Children Don't like School - Seeking an Alternative

Homeschooling can be lonesome for a child unless involved in other activities with other children. My sons (I homeschooled all three boys up through high school graduation) and all three became Eagle Scouts. They were kept busy with many activities such as the Young Marines,
Boy Scouts, Explorer Scouts, and others so they never lacked for interaction with other kids.

While teaching them, I did what was called Unschooling and let their interests lead the way. One eldest son is now the web master for the newspaper.

My twins had also been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (high functioning autism) which made it a bit more difficult.

It takes a bit of ingenuity, but it does work and the closeness that we have beats all the frustrating times.

I have noticed that there is a wide divergence from school to school regarding how much work the kids do, how much they have to sit still, etc. My son is in third grade and he hardly has any homework, they watch movies it seems like all the time for various "rewards." I'm not too thrilled about that. Maybe there is a neighboring district or school that does things totally different. Where I live, I know Moms whose kids go to Renton, Newcastle, Issaquah and Bellevue schools. There's a lot of difference. You could request an in district or out of district transfer.

If you're stuck at the school you're stuck at, maybe just make the best of it. Talk up the positives about the school and supplement the negatives after school. provide those creative or active outlets.

If homeschooling worked for you academically but not socially, you might want to try it again and plug into a local support group. Some families do this by enrolling in the homeschool program at their local public school. Others find like minded families through a private support group or by networking. Yes, it is more work but the social support is good for you as well as for your student. In other words, it can be alot of fun to meet with other homeschool families for field trips, team teaching or sports. Sometimes there are coops that meet once a week for group classes. It may take awhile to develop the connections you need to meet your son's need for social interaction. But the relationships that you all develop will be worth it.

When you homeschooled, were you involved in any homeschool groups? There are a lot of us out there, and if you get connected you can get in on lots of group activities like field trips, picnics, etc. Maybe that would help...? Blessings to you and yours! :)

It's a bizarre system out there. Recesses are getting shorter (or being taken away), the kids are spending more time on academics, BUT (at least in my son's previous school) academics are sooooo much lower. All of these experiments they're doing on the kids aren't really helping either. "Qualitative Math"? Pfui. I could get on my soap box here (I have textbooks in math, english, civics (and then social studies) that start from when my grandparents were in school in the 1890's, and my GOD, they were doing things in the 3rd grade that I didn't until I was in high school)... but I'll rein myself in and stop there.

We had a FANTASTIC preschool experience, but lousy kindergarten experience (well, his teacher was fantastic, but the public school system was a huge disappointment).

We DO homeschool... and boy oh boy... what everyone says is true; the first year is really hard, figuring things out.

I'm with you on the social aspect... and my son's an only, so he doesn't even get sibling interaction). We live on a busy street near the UW, so there aren't the "neighborhood kids" to play with. To compensate we have our son in tons of outside classes (aka, art, music, gymnastics, soccer, swimming, baseball etc.) but I'm STILL getting dialed in to the local homeschool groups. He's in an outside class 4-6 days a week, but they're short, an hour or two, usually. The one thing we hit up all the time are the weekly home school park days, but there are classes all day Thursday sat Magnuson that we haven't even touched, much less all the other things around and about. <grinning> Like the Homeschool Resource Center that's offered through the Seattle Public Schools. Not to mention about a hundred other things.

The hardest thing for US, is of course, that most of the kids my son's age are in school until 4! So daytime activities with kids his age are mostly out the window. By four we're either headed off to sports, or relaxing from a busy day out, so play dates are pretty infrequent. And like you intimated, being "on" from breakfast to bedtime is an exercise in guilt. One of the things we've been considering is doing things a bit "backwards" & enrolling in after school care. Like through the Y, but it's so EXPENSIVE. :P Ah, well, give us time.

Another thing we started doing this spring (and are planning on continuing) is doing "camps". The camps that are set up on the school year cycle, and over the summer. Having a week off of teaching here and there is huge for me, and great for my son to be around a multiage peer group.

Some of the things we looked into before plunging into homeschooling:

- Co-op schools
- Homeschool co-ops (we're not christian, & while I'm sure there are some secular groups, we have yet to find any)
- Montessori Public (good luck getting in, unless you live next door, and even then... practically impossible)
- Evergreen & UCDS (for us, too expensive)

Hope you haven't taken this as the homeschooling spiel, 'cause it definitely isn't. Different things work for different people and we are sooooo still figuring things out. Just some help in brainstorming from our experience.

Good Luck!!

I have heard that Eugene has a great school system, with lots of choices. In Oregon, I thought that parents had to request that their children be enrolled in charter schools. Often, there is even a lottery for the few available slots. What about the traditional school in your neighborhood? Have you investigated it?

Is the problem mainly with too many rules and too much structure? Do you tend to have a more free spirited style? Please realize that while that can work in a family setting or an educational small group setting, a public school classroom with 1 teacher and 25-30 free spirits is pure chaos.

Have you talked with other parents in your neighborhood? Are you involved in the school parent club or LSAC? How do you feel when you're there in the classroom? What do your sons' teachers have to say? I would encourage you to seek out local resources, as they would have the best advice for your particular situation.

My grandson is 9 and I am now homeschooling him. The program we use is the Robinson Curriculum. It has minimal adult input, basically just there for guidance, and the child teaches himself. My grandson is doing advanced 5th grade math now! It is a little pricey ($200.00) but worth it!

As for social problems, if you can find outside activities it helps. My grandson is in Karate and Little League. That does tend to run us ragged but he gets the social stimulus he needs.

I hope this helps!

Hi, K. - That is hard to see them struggling with so many rules, and our family found similar problems with our kids' school. I don't know where you live, but throughout the state of Washington many public school districts have "parent partnerships", which provide homeschool support while allowing kids to take on-site classes part time. They are not in the regular school classroom with our local partnership; they actually have their own school and their classes are with other homeschool families. It has been a wonderful solution for us, and it provides the kids with social time, too. If you are in Washington, you can check out the website www.wingsnw.com to see if your area has a similar program. I think they are each different in how they run, but the common thread is homeschool support, so that even if your area doesn't offer classes, they will have ideas for you to help you with the social issues you are concerned about. Good luck!

Hi K.... You might think about googling (online charter schools) you'll get over 5,000,000 (5 million) ideas. Your sons can go to YMCA or Boys and Girls or just play with neighbor children for socialization.
Good luck with whatever you choose...

C. M Hamlin

You are ABSOLUTELY not imagining it, K.- and it's up to parents to '''push back'' and say--- 2nd graders should NOT have 2 hours ( Or MORE) of homework) and kindergartners should NOT be made to feel unsuccessful if they don't start K - --- START it - knowing how to write a sentense or two - and sign their name and count to --- you get the picture - it's changed out of all reason - it's toxic. There, I'll stop yelling ( a retired teacher - and glad to be out of it where I can yell my head off) --- What options are there??? --- If you decide to do home-school again- look for home -school support programs where the school provides a program you can plug into - and also look at a program ( hope you live close to Bothell - or perhaps they now have sattelite programs) -- called Chrysallis - housed in Woodinville-- really excellent and works to meet the children's social needs --- go online-- there are scores of families in your boat - and TALK TALK TALK to your schools' administration ( Office of Supt) --- about the trouble and the plans - they DONT want to loose families as their money comes from ''how many attend'' -- Blessings,

Old Mom - aka - J.

I have only skimmed some of the responses you've received thus far. And I don't have enough info from you to make an accurate assessment. I do have a couple of suggestions.

One, rules will always be a fact of life even once they're grown. My grade school grandchildren, in K and 3rd grade, don't much like rules either. They complain about the rules at home too. I think all children complain and their stock statement is I don't like school. Once we accept that statement without doing some investigation they will continue to use it. There is more than one viewpoint in every situation.

I think the first thing you should do is visit the school and find out for yourself what it is like. Talk with their teachers, the principal, and other involved parents. Visit their classrooms more than once. You can just drop in or you can make an appointment for classroom visits. Make an appointment to talk with individual people so that they will have time to answer all of your questions.

If you still want to home school or transfer to a charter school first investigate those options. For homeschooling learn about the various activities available thru home school groups. Talk with parents about the various curruculum available. Look at the curriculum and find the one that is best for you. Same as to the home school groups.

Do the same for charter schools. Visit, ask questions, observe classroom, talk with kids and parents.

Please don't assume that your boys complaints are caused by the school routine and rules. If the schools routine and rules are reasonable and learning to live with them will be useful in adult life stay with the school and listen to your sons' complaints but feed back to them with positive ideas. Work with their teachers. Sit down with the boys as they do their homework. Continue to visit the classrooms from time to time. Better yet, volunteer so that you are at the school regularly and can see for yourself what the school is like.

I've found that playground duty one day a week has helped me to meet staff and see how my granddaughter and other kids play. This gives me insight into social skills and where my granddaugther fits into the developmental stages. I also go to school events every chance I get. I have sometimes visited the classroom when my granddaughter has begged me to stay with her after I've thought I was just dropping her off. I saw the teacher in action and was quite impressed. I saw her classmates and got an idea of how they all work together. I've learned what the school policy is first hand.

My granddaughter is very social which gets her into trouble now and then. I find out what has happened from the teacher's view, or the child care worker. Usually there is some truth in my granddaughter's story but I've learned that her whole explanation is from her viewpoint. This is normal. Usually the situation is much more complex than my granddaughter is aware of. For example, she got a time out. But so did the other girl. She didn't mention that.

I then talked with my granddaughter affirming her right to be upset, including the additional information. That then leads to a discussion of how she behave so this is less likely to happen again. I stay away from who's right and who's wrong. The goal is how can you act so that you get the results you want.

Perhaps you've investigated the school and learned their policies and rules and don't agree with them. Or you've learned that the school is not a good fit for your boys. Then explore other options and find one that will work FOR YOU as well as them. As you said, there is more to school than academics.

Perhaps your boys are unhappy at school because they are behind in social skills. The teacher and school counselor can give you ieas on how to catch them up. A simple first step is to have them invite a friend to a play date at your house. You can then give your boy clues to help him learn.

All school are not the same. Last year I moved my daughter to a school that suited her more--more challenging, more encouraging, asked more of her--and she is thriving in that environment. Don't feel there is anything wrong with finding a school (or two schools) that suit your children's needs more closely. The right school is out there, or try homeschooling within a coop, so that your kids have plenty of interaction with other kids who are also being homeschooled. This will give you a break (when they take classes from other people) and will also give you support for homeschooling, for you'll meet lots of other parents who are doing the same thing.

Hi, Schools are asking more of children academically and pushing them. I feel it is only going to get worst as they make budget cuts this year. Charter schools usually allow for parent involvement and have more of a say in education than traditional environments. I would talk to the teachers, administrators and parents to see if others are feeling the same way and if anything can be done. At home I would limit TV and media and encourage them to explore the outdoors and have plenty of play time. Just free playing and using their imaginations will be a great release for them.

A few ideas from an private school teacher....

See if you can find home schooling networking groups in your area. Sometimes they will meet once a week or so. They are very supportive for just the reason you mention. Also get him into teams sports.

You can go to museums etc as part of a school group. Sometimes museums will have Saturdays art groups or tours for grade school age kids. If you are hooked up to the internet, get him in contact with other kids on the net.

this is difficult and you are not imagining. we do waldorf and that seems to be a great setting for our daughter. we are looking into finding some families that will share the responsibilities of homeschooling. this will also help with the socializtion also. granted, we are only in the preschool phase right now. we have friends in the public and alternative schools and i just can't do it. there are a few ways to get your children to have more social outlets when home schooled. i will talk to my kids doctor, she homeschooled all 5 of her children and worked with other parents and there kids. i'll see what's out there and get back to you. hopefully by then you will have a plethora of responses and i can learn too! C.

WAVA is free and easy to figure out. They provide all the books,and stuff.
As for the social side, get involved in a home school group.
Good luck

What a wonderful age...trying but wonderful. What other activities are your sons in? Wether you believe it or not...keep them busy. I didn't do enough of that and see one of my granddaughters so busy...I wondered...now she is 13 and a wonderful young lady. Besides school, she plays soccer, does ballet, plays a flute and is getting A's and B's. She doesn't have to much time when she is doing nothing...keeps the brain busy. I talk to her mom and find yes, besides working full time and doing all this running...she is tired, but the reward is too much to give up on...Keep talking positives...you'll get there and so will they.