Child Doesnt Listen

D.,
When you want your daughter to specifically do something you need to get down to her level and clearly ask herr or tell her to do this.......... It is also helpful to talk to her about what you are going to be doing next. She understands but is to occupied to actually keep still enough to comprehend what you are saying to her. Try talking aittle slower with fewer words Ex: When we get into the store please hold Mom's hand so you don't get lost. When you get out of the car ask her to hold your hand if she does not then do not move until she does give you her hand.
Good luck,
Kim in Ridley

How do you know she is delayed with her speech and other things? what other things? I work with special needs kids. The first thing you need to do is find out what she is dealing with and then look at what you have to work with from that point with her. I also work with behavioral children as well. so I would look into that further, then I would work on all the other things your dealing with... Hope this helps...:)
L.

I wish that timeouts had worked for us. Everyone talks about the terrible two's. I think the threes were way worse!! In our case, it is taking away toys....the favorite one just for a day and let him tell us the reason the car(normally) got taken away. Our guy is 5 now and it still works....he got a car taken away a couple days ago and boy he shaped up. It is a continuous process, they'll always try to test us.....Be firm about letting her know the behavior is not how we act. She is old enough that you probably can start to explain that if she runs off, a stranger could take her. Hope that helps.

D.,
I can relate to that one, for sure!!!
I guess what has helped with me is that I make sure the punishment is meaningful. If you punish her and she does not care, then it is not a good punishment. Think of something that will make her want to behave.
For example: My cousin's child was going to go on a fishing trip with his father that weekend. He was about 5 years old. He did not listen to the mom and his consequence was to miss the trip.
Believe me, it hurt him and he pretty much listened to mom after that.
Take something away for a while, or no snacks or tv, etc. Maybe try something that will be meaningful for her, something she really loves. So she will see that if I do this, something bad will happen.
I know it is tough. My two year old runs right into the street and won't stop when I yell stop.
I started practicing "listening" to mom, by doing trials of "stop" ever now and then, and then rewarding like crazy.
It works!!!
Good luck.
T.

Well, Im sure this will spark a debate, but my son is also three, and has a bit of a listening problem as well. He was running away from me and we live on a busy street. I tried everything except spanking with no results. When I finally spanked him for it, he stopped doing it. I'm not saying that spanking is always the best course of action, but when it comes to your child's safety, they have to know that you mean business.

What types of punishing have you tried? You know I found that timeout really works when you do it correctly. For instance rule of thumb is that your time out amount of time is equal to your age. Now at first it will take you to be a little more involved, but it pays off in the end. When putting my four year old in time out or my one year old for that matter, when I first started I would sit down and hold them still or sit with them to make sure that nothing went on during their time out. No moving, talking, singing, playing, crying, nothing. I tell my four year old you have to sit and the time out imer doesn't start until you are still and not making any noises and if you talk before times up then time starts all over again. Now of course I have made it sound simpler then it is. You will have to be stern and stick to what you say. It is always harder on us then them. Hours later they have moved on from the punishment and we are wondering if we were too hard. Remember with children they are learning so you have to "Mean what you say and say what you mean!" You have to stick to the rules even when you want to bend. This way when you are in public and you need to regain control of an out of control child it will be a little easier, because the child knows that you mean business. I hope that I was able to help. I can be of anymore assistance let me know. If you try it and it works let me know, or if you try something esle that works share. Maybe an alternative for me too.

Have you tried using time-outs for misbehavior and rewards for good behavior (praise, sticker charts)? That often works with kids. You need to be consistent about using the time-outs and rewards and it will take time and patience on your part.

If you feel you have tried showing her proper behavior and are out of techniques perhaps you need to have her evaluated for a behavior disorder. Look into behavioral therapists in your area. Your pediatrician, health insurance company or local county assistance office should be able to give you a referral. One agency to try is Milestones Community Healthcare. I used to work for them a few years ago and was confident in the services they provided. I know they have several offices throughout PA, mostly in eastern PA. Their website is http://www.salisb.com/main.asp If you decide to pursue them and have any questions about them let me know.

Good luck!

I'd have to guess you might be inconsistently applying punishment. Does she sit calmly during time out (assuming that's what you use)? Do you have her apologize for what she did (specifically - meaning saying, "I'm sorry for pulling your hair" instead of just saying "I'm sorry.")? Do you have her practice behaving in the way you want her to (like after time out, have her role play what she could have done instead or hair pulling to express her anger)? If she doesn't sit for the time out, do you return her to the spot over and over until she stays? Do you do hold downs if she throws tantrums? Do you set a timer during time outs (3-6 minutes)? Do you hug her when it's all over and reassure her that you're there to help her make better decisions because you love her? Most importantly, do you enforce the same rules every single time she hurts someone, runs off, etc.?

Sounds to me like there is an inconsistency and that's why she's still pushing the boundaries. Even with my ADHD/ODD/bipolar son and my ADHD/bipolar/Asperger's son, 1-2-3 Magic works to stop behaviors we find undesireable. I don't believe your daughter doesn't care about punishments, I think she's craving stronger, firmer boundaries - until she gets those, she will continue to try to find out who is actually in charge (which causes tremendous uncertainty, stress and confusion for kids).