J.S. asks from Westlake, OH on January 19, 2007
Child Support - Westlake,OH
I'm sure many of you will think poorly of me when reading this. I ask that you not cast judgment. I am a single mother of a one year old little girl. Her father is married and has two children with his wife. I have been with this man for 7 years. When we first got together he told me he had a troubled marriage, bla, bla, bla. 6 years and 2 kids later life has not changed for him and he seems very happy. He is very angry with me for going through with my pregnancy and although we are still together we argue about things a lot. He gives me about $200 a month (and makes over $100 a year)and says he can't afford more. Needless to say his wife has no idea about our relationship. I don't know what to do and I can't talk to anyone about this because no one knows. I don't want to hurt his children or even his wife for that matter so I don't want to go to court over this, but I don't think this is fair to me or my daughter. As much as I know this entire relationship is wrong and completely immoral, I still love him. If anyone can offer some advise I would appreciate it.
J.B. answers from Cleveland on January 19, 2007
I agree with Carol. There really is no middle ground in this situation. If things stay the same, you'll continue to live under a cloud of guilt and dissatisfaction. There will always be a sense of "What if we get caught?" hanging over your relationship. You could be perfect soulmates with this man, but no relationship can survive under such a strain. You should break it off completely or reveal yourself. Either way you go, someone will be hurt. Think about the long-term and make the short-term sacrifices that will be best for you and your daughter. Good luck...
A.H. answers from Cleveland on January 20, 2007
ok i understand that its hard. he's not leaving his wife and you was his girl on the side. im sorry but to me it sounds like he was or is using you. i kinda know how you feel because this lady i lived with was dating a married man to. he kept telling her that he was gonna leave his wife but never did. ok now you have to think about your child! its not your fault he cheated on his wife!! he got you pregnant and he has to pay the price. if he said he cant give you money anymore then thats not fair. you have to do what you have to do. trust me i am not one to ask for child support unless he is totally screwing me over. and to be honest, to me it seems like thats what he's doin to you!
C.H. answers from Cleveland on January 19, 2007
First of all it is good that you realize that your relationship is wrong. That should tell you that it needs to end. As for hurting his wife and children --- your already have even though they don't know about the relationship. He gives you money each month and that is taken from his family. You don't thimk his wife will eventually get wise? Is it fair to your child to be without? And beleive me she will once she gets older. $200 a month is not going to cut it. Eventually he woun't be able to afford that either.
Not to mention that she will not be able to see him on a regular basis. What about the holidays? You will be celebrating alone. Why hurt yourself and your daughter anymore?
Step up to the plate -- stop the affair!
You have two choices:
1. Reveal the affair and the fact that he is the father of your daughter and go to court for child support. Before telling him --- make sure to see an attorney. You never know what he is capable of when his home life is threatened.
2. Raise you daughter on your own.
If you choose option #1 --- a lot of people will be hurt but --he has probably done this before to his wife and he will do it again. Put yourself in her place ---- wouldn't you want the truth?
If you choose option #2 --- Never see him again and don't allow him to see your daughter. If possible --- move and start over. It will be difficult but you really need to be fair to everyone invovled. Later in life she will have questions and you can be honest with her and tell her that you made a mistake by having the affair but let her know that she was worth everything. Give her the love of both parents.
Life will go on and as for the love --- obviously he is not leaving his family so you need to start your own. It will hurt a lot but time has a way of healing the pain. You will be much better off.
God Bless and best of luck,
T.W. answers from Dayton on January 23, 2008
I am going to agree with everyone else. Yes, the situation sucks but she should be giving you way more than $200 dollars a month. Personally I think he is just giving you so little because his wife would probably notice more if he gave you more. But either way, its not fair to your daughter to have her father living the high life and you scraping around. Do what is best for your family. He should have thought about his before he cheated.
S. answers from Cleveland on January 19, 2007
Go to court kiddo. This isn't just about you anymore. Your daughter deserves to be given a decent start and you both owe that to her.
Be strong for her.
M.G. answers from Cleveland on January 20, 2007
J.- do not feel one bit bad about your choices! the bible is plain that everybody messes up! please just try to go on from here-be proud of the commitment you have to your daughter! i personally think you should go through legal means to obtain a child support order to get what your daughter deserves, but it is up to what you can live with! i wish you the best of luck- and find a good man that you will not be second too! nobody deserves that! if i can answer any qustions, or if you need a good chuch-let me know! ____@____.com