chores. Is it because you are tired and overwhelmed? (I have 3 kids and often am) Is it because you
need to control? Do you need everything too neat? Get over it. I had to and it was hard to do - believe me! While neither my kids nor my house are as neat as I had envisioned many years ago about the home I was going to create, we are happy, well adjusted and grwoing up great. Enjoy your kids. You won't have them long. If you don't believe me, look at a baby photo of your 9 year old. You're half way there.

Best of luck and simplify in other ways while you are extravegant on lavishing praise, smiles, loving eyes and hugs on your babies.

J.,

Check out Flylady.net. She has suggestions on making "chores" and cleaning fun for kids so that it is not so much of a struggle.

Good Luck,
M.

My suggestion would be to reward yourself if you end up doing the chore. What I mean is if, by bedtime, the chore hasn't been done and you end up doing it, you get a token. Your tokens can add up to whatever you choose, just like the kids. If you end up with X tokens you might get to choose the movie for movie night (a flick that is safe, but uninteresting to children) OR better yet you get to assign one of your chores to someone. I used the second one and had my boys clean around the toilet, they were much happier to take out the recycling after that ;-). Since you have dogs, perhaps they get the poop-scooping detail when you accumulate tokens.

This way there's no nagging involved, but there are certainly appropriate consequences to their choices!! Don't remind them more than once, the consequences will eliminate the need for that! Their spouses will thank you later! I promise.

L.

What parent doesn't struggle with chores :)!
I notice you have 3 dogs (we have 2 large ones) and if chores are not done well, timely and truthfully, we have a "mom's choice" to be done in addition to the expected chores. Usually these are chores they can do to earn money (we don't pay allowances for household duties), but a favorite for the little guys (I say tongue in cheek) is picking up dog poop. Our last little bout of "No, Mom, I really did it!" was cured by this latest chore.

We also use incentives/chore charts to have Family Movie Nights, Spa Evenings, Friends over, etc.

Do your kids like tv? Whatever their favorite activity is, start with 0 minutes at the beginning of the day. The more chores they do, the more minutes they get to do their favorite activity...like tv or something along those lines. Make them earn the time, and then it's their responsibility or fault if they get to or not be able to do their favorite activity.

I looked into a child software point card system that seems pretty cool, and very customizable. It's called Easy Child, and has been featured on the news before. You should check it out. It's a great way to get the kids to do what they need to do, and also uses points and tokens. So if the child gets a certain number of points, then that equals a certain number of tokens. What I was going to do was order some goofy kids stuff from Oriental Trading Company...they have like all the Chuck E Cheese prize stuff, and keep it in what I would call Commisary, then they could use their tokens like tickets, and get the stuff they think is so cool. Good thing is the stuff at Oriental Trading Company is VERY inexpensive. The website is here: www.easychild.com

You should at least check it out. It's supposed to be good for children 4+.